Work Text:
Lately there’s nothing that can satisfy her. She feels a hunger that stabs the pit of her stomach and nothing she ingests can fulfil it. It started little by little, at first she found herself craving the iron taste of meat, bloody, just how she likes it, but soon that wasn’t enough. She was feeding her body well, following the rigorous diet that her personal nutritionist had her in, a diet well suited for an idol who works long hours and has to maintain a dainty figure. A diet full of vegetables, proteins, low-fat alternatives for carbohydrates, and a bunch of supplements. All that and it still wasn’t enough, she still found herself feeling lightheaded during her workouts and rehearsals. It reached to the point in which she was starting to clumsily stumble on her own feet while walking, and seeing little stars in the corner of her eyes every so often when getting up. That’s when Yuuhei sits her down and gives her a much improvised intervention.
“What if you just bite me?” he suggests, as if it was the most mundane course of action, as if it was the most logical solution to the problem. Ruri shakes her head, there was no way she could bring herself to do something like that.
“I can’t”
“You could try, I’m sure you have enough strength to–”
“No, I mean, I can’t do it. I can’t do it to you”
Yuuhei looks at her, neither his eyes nor his face as a whole give Ruri an idea of what must go through his mind. Sometimes she does wish she could crack his skull open and examine his brain, get out all of the answers the uncertainty he leaves her feeling.
“I rather you do it to me than to anyone else” he says, it could sound like he’s pleading for it, but it doesn’t, it sounds like nothing, as everything else he says, it sounds like nothing, blank, empty, hollow, “I’m allowing you, I don’t mind”
“I can’t do it. I’ve never done it, I’ve never fed from a person before. I don’t even know if it’s safe”
She remembers the unnerving feeling of viscous hot blood covering and dripping from her forearms to her nails, of it getting stuck on her scalp and dabbling on her face. Blood belonging to the countless men she bare-handedly slayed time ago. Her memory is hazy, and it sometimes tricks her, and the images look more like flickers from an old VHS tape rather than situations and places she was actually in, guts she actually spilled. The thought of the blood spraying and staining drywall and tile sends shivers down her spine and makes her nauseous. The pit inside her stomach only grows deeper. It’s so gross, so, so gross and filthy to want something like that to fill up her mouth, to travel its way down her throat and satisfy that hunger that’s been eating her alive.
So long ago those men had opened her body with blades to drink from her, she does remember that well. She knows it happened even if there are no white or pink scars over her skin to prove those memories are real. She knows what it feels like to have her insides violated and consumed like that. How could she ever do something like that to the one she loves? It’s wrong to want, or even think it, Yuuhei has no idea what he’s asking for. She covers her face with both her hands, her palms are cold and clammy, she's been so cold lately.
Yuuhei notices the shift his words have caused her. She looks tense now.
“I feel like my suggestion might have been inappropriate, if so, I apologize. It wasn’t my intention to make you upset”
His delivery is robotic, but Ruri knows he’s speaking from sincerity. In the past she would’ve gotten slightly annoyed by Yuuhei’s flat tone and blunt delivery, but now she can find his awkwardness endearing. Yuuhei reaches out to put his hands over hers. Ruri uncovers her face slowly and holds onto him. Yuuhei’s thumb slowly caresses her soft skin to soothe her, he treats her with such care, like something fragile; a thing she has never wanted to be, something she has tried so hard to renounce.
“It’s okay… You just want to help me”
“I don’t want you to be sick”
“I’m not going to get sick”
“You already are”
She knows it is not intended, but it does come-out as double meaning. She is aware that her soul is rotten, and in the past the thought wouldn’t have phased her, for she wanted nothing more than to be the bearer of a rotten soul. Now, however, the idea stings a little, as someone who is trying to live a normal life while carrying the weight of her sins. Is it maybe proof that the more monstrous her instincts become, the more human her soul gets? It makes no sense, it is all so confusing, to be divided into two conflicting identities fighting for space. She licks around the shape of her fangs inside her mouth, and slightly pinches her tongue with them, just to see how much pain it would cause to pierce Yuuhei’s flesh. A bit more than a needle, that’s for sure. And the wound of the bite? It would be hard to cover up, cameras could easily catch a glimpse of Ruri’s brutality on her lover’s skin, and the media is ruthless, what kind of rumours could they make up to justify it? Too much risk, it is not a safe option.
“I will not hurt you so selfishly, Yuuhei. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t insist anymore”
Still, she has to be a bit cruel for him to understand her point, to keep him safe. Yuuhei nods obediently and kisses her jaw.
“I’ll fix you a cup of tea”
If she could break his sweet skull open and examine his brain she would only have menial questions to ask, questions that would normally surge in any relationship: How do you feel? What are you thinking? Why are you still here with me?
†⸸
Kasuka checks his email and opens up the attached file. His doctor writes to him that his bloodwork came back pretty much normal; hemoglobin levels are good, red and white blood cells are good, platelets are good. Enzymes, electrolytes, sodium and glucose levels are good. Only his vitamin D levels seem to be a bit low. He cannot analyze the results, so he chooses to trust the professional's judgement and orders some vitamin D supplements to be delivered to the apartment.
The latest delivery he got was a book about cardiology. There are plenty of books stacked in the shelves of the living room, all ranging from classic literature, to books about photography, architecture, cinema, economics, and psychology. Medicine wouldn’t be such a weird addition to his personal library, but he still makes sure to only skim through the pages when Ruri is at work, in the quiet and solitude of his way too roomy apartment, paying close attention to any noise or disruption around him, as if he was a kid about to get caught misbehaving.
Type O negative blood is known as the universal donor, as a direct cause from having neither A nor B antigens, and no Rh factor. It transforms itself according to the needs of the receiver, and it only knows to give. In the same way, it is only compatible with O positive, the most common type of blood, it gives and it doesn't ask for much in exchange.
He also learns that the external jugular vein lies over the sternocleidomastoid muscle and right under the skin, its depth depending on each individual's anatomy, but generally being less than 2 centimeters. The main purpose of jugular veins is to drain blood from the scalp, face, head, and neck, to return it to the heart. Veins carry deoxygenated blood at a lower pressure, which means blood flow is slower and its carbon dioxide and waste levels are higher. As opposed to arteries, which carry cleaner blood at a much faster pace, making them highly more lethal when pierced. Main arteries are located in the neck, forearm, and upper thigh.
The average adult has approximately 4.7 to 5.7 liters of blood, factors like age, sex and body size make the amount variable. You would need to lose approximately 15 to 20 percent of blood volume to reach a state of hypovolemic shock and possible fainting, and up to 40 percent for it to be life-threatening and require an immediate transfusion.
That is a large amount, he’s sure that whatever Ruri needs will not be that much.
He starts to practice with sewing needles, puncturing the tip of his fingers, right under the tough skin. He watches as small drops of blood rise up and cleans it off with his mouth. It does not hurt, he thinks. It might be more painful to try on his neck, it is a more sensitive area. The neck has eight pairs of cervical nerves, nerve damage and compression can lead to headaches and pain originating in the affected area that may travel to the arm and hand.
The book remains hidden between the shelves, and he deletes the file of his bloodwork on his phone. He watches silently at Ruri’s direction, standing in the kitchen as she sinks her teeth on a red apple and chews it slowly, she’s wearing her gym clothes and a pink towel covers her right shoulder. The apartment is so quiet that the only noise he can concentrate in is the crunching of Ruri’s teeth against the fruity pulp. He remembers the warm feeling on his chest when they first met, how she got on top of him and wrapped both her hands around his throat without putting any force. How his pulse got faster, and the veins on his neck felt on fire. He wonders if Ruri could tell, if she had noticed the effect it had on him. It was the first time he had felt completely thrown off in a long time, and it lasted almost nothing. Is it wrong to crave that high again?
†⸸
When Ruri passes through the door of the bedroom she finds exactly what she was expecting to find; Yuuhei sitting on the bed, one of his hands holding a folded script, and the other petting Dokusonmaru’s fur while he sleeps soundly over his lap. The frame of his reading glasses hangs over his nose, and he looks up to her with his eyes, without removing himself from that comfortable position. Ruri crosses her arms over her chest before speaking up.
“I know about the blood tests, you have your email open on the computer”
He doesn’t reply anything, but his mouth is left slightly open, like he is making up what to say. Dokunsonmaru opens his eyes and stretches his legs
“I also know about the books, you are not really good at hiding things from me, you know?”
Yuuhei was never the one to misbehave as a kid, he never learned the right way to do it. He looks to the side while Dokunsonmaru catches on to the tense atmosphere and walks away from him, leaving the bedroom right behind where Ruri still stands. It is not her purpose to start a discussion, and she is not particularly angry either, but she doesn’t like the idea of Yuuhei doing things behind her back when she left very clear what her position was on the whole ordeal.
She doesn’t know about the needles, he thinks. That could be the hardest thing to explain and justify.
Still, he has nothing to say in his defense. Ruri has to admit deep down that she wanted to know what Yuuhei’s reaction would be to getting confronted. It is not often that they fight, and if they do it is mostly caused by miscommunication issues, and the result of their busy lives. Even when they have their tense moments, they make up quite fast and put whatever bothered them aside. Ruri tends to be the one that holds onto her grudges for a bit longer, old habits die hard. Still, fighting wasn’t her intention here.
“Ruri…” finally, he speaks, “I know it is not right to hide things from you. I just needed to know for sure if it was viable”
Ruri sighs.
“What for? Were you going to try to convince me again?”
“Maybe… I am sorry”
He looks down. The script has already been discarded and he’s taking his glasses off. Ruri walks up to him and sits by his side, showing that deep down she isn’t really mad, she can never be mad at him, because she knows that Yuuhei would never do anything to hurt her, none of his actions have the capacity to fill malice in them. They are so different in that sense.
She knows it because she has tried to hurt him since day one. Even if her intentions were never to kill him, even if she knew she wouldn’t have been able to bring herself to actually swing her hand down his neck and cut his throat. Yuuhei would’ve died without making a sound, and he would’ve taken it completely unfazed, because there wasn’t a single reaction to the threat on his life.
It’s not that she doesn’t want to bite him. Of course she does. Of course she has to separate herself from him when their lips touch before she accidentally chews on him, because, unfortunately for her, Yuuhei is so irresistible. He smells so sweet and his skin is so soft and tender. It’s not that she doesn’t want to drink of him, it’s that she’s not sure if she will be able to stop after starting, because this hunger has been in her since the day she was born, hidden in the depths of her subconscious, and just now it blossomed and took possession of her whole body and mind. She’s hungry in her eyes, she’s hungry in her hands, she’s hungry in her thighs. And Yuuhei is a dish served to her fresh and servile.
“Are you seriously willing to do it?” She asks, knowing what the answer is. She just needs verbal confirmation.
“Yes”
“I could hurt you really bad”
“You won’t…”
So trusting, so unjudgemental. It makes her dizzy. What has she done to gain his devotion? If the only thing she has shown him are her monstrous and destructive traits. Ruri lays her head on his chest, and in response she gets a kiss where the silky strands of her hair lay flat. She wants to listen to the beating of Yuuhei’s heart for a bit, tempt herself with the sensation of his pulse pounding inside her ears. Yuuhei might have a black hole in his soul, whose only content is pure hollowness, but inside his chest beats a heart that is so unequivocally human, a heart that can react to her presence with quicker palpitations. She wishes she could sing a melody over the rhythm of his heart, to be in complete tune with him for once, for forever.
“... I know that you won’t” He repeats himself. Now, that’s enough.
Ruri removes herself from him for a moment, just a brief moment, to sit over his lap and hold his body close to hers, the closest it can be. She wishes she could rip open his ribcage and rest inside his chest. She could, but it is better to imagine it, to keep the picture of it to herself. She holds onto the skin of his waist, sneaking her cold hands under his shirt. Skin that’s like clay, that so easily molds to whatever is needed. She presses the tip of her fingers against his flesh and feels how it follows the shape of her touch. Then, she kisses him, because she knows that’s what he wants. Because even though Yuuhei’s eyes don’t sparkle at the physical stimuli, she can read his mind through the cracks of his natural reactions; the goosebumps on his skin, the tensing of his shoulders, the way his breathing changes its rhythm, just slightly. She kisses him, and kisses him, and doesn’t stop kissing him. She could kiss him forever. But that would never be enough. The taste of only his mouth is not enough.
She buries her head on the crook of his neck and inhales that feminine scent of the perfume he usually wears, and that lingers of the clothes she often steals from him. Pomegranate and gardenia. Gardenias are her favorite flowers. She remembers when Yuuhei first asked her, and Ruri answered shyly, being overly-conscious of her expensive and hard to come by taste, but regardless of that, right after her latest concert there was the most beautiful bouquet she had ever seen. Ruri has received many flowers before, from both her work team and her fans, but not a single arrangement had been made with so much thought in it before. When she checked on the card that hung from the stems of the flowers there was a quote written in English and in meticulous cursive calligraphy.
O Mary dear, that you were here
With your brown eyes bright and clear.
And your sweet voice, like a bird
Singing love to its lone mate
In the ivy bower disconsolate;
Voice the sweetest ever heard.
It gives her a sense of pride to know that she’s the only one in this world who keeps the secret of how much of a romantic Yuuhei really is.
She cannot help but suck onto his skin. It is not like her to leave lovebites, but on this particular occasion the act is almost instinctive, it is all very instinctive. It is her monstrous senses telling her where to touch and how to move. Once there is a red mark painting his pale skin, the burst of small blood vessels formating a shapeless bruise on his neck, is when she decides that it is about time. When the smell of his blood travelling through the veins penetrates into her, and she can feel his jugular pulsating fastly against her tongue. They are both ready for it.
“Yuuhei, do you think you can lay down for me?” She asks, her voice comes out way more sweeter than she would’ve expected. Yuuhei obeys without saying a word or making a sound. And there they are, right in the same position they were when they first met, when they first met outside of a filming set, without the masks and the performances. Both stripped down to their most vulnerable selves. What would have been of Ruri’s faith if Yuuhei hadn't saved her that night? As she fell from the sky, right over the panoramic view of the city lights, she thought that was the end of it all. But her life has never been one of easy solutions to her problems, Ruri has a long lifetime left to atone for her sins, and yet, for as long as Yuuhei allows her, she will continue to indulge.
Ruri lowers her body to meet his face, and Yuuhei inhales what Ruri exhales. Last time they were like this she had her hands wrapped around his neck. Ruri remembers when Yuuhei awkwardly confessed how nervous and flustered he had felt in that moment, with a face and tone that did not match his words at all. She wonders if after all the time that has passed the effect is still there, if she is still able to shake the entire core of his constricted being with just gestures like this. She is kissing his neck for one last time before she speaks out again.
“Take one deep breath”
And he does. His chest contracts as he inhales and without further warning Ruri pierces through his skin with her fangs. His flesh makes space for her as if it was meant to be penetrated by her teeth. Yuuhei’s breath hitches from the stinging pain, his back arches, and a small cry (so quiet it could’ve gone unnoticed by anyone but Ruri herself) gets stuck on his throat, but he doesn’t show any signs of withdrawing.
In a matter of milliseconds her mouth is being filled with the hot metallic liquid of Yuuhei’s lifesource. It’s like biting into ripe fruit and feeling the juices swimming in her tastebuds. It’s addictive. It makes her feel euphoric in a way she’s never felt before. It’s better than the euphoria that comes before a sold out show, or after love making. She’s shaking, she’s sweating, she’s groaning, and she’s rubbing her body against Yuuhei’s tense leg muscles. She licks, she sucks, and she swallows, all just to get more of that taste. How will she enjoy anything else in this life after getting a taste of heaven itself? She has no time to burden herself with questions of that nature, for there are no burdens here, only mindless indulgement. Her body feels the lightest it has ever felt, every sensation that wore her down has completely disappeared, total revitalization, she’s never been more alive.
Quickly she notices how the moaning that stems from the deepest part of her throat does not only belong to her, but to Yuuhei as well. Both of their voices are in complete sync with each other, making a beautiful harmony composed from pain and pleasure. Predator and prey sing together against the mixture of blood and spit.
It does not matter how much time passes, because time has stopped its natural course. As far as Ruri knows she could have been drinking from Yuuhei for five seconds or fifteen whole minutes— No, that’s a ridiculously long time. How long can she stay there before she does the inevitable? Damn it, she should know this, surely Yuuhei has read about it already, surely he will tell her when to stop. She can’t stop. She can’t. It’s just too good, it’s so good, so good, so good. It feels so good.
“Ruri” Yuuhei speaks in just a breathy whisper, a hand is posed on the back of her head, and it stays there weakly, it does not make any effort to move her away “...Ruri, enough” his words are slurred together “...M’ goin’ to pass out…”
And his body goes limp, Ruri’s teeth still stuck to it, like an animal that refuses to let go.
†⸸
Kasuka wakes up with the feeling of water being sprinkled on his face. He stares at the rotating ceiling fan as his eyes adjust to the dim lighting of the room. His entire body feels foreigner and he notices something wrapping his throat, gauze, most likely. Quickly he realizes that he cannot move his head to find the gaze of his lover, but that is no big issue, because as soon as she realizes he has gained consciousness again she hovers over him. Her eyes are glassy and red, but her skin has regained some of its lost color, even her cheeks are flushed, she looks so beautiful like this, heavily panting, hair messy. Somewhere between ecstasy and ruin.
He feels Ruri’s soft touch on his face, her hands are no longer cold, but warm and loving. She looks like she wants to say something. Apologize, perhaps? (Why would she?). Kasuka tries to move his hand to touch hers, but he soon realizes that he cannot move his right arm, a deep sharp pain shoots up from his shoulder to his wrists, and the tip of his fingers feel numb and tingly.
“It does not hurt…” It’s all he says to let her know that everything is fine, to wash her off the guilt that’s probably eating her alive.
Ruri looks conflicted.
“We cannot do this all the time” she says, her voice sounds broken, like she doesn’t really mean it, or wants it to be true.
And, for the first time, there’s a little, almost unnoticeable, light in his brown eyes. And when he opens his mouth to speak, his words finally sound like something, the tone of unbridled, unadulterated desire.
“Why not?”