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Bucky may or may not have broken the kitchen sink. And even if he had, well his plan was to try to fix it before anyone else noticed. He wouldn't ask maintenance to do it— they were busy enough around here. The most he had done was ask how to turn off the water on that floor.
Which, unfortunately, had been in earshot of a certain blonde man.
Said man had waited patiently near the elevator for the brunette to come back with a tool bag borrowed from maintenance staff. He moved before the doors had the chance to open, giving his innocent act of just 'happening' to run into his husband.
Bucky knew better. John had failed drama classes for a reason.
"Ohh, the tool bag. What'd you break?" The blonde asks, doing his best to not grin. It was just a completely innocent question after all.
"I didn't break anything," Bucky lies, "Part of the kitchen sink came off."
"The kitchen that I said you aren't allowed to touch anything in?"
"Uhhh— you said appliances. I'm allowed to make a snack and wash my hands," Buck corrects, eyes giving their squint of challenge. That rule may or may not have come about by how many times he had punched something that beeped in surprise.
A sly smile crosses John's lips before it turns to an accusatory gasp, "So you did break the sink?"
"No. It was broken when I used it," The brunette dismisses, just a hint too quick to fully give up his obvious guilt. "You're the one always in there. It was probably you."
They round the island, John moving to inspect the damage of the handle being pulled completely off the tap, and part of the tap pulled above where it really should've been. "Oh, well if I broke it, then you'll let me fix it," Another look of pure innocence, voice up in that octave of trying to offer help to his grumpy husband.
"No, I'll fix it. You go somewhere else," The squint returning as Bucky shoos him away from the scene of the crime.
To his frustration, but not surprise, John is hopping up to sit on the counter directly behind. He tilts head, giving that half smile and act of being oblivious as to why Bucky would be glaring at him. Eyes narrow as the smile turns more to a false pleasant, motioning him to go on with whatever he was going to do.
Buck knew what was coming, and would do his best to ignore it.
He bends down, opening the cabinet doors to do a check that he— or whoever did this— hadn't busted any part of the pipe below with above being out of place. He couldn't see anything obviously wrong, but— he'd make sure it was all tightened after.
"You turn the water off?"
There he goes.
"Of course I turned the water off."
"Oh, good. I'm glad you're always thinking ahead."
No response.
John grins now that the brunette's back was to him, knowing he wouldn't turn back around unless he hit the right nerve. The fun part would be finding which one did it today.
"You should probably put the stoppers in the sink. Wouldn't want you to drop any parts down it."
"I was going to."
"You want me to? I know how forgetful you are."
"No, John. I can get them."
Bucky stands from his under the sink inspection, pulling the stoppers off the sides to push them down in place. He knew if he didn't right that second, then his husband would be reaching over him to do it— and as much as he would've liked the view, he knew it would be the ticket over to 'help' closer.
He refused to give him that opening.
"You know what type of tools you need for a sink?"
"Yes. I can see with my eyes what will work."
The brunette pulls open the bag, starting to take out the few things he was sure he'd need, and hearing the played up humming of uncertainty.
"What."
"I think you need a slightly bigger wrench. That one doesn't open wide enough."
Oh he can hear the grin, refusing to look back over at him. If he looked, that would give John the win for whatever fun he was having.
"I only need a wrench to hold things steady. I can twist with my metal hand," Bucky dismisses.
"Ohhhh," John gives, as though he hadn't watched him do that sort of thing at least fifty times by now. Probably more. Silly him, must've slipped his mind.
He crosses arms, leaning sideways with an audible sound from throat, just innocently trying to see what Bucky was doing. It was always good to have someone checking behind him when he took apart a sink that he'd broken.
The sound gets a pause in what the brunette was doing, but still not breaking him into turning around. Not yet anyways. Then again, he didn't want to take his victory so fast, way too invested in the game of annoying the other man.
"You sure you got that by yourself?"
The words get Bucky dropping a part of the faucet into the sink, quickly moving to scoop it back up, "Yes, I got it."
"Are you sure? You're awful clumsy over there."
"It's a sink. Parts are wet."
"The inside parts? I don't think that's right."
Bucky goes into the huffing phase, not giving in to a reply as he places each part neatly outside of the sink to remember what goes in what order to put it back together. If he just made sure everything was tight and in place, then surely it wouldn't need anything further. He didn't need his backseat 'helper' for longer than he already was.
"Why are you huffing? I'm just trying to help."
Yep, huffing again. Slow and avoiding the aneurysm building up.
"Bucky," Comes drawn out, but earning no reply, even if John sees the tighter grip on the part he was taking off. "Bucky, are you mad at me? Did I do something?"
The brunette stops in what he was doing to put head down on the counter, letting out a very slow sigh. "No, John. I am just trying to focus."
He knew the question was fake, but he also knew that leaving that gate open for the other was going to turn to whining. He knew that falsely pitched up voice all too well; the same one that tried its best to hold in a grin.
"Are you sure though? Like— I feel like you've been so distant lately. We could really use more quality time together," John tries, letting the back of his heels bump the cabinet doors loudly to add to it.
Bucky keeps his head down for a long minute, refusing to give him an answer right away. He knew if he looked now, that he would get the very rehearsed puppy look— big sad eyes and slight pout, the whole thing.
"I'm not mad at you, dear."
"You sound mad."
"I'm just trying to focus."
"You've got your head down, that doesn't look like fixing the sink to me."
"No, I'm fine. It's just a headache from this annoying sound I keep hearing. Follows me around."
"Like— tetanus? No, wait. That's not it. Tinnitus? Right? That's the right one? The thing in the ear that's really annoying?"
Bucky gives, turning body slow and hanging head to the side to give him a long stare. "Yes. Tinnitus."
John offers a concerned smile to him, continuing to make the cabinets thunk with rhythmically bumping heels against them. "Oh, that must be annoying. I would sure hate that— and I hope you don't have it."
The stare stays, not saying a word.
"What? I'm concerned about my husband. You're getting old, so I want to know these things."
The turn back away from him is slow. Regretting his life choices. Not so far as to regret marrying the man, but— well he had a lot of regrets. The top of the list currently was making sure John was distracted before trying to fix a sink. At least he was at the putting it back together part— surely this would end soon.
"You remember what goes where? I know your memory isn't great also because you're getting old."
"You know, John, if something were to happen to you. I don't think anyone would find the body," Bucky mutters.
"I dunno. I think if someone murdered me, maybe they would need help hiding the body."
A part is squeezed, accidentally launching from between fingers to roll across the long island. John grins before making the quick swap to innocence as a glare is turned his way.
"What?"
"I don't like you sometimes," Buck huffs, moving to retrieve the launched part.
"Oh no! I don't want mom and dad to get a divorce!" Yelena calls in that voice of fake urgency she liked to use. Usually aimed towards one of them.
Bucky flicks eyes to the newcomer, shaking head with a sigh, but not surprised at seeing the rest of the peanut gallery peeking from various doorways. He knew ignoring them wouldn't do anything, but trying to at least focus on putting the damn thing back together correctly.
"This is a private conversation," John muses, managing one of those long legs out enough to shove foot up under the tail of Buck's shirt. Just to drive in annoying him. He knows it works by the way Bucky's body bristles up immediately at the touch.
Bucky ignores him.
"Private? You're in the least private place in this whole building," Ava joins in.
"And we need to know if you two break up," Yelena adds, "Have to know who gets custody of us."
Bucky pauses in what he was doing to look over at the others meandering in, rolling eyes as they find spots nearby to sit or lean on. Oh yeah, just what he wanted when he had hoped to do this alone. If he was lucky they would start zeroing in on teasing John instead of commenting on what he was doing.
"If they split us up, do we have to live on, like, different floors?" Bob asks.
"Obviously," Yelena nods.
"Divorce. So sad," Alexei comments.
John raises eyebrows at the group, slipping foot out from Bucky's shirt to slip off the counter for now. "You guys are ridiculous," He comments, doing his best not to crack any sort of smile. Because that would encourage them. He moves next to Bucky to bump hip into him and lean over the counter instead next to the grumpy brunette.
"This is serious. We need to know how to process this grief," Yelena mocks, holding hand against chest with the very fake pout.
"We're not getting a divorce," John huffs, smacking Bucky loud on the ass while he's bent forward, which makes the brunette launch another piece of the sink across the counter.
Bucky elbows him as he parts to grab it, rearing up for a much harder pop back that makes the blonde grunt.
"Oh god, it's turned physical," Ava throws in to stir the pot of gasps and fake crying sounds.
Buck just tries to finish putting the last pieces on the sink so he could go somewhere else away from all of them.
"There's no saving the marriage," Bob sighs with a shake of head.
John huffs at the four of them, glancing to his husband for a moment before looking back to the rest with a dramatic roll of eyes. He didn't think anything either of them said at that point would do a damn thing other than stoke the fire. Even if it was pretty funny.
"I know it'll be a hard decision, so we should decide who goes with who in the divorce," Yelena says, looking around at the others and getting nods of agreement. Even from Alexei.
Bucky should've just called maintenance to fix the sink. He was regretting not swallowing his pride about it. He moves to start tightening everything up carefully to finish putting it back together. If he broke it a second time they would never let him live it down.
"Well, John's the better cook, so," Ava hums.
"Ohh, yeah," Bob nods.
"And he's more fun to bully," Ava also adds.
"True," Yelena points.
"That was quick decision. I go with Lena," Alexei nods.
Bucky stops what he was doing long enough to give an offended face that he had just been ruled out entirely of their fake scenario within seconds. "Rude," He gives.
John snorts, "I don't want any of you," He comments, offering over the rag next to him when he sees Bucky looking around for it. See? He could help. And his mean ole husband doesn't even thank him for it.
"No, it's your moral obligation to take all of us," Ava says, sly smile creeping across lips as she continues ebbing the others on.
"You can do shared custody. Like— 90/10," Yelena argues.
"80/20 at the holidays," Bob tacks on.
"I know you can abandon babies at a fire station the first couple days, but— I think they would understand if we took them just a little late," Bucky comments over while wiping down the faucet and double-checking his work. It looked fine.
"You think someone would adopt them? I mean— look at 'em," John snorts, motioning out to the four as they make various faces of offense at that.
Buck moves to start packing up the few tools back into the bag, "Mh, Bob for sure. He's got a good kicked puppy look. I dunno about the others," He answers, picking up the bag to start heading off to return and turn the water back on. If the sink blew up or something when he did then he would for sure just ask maintenance instead.
"Maybe someone will feel bad," John adds, already moving to follow his husband and slip hand into Bucky's free one. He was not staying in there with the others, but sure they would continue the conversation until the two of them got back.
John presses the elevator for them, glad when it's already on their floor for the two to slip into and have the privacy to be the only one to get on Bucky's nerves. "Guess we need marriage counseling now," He teases.
"Don't you start," Buck snorts, giving a tug as soon as the doors close to pull him into a kiss. He smiles into it at John giving a hummed laugh, looking to pretty blues as the man pulls away to look back at him.
"Maybe just a date night would do," John suggests.
"Yeah. Without the kids," The brunette teases, stealing another kiss as his husband laughs about that too.
"Tomorrow night?"
"Sounds great."