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It was night, he didn’t know exactly what hour it was but could kind of tell by how dark it was outside. Megumi woke up panting, breathing getting harder and harder.
He’d had the same nightmare again, one that has haunted him for months now. It had woken him up like it was some strange routine that he’s very tired of.
Megumi saw him every night, in every nightmare, suffering. His bare chest open, a hole where his heart was supposed to be, and a charming smile on his face. “Live a long life.” He said before collapsing.
“Fucking asshole…” Megumi muttered under his breath. He ran a hand across his face just to notice that he was crying, once again. He was quite used to it. He hated that fact.
Why did Itadori think of him right before dying? He wasn’t thaaaat important to him, wasn’t he? Megumi’s mind raced through hundreds of thoughts every second that passed, and he didn’t even truly understand why. Itadori was alive and breathing, damn, he was even sleeping in the room next to his!
Why was he panicking so much about this? About him? They didn’t even know each other that long for him to be so worried about this. Of course, if he had died, Megumi would understand this happening, but he was having a literal nightmare every fucking night over someone who’s alive!
Why, why, why. That was the only word in Megumi’s mind every single night, and it hurt inside his chest like a bitch.
He dried his tears and got out of his bed, he felt gross, really gross. Megumi needed a shower, a really cold one to be more specific.
Megumi finally looked at the clock, it marked “2:47” in bright red LEDs. ‘It’s too early for someone to be in the living room but too late for someone to arrive from a mission, great’ He thought, perfect time to head out and not talk to anyone.
He just wished that if, for some reason, someone saw him, they wouldn’t talk. Maybe a formal “hi” or “hello” would do for him, but that’s it. Just– no small talk, he couldn’t do this tonight.
The raven haired boy took a towel from his closet and got out of his room, closing the door quietly right behind him. When walking towards the common shower room he’d noticed everything was silent. “Thank god…” He whispered while entering the room.
He got inside quietly and as he closed the door his heart jumped to his throat.
What was Itadori doing here this late?
Well, he isn’t the one to talk but– wait, is he crying?
“Oh shit–” Itadori sniffled, suddenly changing his demeanor as he tried to look okay, or something like that. “What brings you here, Fushiguro? I didn’t quite see you there hehe…” He tried to laugh a bit, but Megumi could see right through him, like an open book.
“I could ask you the same thing.” He responded quickly, walking two steps closer to the boy in front of him, getting a better look.
This was just great, wasn’t it?
Itadori looked wrecked. He had a runny nose, puffy eyes, his hair was going in every direction possible, and he had rosy cheeks that looked really kissable– No, wait, he should comfort him not think about this. Stop that.
“Are you okay, Itadori?” Megumi asked, and he could see the boy totally fall apart, tears rolling down his cheeks, hands immediately going to cover his face.
“Yeah, why?” Itadori replied back with another question, and Megumi was thinking between comforting him or punching him straight to his, oh so beautiful, face. “That was a silly question, sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Megumi whispered, surprised by his sudden softness. “Do you… want to talk about it?” He questioned quietly.
He didn’t really know what to do. Should he hug him? Distract him? Leave him alone? Maybe kiss him? And oooh my god why is he still thinking like this, stop.
“Not right now maybe, but…” He paused for a second as he let a watery laugh out of his mouth. “Can I ask you a question that might be a little bit weird to you? I just need to ask because if I don’t I might explode or something, but if you don’t want to just forget it–”
“Itadori–”
“It’s not that deep, really, I’ll be okay I think–”
“Itadori, you’re rambling–”
“–because I really appreciate you and you’re so important to me and–”
“Yuji.”
Silence.
And Itadori looked at him with those caramel eyes that were glassy with tears, as he took a deep breath trying to calm himself down. “I’m sorry, it’s just that–” His voice broke.
“Yeah, that's it.” Megumi spoke as he quickly grabbed Itadori by his wrist and pulled him out of the shower room, heading straight to his. None of them said a single word in the meantime, the only sound inside the building being their footsteps against the cold floor.
When they got to Megumi’s door, he let go of his hand to try and open the door without making too much noise, then let Itadori inside first. He closed it behind him again with the same gentleness, and turned back, only to be suddenly pulled into a hug.
He felt warm, strong arms snaking around his waist, hugging him softly like he would break. How ironic, right? Still, he reciprocated quickly and wrapped his arms around the other’s neck, clicking together.
As if it were automatic, Itadori melted under his touch, hiding his face in Megumi’s neck while squeezing him a bit tighter. His breathing started to become more troubled, heavier, like he was holding back something.
“You’re okay,” Megumi assured in his ear as one of his hands ran through Yuji’s hair gently, his fingers massaging his scalp. “I’m here, you’re here, we’re okay.” He didn’t know where that came from, he didn’t even know if he was trying to comfort the other or himself anymore, but he’d do it anyway for the sake of both of them.
So just as he said those last words, a wave of small sobs got out of Itadori’s throat, his body shaking with each one. Even though he was bigger than Megumi, he felt like the smallest person alive right now, being held by the other.
‘Damn, it must be very serious then.’ Fushiguro thought while trying to calm the wreck in his arms, his other hand caressing his upper back slowly. His heart tightens a bit when he hears the cries of the other. This doesn’t suit him, he has never seen Itadori cry, no, he never cries.
What was he supposed to do? He hasn’t comforted no one in his life, let alone the guy he’s had a crush on for god knows how long!
Megumi just stood there trying to soothe the crying soul that laid against him, squeezing him tighter, afraid to let go. He could feel his own eyes starting to get watery, but quickly dried them away, he wanted to help Itadori, not make this about him.
A few moments passed by and the cries started to become quieter, his body now almost lumping against Megumi’s, who just stood firm supporting them both.
He kept caressing Itadori’s hair and back gently, but didn’t speak, he didn’t want to burst the bubble.
Then, as slowly as he could, Yuji got out of his hiding spot, looking straight into Megumi’s eyes, and despite being a total mess at the moment, he still tried to smile.
Itadori always tried to smile, no matter what happened, and that only worried the other more. Megumi just wanted to take him somewhere safe and keep him there, protect him from everything that could harm him.
“Itadori, what happened?” He whispered as he cupped the other’s face with his hands, caressing his cheeks softly and drying the tears away. He was very concerned, obviously, feeling how his eyebrows furrowed and his breathing was getting heavier.
“Fushiguro,” The boy answered as some fresh tears started appearing in his eyes. “How did you get over everything when I was gone?”
…
What?
Megumi’s eyes widened while he tried to ignore the ringing in his ears and the pressure in his chest. Why did Itadori ask him about that now? It had been months, damn, almost a year! Why now all of the sudden?!
Like, he’d get it if it was Gojo who asked, he was a bit too much when it came to him, but Itadori? The Itadori Yuji? That always had a smile on his face? Megumi didn’t understand why he would want to know that, it’s not like he would be asking for advice–
Right? RIGHT?
It hit Megumi straight to his core, ‘did someone close to Itadori die recently?’ ‘Wait, did he kill someone?’ ‘Who the fuck died?’ were thoughts that ran through his mind. And yet, he could only mutter one single question.
“Itadori,” He answered back after a few minutes, his name rolling out of Fushiguro’s mouth sweetly, naturally. “Did you lose someone?” Megumi asked softly, his tone feeling like velvet. Did you see it? He wanted to add, but didn’t, not risking himself to rub more salt into the wound.
Megumi could see how Itadori’s smile faltered, his gaze dropping as he took a deep breath, leaning his head a bit to the side while he whispered a soft ‘yeah…’, a few tears escaping. He immediately hugged him again, now being his turn to hide his face in the other’s neck.
The other was always warm, his skin felt like a blanket that wrapped you up in the middle of December, like a kiss from the sun itself. And even now, Megumi couldn’t help but think about it.
He could tell that Itadori was a bit surprised by the sudden hug, not that he didn’t like it though, it’s just that Megumi isn’t the type to start a hug. Well, not this time. It hit a bit close to home when he saw Itadori going through the same situation as he did, but didn’t want for him to commit the same mistakes.
“When?” He mumbled against the soft skin, tightening his hug a bit. He knew how it felt, obviously, yet he also knew how Itadori was and that he would have other ways of coping with it. He has probably told Nobara at least, or Todo, not like Fushiguro, who kept his mouth shut for a whole year, not even Nobara or Gojo know about how he really felt (and feels) about it. And he still wonders why he’s so messed up…
“Remember when I was away?” The other mumbled, his words vibrating in his chest, against Megumi, who hummed softly. ‘How could I forget’, he thought. Itadori’s voice was quiet, muffled, and it sounded so wrong in Megumi’s ears. “Well, I made a friend at that time, but he ended up being manipulated by some motherfucker who just… used him in a fight, and he didn’t make it– I didn’t make it to save him.” Itadori confessed, wincing slightly as he remembered those memories.
“Don’t,” Megumi interrupted, one of his hands flying to Yuji’s mouth to shut him up. “It’s not your fault, so don’t say that.” He explained, never getting out of his hiding spot, feeling too vulnerable to even look at the other.
He didn’t expect for him to bring out this, he didn’t feel ready to talk about it.
Itadori tried to speak again, but was silenced by Megumi, who kept his hand in place. “I know that you might feel like it is, but I promise you that it’s not.” He continued as he slowly pulled away from the other, never looking at him, embarrassed.
“You don’t know that!” Yuji replied without thinking, his voice breaking a bit.
“I do.” Megumi bit back, hurt, his eyes searching for the other’s gaze for a few seconds before walking away, sitting on his bed. “I swear I do.” The words came out harsher than he wanted to. He didn’t know how to be nice to someone without fucking it up.
‘Great, Megumi, you just ruined everything. Again.’ He thought, a low huff getting out of his throat.
And only then, something made sense in Itadori’s brain. Fushiguro was talking about him. About when he “died”. Him.
They never talked about it, not even a little bit. Nope. The elephant in the room never got addressed. So, of course, Itadori thought that Megumi didn’t care that much about it and went on with his life, not that he’d be that concerned about him, that’s why he asked him for advice!
“Are you saying that–”
“I get nightmares because of it, Itadori,” Megumi said as he sat more comfortably on his bed, his back against the wall, looking at his ceiling while his hands played with the hem of his shirt. “That’s why I’m up this late, why I tried to help you and calm you down and understand you, because I know for a fact how hard it is to see someone close to you die, okay?” He continued mumbling non-stop, his voice barely over a whisper.
Itadori stayed still, shocked. Did he matter that much to him? He wanted to reach out, hold his hand, hug him, feel him. He’s real, he’s alive, Megumi shouldn’t be having nightmares about him when he’s right here!
He took one step closer.
“I felt– no, feel guilty because I could’ve saved you if I had just been stronger, and even your fucking last words were about me, and I don’t think I deserved that.” Megumi’s voice cracked for a bit. “Why did you say that?” He lamented as tears started appearing at the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill.
“But–”
“And when you came back, I went completely blank, I was shocked, I literally thought that I was spiraling, that I had gone senile and was hallucinating.” He took a deep breath when he felt his lungs aching for air. “So I didn’t say anything because I couldn’t, not ‘cause I didn’t want to, and now I feel even worse knowing that you saw your friend die– why didn’t you say something sooner?!–” He was totally crashing out, whispering but almost screaming at the same time, rambling and losing control over what came out of his mouth.
Yet, who was he to reproach Itadori when he was no better?
Itadori took another step closer. “Fushiguro, stop–”
He was interrupted again by the other, who kept talking and saying the first thing that crossed his mind. “–And I don’t understand why I’m acting like this, you’re alive and literally in my room right now, but I just can’t help but think about that night, and that this is all a dream that I’ll wake up from at any minute.” Megumi put one hand over his face, drying the tears that had fallen unconsciously. “Oh my god– Itadori, I literally saw you with your heart out, this feels unreal– have I finally lost it?”
“Megumi, breathe.” And only then, he looked at Yuji, who had approached him too fast for him to notice, holding his hand oh so gently, and looking at him with those sweet eyes, and– did he say his name? “Breathe with me, yeah?” The boy said as he started breathing slowly for Megumi to imitate him.
Something shifted in the air as they helped each other. Fushiguro thinks that, after this, they won’t be able to go back to being how they used to be, let it be for the better or the worse, but having Itadori like this, worrying for him, helping him, his gentle hand caressing his softly… Yeah no, he, at least, can’t go back.
After a few minutes of pure silence, the other spoke up. “Do you want me to go or…?” Itadori whispered, unsure, not knowing if he should give him some space or not.
“Don’t go,” Fushiguro mumbled as he looked straight into the other’s eyes, a worried look there. “Don’t leave me again, please.”
And Itadori’s heart completely broke, immediately sitting next to Megumi, just to think again and drag them both down, now laying completely on Fushiguro’s bed. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Say it again,” Megumi mutters softly as he looks at Itadori with half closed eyes, his tiredness and stress finally getting to him. The only answer he got was a tilted head and a soft ‘huh?’ from the other, who looked genuinely confused. “My name, say it again.” He suggested.
“Fushiguro–”
“No, my name, Yuji.” And it clicked, finally, in Itadori’s brain, which almost melted for the second time that the other had called him like that, so sweet, natural, perfect. He pulled Megumi closer to him, placing his head on top of his chest, letting him hear the rhythmic heartbeat that played there, smiling for a bit when he felt his tense body relaxing.
“Megumi,” He mumbles, his hands caressing the other’s back. Itadori felt quite at ease, finally shutting off those voices inside his head. “We’ll get through this together, right?” He asked shyly, unsure, as one of his hands found Megumi’s cheek.
Now, this looks weird for two friends to be like this, right? Except, they’ve been always more than that, they’ve always cared for each other to a whole another level, Itadori’s always been there for Megumi when he needed him, they had sleepovers that ended up in the two of them cuddling, they’ve been inches apart from kissing more than once… So yeah, this feels very normal to them.
Yet, Megumi couldn’t help but notice this weird thing in his chest. A pressure, no, feeling, that wanted to crawl itself out of him.
And it did.
The other lifted himself for a few seconds to place a chaste kiss on Yuji’s lips before looking at him again, a soft and calm look in his eyes. “Together.” He reassured. It won’t look like it, but Megumi was a wreck of nerves. He didn’t even know what came over him, maybe his brain has stopped working completely and can’t even process anything, who knows.
Itadori looked back at him in shock for a few seconds. ‘What the…’ He thought, his brain working at an unhealthy speed. The kiss had been too short for him to reciprocate, to kiss back, to respond properly.
A few seconds went by and Megumi didn’t get any answer. “Come on, say something…” He half laughed, his voice cracking nervously. Everything was going fine and he had to fuck up again, didn’t he? “Itadori I–”
He was interrupted as the other surged forward, pressing lips against lips, this time a bit longer than before. Itadori caressed his cheek with one hand as the other stayed resting on his waist, squeezing it slightly.
“Don’t call me that,” Yuji says after breaking their kiss, his eyes searching for Megumi’s gaze, his actions never ceasing.
‘He looks so pretty like this..’ Megumi thinks as his whole face grows red, resting his head against Itadori’s chest. He was getting shy, not used to being the center of his attention. Only if he knew…
“Now rest, it’s pretty late.” Itadori whispered, giggling a bit when Megumi’s hair brushed against his cheek.
Megumi tried to get up again, but couldn’t when he felt two arms hugging his waist and hips. “But– what about this– about us–”
Itadori placed a soft peck on his lips to effectively shut him up. “Shhh, we’ll talk about it tomorrow morning, I promise,” He answered his million questions. “But for now, please just go to sleep, I can see your dark circles miles away from here.”
“Wow, what a nice thing to say…” Fushiguro mumbled as he grumbled himself down to Itadori’s chest for a third time.
“What! I’m trying to get you to sleep!” Yuji exclaimed as he laughed wholeheartedly.
Well, maybe they could go back to how they were, but just maybe.