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Astriel Zhen's first interaction with Misumi Aoki was the former accidentally stepping on the other's shoe and the latter stepped back on reflex.
It's not like Astriel didn't know Misumi before, he was their vice class president for goodness sake. How can they not know him, especially when that stupid charm of his that certainly commands attention when he is in the center of a room, the way his laugh echoes through the whole class when he's preparing to say a lame joke and now, he was the first person to reach out to Astriel to be their friend in junior high.
And it's not a surprise when, shortly after the two became friends, Astriel started getting sick a lot more often.
Initially, it seems like a normal coughing fit, it might've lingered a little too long and there might be some blood. It didn't really pose as a concern for Astriel since it happened before and they know their immune system isn't really that great.
But then, they started coughing out petals, not much, just little orchid petals, specifically in the a shade of red that reminds Astriel too much of Misumi's hair. And soon, pink hydrangeas followed.
A quick google search on the meaning of pink hydrangeas just confirmed what they should've already know.
Astriel has feelings for Misumi, and they have flowers growing in their lungs to show it.
At first, it was just a petal every now and then. It irritates Astriel's throat due to the constant ache, which makes it so that she coughs even more, with or without the flowers. On top of all that, she still have to worry about is the feelings that are messing with her head.
As time went on, things starts to change. On good days, it was just a petal, easy to hide. But sometimes it could be more and the constant coughing hurts, they don't speak much anymore, not that they did much talking in the first place. Unless it was with him
But then, about three months in, they had their first actual episode.
It was just a normal class, the teacher was going on and on about some science stuff when all of a sudden, Astriel felt a tap on his shoulder.
"Psst, Astriel." Astriel's lab partner whispered, handing him a workbook.
"Huh, I guess Sumi finished copying the answers" Astriel thinks, accepting the workbook from his lab partner and opening it and checking to see if he has finished everything that was needed.
Inside the assigned pages, A little sticky note was stuck to the first one, it reads
"Oml tysm aster ilysm oml ur such a life saver I cld just kiss u rn oml thanks"
with a little heart at the corner.
He knows that this was just Misumi being affectionate as he always do and he definitely didn't mean it that way but something about those words made Astriel's heart skip a beat, and that got his mind wandering, thinking of Misumi, the way he would smile and wave whenever he caught Astriel looking in his direction, the little habit of them stepping on each other's shoes that they have kept from their first interaction, the little things that Misumi would do that just makes Astriel immensely giddy inside.
And that's when he felt it, the familiar feeling at the back of his throat, the pain in their throat. He placed a hand over his mouth, preparing to catch the petal that would come out anytime soon.
But then, he felt more petals, itching to crawl their way out of his throat. The burn became apparent and he couldn't breathe. He feels the urge to just vomit it all out right then and there, but he just wouldn't.
Astriel weakly raised his hand and asked to go to the restroom and he raced out of the classroom immediately, he ignored the glances he felt, focusing hard on preventing himself from just becoming a petal dispenser right in the middle of the lab.
Astriel was relieved to see no one was in the toilet, he quickly rushed into a stall, expecting maybe a few petals at most. But, no...
For what felt like ages, Astriel was hunched over toilet bowl, throwing up petals in a multitude shade of reds. His hands, shaking violently, holding on to the toilet bowl for dear life. His hair is damp from the sweat trickling down his forehead.
The whole time, all they can think about was Misumi, every conversation they had together, every interaction, every glance, everything that has to do with him, It all consumed them, along with the burning pain in their throat. It hurts.
Through tears, they got up and made their way to the mirror, looking at their tired face, the traces of blood still visible on the corner of their mouth, tears pooling in the corner of their eyes, they have to make themselves presentable somehow before going back to the classroom.
God, she was so pathetic
"You okay?" the red haired teen questioned, he approached Astriel a while after class ended, with an armful of their classmate's belongings.
"Yeah yeah, I'm fine, don't worry." Astriel said. while gathering her things, trying not to think about how happy she was, just from knowing that Misumi cares.
"You sure, Kitten? You've been coughing a lot recently and your voice, its... Do you need a cough drop? At least to ease the pain a bit?" he asked after noticing that his friend's voice was a little hoarse.
"First off, stop calling me that in public. Actually stop calling me that in general?" Astriel said, in a shushed voice, glaring at the redhead.
"Awh but you ARE my lil kitten whiskers" Misumi said, shamelessly.
Ignoring his protest, Astriel continued "Also I don't think... I need it, it just happens sometimes, my immune system is low-key kind of ass." she said, rejecting the offer, it's not as if the small piece of candy would help anyways.
"I'm pretty sure I have some in my backpack..." he replied, trailing off as he tries to remember whether he actually does have the cough drops or not.
...
"Hmm... hand me half of the books." Astriel interjected and shifted the attention to the massive stack of books and pencil cases that Misumi is holding, his hands gesturing for Misumi to hand them over. "You really should just to let them take their own stuff." she advised as she picked up the pile of things, walking along side Misumi.
Misumi opened his mouth to defend them, "But they don't want to miss too much of recess—"
"I low-key don't.. give a fuck" she interrupted his words, opening the lab door with a soft kick as their hands are occupied with things.
"Hey, as the class presiden—"
"Vice."
"..." "—as the vice class president, I should be helping my classmates with their things you know, besides you know I eat fast so it wouldn't affect me at all even if I go on recess a little bit late!" Misumi reasoned, his voice slightly drifting as he walks farther.
"Sure sure... Whatever you say..." Astriel voiced out , clearly still not over it.
"You're too nice sometimes..." she mumbled, trailing behind Misumi, staring at the back of his head, leaving the rest of her words unsaid.
"maybe that's why I'm so drawn to you, you're just too kind to me, you're too kind to everyone actually. You're such a people pleaser but, you're just so... genuine about it, I don't know, I don't know why I get so happy over such little things, but I suppose I like it..."
Another series of cough breaks the silence between them.
"I think I should really get you that cough drop, and you should probably see a doctor for that..." Misumi said in a concerned voice, his head leaning back to glance at Astriel.
"Yeah yeah, sure..." she slurred and looked away, trying to ignore the feeling of a petal on the tip of her tongue.
Thoughts of confessing their feelings sometimes pop into Astriel's mind, every time it makes him think of the different scenarios of Misumi potentially reciprocating their feelings. Astriel knows better than to get too carried away, they know that those scenarios would never come true and only serve to make them more miserable.
But, sometimes she would lay in bed, listening to songs that make him think of them, entertaining himself with these scenarios, a cacophony of wheezes and coughs usually accompanies them. But, despite the coughs, despite the pain in their lungs, despite everything, they can't stop thinking about him.
Every now and then, these thoughts would stray and they would think about the constant question in their mind.
What does Misumi even think of them? Does he even like them as a friend? It always seems like he only stayed friends with them out of pity. He has so many other friends to choose from, why would he even give Astriel the time of day? Those friends were like him, outgoing, confident, radiant, they compliment his energy.
Seeing him hanging out with them, so carefree, while the two of them never really interacted much outside of classes and their texts, it makes them feel like there's a deep, dark pit in their heart, this ugly uneasiness tugging at the vines wrapped around their heart, trying to burst it into tiny pieces.
Maybe, it's best that they stop thinking about it.
Astriel never really like to entertain the idea of surgically removing the flowers, while it would solve this whole flower problem, the idea of losing their feelings for Misumi, however painful these feeling made her, just makes her...
He feels content like this, pining away with these flowers blooming near their heart...
At least... that's what he constantly tells himself.
"I can handle this", he tells himself.
"it'll just go away.." even their inner voice was hesitant when they thought of that, as if it's telling them that no, it will not go away that easily.
Even when a new school year starts and the two are in different classes. Astriel still find herself thinking about Misumi. Whenever she passed by his class or just passing by in the hallway she would just subconsciously take a glance at him.
Astriel wants to approach him, just to make small talk maybe, ask him how his classes were recently, just wanting to talk to him but, they can't muster up the courage to do that. Seeing him with his new friends, hanging around in the hallways, listening to that laugh that they missed so much. He wishes that he could just get over it and walk over and talk to him.
Every time he sees them, they feel a pang of jealousy and the flower in their lungs are eating them up, she wishes that she could stop thinking like this. Literally, what rights does he have? There's nothing between them, he feels pathetic for even having these thoughts.
Who knows if he still gives a shit about her with how unbothered he is, they rarely even text nowadays, mostly just Astriel's one sided texts and maybe Misumi might respond, sometimes.
Maybe Astriel should stop, caring so much about him, but how could they, with the way just any interaction, no matter how small and insignificant they're to Misumi, makes Astriel's whole day. It's like they'll take any opportunity to have a chance to just talk or spend time with him.
That might be why, one day after school, when Astriel saw a familiar figure up on the overhead bridge, seemingly waiting for the rain to stop, they couldn't help themselves but to approach him.
"C'mon" Astriel said, holding out her umbrella, gesturing for the other to follow her.
"Aster?" Misumi turned around from the railing, slightly surprised. "Woah, I haven't seen you in a bit heh, since we're in different classes this year." he said while gathering his things to walk towards Astriel, who was near exit of the overhead bridge
"I think that's just you... I notice you, even if you're just passing by" Astriel thought, looking at the redhead descending from the stairs, the various other time that he did that without noticing them, sitting at the bus stop flashes through their mind.
"Yeah.." that's all that they can muster up to say, despite always thinking of how to talk to him.
"Thank youuu my lil kitten, you're like my savior heh" Misumi said, getting under the umbrella with them.
"Don't—" sigh "whatever, you're heading to the train station right?" she asked, as if she doesn't know that already.
"Yeppers"
"Why are you stuck at school this late? I thought your classes ends earlier than ours, it wasn't raining then I believe..." Astriel asked, trying not to think of how close the both of them are.
"Oh some of my classmates had stuff to do and I offered to help them with their cleaning duty!"
"Of course he did that..." "So you're like a maid for them? When's your maid boy cosplay debut? I'll be the first one there, babygirl"
"Awwhh thanks for the support, now kitten give daddy the numbers on the back of your credit card so I can buy my maid outfit."
"I thought the sugar daddy is supposed to give the kitten money and not the other way around?"
The two kept on their small talk and banter all the way to the train station, it's just like back then when they're classmates, where Misumi would sit in the vacant seat in front of Astriel, the two kept cracking jokes in class, giggling away.
"Thanks again Aster, the rain was going on for so long I genuinely thought I was going to be stuck there for a while. I'll definitely treat you to something soon okayy!!" Misumi said as soon as he saw that the train station was in sight, rushing off to get on the current train, clutching his bag to his chest, protecting his books with his body. He really didn't need to do that, the next train is in like 5 minutes. What's the point in sharing the umbrella anyways if he's just gonna run around and get soaked.
"BYEBYE ASTER!" he turned back and yelled, a bright smile on his face, for a second it's as if he cleared up the skies with that beaming smile of his. Astriel can feel the vines around her heart just squeezed it for that split second.
"Bye..." They said, giving him a small wave, not that he was looking anyways.
Staring at the departing figure, Astriel then turns back to the direction they came from, starting to make her way back home, the left sleeve of her clothes slightly soaked.
Astriel is not content with this, no matter how they keep telling themselves that.
But, they'll continue telling themself that, clinging on any little semblance of hope they have left, that maybe, one day, they could...
"ah..."