Chapter Text
As my final act of love ...
As my final act of hatred ...
As my final act of Desperation ...
*
"Himiko ? You have school today, get up before you're-" Toga's mother ever-so-slightly opened her daughters door to wake her up, only to be met with the tragedy that was bleeding out. Toga had slit her wrists while her parent's were asleep ... or maybe it was when she was sent to her room ? Her mother didn't know. Toga might've done it when in trouble or when she was supposed to sleep.
"Oh my God! Honey come here! Call ... call an ambulance!" Her mother yelled for her husband while she inspected her daughter's wrists. She'd stopped bleeding but her wrists were still tender. The knife she'd used right next to her.
It was the hunting knife her dad bought just to have. He was going to give it to her for protection but he realized she didn't need it. I mean, his daughter was insane. She was obsessed with blood and every crush she'd had, she wanted to destroy them. He couldn't give her a knife! She must've seen him buy it though, and hide it since she never would've been able to find it any other way.
Her dad nearly threw up the moment he saw the blood pooled under and around her, soaking her clothing as well. She'd just gone to the store with her mom to buy this new pajama set, on good behavior.
He exited the room so he'd be able to call for medical help without puking. "Hello this is 119 what is your emergency?" It was a woman on the other end. She sounded uninterested, like she had better things to do.
"God, my daughter's bleeding out, or she was? I don't know!" He heard key's clacking but the sound of his heartbeat and burning throat were more prevalent.
"Do you mind telling me what happened to her? Do you know?" He was going to rip out his hair.
Sure, him and his wife had been angry and disgusted with Toga for hospitalizing this boy at her school she 'liked' but that's his baby girl, he didn't want her to kill herself. No matter how mad she made him, he'd never want that.
"She slit .. oh I'm gonna be sick. She slit her wrists." He tried to be calm, clenching his jaw and holding his breath to hold back tears.
"It'll be okay sir, we're sending an ambulance to your location." She was being too calm for a situation like this right ? That's all he could think about but ... they're supposed to be calm, so he could. It wasn't helping.
"Honey I can feel her breath!" Toga's mom yelled for her husband. She had her hand under her daughters nose when she felt a soft, cold, but still there breath.
He hung up and crouched to their side. He cried into his hand while he ran his fingers through his daughter's hair. It was soft but still slightly tangled and every few brushes he'd accidentally brush against her cold skin. It sent shivers through his whole body to know she was shutting down, getting closer to death each second that passed. Both of her parent's felt this guilt, gut wrenching and sick.
They couldn't be bothered to clean up the blood, it made them nauseous to even think about it but ... how do you think Toga felt? The poor girl never wanted to die, she was afraid of that action. So then, why did she go through with it? How far in was she before she realized what she'd done and regretted it? Tried to get up and scream for help but it stung to even move. How her heart hurt each tear that fell from her eyes. If she tried to reach out and scream but the effort took up too much energy.
Soon enough, the ambulance came to their house and people came in and out, taking Toga, putting her on the stretcher and loading her into the vehicle. Many of their neighbors came outside or looked out of their windows curious as to what was happening in the Toga household. Rumors would spread, soon enough.
*
"Tenko baby, I've made breakfast for you and your sister so I hope you're up and ready." His mother knocked lightly like she always did. He wasn't a deep sleeper so even if he was still asleep he'd wake up from her knock. He didn't respond though.
"Tenko?" She cracked the door open, he didn't really like people in his room. Still, she was a little afraid, he always responded so she didn't know if anything bad had happened to her baby boy.
When she opened the door she looked around, he's not there? He wasn't in his bed, at his desk doing homework, or at his closet door getting his uniform for school.
Slam.
Her head darted towards his bathroom, where the sound had come from. She froze as she heard what sounded like choking coming from the bathroom.
"Ten-ko?" Her voice lost all carry and she turned around putting her head in her hands.
"Honey what's wrong with Tenko?" His dad came into his room, his older sister just a few feet behind him, curious but also worried.
All his mom could do was shake her head and cry. She wasn't 100% sure what was going on but considering the context ... "He's dying!"
His sister gasped, father pushing his wife out of the way and trying to open the bathroom door. Fucking locked.
"T-the key should be-be over the door." Hana was holding her mother as she said this but for some reason their dad had the key in his hand already.
He unlocked the door and God Hana had to look away but she couldn't. All she saw in the reflection of Tenko's broken mirror was his hanging limp body. She almost went limp herself, mind wandering, searching for reasons, any reason for her little brother to do this.
It made her more sick how his body spasmed at the touch of his father, just trying to get him down. She held her mother while she broke down, burrowing her head into her mother's neck, to avoid seeing her dying brother.
Their father called an ambulance before checking for a heartbeat, pulse, anything that would stop him from performing CPR. Nothing.
He started performing CPR while Hana paid closer attention to her brother's body. When their father would do mouth-to-mouth his body would tense up, involuntarily. Why? How did he know where the key to his bathroom was too? Only her and Tenko knew, she'd helped him hide it. She'd been the one to create the dip in the top of the door frame to hide the key.
He asked her to help him hide it for privacy a year ago and while she never asked why she had her suspicions. But, all she could focus on was praying her little brother would wake up.
The ambulance came and as he was being placed on the stretcher Hana shot up to be by her little brother's side. It felt wrong to see him being handled like this, she knew deep down that saving him would only bring him more pain and suffering but she wanted to be selfish. She held his hand even in the back of the ambulance, not letting go no matter what the doctors told her.
They checked on him during the ride and gave him oxygen but if he didn't want to wake up, he wouldn't. He just wouldn't and Hana knew that. If Tenko got injured, unless he actually wanted it to heal it'd stay an injury. If he was upset, if he didn't want to make amends, he'd stay upset until something changed his mind. That's just how he was.
*
Tired of being excluded for the fact his quirk was 'too hard to control'. He amounts to something and he's also been trying to get better at controlling his quirk, he enrolled in UA to show his dad he can do it. Except now, he was erasing everything, destroying all of his progress because everything got to be too much.
Touya took after his father, hotheaded and hard to reason with when upset, his emotions go out of control and it fucks of his life, how he uses his quirk, and how other see him. When Shoto was born Enji got everything he wanted. The ideal son, and he would make sure he didn't end up a fuck up like his other kids.
Touya would've been perfect but after the first couple years of his life, it was clear he had issues. Enji, being a very successful hero, he wanted a child that could surpass himself and All Might. Touya very easily could've become that but it didn't take long for his mental issues to show.
Enji would NEVER get his son a diagnosis, it was something he found pointless, but that'd only leave him not knowing what's wrong with him and hating himself. The disease inside of him he can't cure with or without help.
FUCK! Touya screamed through his clenched jaw and gritted teeth. He had the urge to destroy something, anything.
He was so unhappy with everything, being ignored, treated as something insignificant. He just wanted to make his father proud but that would never happen would it? His little brother was so much more than he was at that age. Touya just drew the shortest straw.
He was in his emotions, letting them eat him alive like always. He just couldn't do it anymore? The realization he didn't amount to anything brought him to the conclusion it wouldn't matter whether he lived or died and death would be better than subjecting himself to any longer in this prison that was his family.
Shoto doesn't need me, I'm a 'bad example' anyways. Fuyumi doesn't even get it and Natsuo, I haven't said much to him in a while. I haven't said much to any of them recently actually. Fuyumi is busy being the stellar student she is, Natsuo is busy doing ... I don't even know, and Shoto is, well. We don't hang out anymore, it all kinda stopped my last year of junior high.
He slowly became more and more of an empty husk as the years went on, the more he saw how much better a child Shoto was. He was jealous, really, it was obvious. Being jealous of your own blood is sad isn't it, he just thought he'd become his father's treasure and get all of his love, instead of receiving no affection and making himself sick. He's always been foolish, holding onto little pieces of hope but now they're all gone.
He was done being a failure that contributed to nothing in the family. A sad loser who can't make friends because he never learned how to interact with another human being. His only saving grace was Keigo and even then, the love of his life wasn't enough.
Did he hate how empty his heart felt when he said repeatedly, 'Keigo needs me', yes. He beat himself up about it all, feeling like he wasn't enough, he was never enough.
Suicide though, he's enough for that.
He always looked for ways to escape his inner thoughts, the voice that wouldn't do away no matter the substance he used to chase it away. What he had now, the anti-depressants Keigo lent to him. Keigo knows sharing a prescription is wrong, dangerous. Touya promised him he wouldn't abuse it though. Another cruel lie he told him.
Anti-depressants and alcohol from his father, mixing the two would result in ... well you know, death. He just wanted to feel it, the feeling of release.
The Todoroki household was empty, everyone doing something aside from Touya. He spent all of his extra time at keigo's place or trapped in his room, you couldn't get him out.
Anyways, he got his stuff, went to where his father kept his alcohol and he did it. 16 years of never feeling like enough. 16 years of constantly trying to fill shoes that would never fit. 16 years of being the disappointment. 16 years of being the 'deranged' sibling. At least now, he would be able to do something right.
He swallowed all of the pills he has been hoarding over the fast few months but the realization on what he was doing didn't hit yet. Maybe it did and he just wanted to go to make a point but ...
His phone started to ring, it was Keigo. He can't not pick up, he'd show up at his house.
Hi. His voice was definitely a little shaky but he couldn't tell.
Keigo did. "What's wrong?"
Touya didn't want to worry him, his plan would get figured out and he wouldn't succeed. I'm fine, just a little lonely.
He'd have an answer choked out of him so he told a half truth.
"Oh okay. I was gonna invite you to go with me to see a movie."
Well, if he's gonna die today, he might as well spend his last day with the person he loves the most right? Even if it traumatizes him.
Alright.
The whole walk Keigo kept his eyes on Touya, he was acting ... different. His whole vibe felt off so when they got to the theater so it wasn't to Keigo's surprise when Touya started overdosing mid movie. Of course he was afraid, what was he witnessing right now?
Time stopped, everyone around them did matter and neither did the movie. Keigo was in full blown panic, stuck between taking Touya himself or calling for help.
He can't do this on his own, it's too much.
"God Touya why did you do this, now of all days?"