Chapter Text
Two weeks. Two damn weeks in which Rin is forced to return home... if you can call it that.
The match against the under-20 team has just finished, and Rin considers it a waste of time; In those two weeks you could do many useful things, like training until your body screams for rest; Maybe that would distract him from those words that keep running through his head.
"The one who will change football in Japan is... YOICHI ISAGI."
Not him.
Never him.
It was pathetic to think for a moment that his brother, that apathetic idiot, would recognize him, but still... he couldn't stop his eyes from shining when he heard his voice. Why was Rin so indifferent? Why did he allow himself to hope? He only made himself more frustrated than before.
Because now he understands that even with the improvements he made thanks to the training at Blue Lock, even doing his best isn't enough to get his nii-ch's attention... Sae, it's just Sae now.
· ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
As he tried to stop thinking, he realized that it was time to leave; He saw that several parents had already come to pick up their children and seemed happy. But, as always, his parents were too busy with work, so he sent them a message saying that he would go home by taxi.
Just when he thought he could leave without further delay, one of his annoying classmates, Isagi, approached him.
"Hello, Rin," he said in his usual cheerful tone. What a nuisance. I see they haven't come to pick you up yet. Hey, we're creating a group to keep in touch over the holidays, and you're the only one missing. Could you give me your number? —He couldn't finish the sentence because Rin gave him a withering look and got into a taxi.
Once inside the taxi, Rin wonders how it is possible that Isagi doesn't understand that Rin hates him; He just hates it. Because of him, because of his damn fault, Sae didn't recognize him... No... that wasn't true, Sae didn't recognize it because he's lukewarm; If only he had tried harder, maybe, just maybe, he would have gotten his brother to recognize him.
"At least I'll have peace and quiet at home," Rin thinks, since her parents are almost never home and she highly doubts that her hateful brother will deign to visit them.
After the bus dropped him off at the Kamakura train station, he had to endure a tedious journey to his hometown.
When we arrived, everything was silent;... What did I expect? A warm welcome? Ha. As if a nobody like him deserved it.
He went up to his room and began to unpack his suitcase; It ended quickly because I had practically brought nothing from Blue Lock; It literally looked like a prison.
He lay down on the bed and allowed himself the luxury of looking at his cell phone; He liked to watch horror movies, so he started watching one.
Every time one of those particularly terrifying scenes appeared, his body would tense up and he would feel that euphoria that characterizes these types of movies.
When he finished, he decided he wanted to see another one. He searched for new movies on Google, but before he could access the new releases section, he saw a title that ruined his good mood.
"The future of football in Japan: YOICHI ISAGI."
He doesn't know why, but he continued reading. The article mentioned the participants of the Blue Lock project in general, highlighting their skills and abilities demonstrated in the match against the national under-20 team.
Meguru Bachira, Tobito Karasu, Gin Gagamaru, Seishiro Nagi, Hyoma Chigiri, himself, and YOICHI ISAGI.
He clutched the mobile phone tightly and continued reading.
Young Yoichi Isagi, with his incredible soccer talent, led his team to victory with a spectacular goal that ended one of the most contested games of last season. Truth be told, Rin didn't care about the media attention or fame, but he couldn't help but feel anger.
Not because he was jealous of the attention Isagi received, but because of the doors that attention opened for him...
Although Rin was one of the best players, recognized even nationally before Blue Lock, he never managed to attract the attention of international club scouts... He couldn't then, and he can't now.
Before, he only longed to be signed by the Real Madrid youth team so he could play with his brother... but after that snowy night in which all his dreams and desires faded, his motivation changed. He no longer aspired to play with his brother, but to destroy him.
.
.
.
AND HE CAN'T EVEN DO THAT RIGHT!!!
Yes, his team won, but for him it was like a defeat.
"Defective product"
Suddenly, he felt a sharp pain in his left hand that brought him out of his thoughts. He looked down and noticed the crescent-shaped marks his nails had left. His right hand was pale from the strength with which he held the mobile phone.
He left the phone on the nightstand and went down to the kitchen. He realized that he had not eaten anything since he arrived, and it had been quite some time since he had eaten. It was dinner time, and he felt that if he stayed still, his thoughts would consume him.
I would prepare something simple: oyakodon.
Rin opened the refrigerator with the same apathy with which she did everything at home. He pulled out the basics: a couple of eggs, an onion, a piece of chicken, and the concentrated broth they always had on hand. It wasn't a spectacular dish, but it was quick... and, above all, it kept him busy.
When he finished, he served the food on a plate and began to eat; It was hot and delicious.
...And for a few seconds, his head was silent.
For a few seconds... but just when he finally felt some peace, he saw a photo of him with Sae on one of the decorative pieces of furniture in the house.
He remembers having that same photo on the trophy shelf in his room; He also remembers how, after the snowy night, he threw all the trophies on the ground, breaking and damaging them.
But with the photo, things were different... That photo reflected a happy scene from his childhood: him as a child holding the trophy while his brother was by his side; in fact, Sae had practically won that match, but he insisted that his younger brother keep the trophy...
The moment he realized that the photo had fallen to the floor, breaking the frame and shattering the protective glass, he grabbed it without thinking... It was stupid; The glass cut his hands.
They began to bleed, but what worried Rin the most at that moment was the state of the photo. Because? Because he felt that if he let the photo be ruined, it would ruin everything he had experienced with his brother: all the ice creams they had shared, all the walks along the seashore under the orange sky, all the games, the laughter, the hugs and the caresses on the head that showedSae's pure affection for her younger brother would be completely erased.
That's why he didn't throw away the photo, only the frame, but never the photo... he keeps it in a drawer in his room.
Or so he thought; It must have been that his mother, cleaning while he was at the Blue Lock center, found it and put it in a new frame.
He slowly got up and walked to the closet, grabbed the frame... Just seeing that scene brings back warm memories.
"They won't come back, because Sae doesn't care about you anymore."
A voice in his head reminded him.
He clung to the frame. It was true... the voice in his head was right...
I was fed up with everything. What was the point of continuing?
Yes, he had talent, but he lacked passion.
...The truth is, I wasn't sure I ever had one. I was only doing it for Sae. He started playing to spend more time with his brother.
As a child, the only person who really cared about him was Sae. He was sure his parents loved him, but they were always busy, so that love was never very practical. What's more, when he was little, they considered him weird, and when they realized that Sae was perfectly capable of taking care of Rin, they just left him like that, hoping that a boy only two years older would take care of him.
Maybe that's why he developed such a strong bond with his brother, although apparently it couldn't be called a bond, since it was one-sided...
He felt pressure in his chest, he felt sad and very tired; he had to find something to do so those thoughts didn't consume him.
He turned to look at the kitchen counter where he was eating and the kitchen itself; everything he had used to prepare dinner was scattered around the kitchen; I would have to take care of that...
· · ─ ·✶· ─ · ·
I was almost done cleaning the kitchen; He only had to wash the cutlery and utensils.
As he washed, memories of a special year in his childhood came to mind.
He remembers that when he and his brother did housework together, Sae never let him wash the knives, even when he was ten years old.
Rin was sure that his brother looked out for him back then, but now he can only think that Sae must have believed that Rin was so useless and incompetent that he couldn't even perform a simple task.
It's really funny how everything he thought his brother did out of love was just a charade, and most likely he did it out of duty or because he thought Rin was incapable of doing anything right without his help... And the worst thing is that it was true, Rin didn't feel like he could do anything right without Sae's help...
An unbearable pressure took hold of his chest, threatening to suffocate him; He began to breathe rapidly, not letting air enter his lungs. Everything seemed so overwhelming, so exhausting, so excessive.
His mind was overwhelmed by those thoughts, but his hands continued with the task of washing the dishes.
Suddenly everything calmed down, thoughts faded and his mind focused on a sharp pain. He lowered his gaze; the water that a moment before had been foaming with liquid soap was now tinged with a crimson liquid. BLOOD...
Suddenly everything calmed down, his thoughts faded and his mind focused on a sharp pain. He lowered his gaze; the water that a moment before had been foaming with liquid soap was now tinged with a crimson liquid. BLOOD.
Rin looked at her wrist and realized that she had a cut; It wasn't very deep, but the pain left her dazed; he had probably cut himself on a particularly sharp knife that was lying there.
I should panic.
I should run to heal the wound.
Ought. Ought. Ought.
But... finally everything was so calm. It was not the tranquility that comes from well-being or joy... but the tranquility that comes when the mind is calm.
His mind was dazed and focused solely on the pain; It burned and throbbed.
He stared at the wound for a few minutes, until he reacted and quickly took his hands out of the water, rinsed off the blood and went up to the bathroom to treat it, since the first aid kit was there.
Once there, he took out a bandage and began to heal his wrist.
Shortly after, the bleeding stopped, but his mind was still focused on what had happened; He hadn't done it intentionally.
But it had helped him calm down. To silence that horrible voice in your mind.
That didn't matter anymore; he was ITOSHI RIN, not a pathetic person who self-harmed because he couldn't deal with his own problems. Also... What would Sae think of this? What would your parents think? What would his colleagues at Blue Lock think?
Surely they would be angry with him.
It had been a tiring day, so he decided to go to sleep. He brushed his teeth, put on his pajamas and went to bed. The moon shone brightly and beautifully; It was windy, so the trees were swaying.
Feeling the relaxing sound of its leaves, he slowly fell asleep. Maybe tomorrow would be a better day