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Survival Skills

Summary:

When the player saves and closes the game, Ashley and Leon wait in the break room, where they meet a man named Snake.

Self-indulgent metafiction inspired by all the questionable recovery items consumed by our heroes in Resident Evil 4 and Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

When Leon stepped away from the typewriter and announced that the player had closed the game, Ashley was relieved. That meant they could go back to the break room for a while.

Having a relaxing place to rest almost made this horrifying adventure bearable. The break room was warm and dry, and it had a large leather sofa that was plush enough to be comfortable, but not so soft that you sank in and couldn’t get up. Carved oak shelves held blankets and a large selection of tea. A fireplace with a real wood fire was set in one of the side walls, but the true focus of the room was the wall formed of a single window that stretched twenty feet tall to meet the apex of the sloped, half-gable ceiling.

Ashley had only been here once before, but according to Leon, each time you visited, the view was different. Sometimes the window looked out on rugged, snow-covered mountain peaks, like the middle ranges of the Rockies. At another time, you might see a jungle lit to glowing emerald by shafts of golden sunlight, or blue and white waves crashing against a beach that swept away to the horizon at left and right. Last time, it had been the star-filled vastness of space, like gazing out from the Hubble telescope.

Today, as she and Leon stepped through the door into this haven beyond the demands of narrative and gameplay, the first thing Ashley noticed was not the view, but the fact that someone was already here.

In her favorite spot on the sofa near the fireplace, dozing with his head tipped back on the cushions, sat a man she’d never seen before. Unbidden, her gaze landed on his muscular naked torso, and she couldn’t help staring for a moment; seriously, these adventuresome guys were impressive. Flushing, she swept her eyes over the rest of him. Camo pants, belt-holstered handgun, and combat knives at his shoulder and boot—obviously he was military of some sort.

Behind her, Leon stomped, shaking off the rain that had soaked them both through. At the noise, the stranger sat up and stared at them. His mullet haircut and black bandana could have come from a campy ’80s action flick, but Ashley still thought he was handsome.

“Uh, hi,” she stammered, fluttering her hand in an embarrassed wave. “Who are you?”

“Call me Snake,” he said, voice gruff but not unfriendly.

She smiled in encouragement. “I’m Ashley, and this is—”

Leon cleared his throat. “Condor One.”

Ashley giggled. Seriously, you’d think they were both still on the clock. “He’s Leon.”

Her guardian shook his head in resignation. “What’s the point of code names if you’re not gonna use them?” he asked, though from his soft huff of laughter Ashley could tell Leon was amused rather than upset.

“Oh, fine!” she teased. Turning back to Snake, she added, “I’m Baby Eagle.”

“Baby Eagle? Cute.”

“I think so.” She darted her eyes back to Leon, curious what effect this compliment had on him. Predictably, his face was stoic, though she was gratified to find him already watching her, protective even now.

Ashley crossed to the shelves beside the fireplace and located a pair of towels. She brought one to Leon, and then began squeezing her hair dry with the other.

“Did Moonraker make you stand under a waterfall, too?” Snake asked.

Leon snorted as if that was indeed something he’d expect from the player. “Nah. It’s actually just raining out there.” He scrubbed his head, then shook messy spikes of hair back into place. “At least she lets me keep my clothes on,” he added, and Ashley thought he sounded almost smug.

“Ha!’ Snake shrugged. “I dunno; going naked feels pretty good. You should try it.”

“No, thanks.”

Ashley looked away, feeling her face turn red. She would not be able to concentrate if Leon was half undressed. He was distracting enough with a wet shirt.

She hooked her sodden blazer on one corner of the mantle, then went to the kitchenette at the back of the room where she filled and turned on the electric kettle. Beside her, Leon wordlessly set about loading the coffee maker.

As she waited for the water to boil, Ashley dragged Leon’s attache case towards the fireplace. It wasn’t as heavy as you’d expect, but the sheer size made it awkward. As she rounded the corner of the sofa, Snake—thankfully, wearing a shirt now—rose and helped her lift the case to the middle of rug in front of the hearth.

“Thanks,” Ashley said, breathless.

Snake removed the glowing cigar from his lips. “No problem.”

Suddenly aware of a distant beeping, Ashley peered around the room, trying to place the sound. “Do you hear that?” she asked, puzzled. “It’s like an alarm or something.”

Snake smirked at her, then stooped to grind out the cigar on the hearthstone. “Smoking is hazardous to your health,” he noted.

Ashley smiled a little stupidly, not quite sure how his statement followed from her question, but the noise had stopped.

Kneeling, she threw open the case. Inside, vials of herbs, boxes of ammo, and bags of crafting supplies lay in a confused jumble. During the heat of battle or pursuit, Leon wasn’t very careful about how he stored items, so whenever they had a quiet moment, Ashley liked organizing everything for him. Not only did she feel good doing what she could to help, but rearranging the contents of the case so they all fit perfectly was relaxing, like a game of Tetris.

Picking up a crossbow bolt, Ashley prodded a still-dripping bass out of the way, then started by sorting the boxes of ammo by color. Once she had them all lined up across the top of the case, there was still a bit of room in the corner, so she reached for an egg.

From the sofa behind her, Snake grunted. “Where’d you get eggs?”

“Uh, from chickens?” Ashley returned, amused.

“Chickens?”

She looked over at him, trying to stifle a laugh. “You know, those birds that go ‘cluck-cluck’?”

He chuckled. “I know what chickens are. I’m just surprised you found some. There’s plenty of other weird-ass critters where I’m assigned, but would you believe it? No chickens. Don’t suppose you’d be willing to trade an egg or two.” He reached down to an army-green utility pack propped against the leg of the sofa.

“You’ll have to ask Le— Condor One.” She glanced to him, where he had taken a seat at the other end of the sofa. “He’s the one who actually eats this stuff. I’m a little more . . . particular.” Picking up the crossbow bolt again, she hooked a coiled viper and slid it over to the side of the case next to the bass.

Snake laughed. “Kid, you can’t afford to be picky in a survival situation. Besides, a lot of stuff tastes pretty good if you don’t worry about that it is.”

Ashley watched him put a hand into the bag and pull out a small metal cage; inside something bright green moved. “I’ll take your word for it,” she said, skeptical.

Leon leaned across to take the cage, then peered at it. “Baby Eagle, you mean you’ve never eaten a tree frog?” he asked, as if this were a completely normal question.

“Of course not!” she spluttered, amused. Then more serious, she added, “Have you?” She realized she didn’t actually know anything about Leon. Maybe he ate snakes and frogs as part of extreme survival missions all the time.

“No, but it might be good.”

“You really think so?” Ashley asked, her distaste giving way slightly under her admiration for her rescuer.

Leon grinned at her. “Only one way to find out.”

Ashley couldn’t answer, dumbstruck by how gorgeous Leon was when he truly smiled, but Snake gave a laugh of approval. “Exactly. I’ll swap you the frog if you want, but I was thinking I could offer something a little more to Miss Eagle’s taste. I’m told it’s even geisha recommended.” He rummaged in the backpack again, muttering. “Now where is . . . huh.” He pulled out a round red object and set it on the sofa, then reached inside again.

“An apple?” Ashley asked. “That sounds better than a tree frog.”

Snake gave her a wry look. “Don’t let it fool ya. It actually tastes pretty gross.” He started reeling another object out from the bag; in another moment, Ashley recognized it as a much larger version of the viper coiled in Leon’s case.

“Don’t tell me you eat those, too,” Ashley groaned. Then she giggled. “Wait—Isn’t that technically cannibalism?”

“Pff.” He dismissed her with a shake of the head. “It’s delicious.”

Her moan of disgust was cut short when Snake next produced a cellophane-wrapped item. The writing on the label was Japanese, but even so, she instantly recognized the picture. “Wait, you’ve got ramen?”

“Ramen?” Snake repeated.

“Those instant noodles,” she said, unable to keep the longing out of her voice.

“Oh, yeah. I’m kinda saving that for someone, but here.” He drew out a bright yellow box and handed it to her.

“CalorieMate?” Ashley read the label aloud.

“It’s like a maple-flavored cookie. Pretty damn tasty. Here, try it.” He ripped open the end of the box and handed her a foil package.

Ashley peeled open the wrapper to find a pair of long, rectangular biscuits that looked like the shortbread her grandmother always baked. If she made it home, she would appreciate that simple treat so much more. Cautiously, she nibbled on the corner of a biscuit. The texture was dry, but like Snake had said, it did have a delicious maple flavor. “Mmm, yeah. That’s actually pretty good.”

“Guess I’ll have to try the tree frog another time,” Leon observed with pretended regret. Leaning over the attache case, he collected a trio of eggs. Snake passed the CalorieMate box to Ashley, then took the eggs with a nod.

“Thank you,” Ashley told them both. Glancing to Leon, she unexpectedly met his warm, direct gaze. Her stomach flipped over. Leon watched her like he really cared about making her happy. Suddenly flushing, Ashley stood up. “I think the water’s hot,” she blurted and strode towards the kitchenette.

She poured herself a mug of hot water and dropped in an herbal teabag, then fill two more mugs with coffee. Leon took his black, and Ashley had the feeling the same would be fine for Snake. After carrying the mugs back to the sofa and handing them off, she sat on the floor, her back to the soothing warmth of the fire. She sipped her tea and munched on one of the energy biscuits, only half trying to follow Snake and Leon’s fascinatingly incomprehensible conversation about handgun customization.

The CalorieMate proved surprisingly filling, so Ashley wrapped up the second bar and stowed the box in Leon’s case, on the opposite side from the bass and the viper. Then she wandered across to the tall windows.

Today, the view was of a rolling plain edged by distant mountains. The green hills were dotted here and there with ruins, and at the far side of the plain, just before the mountains, loomed a castle. Its misty purple spires and tiered battlements clearly belonged in a fairytale, as did the sinister black-and-red clouds swirling from its rocky base to the highest tower, as though wrapping the place in some curse.

Ashley sighed, wistful. A castle would be such a romantic setting for an adventure. Even one placed under a spell would be an unquestionable improvement on the grimy village where she and Leon were currently trapped.

Movement on the distant plain caught her eye, and she squinted. Was that a rider on horseback? She watched till the figure disappeared behind a rise of ground.

When she turned to set her empty mug down on the table behind her, she banged her knees against a large cardboard box that she hadn’t noticed earlier.

“Ow,” she murmured, rubbing her kneecap. What was this doing here? One end of the box was open, but it sat overturned on the floor so she couldn’t see inside. Putting down her mug, she stooped to lift one corner.

The box was empty.

Ashley released a small hum of disappointment. She’d been half hoping to find some useful item inside. What wouldn’t she give for an umbrella . . . Well, there was no sense in leaving this here for some other adventurer to trip over. It’d be ironic to escape a bunch of in-game monsters just to break an ankle tripping over a box in the break room.

She flipped the box on its side and peeled at the edge of the tape sealing the closed end.

“Hey, stop that!” Snake’s voice was low but vehement in her ear.

Ashley yelped and jumped back.

“Sorry,” she stammered reflexively, shocked mainly by the fact that she hadn’t even noticed Snake come up behind her. She would have to get better at watching her surroundings so she wouldn’t give Leon more to worry about when they went back outside.

“It’s okay,” Snake said, his tone casual again now that she wasn’t threatening the box. “You can touch it. Just don’t break it. That’s mine.”

Ashley looked back at the perfectly ordinary box. While discussing guns with Leon, Snake had revealed he was a CIA agent. Surely he was equipped with all sorts of high-tech gadgets; why did he need a cardboard box?

“What’s it for?” she asked.

Snake fixed blue eyes on hers with earnest intensity, as if he was about to impart some secret. “You ever feel like you’ve found your destiny? Something or someone that makes you feel safe and secure? You want to keep them close and make sure nothing ever happens to them.”

Ashley glanced across to Leon standing in the kitchenette area, but he was too busy skinning the viper to notice her.

“You ever found someone like that?” Snake asked again.

“Uh, maybe.” Ashley felt her cheeks warm.

“Well, you take care of them, and they’ll take care of you,” he said with an air of finality.

“Yeah, so . . .” she prompted after a moment when it was clear he wasn’t going to say any more.

“What?”

“What about the box?”

“I just told you.”

“Oh.” Ashley couldn’t be sure if he was serious or just pulling her leg. Was being hard to read a prerequisite for special agents, or was it a trait they picked up as a result of all the secrecy and trauma that surely went along with the job?

She reached out and gently set the box back the way she’d found it, and Snake gave her a curt, satisfied nod.

Ashley went to the sink to wash her mug. When she finished, the box was gone, and Snake was back in his spot on the sofa.

She dropped into the space at his side. Across from them Leon crouched at the hearth. He skewered the viper meat onto a pair of crossbow bolts which he then propped upright near the coals. As he leaned in front of the flames, the firelight glinted golden off his bangs as they fell across his face. He swept the hair back with a casual movement, and Ashley’s attention was caught by the play of muscles in his arm. In this light, she could see the faint texture of scars on his skin, a light crisscross of marks that she hadn’t noticed before. Was she silly to find even those flaws attractive? She forced herself to look away before Leon could catch her studying him.

In a few minutes, Leon removed the makeshift skewers from the heat. After letting them cool briefly, he held one towards her. “You wanna try some?”

“Um . . .” She couldn’t say the prospect was appealing, but given her circumstances, now seemed the time to embrace adventure.

“I know you’re brave, Baby Eagle,” Snake pronounced as if he knew it to be true.

Ashley felt a flare of courage. If people like Leon and Snake believed in her, well, then maybe she really was strong enough to get through this whole ordeal.

“Okay.” Ashley broke off a piece of the viper meat. Before she could change her mind, she popped it in her mouth and forced herself to chew slowly. The meat was tender and surprisingly mild.

She swallowed. “That’s . . . not so bad.”

Leon gave her a look of approval. “It’s actually pretty good when it’s cooked.”

“I always thought that part was kinda optional,” Snake said.

“Oh my gosh,” Ashley blurted. “Not you, too.” She’d seen Leon eat the last viper raw.

Snake’s expression remained completely serious. “It takes time to build a fire, and a flame could blow your cover on a sneaking mission.”

“That makes sense,” she admitted. “I guess as long as the meat is really fresh . . .”

“Usually.”

Ashley groaned. “I don’t think those are code names. You guys really are animals.” Snake and Leon glanced at each other, amused, and Ashley couldn’t help a laugh. “Maybe that’s why you’re good at this kind of thing. I know I couldn’t survive out there all by myself.” She gestured expansively, indicating the world outside the walls of this temporary haven.

Snake grumbled a low sound of protest. “Don’t sell yourself short, Baby Eagle. You never know if you’ve got what it takes till you try.”

“That’s right,” Leon added, his tone warm. “You’ve been doing really good, Ashley. You’re one of the bravest people I’ve ever met.”

“Really?”

“Absolutely.”

She glowed at this unexpected compliment. “Thanks.”

“You want some more?” Leon offered her one of the skewers.

“Nah, you should finish it,” she said. She’d proven herself already, and he needed the food more than she did.

Beside her, Snake tensed, then adjusted the radio dial at his shoulder and pressed a finger to his earpiece. Ashley could just hear a faint female voice from the other end. “Got it,” Snake said after a few moments and flicked the radio off again, reached down for his utility pack. “Duty calls,” he said as he stood.

Leon looked up from his meal. “Good luck out there.”

Ashley got to her feet from an ingrained sense of politeness. “It was nice to meet you, Snake. Um, be careful.” Maybe it was a silly thing to say to someone who was clearly more than capable of defending himself, but she couldn’t help liking him, and she hoped he made it safely through his own adventure.

He smiled. “Thanks, Baby Eagle.” Snake nodded to Leon. “Condor One. See you two around,” he said, offering a light salute.

“Bye!” Ashley called.

She watched him cross the room and open the door. Outside, sunlight glimmered over a wall of shifting green foliage, and a breath of warm air drifted into the break room, carrying the bright sound of birdcalls. As Snake slipped outside and shut the door, Ashley found herself dreading the return to the cold, rainy darkness of that miserable village.

No, she shouldn’t think about that right now.

She flopped back down on the sofa in her favorite spot. After a moment, she pulled off her boots and stretched out full-length on the cushions, arm draped over her face to shade her eyes. Against the rustle of the fire, she could hear Leon’s movements as he popped open a box of ammo and slid bullets into a magazine with a soft click, click, click . . .

Boots thumped, clothing swished nearer.

“Can you make room for me?”

Ashley jolted out of her doze and drew her feet back to her half of the sofa. “Yeah, sorry.”

Leather cushions creaked as Leon sat at the far end. “Take up as much room as you want. I just need a spot to sit,” he said, dropping a crocheted blanket into the space between them and unfurling one end towards her.

She drew the blanket up over her legs and slid her feet back across the sofa, stopping just before they touched Leon’s thigh. “Do we have to go back out there?” Ashley murmured regretfully.

“Yeah.” Leon laid a hand on the sofa cushion beside her, respectful of her personal space but still close enough that she felt a tug on the blanket over her legs. “We’ll be okay. I promise.”

“Thanks, Leon.”

He huffed in soft amusement, as if surprised to be the recipient of her gratitude. “No problem.”

Ashley curled onto her side and tucked a hand against her face to hide her smile. He really was humbly and selflessly kind, like some fairytale knight. She didn’t suppose her father could have sent a more thoughtful rescuer. Maybe it was destiny that had brought Leon to her. At any rate, she didn’t need to be reminded to keep him close.

Notes:

When I save a game, I always imagine the protagonist camping out and waiting for me to come back later, and I feel bad if I leave them saved in an uncomfortable place, like a blizzard or a thunderstorm, or with a dangerously low health bar.

If a game has a waterfall, there is a 100% chance that I will make my character stand under it.

Maple is the flavor of the CalorieMate in the HD remastered version of Snake Eater, which is the first version I played. In Delta, it’s cheese flavored, which does not sound tasty to me. In the original version, it’s chocolate.

I borrowed a few of Para-Medic’s jokes for Ashley, but they’re so obvious I think Ashley would make them, too.

This is unrelated to my other Resident Evil metafiction, but I’ve put it in the same series in case you enjoy this kind of nonsense and want more of it. :D

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