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The air was heavy and dull. The lingering heartbreak clung to Marina’s apartment walls. She could still hear the sound of Saniya leaving. The door slamming behind her, her footsteps quietly fading away, her car starting and driving away.
Marina sat in the same spot. The same desperate sad look painted across her face. The “please don’t leave me.” she whispered when the door was already closed and Saniya was long gone, it floated in the living room, bouncing from wall to wall.
Saniya’s yelling that started as begging replayed in her head.
How could “Please talk to me.” turn into “I’m fucking done trying Marina. It’s pointless if you won’t even attempt to communicate. We’re nothing if it’s not mutual.”
The way her voice had gone from soft and gentle to rough and careless, from a soft blanket, meant to comfort Marina, to a sharp knife, aimed for her heart.
Saniya’s furrowed brows and squinted eyes, holding back tears. Her face contorted to hide the hurt.
Her words, her face, it was all Marina could think of.
Marina stared at Saniya as she left. She didn’t ask her to stay, didn’t make an effort to keep her close. Just let her walk out the door.
She was used to it. Watching people walk out on her, it’d happened what felt like a million times before.
But she couldn’t shake it, why was this different? Was it something in the way Saniya looked at her when she left?
Or was it just Saniya herself?
Marina’s phone buzzed once on the coffee table in front of her. She picked it up, glancing at the screen.
Saniya’s contact accompanied by a text.
Niya 💕
I want to fix things but not if you don’t too. I’m done fighting for us when it always feels like you don’t give a fuck.
Marina’s mouth parted, a quiet strained breath fell from her lips.
Then another text.
Call me if you’re willing to work this out. I love you but I’m tired of this Marina.
Marina blinked at the texts.
Anyone else would’ve been done with Marina already. Would have her blocked and forgotten by now.
But she wasn’t anyone else, she was Saniya.
Saniya didn’t block her, Saniya texted her. Saniya was still leaving Marina with a choice.
She was the first to treat Marina like she was fragile, the first to handle her with care, like she was aware of how easily Marina could break.
The tears fell before Marina even registered that they were threatening to.
“What did I just do?” her voice cracked in the silence of the apartment.
Marina didn’t move, still remained pressed against the corner of her couch, phone in hand, tears streaming down her face.
Every effort Saniya’s ever put towards Marina playing like a movie.
All the times Marina tried shutting her out but Saniya wouldn’t let her. All the hours Saniya spent with Marina softly crying in her arms, not asking why, just holding her. All the moments Saniya spent focused on Marina in a crowded room.
All the small efforts, all the big efforts, every effort ever made on Saniya’s half played as a reminder.
A reminder of what Marina was letting slip away. A reminder of what Marina was risking losing.
More tears flowed, blurring Marina’s vision. Her throat fell tight, like the air in the room was running out, like she was using the last of it.
Without thinking, without being able to stop herself, her fingers found their way to Saniya’s contact, pressing call.
The phone rang as Marina chased her breath, trying to catch it, then a brief silence, followed by Saniya’s voice.
“Hello?” Saniya murmured.
Marina sobbed.
“Marina?” She questioned.
“Niya, please.” Marina whispered in between gasps for air.
Saniya fell quiet, no response.
“Please come back.” Marina continued, her voice strained.
“Please. I need you.” She begged, like a confession that she’d been refusing to admit.
Saniya sighed on the other line. Not annoyed. Not stressed.
Relieved.
Relieved to hear Marina admit it. Relieved that Marina called her and didn’t let their relationship fall, didn’t let go of what they had, didn’t let them fall apart, fall into nothing.
“I’ll be there in ten, okay?” her voice laced with a certain softness, a hidden apology.
And like Saniya said, ten minutes later, Marina heard keys jiggle in the lock.
The door flew open and Saniya walked in, closing the door behind her. She paused, eyes settling on Marina.
Marina, who despite feeling slightly better at the sight of Saniya back in her apartment, still remained a wreck. Tear stained cheeks, puffy eyes, swollen lips.
Marina didn’t say anything, just released a shaky breath and a sniffle, wiping the tears from her cheeks with the sleeve of her hoodie.
Saniya didn’t move for her first. Instead, she made her way to the kitchen, grabbing Marina’s water bottle and filling it.
She returned, sitting next to Marina as she placed the water bottle in Marina’s lap. Saniya shifted, her knee pressed against Marina’s. A warm touch, not overwhelming, instead, a reminder.
A reminder she was there, a reminder she was listening.
Marina bit her lip, eyes drifting to Saniya’s. “You’re right.” She began.
“I act like I don’t give a fuck, like I couldn’t care less if you left. But the truth,” Marina paused.
Tears resumed.
Saniya lifted her hand, thumb slowly wiping away the tears. Marina leaned into the touch, a silent beg for her to stay.
“The truth is, I do care. I care so much it hurts, it’s terrifying. I’m so scared one day you’ll realize I don’t deserve you, and you’ll really leave me.” She continued.
“And I know. I know that I shouldn’t be so cruel to you. So cold when you’re just trying to love me.”
“I just… I can’t help it. I feel so unworthy of this, of you, of your love. Everything about you is so perfect Niya, and everything about me isn’t.” Marina’s breath hitched, her eyes flickered away from Saniya’s.
Saniya’s brows furrowed, “Don’t you ever speak about yourself that way, Marina.” a gentle command.
“Marina, you deserve every bit of love I have to offer and more. No matter what your head is telling you, you’re so worthy of it.”
“And I get it. It’s scary, but I’m never leaving you. It was wrong of me to walk out on you today, when I should’ve just given you some time. I’m sorry.” Saniya apologized.
“I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t be so quick to shut down when you’re just trying to help.” Marina admitted.
The air thinned, the tension dissolved. It felt easier to breathe for Marina.
Saniya pulled Marina closer, pressing a kiss to her temple before letting her head rest on top of Marinas. Marina exhaled into the fabric of Saniya’s shirt.
Saniya pulled back, looking down at Marina, their eyes met again.
“I love you.” Marina smiled,
“I love you too.” Saniya smiled back.
Then a kiss, not heavy, no hidden emotions. Just calm, simply a soft reminder of the love they have for each other.
Marina pulled away, curling back into Saniya.
They remained close together for the rest of the night, falling asleep in the position. Saniya with her legs stretched out on the coffee table, leaning back into the cushioning of the couch. Marina, still curled into Saniya’s side, one hand pressed against Saniya’s chest, the other clasped in Saniya’s.
Soft and comforting.