Chapter Text
Grooves wanted to throw the stupid thing straight through the glass.
It didn't matter how much he tried to convince himself that it was fine, that second place was still an enourmous achievement, that many others would have given everything to earn this trophy: He wanted. To throw it. Straight. Through. The. Glass. Straight through the glass of the trophy case.
He gritted his beak as he pushed the door open instead, shoved the proof of his failure inside and closed it again. He didn't even want to look at them, these pitiful rows of silver with two lonely specks of gold.
It had been so close this year.
Sixteen votes. He had lost by sixteen votes. Sixteen people who had chosen Conductor over him. Sixteen people who'd put themselves between him and his victory.
Knowing that he'd gotten this close, that he'd almost gotten it... that was so much worse than losing by a few dozen votes. He should have been happy about it, he should have been inspired by it, but he just wasn't. He just couldn't be.
He threw a last spiteful glare at the award before turning his head to look at the man who had claimed victory for himself once again.
Because of course he had.
Conductor was in a good mood. Why wouldn't he be? He was not the one holding a worthless piece of silvered metal that might just as well have gone straight in the trash. He was holding a golden one, ready to join its brethren in his trophy case. Rows of gleaming gold with two lonely specks of silver.
Of course Conductor had won. What had Grooves expected? Why was he even still trying, what was he trying to achieve?! Just... give up, go back to the moon, back to your night club. You were good at that, weren't you? You had fun with it. It was a good job with plenty of benefits.
You'd think he'd be used to losing by now. You'd think he'd have learned to accept it.
Well... he hadn't. Maybe that made him a sore loser. Maybe that was a character flaw. He didn't care, to be quite blunt. He wanted to win.
And he had had such a good feeling about it, too. They'd both given it their all this year and the audiences had been delighted. Conductor's movie, his first-ever foray into horror, had been praised as absolutely bloodchilling, extremely well-written and most of all: fresh and innovative. And Grooves' movie, built entirely around silhouettes and self-discovery, had been highly commended for being artfully crafted with a beautiful message.
He'd been so proud of it. Still was, even if it hadn't earned him the victory. But it was tainted now and the next time he watched it, part of him would be unable to think of anything other than the silver award whose mere existence was mocking him.
First place should have been his. It should have been his. He'd worked so hard for it, he deserved it!
But sixteen people had disagreed.
What he needed right now was a punching bag, something to sink all this anger and disappointment into. And wasn't he in luck? There was a perfect target just a few feet away.
"Congratulations, darling", he said. "I'm glad to see that your questionable decisions didn't lead you to failure."
Conductor, who'd been clutching his trophy to his chest like a newborn infant, gave him a fierce glare before roughly shoving it into the case and slamming the door shut.
"Me questionable decisions, huh? If ya ask me, the only questionable thing here is why ya still bother trying."
Ouch. Straight to the point like always. But he liked that in Conductor. No beating around the bush, no attempts at subtlety. Just a straightforward attack that could be countered and dealt with.
"Trying what? Talking to you? Yes, that does seem to be rather hopeless. But I believe in you, darling! One day, you'll say something of value, I'm sure of it."
"Why say things of value when Ah can own things of value? Like this right here!"
He tapped the glass in front of his award and smirked. "Ah bet ya'd love to have this, eh? Bet ya'd loooove to call it yers. But it's nae happening, Grooves, nae today, nae next year, nae ever again. Better learn to be happy with the two ya got, it'll save ya a lot of pain in the future!"
Oh, that little beast! But this was it, this was exactly what Grooves needed. A chance to fight, to argue, to take it out on somebody who - let's be honest - deserved every last word of it.
"Don't get too complacent. You won by sixteen votes, Conductor... hardly a landslide. In fact, I don't think it's ever been this close before. Maybe next year, these sixteen will vote in my favour and then where would you be?"
"Still miles ahead of ya! Even if ya win the next one, even if ya win the next five ones, Ah'd still have more victories than ya! Ya're nae catching up, peck neck, dinnae even bother to dream!"
The fire in their words, the fire in their stares. Arguing with Conductor was invigorating. It melted the anger. Grooves could get lost in their clashing words, didn't even have to think to respond. He could lean back and let the heat of their argument burn the stress away.
"Ah, but every single one I win will be like a dagger to your heart, won't it? I don't need to catch up - I just need to remind you that you're just as fallible as the rest of us. Until that ego of yours finally crumbles."
Conductor growled, Grooves had visibly stuck a nerve. The penguin chuckled and kept pushing: "Those two silver ones, do they haunt you in your nightmares? Do they make you feel inadequate? Can you never quite get them out of your mind?"
"Shut up! As if yer gold ones dinnae haunt ya just as much! If ya didna have a single one, ya could delude yerself into thinking that it's rigged or that Ah'm cheating, but ya know that's nae true! Ya've got a constant reminder that ya're just nae good enough 99 percent of the time!"
Ow. Okay, maybe Grooves wasn't the only one who could aim well.
"That still leaves one percent and that is more than enough to ruin your perfect streak every once in a while!", he hissed. "Mock me all you want, but I will drag you down with me!"
They had been closing in on each other with every sentence. Now their beaks were only inches apart. Grooves could feel Conductor's hot breath, could feel the fury radiating from him, hot as fire, fierce as the desert.
"Then Ah'll step on yer pecking face to climb back up!"
"I'll bite your ankles!"
...Of course, he stress wasn't the only thing that burned.
While one part of Grooves was taunting Conductor and another part was still lamenting yet another loss, the third part - small, but incredibly persistent - pointed out that Conductor's feather's looked almost golden in this light, and wasn't he cute when he got angry?
He'd been trying very hard to ignore that part. He'd thrown himself into his work with blind fervor. But it hadn't helped and by now he simply had no choice but to acknowledge the harsh truth: At some point during the past few years, he had sort of fallen in love with his rival.
Which presented him with all kinds of problems.
The first and most obvious of them was that Conductor absolutely despised him with every fiber of his being, which was not generally considered beneficial to a romantic relationship. It was a bit of an issue and Grooves wasn't quite sure how to handle that. Asking somebody out was hard enough when that somebody was neutral towards you. This... this was a whole different can of worms and he couldn't think of any approach that wouldn't get him slapped.
Another big problem, though, was that Grooves absolutely despised the Conductor.
He did, there was no way around it. Everything that man said and did infuriated him. Conductor's voice was irritating, especially since he usually used it to say stupid things at an obnoxiously loud volume. His appearance was sort of like if somebody had made a puppet out of an old fuzzy yellow sock and then dressed that puppet in an outfit designed by bored accountants who were also Rainbow Brite villains. His personality was smug, rude, selfish and reckless with no redeeming qualities whatsoever. His movies would have put an insomniac to sleep. Grooves couldn't spend more than thirty seconds in the same room as him without wanting to strangle the little bastard.
Except now he also kind of wanted to kiss him at the same time, which was just all kinds of confusing.
"As if ya could bite hard enough to get through me skin. Ya're nowhere near strong enough fer that, ya pecking wimp!"
But hey, at least this was familiar, right?
"Why don't we test it? Be a darling and hold out your hand for a second, yes?"
A shrug.
"Ah'll do it, but Ah'm warning ya - if ya somehow manage to actually get through me skin, Ah'll probably claw up yer face."
Conductor raised his arm. Grooves looked down at it with a frown. It was tempting, but...
"...So either I embarass myself by being too weak to hurt you or I succeed and get a faceful of claws? I think I'll decline."
"...Aye, probably fer the best. Dinnae wanna get blood on me shirt. Hey, do ya need half a box of chocolates?"
Grooves blinked as the sudden change in topic nearly gave him whiplash.
"I... what?"
Conductor shrugged.
"A fan gave me a box of chocolates after the ceremony. Ah ate half, but Ah dinnae wanna take them back to the desert with me. Got no way of keeping them cool on the way and Ah dinnae think they would take the heat well. Ya can have them if ya want."
"I mean... sure?"
Conductor nodded and pulled out a slightly flattened box with a blue ribbon around it. Grooves took it and flipped open the lid.
It was clear that Conductor had played favourites: He'd eaten everything that contained nuts, nougat or caramel and had left the fruit-filled ones untouched.
...Don't get excited about this! This isn't a gift, let alone a romantic one! It's a dented, half-eaten box of chocolates and he's obviously just foisting off the ones he doesn't like!
...But he's still giving you chocolates.
Oh, you've got it bad, Grooves. You are doomed. Pray that you get over this before he finds out or you'll never hear the end of it.
He popped a raspberry truffle into his beak. The sweet flavour of dark chocolate and raspberry ganache filled his mouth.
"Ya're welcome. Maybe that'll cover the bitter taste of yer failure", Conductor said.
Grooves sighed and slapped him.
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Hat Kid yawned, leaned back and looked out through the window. Outside, the universe was drifting by. With her autopilot set and the path clear, there wasn't much for her to do other than sit around, look out of the window and enjoy the day.
Rumbi was doing his job, cleaning the aftermath of a rather messy breakfast. She had put her hat on top of him and now every once in a while, she'd spot it from the corner of her eye, wandering around. It was adorable and she wondered if she should get him a hat of his own.
On her computer, messages flickered. Words such as 'urgent', 'warning' and 'highly dangerous' caught her eye, but they weren't important. At least not to her.
Because she was on vacation. Three weeks of leisure, relaxation and fun, fully paid. And she had earned every last second of it.
Her boss had been very impressed with her after she had retrieved the Time Piece and stopped the Time Leak. Oh sure, she'd gotten some minus points for coming back late and sharing confidential information with strangers, but overall he'd been happy with her work. She'd gotten a bonus and a smiley face sticker!
The missions she'd gotten after that had been cooler than ever. She'd been sent to different planets all over the galaxy, hopping from location to location to solve problems and gather potentially dangerous objects. And she was proud to report that she had finished every single one of these missions successfully.
She'd been sent to retrieve an ancient book called The Crypticum. She'd been on a diplomatic mission to Zavyr to trade some Time Pieces for something called a recreation loom. She'd gone to Tirna Caelora to fetch an Al-mi'raj. She'd found the long-lost amulet of awakening and had successfully destroyed it. She'd even gone underground on Zarth 64L to kill a Trghh-Zaghzt and while it had been a pretty small one with only six heads and eight dimensions, she had still felt pretty badass afterwards.
So she had earned this vacation. Nobody could say she hadn't!
The computer threw up a warning about a meteor cluster ahead. She rolled her eyes and manually rerouted the ship ever-so-slightly to the left. The warning disappeared.
"Stupid autopilot", she mumbled. "Why do I need to do your job for you?"
Her boss had also not-so-subtly hinted that there was another promotion waiting for her soon, which would bring not only a huge pay raise and a bunch of benefits that she didn't really understand but her parents had been very excited over, but also even cooler missions. Plus there had been a few other hints, quite a bit more subtle, that said promotion would give her insight on the most confidential of confidential things, the big threats that were the reason the organisation had been formed in the first place. Which was extremely exciting and she was looking forward to it.
She knew that the government organisation she worked for had been created to rid the universe of the worst of the worst, the most dangerous and evil monsters in existence. Everything else - fighting off smaller monsters, locating and securing dangerous objects, aiding and protecting people in need - had been added later. Nowadays, that original mission was reserved for only the most powerful, dedicated and awesome workers. People like Chief Commander Misty, the Cosmos Gardener or Tim!
Becoming part of that group... she smiled wishfully at the thought. That sounded almost too good to be true!
"It's gonna be so cool, Rumbi!", she said, looking over to where the hatted vacuum was busy bumping into the wall. "Can you imagine how cool that'll be?!"
The robot didn't answer. Rude. But she didn't even care - she was way too busy daydreaming about her awesome new future.
But... later. For now, it was vacation time. And while she had spent the first half of said vacation with her friends and family back home, she wanted to spend the second half of it with her friends and family out there.
To think that she had stumbled upon that planet by sheer accident.
Sure, she'd heard about it in school, but... come on. There were almost 100 million stars in their galaxy, each with their own solar system and planets! That was a lot of planets, okay? No reason for her to care about a random one in sector 17, let alone visit it. Chances were that she never would have set foot on it if not for some random mafia thug spotting her spaceship and deciding that whoever was on it would be easy prey.
She was glad he'd done it. Sure, it had caused her a whole lot of trouble, but... without him, she'd never have wasted a thought on that planet. She'd never have gotten to explore it.
And yeah, there had been some really awful moments. She'd gotten trapped in a frozen mansion with a scary ice lady, she'd almost been taken out by a crime boss and a toilet had tried to kill her, not to mention the part where Mustache Girl had stolen all her stuff and tried to brutally murder a bunch of people with it. That had kind of sucked.
But she'd also done a lot of cool stuff. She'd become a movie star and had gone zip-lining in the mountains and there had been a big ship and a cool train, there had been cute cats and lots of new outfits and of course there'd been all the people! She'd gotten to meet and befriend the mafia and Cooking Cat and Mustache Girl and DJ Grooves and the Conductor and the Snatcher!
And that had made all the bad stuff so worth it.
She already had her visit fully planned out, knowing exactly who she'd be visiting when and what activities she wanted to do with which person. Snatcher was the person she'd be meeting with first, he was first on her list. She had promised him she'd do those best-friend challenges he'd prepared for her!
Now mind you, she wasn't stupid. She knew that they were almost certainly a ruse to murder her. That was Snatcher's deal, after all, even if he claimed to be her friend now. But a promise was a promise and more importantly, a contract was a contract. Especially when it was one of Snatcher's contracts. And she'd already signed this one at the end of her last visit, meaning she was now obligated to play his games no matter what they'd be.
Which wasn't as concerning to her as it would have been for most people. She knew how to deal with the spectral pool noodle. She could handle whatever he was planning to throw at her.
And who knew, maybe it would be fun anyway! Teasing the Snatcher was pretty funny and oh, wouldn't he be so furious when his plan failed again? When, once again, she'd just survive all the stuff he threw at her and he just had to live with that?
So either his challenges would be genuinely fun on their own or they'd be traps and then his reaction to her surviving them would be fun. Either way was a win for her. Okay, there was a slight chance that he'd win and actually kill her, but A: As if that would ever happen and B: She'd come back with a vengeance and kick his ass. Which would also be fun.
She grinned at the thought. This vacation was off to a great start already and she hadn't even landed yet!