Work Text:
Monday
7:50AM
Science class
Usual chatter around, talks about a project and if it had any affect on your grade, but that all just went through one ear and out the other, because what was on Jerry's mind right now was his friend, the guy that stuck out like a sore thumb in the entire club, seriously, how random is it to have a Italian guy in a group with 3 white guys?
Jerry didn't care about anything that was coming out of his partners mouth in his science group project, a few nods and 'uh huh's slipping out everytime he heard them say something. He didn't want to fail but he just couldn't focus, or want to even do anything, just wanna daydream about his funky crush and go back to engaging with his hobbies. The bell finally rang and he could go to his other class, there's only a few more hours left to go back home
He only thought about what was Pete thinking, thinking about what he could do with Pete when it was finally the weekend, thinking about the things they won't talk about and .. And..Actually..What could he think about? He has Pete's face craved into his memory, he knows how Pete likes his porn, and what brand of cigarettes he likes, which is the kind that he steals from his brothers.
It was weird though,
Because he couldn't get Pete's name past his lips, and he couldn't bring himself to think about all the things Pete actually likes, because it punches him back in reality instead of helping him get more deluded into his fantasy
Jerry can try to convince himself that Pete isn't as weird and edgy as he is now, Jerry can definitely be as bad as the club but despite that, he'll still be Jerry, the Jerry stuck in his fantasy world where Pete likes boys and not big breasted women who shows ass and tits everytime their on screen, also where Pete can actually sit through a hour long rant from Jerry that was about his magical fantasy things without yawning or trying to say how it was too.. Magic-y for him, or that it was something a girl would like.
Jerry was only in love with the idea of Pete being his ideal boyfriend and that he'll change and be everything that Jerry can ever wish in another person. Was this bad? Probably. Was it realistic? Nope, never will be, because they were both the opposites that'll never try to be similar with eachother. But it's fine, because Jerry definitely knows the difference between reality and fantasy,
-----------------------------
1:50PM
School ends
Walking back home felt like hell, except for that the floor was concrete, cloudy skies, and everything wasn't on fire. And so, it was a normal day for a guy named Jerome T. Stokes living in a white neighborhood with families that couldn't use more than 3 types of seasoning even if their life depended on it, but it's better than the shithole that Pete lived in though. Jerry still gets the creeps from when he tried to walk to Pete's house for the first time.
Usual routine :
- Unlock door
-Open door
-Go to room
-Shower
-Eat
-Homework
-Sleep
He had it craved in his brain, nothing new, nothing interesting, didn't expect anything to happen unless he's with the club then he'll expect a nuke to drop any second already. If the nuke was a fat boy with acne all over.
"Gerald! Your little friend called and left a voicemail for you!"
That was surprising. Pete never called or left any voice messages. Always said he can't be bothered to do so.
"Hold on mom." Jerry mumbled, that cheeky smile was already forming and even if he hates to say, Jerry felt like a highschool girl with a crush because of how much excitement he was getting. His brain was probably overloading already, he quickly threw down his backpack on the floor of his room after running up the stairs then back down, quickly grabbing the phone.
"Okay yes, I know you probably just came back from school but I wanna ask if you were free on a Saturday since I ain't got shit to do that day before the meeting so.. I was thinking if we could take a walk together."
Jerry quickly called the number back, waiting for Pete to pick up.
"Jerry! Fuckin' finally you picked up."
"Sorry man, you said you wanted to take a walk with me? What's up with the sudden invitation?"
"Don't know. Felt like talking to you. School and works been kicking my ass lately."
"Oh tell me about it."
"Anyways, I gotta get back to what I was doing just now, dads about to come back home and if he catches me talking to you, I'd probably be caught dead in a alleyway."
"Bye Pete."
Jerry puts down the phone, sighing, it was such a short call, maybe the shortest one ever in his life. He kind of wanted to be a little longer, he liked hearing Pete's voice and his accent, it's like he couldn't get enough of it.
Please do call again.
-------------------
2:42PM
In the bathroom
"Ow-- shit!" Jerry hissed, accidentally putting he water temperature in his shower too hot. His hands frantically adjusted it to the freezing cold option,
Squatting down then just sitting down in the shower, he noticed something, he always did. He started noticing ever since he realised he was gay for Pete, he hasn't jerked off in like... Forever, atleast not to girls. He had his morning wood ever now and then but never bothered to do anything about it, but then again, he can't bring himself to actually see himself doing THAT with Pete. No. Jerry actually can't see himself doing anything with anyone.
He doesn't look that way anymore, never again.
Wait doesn't that mean he did? Before?
Ah shit man!
Jerry sat there, under freezing cold water raining onto his back. His legs tucked in,arms hugging himself tight, his body felt so weird, his skin felt tight but at the same time, loose. Does that make sense? Of course it doesn't. Been a long time since he last thought of this, distracted himself long enough and today, it was cut short. He started at his feet, his head hung low. Jerry didn't want to look down there again, he doesn't dare to. The more he thought of it, the more he stared, the more weird and disgustingly deformed it looked.
His mind felt lost,
He promised himself he would,
Never ever go back to that.
Though, right now felt right.
One last time
----------------
Saturday
4:34PM
At the big tree on the hill.
Away from all their problems
"Do you ever feel disgusted about yourself?" Jerry asked, looking over at Pete laying down on the grass.
"Definitely."
"How so?"
"You don't think I'm disgusting already? I mean you know what I like."
"I didn't really think you were the kind to be self-aware."
"I'm not fucking four years old, Jer."
Jerry leaned over, inching closer to Pete. "Have you ever tried to stop? Like stop.. You know.."
"Stop jacking off? Stop wanking off? Stop watching porn? Stop watching rape and mutilation tapes? Come on, Jer, just fucking say it. I ain't no goddamn saint here."
"Sorry man. I don't know what's up with me these days. I just.."
Pete slowly got up, his face closer to Jerry's. "Tell me all about it man.",
"Is it.."
Jerry leaned in closer, his hand on Pete's hat. "Is it gay that I like it when your hats off.". Slowly taking it off of Pete, "And I... I really like how your face looks. Under the sun."
"Oh.. Thanks, Jerry. But you can't say all that shit after asking me about.. Ah fuck whatever, you've always been shit at conversations anyway."
Jerry smiles at the other boy, chuckling softly, quickly looking away from him, then suddenly speaking up, "You.. You wanna do this thing again anytime soon?"
"We do this shit every week, Jer." He replied, seeing Jerry putting on his hat, Pete didn't look away from the blonde boy. Just letting the moment pass, and also probably waiting for Jerry to make a move of some sort.
"I know.. I know man."
Jerry tried to zone out but all he could focus on was... Making his move. Maybe kiss Pete even. Is this escalating too fast or ...
Fuck man,
Just... Move a little closer first.
"Can.. Can I kiss you, Pete?"
".. Fuck. Go ahead man."
Surprising! Wait--- ah--
Their heads close, basically breathing against eachother, "If you ain't gonna make a move any second.. Then.. Fuck. Bastard..", Jerry's mind went blank, it started out as a small peck on the lips then Pete's mouth forcing Jerry's open.
Jerry can barely even catch on, but soon getting up to Pete's pace.. By a little. He could taste cigarettes and soda from the other boy's mouth, but that's expected from a guy that smokes when he feels like shit. They both closed their eyes, Pete kept putting his weight onto Jerry, making them start laying down on the ground. Jerry felt Pete's hands moving towards his head, grabbing back his hat and digging his hands through his hair, and his other hand on Jerry's face.
Jerry can barely move, eyes closed, his brain was malfunctioning, hands didn't move, they just shook and froze. He could feel his hair being let go and then his face being held again. In a shaky voice, Pete could barely even get words out,
"Show me that you really care, Jer."
They both held their stare at eachother, breathing heavily on the grass. "I.. I.. Don't.."
"Just fucking touch me. Anywhere you goddamn prick."
Jerry quickly grabbed onto Pete's shoulders and crashed into his face. Their kiss soon just turning into making out, Jerry frantically holding onto Pete's hair, shoulders and face. He couldn't function like this, he was a mess, he wanted this but he didn't know that he couldn't handle this but he did want more, more than what he could handle and need. Jerry didn't mean to be weird but.. He did open his eyes to see how Pete's sweat go down his neck, he liked how hot they were getting while they held eachother close, closing his eyes to let it go on.
Pete finally pulled off, catching his breath, his body felt.. Felt off, was he feeling adrenaline? Jerry laid on the ground, processing everything that just happened.
"Jesus Christ.. Fuck.. Oh.. God man.." Pete mumbled under his breath, taking a quick look over at Jerry, who was also trying to breathe.
"I don't know what to feel man."
".. I.. I don't either, Pete."
They made eye contact, it was all silence, it felt so wrong. So so wrong to be so goddamn quiet after they just became eachothers first kiss and first make out session.
And even if it felt right just for a little while, Jerry was at ease, maybe it was the gay demon inside of him that was finally pleased. But for Pete, it was his cross necklace that he saw dangling from his neck when he opened his eyes when kissing Jerry like a goddamn mad man that made him pull away and also made him.. Fuck, regret it? Hate it? Whatever it is, Pete's gotta get back home and think about what the fuck he just did out of nowhere.
"Jerry.. I.. I got church tomorrow with my old man and my family. Can't.. Can't be seen wit' ya."
Pete quickly got up, adjusting his hat, fixing his clothes and wiping himself down. Jerry sat up, watching as Pete run down the hill. But it was all so sudden, why'd..whyd Pete have to run off like that?
"But it's.. friday-- Oh shit.. Yeah it is Saturday.. Fuck.. I.."
Well,
That.. That was a bad idea.