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It's another afternoon spent in the library. This time, Charlie is at a table with a few other students, working on a group assignment that's due next week. Though Charlie happens to be the only one out of the four of them who seems to be focused on getting it done. He hears the other three chatting to each other about topics unrelated to the assignment, and his eyes begin to burn from staring at a screen for too long. All the words on the open tab begin to blur together. He squeezes his eyes shut before taking a sip of his lukewarm coffee.
Needing a mental break, Charlie closes his laptop. His thoughts drift to Nick. Nick, who's over three hours away. He wonders what Nick is doing right now. Is he also working on schoolwork like Charlie is attempting to do?
Charlie thinks back to their summer spent together. All the coffee dates, lazy afternoons lying in the grass, laughter shared while going on walks with Nellie and Henry, now feel like a lifetime ago. As grateful as Charlie is for this past summer, Nick's absence is so noticeable now in comparison, causing an ache to tug at Charlie's heart more times in a day than he would like to admit.
He decides to send Nick a text. They haven't spoken as much this week. Charlie misses him a lot. In fact, he misses all of his friends from back home. Adjusting to uni is harder than he thought it would be. He now knows how Nick felt last year when Nick was starting his first year of uni.
CHARLIE: hiii missing you <3 how's ur friday going?
He looks up from his phone to find his group members giggling.
"What's so funny?" he asks.
"Oh," Amara says, "Johnny was just sharing a funny story about his Hinge date from last night."
"Yeah," Johnny nods, "So, the bloke I went out with put on his profile that he's really into musicals. Perfect, love that for him. But then, while on our date, he started singing one of the songs from Les Mis in the middle of a Nando's. Of course, people started to stare. I was mortified. And after he was done, he literally took a bow."
They all burst into laughter.
"Like sir, I'm sorry, but no one is applauding you," Johnny adds.
"I want to know why you went on a first date to Nando's," Natalie says.
Johnny rolls his eyes. "I can't afford a fancy restaurant on a uni budget, Natalie."
"I'm just teasing, Johnny. I couldn't afford it either," Natalie replies, "Honestly, despite all the online dating horror stories I've heard, I'm still so glad that I came to UCL single."
Amara slaps her hands on the table. "Oh my god, I couldn't agree more!"
"Why?" Charlie asks.
"Because," Amara says, nonchalantly, "Being single gives you the freedom to explore. Explore romantically, sexually. Especially as someone who's bi like me. I couldn't imagine being tied down in my first year of uni."
A lump forms in Charlie's throat. Not because he wants to explore, but because he worries if Nick has ever wanted that. Nick is bisexual, and he's only ever been with Charlie. Has he ever felt like Amara does? Has he ever had the itch to explore? Nick has never experienced what it's like to be with a woman, unless you count that one kiss with Tara Jones way back when. Has the thought ever crossed his mind? And if it has… would he tell Charlie?
"How about you, Charlie?" Johnny asks, pulling him out of his mental spiral. "Seeing anyone?"
"Yeah," he nods, less confidently than he would've liked. "He goes to Leeds. We've been together for over two and a half years now."
They all look at Charlie with their heads titled. Is that pity in their eyes?
"Oh," Natalie says. "Well… I hope it lasts." She shrugs.
His heart thumps harder. He wants to tell them that there's nothing to worry about. That they're Nick and Charlie- soulmates. But these three wouldn't get it. They don't know Nick at all; they hardly even know Charlie. All they know is that they're long-distance and statistically, the odds are stacked against them.
Charlie glances down at his phone. Still no text back from Nick. He gets annoyed at himself for feeling disappointed. It's only been five minutes. Nick is probably busy and likely not able to text back for good reason. Maybe he's in class. Maybe he's showering after rugby.
Charlie opens up his laptop, trying to concentrate again, forcing his eyes back to the screen. But the heaviness in his chest remains. The heaviness that's been building ever since he moved here.
Charlie collapses on his bed, the afternoon now rolled into the evening, and he sighs, thinking about how unproductive the afternoon had been- partly because his group cared more about gossip than Historical Literature, but mostly because his thoughts had been spiraling. All he could think about was Nick.
He lays his head on the pillow, appreciating the quietness of his room, which is helping his brain to slow down his racing thoughts.
He reaches for his phone on the nightstand, checks it, then places it back down. Still nothing from Nick. It's been over two hours, and Charlie has checked it countless times- so many that he feels embarrassed about it.
He stares at the ceiling, wondering if he should text Nick again. He holds back. Would that seem too needy? If Nick were able to reply, he would have already, right? It's Friday night. Maybe Nick is out with friends. He could be at a pub or maybe he's heading to a bar. Possibly having a much better evening than Charlie is, alone in his dorm room, feeling sorry for himself.
Johnny had mentioned a house party happening tonight when they were together in the library this afternoon. He invited Charlie, Amara and Natalie to come. Charlie had quickly declined. The thought of cozying up in bed with a book sounded like a much better option to Charlie, but now he's not so sure. Considering his mental state, maybe he should get out of this room, which suddenly feels too small, too cramped.
A thought enters his mind, the same thought that has crossed his mind a lot lately. Was this school the right choice? Away from Nick and everyone he knows?
Outside in the corridor, a group of students walks by. Charlie hears their chatter and laughter through the walls. The sound only makes him feel more alone.
Charlie sits up on his bed, cracking open the window beside him, letting in a cool breeze. He takes a deep breath and reaches for his phone again.
Nick's bag is half-packed, clothes scattered across his bed. His closet appears like a bomb went off.
He glances at the time. Seven minutes to get out the door if he wants to catch the train to be able to make it to Charlie at a half-decent hour.
Today has been hectic. Back-to-back classes. An afternoon rugby practice. Just enough time to scarf down some dinner and now this. Last-minute packing.
Nick had woken up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night last night. Panicked, he realised just how much he missed Charlie. Well, he already knew- there had been an ache in his chest for weeks now. But something about last night caused him to snap. He's desperate to hold Charlie's hand. To feel Charlie's soft lips pressed against his own. He can't wait any longer.
So, in his half-sleepy state last night, he decided: he's taking the train to see Charlie this weekend. Even though it wasn't planned. Even though this isn't one of the weekends they're supposed to see each other. None of that matters- what matters is having Charlie back in his arms as soon as he possibly can.
As long as he can catch this train.
He rushes into the bathroom, collecting whatever toiletries are within arm's reach. He's not too worried; anything he forgets, he knows Charlie will happily share with him. The thought makes him smile.
God, he can't wait to see the look on Charlie's face tonight when he surprises him.
He jogs back to the bedroom, tossing the rest of his clothes into his bag, pushing everything down, wrestling with the zipper. Definitely not his finest packing job, but it will have to do.
His phone pings twice in his pocket. He wonders if it's Charlie. He feels awful for leaving him on read earlier, but today has been nothing but chaos.
Nick slides his phone out of his pocket, reading the messages.
CHARLIE: sorry if im bothering u… just feeling a bit blah tonight and missing you <3
CHARLIE: if im being too clingy and annoying, im sorry
Nick's chest tightens. He can't stand the thought of Charlie thinking about himself in that way. He steps out the front door of his flat, his bag slung across his back, practically flying down the stairs as he calls Charlie.
Charlie picks up on the first ring.
"Hi," Charlie breathes, his voice small.
Nick pushes through a side exit of the building, feeling the cool evening air against his skin.
"Hi, love." Nick tries to sound calm and not like someone who is rushing to the train station. "I'm sorry for not texting you earlier. My day has been really busy. I read the two texts you just sent. What's going on? Not having a good day, darling?"
There's a pause, like Charlie is debating how much he wants to admit in this moment.
"It's nothing, really…"
"Charlie," Nick says, weaving around people on the sidewalk as he picks up speed. "You know you can tell me. Whatever it is, I want to listen."
Nick can hear ruffling, like Charlie is curling in on himself. "As I said, I don't want to be clingy and annoying."
Nick's heart breaks. "Baby, you aren't. You couldn't be. Missing someone you love isn't clingy. It's normal. And I miss you too. A lot."
"So you don't, like…" Charlie trails off.
Nick shifts his arm as he walks, making sure to keep the phone as close to his ear as possible. "Sorry, love, I couldn't hear that."
Charlie takes another small breath. "You don't, like, wish you could have your freedom? To like… explore? I- I mean, you're bi, and you've only ever been with me."
Nick comes to a halt. "What? C-Charlie- no! Where is this coming from?"
Nick almost wants to laugh at the mere suggestion of what Charlie is implying. It couldn't be further from the truth. But he hears the seriousness in Charlie's tone.
"I just don't want to be holding you back," Charlie whispers.
Nick continues to walk again, the train station coming into view. "Sweetheart, the only thing I want to explore is you, all the things about you that I have yet to discover. And the only thing holding me back is the two hundred miles that stretch between us."
Charlie lets out a gasp, the sound he makes when he's holding back tears. Nick scans his train ticket as he boards the train. He takes a seat alone in the back, placing his bag at his feet.
"I love you, Char," Nick says quietly through the phone. "I don't want anyone else. I haven't even thought about anyone else- not since the first day I laid eyes on you in Mr. Lange's form room. Since then, it's always been you."
The train rolls out of the station.
"Why, though?" Charlie asks, still sounding shy. "Sorry, I'm having a bad mental health day as you can probably tell."
Nick sighs, not out of frustration but out of tenderness.
"Where do I even begin, darling? Do you have all night?"
He hears Charlie let out a small chuckle, and the tightness in Nick's chest eases slightly.
"Well," Nick says softly, "I love your hair… I love your eyes."
"Nick, you know that's exactly what you told me on prom night, remember?"
Nick glances out the window at the setting sun. "You know I desperately wanted to tell you I loved you right then and there."
"Yeah, I had a feeling. But we were both so scared," Charlie says, beginning to sound more like his normal self.
"I was petrified. Not because I didn't believe I loved you with all my heart, because I did. I knew that without a doubt. But I was scared because suddenly I had something to lose, someone so precious to me."
Just as Nick is about to list off more of the countless reasons he loves Charlie, a burst of laughter erupts from a group a few rows ahead on the train.
"Nick?" Charlie is quiet again. "Are you… out right now?"
Nick whinces. He wants to keep his surprise for Charlie a secret, but the noise on his carriage might give him away.
"I mean, of course you are," Charlie says quickly. "It's Friday night. I'll let you-"
The train passes through a tunnel, and all Nick can hear is static.
"Shit- Charlie! Hold on!" he exclaims, but it's no use. The call drops.
He stares down at the screen. CALL FAILED.
Nick mumbles breathlessly, "Hang on, Char. I'm on my way."
Charlie stares down at his phone. CALL FAILED. He presses redial, but it goes straight to Nick's voicemail.
He lets out a shaky breath and sinks back down onto the bed. His call with Nick had lifted his spirits. But now, he's acutely aware of how alone he is in this dorm. And how Nick is having a night out with people. He's pretty sure he heard a woman's laughter in the background of the call. Someone is there with him.
Charlie's throat tightens.
A soft ping cuts through the silence.
His heart leaps. Nick? Is his reception back?
Charlie checks. It's not Nick. It's Elle. A photo of her and Tao.
The two of them, at a pub. Big smiles glowing under warm light. Tao's arm casually draped around her. Elle's holding up a half-drank cocktail.
ELLE: WISH YOU WERE HERE! WE LOVE YOU CHARLIE <3
A tear escapes him before he can stop it. He misses these two so much, he physically aches. He misses the feeling of being around people who have known him forever. He misses feeling like he belongs without having to try.
CHARLIE: you two look great. miss you and love you both <3
Charlie wipes the tear with his sleeve, forcing himself to sit upright. He needs to get out of this room. He can't just sit here, waiting for his phone to light up.
Nick hasn't called back. Maybe he can't. Maybe he still has no reception. Maybe he's somewhere loud. Somewhere fun.
Charlie scrolls through his contacts, looking for Natalie's number. He remembers texting her last week about their plans to meet up at the library.
Once he finds her number, he sends her a text.
CHARLIE: hey, are you going to the party Johnny mentioned?
She replies immediately.
NATALIE: yeah! you should come Charlie :) me and Amara are heading there right now
CHARLIE: k, whats the address?
It's unlike him. This spontaneity. But he wonders why not? He's one month into his first year of uni, he should try to have a bit of fun instead of just spending each moment counting down the days until the next visit with Nick. Maybe a night out is exactly what he needs.
After Natalie sends the address, Charlie throws on some fresh clothes and fusses with his hair, letting out a sigh. Most students would be excited to go to a party on a Friday night. What is wrong with me?
Once he arrives at the house, he finds Natalie and Amara waiting for him, and they head in together. Inside, it's dark and overcrowded with uni students- Charlie's feeling overwhelmed already.
Johnny appears, drink in hand.
"You three came!" he shouts over the pounding music.
"Yeah," Amara smiles, "Thanks for the invite."
"Of course. My good friend is the one hosting, so if you need anything, let me know. I'll be around. Enjoy yourselves."
"Thanks," Charlie replies.
"C'mon, Charlie!" Amara beams, grabbing his hand. "Let's get drinks!"
She pulls him along. Charlie takes in his surroundings, people gathered in groups, red cups in hand, some laughing obnoxiously, some yelling over the music. All he can smell is beer and cheap cologne.
This is fine. This is fun.
Maybe if he were drunk, he would actually believe his own thoughts.
Then he realises that's what he should do. Get drunk. At least a little bit.
Amara hands him a cup filled with something.
"Here. This will have you feeling good."
Charlie downs it without a second thought. It burns his throat.
A mixture of thoughts from earlier flash through his mind in messy fragments:
Explore romantically, sexually.
CALL FAILED.
Elle and Tao's smiling faces.
WISH YOU WERE HERE!
Charlie's head spins, and he asks Amara for another drink. He downs that one too.
The warmth hits him in no time. His mind loosens. His body buzzes. Cheeks become flushed.
"You good, Charlie?" Natalie asks.
He nods. But he's not, not really. No amount of alcohol could take away the ache he feels. He longs for Nick. But Nick isn't here.
"Actually, I need some air,' he says.
"Should I come?"Amara asks.
He shakes his head and stumbles to the front door.
"What am I doing?" he mumbles to himself.
Once outside, he leans against the cool, red brick. Trees are swaying. He can't tell if it's caused by the wind or his intoxication.
He decides he's done. He's ready to leave already. He pushes off the wall, heading back to the university, footsteps uneven.
Little does Charlie know that if he would just check his phone, he would see that he has two missed calls from Nick and an unread text.
NICK: where are you, Charlie?
Charlie rounds the corner of the corridor leading to his dorm room. He's so ready to collapse into bed and sleep away this hard day.
Then he notices a pair of shoes. Vans. Sticking out in the corridor. Attached to those Vans are someone's legs in a pair of joggers and a jumper that looks an awful lot like one Charlie has borrowed from Nick before.
As Charlie gets closer, he actually sees Nick. His back is against the door of Charlie's dorm, sitting on the carpeted floor, bag beside him.
The drinks from Amara must have been quite strong because he's certain he's hallucinating now.
Then Nick turns his head towards Charlie. His face is unmistakable. The face that he's memorised, every inch, every freckle.
"Char!" A smile beams across Nick's face.
"NICK? Is it really you?"
"Yeah," Nick responds, chuckling under his breath.
All Charlie has to do is take one step forward, and he could be in Nick's arms. Relief floods Charlie.
He falls into Nick's lap, nuzzling his face into Nick's broad chest as Nick wraps his arms securely around him.
"I've missed you," they both say at the same time, giggling.
Charlie leans back and looks at Nick- really looks at him. He runs the side of his hand down Nick's freshly shaven cheek. "I'm so happy you're here but… I'm really confused. I… I thought you were in Leeds, having a night out with people…?"
"No, silly," Nick leans in, pressing a kiss to the tip of Charlie's nose. "I was on the train, coming to surprise you."
Charlie blinks repeatedly, the alcohol making the situation hard to process. "Oh."
"I missed you so much, darling. I really wanted to see you. I hope that's alright."
Charlie flings his arms around Nick's neck. "I'm sorry I wasn't here."
"It's fine, Char. I wasn't waiting long."
"Good, I wouldn't want to keep my future husband waiting."
Nick instantly blushes. Charlie has never said something like that before. "Future husband? Have you been drinking?" He can smell the alcohol on Charlie's breath.
"Mhm," Charlie nods. "I went to a party because you were at a party."
"As I said, I was on the train. Not at a party."
"Right!" Charlie chuckles. "Should we go into my dorm room?"
"Yeah."
They get up and go inside. Flopping onto the bed, Nick spoons Charlie as Charlie links their fingers together.
Nick finally feels whole again.
"I'm sorry I'm drunk. I'm sure this isn't exactly how you were hoping the surprise would go."
"It's okay, Charlie. I'm glad to know you were enjoying your night out."
Charlie jerks his body, turning to face Nick. "I wasn't really though." His eyes tear up. "I only went to this party because I thought you were out and I felt pathetic about myself and I only drank to try to ease the pain of missing you. I just, I don't know, I was worried. About what I said earlier, on the phone."
"Where did those thoughts come from, Charlie?" Nick caresses Charlie's hair.
"Just overheard some students talking about how they're glad they're single so they can explore sexually. I was scared that you wished for something like that."
"Char." Nick looks him in the eyes. "Listen to me, baby. I don't want that. None of it. Why would I need to explore when I've already found the one I want to spend the rest of my life with?"
Charlie's breath catches.
"You're made for me, Char. I truly believe that."
A kiss to Charlie's neck.
"I love your thoughtfulness, you always remember the little things I mention, even if I said it ages ago."
A kiss to Charlie's forehead.
"I love how loyal you are to your friends and the people you love. How much you care about them."
A kiss to Charlie's jawline.
"I love your brain, the way you think. Your mind is brilliant, Charlie."
A kiss to the top of Charlie's head.
"I love how courageous you can be, in the moments when it truly matters."
A kiss to the palm of Charlie's hand.
"I love every single facial expression you make. The way your eyebrows raise when you're excited about something. The way your nose scrunches when you laugh. The way your lips curl up on one side when you're happy."
A kiss to Charlie's cheek.
"I love how you inspire me to be a better person."
"You're such a sap," Charlie teases, causing Nick to smile.
"And I love your sass, even if it means you can be a pain in my arse."
Charlie rolls his eyes with a smirk.
Then suddenly, the atmosphere between them shifts. With desire mounting, they lean in, lips crashing together. Each of them sighs in relief.
Nick's hands weave through the locks of Charlie's curls. Charlie's hands make their way under the base of Nick's jumper, rubbing his bare back.
"I want you, baby," Charlie groans.
"I want you too, badly, but you're drunk right now, Charlie. I promise once you're sober in the morning, we can."
Charlie pouts. "But I've been feeling so lonely without you. I really want to feel close to you."
"I know, Char. I do, too. And we will. We've got all weekend." Nick pulls Charlie closer. "I promise."
"Thank you for coming here," Charlie whispers. "You're incredible, Nick."
"Well, you're my everything, darling. Even when you're a bit drunk."
Charlie lets out a giggle that turns into a hiccup.
"I love you, Nick," Charlie says, tracing invisible hearts onto the palm of Nick's hand. "You make me feel so loved."
"Good. You deserve to feel that way, because you are. Loved. Very much. By me and many others."
With his lips curled into a smile, Charlie closes his eyes and leans into Nick's embrace.
"You can sleep now, darling. I'll be right here when you wake," Nick reassures him.
Charlie gives a small nod, letting sleep wash over him, knowing they are exactly where they belong.
In each other's arms.