Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Oh my god, it’s just a bullet wound. It’s not like a building fell on top of me again.” Peter rolled his eyes exaggeratedly from where he lay on the cracked asphalt.

“Please, let us at least check it ou- Wait, what do you mean by ‘again’?” The captain’s voice rose in pitch. “Never mind, I don’t even wanna know. But there is no way I’m letting you swing off alone after being shot.”

They had just finished fighting Aliens in Brooklyn, and Peter had gotten shot. Not by the aliens. No, he got through the whole fight with zero injuries. Tony had gotten a hold of a gun and dropped it when his suit fritzed out from the damage it sustained. Of course, Parker luck made sure the safety was off and that he was in the direct line of fire. He could’ve dodged, but Clint was right behind him, and only one of them had enhanced healing.

“I’ve been shot plenty, Cap, and this certainly isn’t gonna be the last time. I can really patch this up myself. But if this is about me leaving alone, then just hold a minute and let me make a call.”

“And who are you calling that they’ll come and pick you up from an active crime scene?”

Peter sighed, ignoring the question. “You know, you’re gonna owe me for making me call her. She’s gonna be so pissed. It’s her day off.”

Before Cap could question any further, Peter was speaking to someone over the phone. Steve really wished he could hear the other side of the conversation.

——

“Hey Jess,” Peter said placatingly with a wince.

[Nope. It’s my day off. That tone can’t mean anything good. Call someone else.]

“Wait, wait! Please don’t hang up.” Peter pleaded. “My first two emergency contacts are otherwise indisposed.”

[Indisposed?] Peter could hear the unimpressed eyebrow she had raised.

“They’re working. I would call DP, but he’s not currently in the country, and DD will only answer for emergencies.”

Steve frowned, this was pretty emergent in his opinion.

[I swear to god, you’re interrupting my day off for a non-emergency?]

“Please? I really need you to come.”

[Why?]

“Well,” he hesitated, “The Avengers-“

[Goodbye.]

“No, no, no! Please don’t hang up! You’ll only have to be there a few minutes. You can ditch me the second we’re gone. Cap just won’t let me leave unless someone picks me up, and I don’t wanna deal with Tony trying to take me to the tower.”

[What happened?]

“I just got a little shot. Nothing I can’t handle, but Mr. America won’t let me leave alone.”

[You do know you’re a grown adult man right?]

“Please, Jess? I’ll owe you.”

[Why me? Don’t you have friends?]

“Oh come on, like I’m not the third person you’d call if you needed something.”

Jessica hesitated before huffing in defeat. [Fine I’ll be there.]

“I love you so much, Jess!”

[Go fuck yourself Parker.] The line went dead.

——

Peter turned to Cap with a wide smile. “She’s coming!”

Who the hell was Spidey calling that he still had to beg her after telling her he’d been shot? And why was she going to hang up when the Avengers were mentioned?

Peter swore he saw the captain’s eye twitch. After an awkward ten minutes, he saw who he’d been waiting for. He grimaced and turned to Steve. “See, I told you she’d be pissed.”

She was. Since there was no one in the proximity, given there was a catastrophic alien attack, she called out, “This better be fucking good, Parker.”

Spidey waved and had the decency to look apologetic. Captain, on the other hand, snapped his head to Spider-Man with wide eyes before hissing, “Jessica Jones is your emergency contact?”

“Third contact. My first two were busy.”

Rogers raised an eyebrow. “Too busy to pick you up from being shot?”

“Oh, 100%. My second contact might kill me if I interrupted him at work for a bullet, and my first would be here in a heartbeat, but he’s just overprotective. I wasn’t going to call him in the middle of a job.”

“Didn’t you say your first contact was out of the country?”

Peter blinked. “Yeah.”

Cap wasn’t even gonna try to get into that. Thankfully, at that moment, Jessica finally arrived, glaring at Spider-Man. “Where were you shot?”

“Stomach. Missed everything vital. Though I do need to get the bullet out before I heal over.”

Her eyes narrowed further. “The bullet is still inside of you?” He nodded. “Jesus, Peter, you’re a fucking idiot.”

He rolled his eyes, and before Steve could protest, he was hissing in pain while he dug his fingers into his wound to pull out the projectile. He then dropped it on the ground and webbed up his injury. “So Jess is here. Am I free to go?”

The captain stared with wide eyes. “You can’t just dig out a bullet and then walk off!” He sputtered out.

Annoyed, Jessica threw Peter over her shoulder, and he squawked in surprise. “There. He’s not walking. We good?”

He could only nod in shock before the two vigilantes left the scene, bickering.

“You can put me down, Jess, I'm fine.”

“I know that, but you’re gonna be hobbling around for a few hours, and I’d like to get home before the sun sets.”

Peter huffed.

“Also, you live way too far from me. I’m taking you to my place. I’m going to try and salvage the rest of my day off, so just be quiet and leave when you’re not bleeding out.”

“You’re so mean, Jess. What did I ever do to you?”

“You want a full list?”

Chapter Text

“Barton! What the hell were you thinking?” Cap yelled in disbelief.

“What?” Clint said, throwing his hands up, “he told me to!”

“You don’t shoot an arrow through someone’s shoulder just because they tell you to!”

“Cap, it’s fine. I can handle an arrow through the shoulder.” Peter said, pulling out said arrow with a pained expression that he was very glad his mask hid. He really could. This wasn’t the first time he’d been shot in the shoulder by Clint. Wasn’t even the second time. But this time it couldn’t have been avoided. It was in the middle of a battle, and this annoying, evil little drone couldn’t be taken down since it sensed and analyzed fighting patterns. Peter had realized that if Clint shot the drone while he was on the other side of it, it would be taken out; however, it would also go straight through the drone and into his shoulder. Because of how the Avengers tried to cover each other and avoid anyone getting hurt, Peter had an inkling that the drone would assume Clint wouldn’t take the shot if it meant injuring his teammate. So of course, while Clint was aiming and telling him to get out of the way, Spidey pointedly stayed in place. Having worked together extensively, Hawkeye knew it was some sort of stupid spider-strategy™ and took the shot.

Hence, their current situation.

Spider-Man wiped off the blood and handed it back to Clint before webbing up his wound from both sides. He rolled his shoulders with a wince. “Shit, I can’t swing home like this.”

“Swing? Look at you, you couldn’t walk home if you wanted to.” Steve said, exasperated.

“You can’t take the subway injured again, remember last time?” Clint said.

Peter shuddered. “I ended up in Jersey.”

“I- How? How is that even possible?” Captain asked, bewildered.

“No clue. Must have gotten on a train.” Spidey shrugged.

Still trying to make sense of it, Steve asked, “How did you get off the Subway, buy a train ticket, and board without knowing?”

“Oh, how I wish I knew,” Peter responded with a sigh, before cutting himself off. “Shit. God fucking damn it.”

Both the captain and Clint looked at him in silent confusion.

“Well, my emergency contact is helping Dopinder out with something that I don’t even want to know about, and there’s only one person I know with a car that can come pick me up,” Spidey said, directing the last part at Clint.

Clint processed for a moment before breaking out into hysterical laughter.

“Fuck off, you asshole.” Peter said as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Clint showed no sign of stopping, so he added, “If you don’t shut up, I may rethink my stance on breaking your arm.”

Steve had never heard Spider-Man talk to anyone like that, let alone his own teammate. And what situation had they been in that breaking Hawkeye’s arm was even in the picture?

Clint reluctantly slowed his laughs, wheezing out the last few.

Peter lifted his fingers to his lips, silently shushing the two heroes while bringing his phone to his ear as Cap stared in shock.

—

Frank’s irritated voice answered the phone. [What?]

“Listen, I need a huge favor.”

[Peter. I have things to do.]

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I just really need someone to pick me up, and you’re the only one with a car.”

[What happened to your idiot?]

“Well, he’s not kidnapping someone. Probably. I think. Hopefully.” Peter said, trailing off. “But yeah, he’s busy…”

Peter was going to give Steve an aneurysm. Who was probably not kidnapping someone?

[Busy, not kidnapping someone?]

“The details don’t matter. Just please?” Spidey pleaded.

[What happened to you?]

“What did I just say about details, ha ha.” Peter chuckled awkwardly.

Frank sighed. [Barton shot you again, didn’t he?]

“Okay, but this time it was actually for a mission! No, I swear, the fight would’ve gone on so much longer if he didn’t!”

[Okay. I’ll do it.]

“Really? Thank you! I owe you so much. I promise next time you need something, I will come through!”

[Yeah, yeah. Where are you?]

Peter prattled off the location, and Frank hung up without a word.

Steve was so done. He was currently watching Clint and Peter bicker like children. He didn’t realize that, as Captain, he’d be taking care of a group of irresponsible, grown-up, armed children, trained in martial arts. He really didn’t think anything could give him a larger headache.

Leave it to Peter fucking Parker.

A car pulled up to the scene, and a hulking figure stepped out. What the actual fuck.

“Frank! You made it!” Clint called out.

“I thought we made a rule that everyone had to stop shooting the kid.”

“Bu- Fra- He told me to! Peter! Tell him! He told me to!” He sputtered.

Steve, who was standing next to Peter, closed his eyes and exhaled deeply. “Peter. Is that the Punisher? Did you just call the Punisher to pick you up?”

“Maybe?” Peter said nervously. “There was no one else who could do it!

“You could’ve come back to the tower with us! Is that worse than being picked up by the Punisher?”

“Oh come on, Frank is harmless.”

“Harmless? Peter. He has killed hundreds of people!” Steve was two seconds from popping a blood vessel.

“Okay, okay, bad choice of words. He’s harmless to me.” Peter corrected himself.

“Spider-Man, you canno-” Steve started, but Spidey was already walking over to the car.

“I get your concern, Cap, but trust me, I’m fine. I’ve known Frank since I was 15.” He reasoned.

“That doesn’t make me feel better at all!”

“He’s just gonna drop me off at home. I’ll be fine.”

“He knows where you live?! We don’t even know where you live!”

(“Speak for yourself,” Clint called out, but was ultimately ignored.)

“I give out my address on a need-to-know basis!”

“And the Punisher needs to know?”

Peter shrugged and opened the passenger door.

Frank sighed. “Don’t get blood all over my seat.”

“I’m sorry I’m wounded.”

“You told him to shoot you.”

“And you still came to get me! I knew you loved me, you big softie,” Peter cooed.

Soon, they had left the scene, leaving Steve and Clint alone.

Cap looked over at Clint, resigned. “That kid has a death wish.”

Clint shook his head. “You have no idea.”

The worst part was, Steve believed him.

Chapter Text

“Two months, Peter. Two months. You couldn’t go two months without getting seriously injured?”

“Very mature, Cap. Bully the dude with a broken leg,” Peter replied. If this is what parenthood was like, Steve was never having children.

“Just let me take you to the tower. I don’t wanna leave you all injured and defenseless with Jessica Jones or the Punisher.”

“You really need to get over Frank. I wouldn’t need to be defensive against them. Maybe when Jess and I were together, but now? They’re both chill.” Peter was simultaneously trying to find a way out of this since it wasn’t serious enough to pull Matt and Wade out of work, but Jessica and Frank were still a little annoyed they had to come pick him up from the Avengers.

“Togeth- You dated Jessica Jones?”

“Huh? Yeah. For a bit. Honestly, she’s great, but it was an awful relationship. Nobody would work with us if both of us were there.”

“Peter. I don’t know much about modern relationships, but I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t be calling your ex to pick you up when you’re injured.” Steve reasoned.

“Cap, you’re so right! I completely forgot I have an ex who's in town for a while and can come pick me up since I’m injured!”

The captain was sent reeling. “Did you not hear anything I just said?”

“I heard your awesome idea! Don’t worry, she’s a civilian.”

“That is arguably worse.”

—
[Hello?]

“Hey, MJ.”

[Peter? I thought it was gonna take weeks to catch you when you’re not busy!]

“Well, about that…”

[This is not a social call, is it?]

“Well, you see, I was with the super crew, and we had a little problem. You see, two months ago, there were these drones, but this time, the dude just made one giant fucking super drone. Long story short, I saw that Clin-”

[Why is it, that everytime I hear a story about you getting hurt with the Avengers, that Clint is always part of it.]

“Not every time. Anyway, I broke my leg. Can you pick me up? I’ll buy you dinner tonight when I heal up a bit.”

[You are not buying me dinner tonight. I am taking you straight home, where we’ll watch awful romcoms and eat junk until we throw up. Then tomorrow, if and only if you are fully healed, you will dress up, take me to the nicest restaurant you know, and buy me dinner so we can catch up like grown-ups.]

Peter broke out into a warm smile. “Thanks, MJ. I really don’t deserve you.”

[That’s why I dumped you,] she said playfully. They had talked through their breakup long before Peter even met Wade.

“Right, I always forget that part.”

[Too much blunt force trauma to the cerebral cortex isn’t good for a growing boy.]

“But it’s so fun! What is my brain for if it’s not to use as a weapon against my enemies? I mean, Ironfist versus my cerebral cortex, who wins?”

[As fun as this is, I do need to know where you and your broken leg are stranded.]

Once he told her, she sighed and mumbled something about the F train before she said bye and hung up.

—

Peter turned back to look at Steve. “It’s so crazy having a conversation with a normal person after being around vigilantes and grad students all day.”

“That call seemed very…friendly.”

“I mean, I know I was kinda a dick calling her just cus I was injured, but we’re still friends after all.”

Exasperated, Steve said, “I meant for exes.”

“People always say that! But with me being Spider-Man and all, it just didn’t work out. Anyways, I’m in a happy relationship now, and the three of us get dinner whenever she’s in town.” He really didn’t think it was that weird to get along with an ex. “I mean, what, are all people supposed to be all bitter with their exes? We dated for a reason!”

“I’m not saying you have to be bitter. And did you just say you’re in a relationship?” Cap could honestly not picture a girl who would put up with Spider-Man and willingly go to dinner with his ex.

“Never mind that, MJ’s here!” Peter waved to a tall redhead who was walking toward them with a tired smile.

“Hey, Tiger. How’re you doing?”

“Been better, been worse. I look like shit, but look at you! Mary Jane Watson. Gracing us from the silver screen.”

“Oh shut up. Let’s get you home. I’ll call a cab.”

“I’m Spider-Man, MJ! Sure, I take cabs all the time, but not to my house!”

MJ rolled her eyes. “Yes, I know that, Peter.” She threw him a backpack that hit his chest with a thud. “You really need to switch up where you keep your emergency stashes.”

Peter shut his mouth, saying, “Thank you, MJ,” begrudgingly. He quickly slipped the clothes on top of his suit and used his Spider-Balance™ to stand up on one leg.

When Peter looked about ready to walk away, MJ sighed. “Are you not going to introduce me?” She said, gesturing to the Captain. She turned to him, “So sorry. He’s like this. Always forgetting his manners.”

Bashfully, Peter started, “Sorry, sorry. Captain, this is Mary Jane Watson, or MJ. MJ, this is Steve Rodgers, or Captain America.”

“Nice to meet you, Ms. Watson.” The captain said, shaking her hand, bewildered.

“You too, Mr. Rodgers. Now I’m afraid we must be going; this one has to sit down, heal, and think about his actions.”

Peter grimaced at Steve as he limped forward, following MJ.

Steve did not understand his romantic history. At all. He came to terms with the fact that he knew nothing about Peter, and maybe that was okay.

Right after the two disappeared, Tony walked up to him. “Was that Mary Jane Watson?”

“Yeah. Do you know her?”

“Do I know- You really need to watch more movies from the 21st century.” Tony shook his head and walked away, leaving Steve alone and confused.

—
Later that night, Steve watched a movie in which MJ starred.

It was official. He was done trying to uncover the mystery of Peter Parker.