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Humin’s alcohol tolerance is terrible — he went way overboard for what he could handle, a dozen cans. By the 12th, he was blacked out on the floor of the stranger’s house with an empty beer bottle clutched in one of his hands. It’s ironic, considering it was his idea to attend this house party, his idea to drink beer. Yet Hyuntak was the one who had to deal with it, per usual. The night had begun with both boys excited to get away from the tedious schoolwork awaiting them at their desks, and ended with Humin slumped over his best friend’s shoulder, mumbling drunken nonsense into his ear as Hyuntak hauled them both up the stairs leading to his apartment door. The dingy, dim light of the hallway hummed above them as Hyuntak struggled to hold Humin steady while he fumbled the key into the keyhole and shoved them both inside.
“Gogo… my head hurts..”
He slurred his words, eyes flitting to different features of Hyuntak’s face. His head fell forwards as his friend all but threw him onto the couch and walked across the room to lock the front door.
“Shut up, Baku.”
Gotak huffed out as he ran a hand through his hair, glaring at the figure sprawled out along the couch. Hyuntak had to admit that he was a little tipsy too — after all, he was also eager to have fun with random strangers from unknown high schools. He scoffed, to him that sounded absolutely ridiculous, and yet he still caved in for Humin, who thrives in that kind of situation.
Humin really isn’t one to drink, not all the time, but after winning all their basketball games back to back this past month, he had probably just considered it a one-time thing. (Even though it most definitely was not a one-time thing, this had and probably will happen on multiple occasions.)
Hyuntak took a few deep breaths, cracking open a window, leaning against the windowsill and dramatically sighing so that even Baku, who was intoxicated out of his mind and his head probably spinning, could hear his exhaustion.
“Fuck, bro, you’re so heavy. Remind me to never do this again.”
He spat out breathlessly, back turned away from Baku. Baku, in return, let out a very loose giggle that he regretted quickly after due to the burning in his throat. Gotak was still rambling quietly, incoherently to himself while the boy he had discarded on the couch slowly - and, with difficulty - forced his weight onto his arms and pulled himself up so that he was in a sitting position, though it didn’t really last long as he slumped straight back down.
“Way too much alcohol…. drunk out of his mind…. never doing this again….”
He could hear those words spilling out of Hyuntak’s mouth as he grabbed the hem of his hoodie and fanned it aggressively to try and catch some air. He wasn’t really angry, how could he ever be angry at Baku? After all, it was partly his fault that he now had to put up with this whiny toddler all night long — he just was never able to refuse that soft, pleading gaze and those rich brown eyes.
Hyuntak knew he was fucked the moment he had started to feel that warm, slightly stinging feeling in his stomach when he looked at his best friend, deciding to ignore it was the most logical decision to him back then but it slowly became harder and harder to deny and lock away.
He was sure Humin didn’t feel the same anyway. How could he? They had been friends for as long as he could remember. Friends. He was pretty sure Humin was straight, if not absolutely definite. Sometimes, at their weekly sleepovers, his eyes would linger on Baku’s face for a beat too long. He’d admire the way his eyes fluttered slowly and he blinked too much whenever he was tired. He’d admire the way he smiled when he beat Gotak in a video game. He’d admire .. Humin. Then he’d snap out of it, realise he was being weird, and try and focus on whatever thing they were doing at that moment. He couldn’t fall for his best friend, that was absurd. That was strange, weird, gross. But he could never control himself, anyway.
After washing up, getting changed out of the alcohol reeking clothes (and encouraging Baku to, as well, in which he babbled words Gotak had no energy to try and decipher, so he had to force him into the bathroom with a bundle of Gotak’s clothes in his hands) he finally sat down next to Humin on the couch and let out a relieved sigh. Baku hadn’t said anything - yet - that could stress him out or leave him overthinking. Hyuntak should really tune him out, just go to sleep and leave him here or even better, kick him out and send him home. He would never do that, obviously, but it was amusing to think about if he did.
The glass of water Gotak had aggressively shoved into Baku’s hand, and then placed on the table because he was scared it would spill all over the sofa was now empty. Hyuntak couldn’t remember when Humin had downed it, but it would help him sober up so it didn’t really matter.
After a couple of minutes and around 3 episodes into the random sitcom Gotak had put on to make him sleepy, Baku resumed his mindless muttering. Although thanks to the help of the water, it sounded less muffled and more coherent.
“Seriously…Gogo.. you..”
He started, eyes focusing on the side of his friend’s head. Gotak turned, so their eyes met. It was more a look that attempted to tell Baku to shut up, but the lights were dim and it was far too vague to guess, so he continued.
“Gotak, seriously, you’re a handsome guy.”
Hyuntak scoffed. What on earth was he talking about now? Most of the words came out very slurred and jumbled, but since they had probably heard each other’s voices every day for at least 10 years now, it was just about understandable. After trying to scan his face, which was beet red and his eyes kept darting to different places in the room - because of the alcohol, Gotak presumed - he just turned his head and pretended to be interested in whatever he had subconsciously pressed on the TV remote. His mother wasn’t going to come home tonight, she had a late work shift again, so he had the house to himself. Well, himself and Humin. He really hoped Baku would tire himself out, he really hoped he’d fall asleep right then and there, so Hyuntak didn’t have to wonder what the hell he was saying about him being handsome.
“Dude .. how don’t you have a girl yet? You look..” He carried on.
By this point, Gotak’s face was starting to flush. His eyes were starting to widen. It didn’t matter, not a word Baku said was really what he thought. He was drunk. Nothing he said meant anything. Though, it was getting harder to keep reminding himself that, when the boy continued with the compliments.
“Gogo … talk to me…” Baku whined, sounding so desperate it was almost laughable.
“Yeah, what?” Hyuntak replied, trying to sound as casual as he could. Not that his friend would notice anyway in his current state.
“You’re.. actually really pretty.., y’know?”
“Pretty? I’m not some fucking girl, Baku. What are you talking about?”
It was hard to not get frustrated. Gotak couldn’t say he never wished for his friend to say these things to him, but he wanted them to mean something. This didn’t mean anything either. ‘Bromance’, as Baku would call it.
“I’m .. just saying. You have.. all the factors of being a good boyfriend. Attractive, funny, respectful… you care.. about me. Stuff like that.”
The mood felt different immediately. Like it had dropped into a bottomless pit of tension. It sounded absolutely ridiculous. Gotak, getting flustered and bothered by his mumbling drunkard of a best friend. They were looking at each other now. Humin’s body language had stopped looking like he was wasted, maybe he’d sobered up enough to understand what he was saying, but he still didn’t look quite right either. There was a voice screaming inside Hyuntak’s head, wishing Baku knew just what he was actually saying. Wishing he’d either realise that he was being weird and shut up, or keep going, and feed into his delusions either more. Both options were quite appealing, actually. Although, he knew he wasn’t sober. He knew he was just saying anything that came to mind.
“Okay… well, thanks.” His cheeks bloomed red at his own embarrassing response. It was so embarrassing how that was the only thing he could say, embarrassing that those meaningless words had such a chokehold on him. Such importance to him, that was nothing to the person saying it. He would sober up in the morning, throw up in the bathroom, drink Gotak’s hangover soup and leave. Leave this entire moment behind, in which neither would ever bring up again. It was so pointless. This was all pointless.
“No problem, my Gogo.. I just had to remind you.”
His Gogo. His. Gotak’s body shifted, so that he was facing Baku. One elbow was propped up on the top of the couch, and he leaned his head onto his hand, staring at the other boy. Baku stared back, admiring him as if he was an ancient artefact.
“Why all of a sudden, though?”
“What?”
“Why are you saying all this? You’re just drunk.”
“It’s .. not a drunk thing, really…”
“Mhm, sure.”
The sarcasm in his voice was thick, though it didn’t look like Humin realised. Of course he didn’t.
Hyuntak was just about to go back to ignoring him, and maybe he’d change what was on the TV now, since he couldn’t pretend to be interested in it any longer with a far more interesting thing happening right beside him, until Baku reached out. He flexed his fingers in front of himself, as if he was trying to gain control of the muscles inside his hands. He propped himself upright against the armrest of the sofa, so that he wasn’t in a slouched position anymore.
He then leaned over and held Gotak’s face gently in between his fingers.
Gotak’s breath hitched. Before he could react, maybe slap Humin’s hand away and scold him, or maybe he’d kick him out of the house and send him home, Baku turned Hyuntak’s head to face him. He applied gentle pressure, so gentle that Gotak forgot it was even Baku touching him like that. Both of them looked flustered, eyes blown wide as if neither could believe what one had just done. Though instead of letting go and stumbling to the kitchen for some more water, Humin’s hand remained like that. He was frozen in place. Even beer couldn’t drown the fuzzy feeling he got in his stomach when he did that. It felt too intimate for the two boys, even though they had been closer before and done things together that should’ve felt weird and didn’t. But a hand on his jaw, his thumb smoothing circles into his skin and fingers dangerously close to his lips, it all seemed strange. Romantic, in a way. Yet it didn’t feel wrong to him, so he didn’t stop.
Baku could’ve sworn Hyuntak’s eyes were glued to his lips for a couple of seconds, but he looked away when he realised he had noticed. He could see his Adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallowed nervously. Gotak didn’t move, though he wanted to. He wanted to lean forward, run his hands through the other boy’s hair and kiss him till his lips were swollen and he couldn’t think straight. He couldn’t. He still had to remember that none of this meant anything, Humin was drunk and it didn’t matter to him, so why should it matter to Gotak? So he stayed still, eyes glancing down at how Baku’s hand rested on the side of his face.
“..What are you doing?”
Gotak choked out, though Baku didn’t give a response straight away. He leaned closer, slowly, and his hand trailed down Hyuntak’s face, fingers tracing his neck. They moved and rested at the back of his head, fingers curling through the strands of his smooth black hair. Hyuntak had forgot how to breathe. He didn’t think he had been breathing for the last 5 or so minutes. Now they were close. Close enough, that they could feel each other’s warmth radiating off of each other. Could feel their dazed gazes burning into each other.
“Baku, what are you doing?”
He asked. Humin didn’t respond, again, he stared at Gotak. He couldn’t say that he’d never thought about his best friend in that kind of way before, it had happened a couple of times, but it felt like the alcohol was enhancing all of his emotions at that point. He felt like he was completely in love with the boy opposite him. He should’ve stopped then, just gone to sleep and sobered up by the morning. But he didn’t want to.
“Showing you that .. I really think .. you’re attractive.”
“What does that even mean? I believe you, now you can get your hand off of me.”
“You always have something to say, Gogo.”
Before he could respond, Baku leaned in and their lips met. His eyes closed instantly, but Hyuntak’s were blown wide in shock. The kiss was so gentle, and Hyuntak had never experienced kissing before. It felt nice, maybe even more so considering it was the boy he had a crush on who was kissing him. His eyes fluttered, daring to close and kiss back, to kiss deeper, to do more. But he remembered, again, Baku was drunk. He couldn’t take advantage of him while he was drunk.
It hurt to pull away, but he pushed lightly onto Humin’s chest and he did it for him. He blinked a couple of times after pulling back, eyes refusing to look at Gotak as he ran his palms, that were previously playing with the other boy’s hair, over his face. Gotak was disappointed. He was disappointed that this was unimportant in his best friend’s eyes, when he definitely wouldn’t stop thinking about this moment for weeks. He hated that feeling in his chest now. He hated being in love with someone who would never love him back. He wasn’t angry at Baku, but himself. He shouldn’t have entertained this in the first place. But he did, knowing that it wouldn’t end well. He just wanted to know how it felt to be touched like that by Humin.
He stood up quickly, wiping the sweat from his hands off on his pyjama pants. He stared down at Baku, his messy hair, the clothes he was wearing that belonged to Gotak, his face covered by his hands. He didn’t know how he felt at the moment, he could barely think straight, but he knew he felt like he needed sleep. He didn’t say a word, just walked off into his bedroom and threw himself onto the bed. It was an embarrassing night, to say the least. He hoped Baku wouldn’t remember it in the morning. There was also a part of him that had wished Baku was sober, wished he knew what he was doing. Wished he could feel the same way Gotak did. He felt tears prick at his eyes, but sleep took him before they fell.
Baku knew not to go in there, he managed to find comfort in the hard couch and fell asleep there. He knew what he was doing from the moment he had finished the cup of water, but he would never say that to Hyuntak. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do tomorrow, maybe he’d pretend like he couldn’t remember what happened, and act clueless. Maybe he’d say he remembered, and kiss him more. He couldn’t really blame the alcohol, even though that is what made him even think of doing this. He also couldn’t place whether what had happened was a good thing, or a bad thing. He’d just wait and see what happened when they both woke up.