Chapter Text
“I need help,” Oliver announced as he walked into Mabel’s apartment where Charles and the young woman were assembling a…
Oliver paused and tilted his head to stare at the assortment of tools and wood. “What are you doing?”
“Who did you kill?” Mabel returned, standing. “Did you wear gloves? Or are we going to have to get rid of physical evidence as well?”
“I have bleach,” Charles added, getting to his feet with a groan. “And we know how to work the incinerator. Did anybody see you with them?”
“What?” Oliver nearly shrieked. “I didn’t murder anyone. Why is that the first thing you two thought of?”
“It would be on brand,” Mabel told him. “We pretty much know the ins and outs at this point. And you really have to like the idea we would dispose of a body for you.”
“Oh, I already know that,” Oliver said dismissively. “No. This is far more important. It’s about Loretta. She seems to hinting about some kind of anniversary and I…”
“Nope,” Charles interjected, walking to Mabel’s fridge and pulling out some bottles of water. “That’s where I draw the line.”
“What?”
“You’re on your own on this,” Mabel added, taking a bottle from Charles. “I will not be a part of some intricate lie involving Loretta. She’s too nice for that.”
“I’m sorry, but you two will willingly cover up a murder,” Oliver started. “However, when it comes to let’s not say deceiving, but it might be just a smidge, you draw the line?”
“Yup,” Mabel answered. “I will not be providing an alibi as to why you forgot an important moment of your life with your wife because I need her to keep trusting me.”
“I see,” Oliver murmured. “What’s in it for you, Charles?”
“Your wife is a little crazy. I like her and everything. She’s perfect for you, but I don’t need that crazy directed at me.”
“I feel like I should hit you for that,” Oliver said. “So, I get nothing? Not even a little excuse? Just a hint of a lie? After all I’ve done for you two.”
Charles looked at Mabel. “Has he done something for you lately?”
“The last thing he’s done for me was eat all of my yogurt with my favorite pita chips,” Mabel responded. “How about you?”
“Had me pay. Again. For dinner. With Loretta.”
“You suggested going out,” Oliver stated. “I assumed it was implied you’d be paying.”
Charles sighed. “I said that I had nothing available to make and somehow that turned into dinner I ended up paying for.”
“Tomato, tomahto,” Oliver waved off. “Please. I need help. I love my wife, but I don’t know what she’s talking about.”
Charles and Mabel glanced at each other then Charles pulled out his phone. He showed the screen to Mabel who shrugged.
“If she says so,” Mabel said.
“If who says what?” Oliver inquired. “Have you two made another friend behind my back? I don’t have the capacity for a new friendship. I mean, I could try. Is it someone young? We could use fresh blood. Is it Thé?”
“She’s touring,” Mabel informed him. “She doesn’t have time to be on a podcast or put up with your nonsense. We do have plans to meet up when she’s in New York again. If you’re calm, cool and collected maybe I’ll ask if you can come along.”
“You hear that, Charles? I get to hang out with…”
“Oh, she likes Charles,” Mabel interrupted. “He’s already invited. And Howard.”
“How am I suddenly the fifth wheel?”
Mabel just stared at him.
“We should put him out of his misery,” Charles said. “Come on, Oliver. Let’s go back to your place.”
“That’s not where I want to go. Did you not hear me? Loretta is hinting at some unknowable anniversary. We can’t have that many at this point and that’s what makes it worse. I could stay here and help you two build…” He moved towards the tools and wood, pausing. “A boat?”
“It’s not a boat,” Mabel told him. “Why would I build a boat?”
“I don’t know. An artistic statement? For the inevitable flood?”
“You’re ridiculous,” Mabel said. “Let’s go.”
“I don’t wanna,” Oliver whined.
“You act like we’re taking you to the gallows,” Charles commented as he and Mabel herded Oliver out of her apartment. “I promise you’ll be fine.”
“You don’t know that,” Oliver shot back. “Maybe she’s divorcing me. She can’t deal with the long distance and the fact I keep almost dying.”
“Yup. That’s it,” Mabel deadpanned. “You figured it out.”
“I’m not signing any papers,” Oliver informed them. “Oliver Putnam can not have two failed marriages. One is normal. Two gets questions. And the third just makes you look bad.”
“Stop jumping to conclusions,” Charles told him. “It’ll take us a little while to get back to your place. Let’s just spitball some ideas. The anniversary of your first date?”
“No. We already celebrated that. Even went back on the ferry. Fortunately no teeth fell out this time.”
“Teeth fell out?” Mabel repeated in alarm.
“It’s all good. I don’t need dentures yet.”
“Now I have this sudden desire to see a dentist,” Mabel said. “What about your first kiss?”
“Recreated that. Played the song from Death Rattle Dazzle that convinced her to stay.”
“How about the first day you met?” Charles asked.
“I didn’t know I was in love with her then. Just that she blew me away with her audition. She was so authentic. Even if I did know she lied to get those few minutes on the stage. I should have known then she’d be trouble. All I did know was that I had found the right person for my show.”
“Does she know that you know that?”
“No,” Oliver answered. “Why would I say anything? She was exactly the person I needed. Even if the table read got off to a rocky start.”
“I assumed they all went like that,” Mabel said. “Or that anything with Oliver Putnam attached to it was going to be a little bit of a wild ride. Ben Glenroy was going crazy over cookies and Charles was trying to make it a little bit about himself. And then there’s an actress trying to get a little attention. Oh, and a documentarian with a weird name.”
“The documentarian thing is a recent development thanks to people’s obsession about capturing everything as it happens,” Oliver told her. “How is Tobert?”
“Why would I know?”
“I thought you two still talked,” Oliver continued.
“Long distance wasn’t going to work for me. We weren’t you and Loretta. I kinda prefer not having to go further than maybe Jersey.”
“Fair.”
“Do you feel calmer now?” Charles asked as they made their way across the courtyard of the Arconia.
“I did. Until you reminded me I was walking into certain death!”
“No death,” Mabel informed. She motioned for Randall to come with them as they walked through the lobby towards the elevators. Charles hit the button to go up and Oliver looked at Randall as he joined the group.
“Randall, don’t you have a job to do?”
“LESTR can handle it for a few minutes,” Randall answered. “Besides I was invited.”
“Invited?” Oliver repeated in confusion. “Invited to what? Is it for Sevelyn? Oh, geez. Randall, my boy, don’t ever accept an invitation to Howard’s when he’s throwing a party for his cat. That just ends in blood and screaming.”
Randall stared at them.
“It’s true,” Charles added as the elevator doors opened and the four of them got on. He hit the 10th floor button. “I had to get shots.”
“Man, there’s still a lot I need to learn about this place,” Randall commented. “But I appreciate the heads up.” He held out something to Mabel and Charles who both slipped a pointed object on their heads.
“Hey, do I not get one?” Oliver objected.
“You sure?” Charles asked.
“Yes. Maybe. Is this a trick?”
“A little bit,” Mabel confessed with a smirk. She handed the pointed item to Oliver who stared at it as the doors opened.
“Surprise!”
Oliver jumped as at least dozen people yelled at him. His wife stood just on the other side of the doors with her own pointed hat and a smile.
“Surprise?” Oliver repeated, stepping out. “Why surprise?”
“It’s your birthday, Putnam,” Mabel said. She, Charles and Randall all stepped out onto the tenth floor.
“Not until next week,” Oliver objected. Then looked at Loretta. “But you’re going to be back in New Zealand then.”
“I know,” Loretta replied. “That’s why I thought it would be fun to throw a surprise party today. I had to get you out of the apartment for a little bit or we wouldn’t have been able to set up. We’ve been planning this for about a month.”
“It’s why I was over at Mabel’s,” Charles told him. “People were using my place to hide out for a while. So, when you texted me I told you to come over to Mabel’s so we could run interference for a little bit and that gave everyone time to get things set up. Happy birthday, buddy.”
“Well, I don’t know what to say,” Oliver confessed. He looked around and his smile grew as he spotted his son and his grandchildren, Rudy, Vince, Uma, a slightly grumpy Teddy Dimas, a bemused Theo Dimas and a few other residents. “But I will say thank you.”
“Short and sweet. That’s a first,” Mabel kidded. “Happy birthday, Oliver.” She kissed her friend’s cheek before he pulled her into a hug.
“Come on, dear. We have food and cake inside. And a special guest.”
“As long as it isn’t anyone from Hamilton. I have a bone to pick with Lin-Manuel.”