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“Hey, hey, HEY class!” Present Mic exclaims, “Today we will be learning about the American tradition of Thanksgiving! A celebration where family and friends gather to share a meal and give thanks.”
Sitting in the back, boyfriends Todoroki, Bakugo, and Deku are paying little attention, finding themselves too focused on gazing at each other’s faces.
Yawning, Bakugo suavely glides his arms around his boyfriends’ shoulders and proclaims, “Oi, this is boring, Teach, can we wrap this up? I’ve got two babes on either side of me and I’m ready to have a meal of my own!” He smirks, as his broccoli haired boyfriend turns a shade of beet-red.
“Fine.” Present Mic sighs, completely over the polycule shit, and gestures to the doors for the cafeteria workers to bring in the food they had prepared for the class. The rest of the class stands, preparing to help set up the feast while Todoroki, Bakugo, and Deku stay sitting with their close friend Kirishima, who can only think about his boyfriend Tetsutetsu as he sees the polycule feeling each other up.
“Ay, Bakubro, I’m gonna dip. I’ve got a totally manly janitor closet make out sesh awaiting me!” Kirishima happily exclaims, grabbing his jacket and heading out the door while Present Mic is still distracted.
As everyone goes to sit around the table, they notice that the class is missing two chairs.
“Bakubabe,” Todoroki says nonchalantly, “me and Izuku need a seat..”
Bakugo smirks, patting his lap, “my two good boys know what to do.”
As Todoroki and Midoriya settle onto their lover’s lap, they hear an aggressive clank as metal meets porcelain. From across the table Ururaka stares devilishly at her skewered piece of broccoli.
“What’s her deal, Bakubro?” Kaminari asks, looking concerned.
“Tch, how should I know?” Bakugo brushes the question away, as he brushes his fingers up and down Izuku and Shoto’s arms teasingly.
Present Mic calls the feast into order and everyone begins loading their plates, passing dishes around in an organized chaos. Midoriya makes note of Mineta’s Turning Point USA t-shirt, scowling and recalling the news article he saw regarding Charlie Kirk and his assassination.
Deciding to partake in some light mischief, Midoriya calls from across the table “Mineta, would you mind passing the Kirky? Or- how do you say it? Turkey?”
Mineta drops his fork, his face turning a boiling, angry red as he stares angrily at Midoriya. “Izuku you faggot! You know what you just said.. Don't play with me, little boy.”
Midoriya feels the hand on his arm tense, “Don’t worry, kitten, daddy will keep you safe.” Bakugo whispers into his ear.
“He had a family, he had children, he had a wife, he had friends, he had fans, and he had supporters. R.I.P Charlie Kirk,” Mineta says, standing with a hand on his heart and a small American flag sticking out of his pants.
Todoroki stands, prepared to fight for his boyfriend as he says “Dude, you’re not even American what are you so riled up for? Plus, wasn't the guy racist?”
“Well, I just think he was protecting his family values from people like you! Woke faggots.” Mineta spits back at him.
Getting defensive, Bakugo speaks up, “Oi, what's with the homophobia?”
“How can I not be homophobic when you three,” Mineta gestures to the throuple, “are constantly touching on each other, practically fucking in front of my salad!”
Ururaka pipes up beside Mineta, “He’s right, you know. It is an abomination that man should lay with man, nonetheless TWO men!”
Looking between the two groups, Kaminari nervously says, “Seriously, what's your problem Ururaka?”
She looks at him, sitting taller in her seat. “I’m tired of staying silent, I need to speak my truth!” Turning her attention to Midoriya, making eye contact she confesses, “I am in love with you, Deku. I’m so severely disappointed that you’ve turned to this disgraceful life of sin, I rebuke it in the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ!”
Midoriya’s boyfriends begin shouting across the table at Ururaka, their voices becoming muffled as he sits in shock, taking in the new information and staring at her in a new light, his eyes welling up with tears as he thinks about their prior friendship.
“You know,” Ururaka speaks up once more, “I saw a Charlie Kirk video once, and he spoke about how important family values are.. Deku we could've had a life together with 6-7 kids, spreading the gospel, voting for Donald Trump! Don’t you see? If you turn to Charlie Kirk and God, you can be saved.. with me.”
Asui chimes in, “Ribbit, What happened with the one girl.. What was her name? Toga?”
Ururaka cuts her off quickly, “I’ve repented! I was forgiven for those sins. Jesus forgave me.. just like he can forgive you, Deku.”
Mineta speaks up, focusing his attention on Midoriya. “You could join us, and fight for the gospel.”
Midoriya stands, turning to Bakugo and Todoroki with tears in his eyes, “We are TodoBakuDeku………. We are Plus Ultra.” He kisses them both, sloppy and hungry.
Mineta sees the scene before him, hiding his growing erection and distracts himself by singing, passionately “WEEE ARE CHAAAARLIE KIIIRK” Ururaka joins in, “WE CAAAARY THE FLAME.. WE FIIIIGHT FOR THE GOOOSPELLL, WE HONOR HIS NAMEEE”
Kaminari looks around in confusion, “What the fuck?”
Present Mic stands at the front of the classroom, still in shock at the scene before him. Sighing, he pulls out his phone and begins to text his hubby, Aizawa.
“ur right
thanksgiving was a mistake.”