Chapter Text
The mortal world was truly fascinating when you removed their horrid people from the equation. Merged Zamasu found himself curious about the substance they've dubbed "snow." He was currently standing in a field of it within the Fusion Realm, wearing a festive scarf alongside his usual attire and glowing white halo. His territory was covered in a thick blanket of the stuff, hiding part of the wrecked cityscape underneath. The frozen flakes drifted calmly from the cloudy sky, without a hint of wind to be felt. Reaching a hand out, the fused god observed how it melted near-instantly upon landing on his skin. It left behind a cold sensation that only lasted a couple of seconds before his body heat warmed it back up. The fact that it stayed intact on his clothes fascinated him as he brought an arm up to his face to study it.
"This 'snow' is quite intriguing indeed..."
Zamasu's muttering echo-voice is so low that only he is able to hear it. As interesting as all of this was, he was still confused as to how mortals found it so entertaining. What about these cold crystals do they find so alluring? His sleek white tail hovered just above the snow as it slowly swayed back and forth in thought. His "companions" have told him about some mortal rituals related to snow, but he has yet to understand any of it. Universe 7's mortals from Earth in particular had several rituals surrounding it, which included the scarf he was currently wearing. It was crude and poorly made, reeking of the mistakes of a beginner in the craft. It had little white snowflakes and creatures embroidered on the red material, lined with lime green thread to blend the colors a smidge better. Zamasu hated it, but it was a gift from the only other god within the Realm, so he begrudgingly wore it when the clouds decided to make it cold. Not that he really needed to in the first place. He reached up and fiddled with the dark green tassels on the end, face scrunching into a scowl while deep in thought. How do mortals tolerate such nonsense? He had half a mind to not burn the scarf into a pile of embers.
"Enjoying yourself, Mister God?"
The deity let out an annoyed huff, hands releasing the tassels and retreating behind his back. What perfect timing... He turns to glare at the source of the intruding double-voice, being Vegito.
"Be silent, pest."
Said saiyan spread a shit-eating grin across his face, clearly amused by the other's hostility. The thinly veiled threat didn't faze him at all as he approached. He, too, was wearing an ugly scarf atop his normal attire, with the reds and greens being reversed and the embroidered creatures being slightly different.
"And die of boredom? No thanks. Mind if I join you?"
Zamasu's left eyelid twitched. He forced himself to look away from Vegito before he did something stupid as he replied.
"Yes. Don't you have more important things to be worried about beyond being a pain in my side?"
Much to his dismay, the mortal potara fusion decided to lean against him. He even had the audacity to throw an arm over the god's shoulder. Vegito also tried twisting their tails together, only for his to be slapped away with every attempt. It didn't stop him from trying regardless. His actions forced the merged kai to bend over due to being almost twice the height compared to Vegito.
"Nope! Gotenks is playing with Gogeta right now and Kibitoshin's tending to the failed fusions." The sassy saiyan playfully drove a finger into the other's cheek. "Besides, it's a blast messing with you~!"
Zamasu felt as if he would retch right then and there. He reached up and managed to remove Vegito's hand from his face.
"Disgusting. You claimed that I needed a 'hobby' some time ago, so why don't you devise one for yourself?"
Vegito snatched the misguided glind's chin in his hand, forcing him to make eye contact from their awkward position. He looked so fucking smug as he did.
"Because this is my hobby, hot shot. Deal with it."
Zamasu's nose scrunched up further as he finally shoved the saiyan fusion away from himself. His tail thrashed discontentedly behind him as he stood up and brushed himself off. An embarrassed blush dusted his cheeks as Vegito simply laughed at his actions. If he was able to actually kill that bastard within this Realm, he would've attempted to do so several times by now! A growl escaped his divine lips as he turned to snap at the other.
"Silence! There is nothing humorous about this, mortal! You're as insufferable as ever! Leave my domain at once!"
Zamasu's motions left one of his hands outstretched towards Vegito like he was about to destroy him. The cackling saiyan wiped a tear from his eye as his laughter died down. His entertained vocals painted his face red as a result.
"Or what? You can't get rid of me that easily. Besides, I like it here!"
He easily slid towards the offended god, gently took hold of the palm facing him, and lowered it to kiss the back of the deity's hand. The action was short, leaving him glancing up into Zamasu's stunned eyes.
"Mostly because you're always brooding in this area. Talking to us more might do you some good, Mister God."
Sputtering, Zamasu yanked his hand away, jumped back, and blasted Vegito with his lightning. At least, that's what he tried to do. In reality, the mortal potara fusion dodged the attack like he was taking a casual walk in the forest. It left a cloud of dust behind as it zapped the ground. They took to the air as Zamasu angrily summoned his Blades of Judgement, raining them down at his infuriating target. Vegito smirked and darted to the side, using his speed to easily outrun the attack. Some of them ended up hitting one of the taller ruined buildings, exploding on impact. It blasted off the top three floors, sending glass shards and shrapnel flying as the concrete crumbled in the snow. Zamasu then attempted to zap him several times, but only succeeded in obscuring his own vision with the snow Vegito baited him into blasting. Said fusion was now using that fog to confuse him further with his afterimages.
"Missed me~! Missed me~! Now you gotta kiss me~!" His taunting singing chuckle echoed from nowhere in particular.
Zamasu's tail puffed out and wriggled in frustration as he clenched his fists. He could've sworn he felt a visible vein manifest on his head as he scanned the field for his hidden enemy.
"How do you never fail at annoying me!? You have some nerve, intentionally pissing off a god! This is the third time this week that I've had to deal with you, is it not!?" Vegito snuck behind the deity, trapping him in his arms. "Damn you, release me this instant!"
Zamasu writhed around, attempting to free himself to no avail. Their position made it look like his halo was floating behind Vegito instead. Their size difference made it hard for the saiyan to maintain a good hold on him, forcing him to pin the merged kai against a nearby building, landing a quick peck on the god's cheek. He narrowly dodged the hidden blade aimed right for his head, watching it pierce through the wall next to Zamasu. It exploded on the opposite wall inside the building, causing it to shake from the impact.
"Whoa there! No need for that kind of hostility!" Vegito grit his teeth as he struggled to soothe the god in his grip. He was suddenly regretting his decision to rile him up today. "Calm down!"
Zamasu somehow managed to slap his captor across the face with his fluffed up tail. He glared back at the other fusion and snarled.
"How am I to 'calm down' when you're the cause of my fury to begin with!? How dare you demand anything of me when your sinful hands already have me trapped against this filthy rubble! You come into my domain, ruin my day, and then assume I'd comply to your orders!? Shameless scum, acting as if you control everything you touch! If I could actually kill any of you accursed mortals in this damned Realm, you would already be rotting in Hell!"
Zamasu then blasted the wall to bits and slipped away before Vegito could properly react. He disappeared right when the damaged floor collapsed in on itself, leaving the saiyan alone in the desolate city.
"Ah, shit, there he goes..." Vegito sighed as he held the cheek Zamasu slapped. "I hope he doesn't try to strangle the others because of me..." He then smiled to himself. "Not that I won't kick his ass anyway. That bastard's lucky that his energy is really hard to track." He closed his eyes to focus and brought two fingers to his forehead, searching for the rogue god's ki signature. About a couple minutes in, he stopped smiling. Like something just clicked in his mind.
"I really fucked up this time, didn't I..."
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Zamasu manifested somewhere deep inside the hellscape territory. It, too, was caked in snow. Despite his barely contained rage, he landed lightly on the pile of spiked balls. He doesn't know why this place calls to him when he needs to vent, but he honestly didn't care to figure it out right now. He had more important things on his mind. Like how he was going to skewer Vegito. Tears were gathering in the corners of his eyes as he wiped the saiyan's kiss off his face.
"That insolent prick! Why can't he ever leave me be!?"
With a swift arm motion, Zamasu sent off a blade of ki, slicing through the maroon forest on his left. Sensing movement to his right, he spun around and blasted at the ground nearby, startling a pack of wild hell hounds that dared to approach him. He was not in the mood to deal with these mutts. His halo crackled behind him as his anger manifested as ki. He called forth his Lightning of Absolution, zapping anything that attempted to come within fifty meters of him. Loose lightning bolts hit the ground at random, even with nothing there. An unfortunately normal occurrence whenever he visited. He closed his eyes and began meditating, allowing himself to breathe deeper than usual to calm his stormy mind.
An undetermined amount of time passed before his lightning dissipated enough to allow a certain guard dog to approach uninhibited. Zamasu cracked an eye open to find a massive twin-headed hell hound sitting patiently in front of him. He sighed in defeat and reached out a hand, allowing the beast to brush its heads against it. He was too tired to bother shooing it away.
"Yes, hello Cerberus..." The god used his other hand to gesture dramatically. "As you can clearly see, I have returned yet again."
His monotonous whisper was a stark contrast to the last time he spoke. This creature was one of very few things he'd willingly offer the comfort of touch to. Zamasu's ears perked up as he heard another being touch down nearby. He already knew who it was. Cerberus never strayed far from their master when they weren't patrolling the border.
"Rough day?"
Zamasu glanced over to look down at Gogeta, who was standing at the base of the spike pile. Ever present in Super Saiyan, his golden halo is an eternal reminder of the fact he was created when his fusion pair was dead. The metamoran clothing he wore left the front of his toned torso visible, but it didn't seem to bother Gogeta. His tail hung as limp as his sash, only really moving to avoid touching the ground. He was wearing a blue scarf with yellow accents around his neck. A couple of soul-shaped clouds hovered around him. The god scoffed at his question.
"'Rough' is an understatement. That bastard you call a 'sibling' is a massive pain in my divine ass."
Gogeta rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.
"Of course it was him. He's the only one capable of pissing you off this much."
Zamasu floated down to join him on the frozen war-torn ground, leaving Cerberus to saunter away.
"Not only that, but he had the audacity to invade my personal space, trap me against a wall, and press his lips on my face!" His halo crackled again as he glared and pointed to the offending skin. "Just thinking about it inspires me to impale him with my blade!"
The soul clouds darted behind Gogeta as the frustrated kai approached. The metamoran fusion was completely unfazed, offering only a mere flick of his tail's tip in annoyance towards Vegito. He let his arms unfold to offer a hand to Zamasu.
"In any case, you look exhausted. Want to rest at my place for a bit?"
Zamasu looked Gogeta in the eye. They stood there staring silently at each other for several minutes before the merged deity finally caved.
"...I suppose, yes. But only because you happen to be the least offensive mortal that I am forced to tolerate."
The god flew off first, leaving Gogeta to give a small smile before following. The flight to the saiyan's house was quick and quiet. Cerberus was sleeping in their dog house outside. It didn't take long for Zamasu to pass out on the guest bed face-down after being allowed inside, halo dissipating in the air. Gogeta shook his head at his antics, but still pulled a blanket over him. He was feeling weirdly tired himself, despite not actually needing to sleep. He curled up in his own nest of a bed to take a nap a few rooms down the hall.