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He loved Hinata Shoyo.
He loved Hinata Shoyo.
Kageyama Tobio was head over heels in love with Hinata Shoyo. Hinata Shoyo was someone Tobio wanted to spend the rest of his life with. It made sense, in all honesty. The moment he had laid his eyes on him, he knew.
He didn’t know that he loved him. Tobio found that out later; he knew something else.
He knew that Shoyo was going to be someone he was never going to get away from. Which is something Tobio truly loves.
He’s never really felt something like this before, the weird butterflies he gets whenever Tobio glances at Shoyo. Or the burst of red that would cover his face whenever Shoyo would just slightly touch him.
He doesn’t really get excited about many things, except for volleyball. At least he doesn’t really show that excitement.
It’s just that his body strangely reveals how much he enjoys Shoyo’s company. he doesn’t really appreciate not having a choice in his feelings. There’s only one way he knows how to explain his feelings for Shoyo.
A way that nobody will ever understand, besides him and Shoyo. It’s kind of fun, though, it’s almost like a little secret nobody will ever know besides them.
That explanation is volleyball.
Shoyo is volleyball.
A simple explanation that will only make sense to him, and that’s okay. Tobio knows what it means. He understands better than anyone.
Shoyo arrived at such a perfect time in his life; he couldn't be more grateful. Tobio’s life was a wilting flower in the middle of winter.
His once beautiful and vibrant petals are now falling off, and his great, big, valiant stem is starting to bend backwards. A terrible winter storm came into town.
It was a bad winter for him, and that’s how he’s remembered.
Although seasons never stay the same, they are constantly changing.
A beautiful summer brought him back, a memorable summer that helped him grow and adapt for the better, changed him into who he is today. That summer is named Hinata Shoyo.
A great force of love so pure knocked him off his feet; the wind of fondness swept him away. Shoyo is everything all at once; he's so much, but in a good way.
This epiphany wasn’t exactly hard to accept; his entire world didn’t change with the realization that he was in love with his best friend.
Everything stayed the same; the only difference is that things made more sense.
The thought of Shoyo being in a romantic relationship makes him burn with fury; now he knows why he feels that way. Or hearing girls in the hallway gush about how attractive Shoyo is.
That made him very annoyed. People calling Shoyo extremely attractive. Not even in spite of his jealousy. It’s just, the word "attractive" is too weak to describe his beauty.
Coming to the realization that he loved Shoyo makes things harder to be honest, because Shoyo just loves to touch people. Very subtle touches that a normal person would indicate as innocent in their eyes, but to Tobio, his touches feel like a storm.
He likes to give high fives or lightly rub his arm (Tobio loves it when he does that). Shoyo also likes to hold hands; the hand holding only lasts a few seconds, but to him, it feels like an eternity.
Nobody knows that he's in love with his best friend, and that's how it's going to stay. Tobio doesn’t need anyone prying into his non-existent love life; he has zero intentions of ever telling Shoyo how he feels.
Tobio doesn’t want this secret that’s been locked away in his heart out in the open. He can’t tell Shoyo, he simply can’t. If he were to tell him, and it turns out he doesn’t feel the same way. That news would ruin Tobios whole world; Shoyo is his whole world.
To lose Shoyo would be the equivalent of losing his oxygen. He holds Shoyo very close to his heart. Yes, it does sometimes hurt knowing he can’t say how he truly feels.
Losing Shoyo fully would hurt worse.
Shoyo is his partner; they play together, and they’re best friends. If this is the closest he will ever get to Shoyo, then that's okay with him. He’s happy with Shoyo being a part of his life in any way, even if it’s not the way he wants it.
Sometimes you don’t always get what you want; that’s the hard thing about life. Tobio’s life, unfortunately, isn’t a fairytale. The truth hurts.
All he wants to do is fall asleep to the sound of Shoyo’s heartbeat. A beautiful, soft rhythm that embodies the sound of what love sounds like. He wants to feel the warmth of Shoyo’s skin against his.
The purest feeling one could ever give, those thoughts only live in his fantasies. He wants to whisper ‘I love you’ a million times into Shoyo’s ear. Tobio wants to tell him that for the rest of his life, and he will never get tired of saying it.
He needs to say it until it’s embedded in Shoyo’s head, and he never wants him to forget it. Tobio wants Shoyo to carry on the knowledge he has about Tobio's love into many different lives.
Tobio will wish on every shooting star that these hopes and dreams will one day come true.
Nobody can know how Tobio truly feels.
Well, that was until his nosey sister found out.
Tobio was lying on his couch, minding his business while watching a dumb cartoon that was showing on the television. He wasn’t paying much mind to what was on, lost in thought about whatever else was going on in his head.
His sister was in the kitchen making dinner, and their parents were working super later. Per usual, most of the time it’s just Tobio at home alone, but his sister Miwa is in town for the weekend.
The Kageyama’s are a quiet family. Tobio's parents don’t talk much or show much expression. Tobio didn’t hear his parents tell him they loved him very often throughout his childhood, either.
Tobio just wasn’t very close to his parents, so none of that stuff exactly affected him. He was only ever close to his grandpa and sister.
“Tobio, dinner is ready. Come eat before it gets cold.” Miwa yells from the kitchen. Tobio gets up from the slightly uncomfortable position he was lying in and walks to the kitchen.
He takes a seat at the dining table across from where Miwa is sitting. It’s weird eating dinner with someone; usually, it’s just him. Tobio stares at what’s in front of him.
“I made your favorite! At least I think it’s still your favourite,” Miwa smiles at him. Proud of what she made, and Tobio is very grateful that she gave a second thought to what he would want to eat.
Tobio looks down at a bowl of pork curry with an egg on top. His stomach growls with excitement. This is still his favorite meal. “Yes, Miwa, this is my favorite, thank you.”
Tobio gives his thanks and starts to dig in. Miwa goes on about working as a hairstylist and what it’s like. She even mentions really bizarre stories that make him pause to stare at her.
She continues on and on, and Tobio listens. He doesn’t say much, but he will give his two cents now and then. Miwa starts asking questions about his life at school and such.
“Enough about me, what about you, Tobio?” Miwa asks while eating her curry.
“What about me?” Tobio takes a bite, not trying to make eye contact with his sister. He loathes eye contact. It’s awkward; despite Miwa being his sister, he still doesn’t like it.
“How’s school? Your third year is almost over, that's exciting.” Miwa is genuinely curious about Tobio's life, and he knows it. She really is a great sister, just busy. Tobio can’t blame her for that.
“Um, it’s fine, I guess? Everything is normal. Exams are coming up, but I think I’ll do fine. Shoyo and I are helping each other study for them. Which is funny because he is just as stupid as I am, so I don’t know how that's going to work.” Tobio laughs a little. It feels nice talking to Miwa. He misses it.
“Oh, how is Hinata-kun? I haven’t seen him in forever.”
“He’s doing fine. Shoyo is going to Brazil in about a year. He’s going there to train; let's hope he survives and doesn’t get kidnapped,” Tobio exclaims to Miwa.
Miwa stops eating and has a confused look on her face, Tobio notices but ignores it, and continues to talk. “I highly doubt the kidnappers would want to keep him because he is so annoying. They would send him back.”
Tobio laughs a little, but that confused look doesn’t really seem to leave Miwa's face.
“Brazil?” Miwa asks.
“Yeah, Brazil, why do you ask?”
“Are you going with him?” Miwa points to Tobio.
“Like hell I am, only Shoyo is stupid enough to ever actually do that.” Shoyo’s idea isn’t actually stupid. It’s courageous. Tobio doesn’t really know if he could ever do it alone if he's honest. He hopes Shoyo deeply thought everything through before deciding to leave for Brazil.
Shoyo goes into things headfirst without much thought.
“You’re just letting your boyfriend leave without you to another country alone? Wow, Tobio.” Miwa lets out a sigh and continues to eat her food.
What.
Boyfriend?
Miwa thinks Shoyo is Tobio’s boyfriend…?
Tobio just sits there, with a blank and shocked look on his face. It feels as if his entire world just stopped for a moment. A normal person would have just corrected their sister and moved on with a laugh, but not Tobio.
Shoyo isn’t just one of his friends, well, technically, he is. Just not in his own eyes.
Tobio sits there with an almost expressionless look on his face. Almost as if he had just seen a ghost.
Miwa looks up, confused. “Tobio? Are you okay?”
Tobio comes back from his thoughts and looks at Miwa. “Yeah, yeah, I’m good, but Miwa.”
‘Yes?”
“Did you say that Shoyo was my boyfriend?”
Miwa tilts her head and gives him a confused look. She goes to open her mouth to say something, but shuts it before anything comes out. “Is he not?” Miwa asks.
Tobio shakes his head. ‘No.”
Miwa crosses her arms, just not convinced by Tobio's answers. “I was never dating Shoyo, at least not that I know of.”
“Are you sure?”
”What do you mean by ‘ are you sure?’ Yes, I’m sure, Miwa. I think I would know if I had a boyfriend.” Tobio is very confused about where Miwa is getting this information from. It’s not like he and Shoyo kiss or do anything romantic around Miwa.
Shoyo has met Miwa a few times, and they have even all gone out together for dinner. So he isn’t understanding where his sisters information is coming from.
“Okay, so you guys just don’t know yet. Makes sense.” Miwa starts to pick up her and Tobio's dirty dishes and brings them to the sink.
Tobio scrunches his face, confused about what Miwa is implying.
“What are you even talking about?” Tobio turns his body to face Miwa in the kitchen while still sitting down.
“Yknow, your feelings!” Miwa replies while doing the dishes.
“I have no feelings towards Shoyo, and vice versa.” Tobio bluntly lies. He isn’t very good at lying, but he still tries. He doesn’t want Miwa finding out, it’s not even because she would ever tell him or anything.
Miwa knows Tobio better than he knows himself. She will know exactly what he needs to do and say. Tobio doesn’t think he’s ready for any of that. Not yet.
“Sure.”
Tobio doesn’t like that response, Miwa can tell based on his face. He gives up on even trying to deny it. Miwa knows. There's no reason to even try to debunk the accusations.
“Please don’t say anything. Shoyo doesn’t know, and it’s all very new to me. I don’t know how to feel…or what to do.” He pleads to Miwa with tears prickling in his eyes. Tobio’s voice is cracking a little, and he's stuttering over his words.
Miwa looks over to Tobio and gives him a sad look, as if she feels bad. “Oh, Tobio.” She stops doing the dishes and walks over to sit in the chair right next to him.
“I would never tell a soul how you feel. I promise, but why didn’t you tell me sooner?” She grabs his hands away from his lap and holds them.
“It’s a new feeling. I really like him, and it’s just been hard.” Tobio sniffles a little, trying his hardest not to cry.
“I understand.” She pauses for a moment.
“What made you even come to that accusation? That he and I were dating.” Tobio questions; it’s all intriguing since they weren’t dating. He starts playing back memories when they were all three together, not really picking up any signs they might have left.
“I’m more surprised to find you two aren't dating, rather than actually dating.” Miwa laughs a little, still squeezing Tobio's hands out of comfort. “Anyone who spends just a few minutes with you guys could figure it out. It doesn’t take a genius, silly.”
”Oh.” He mutters.
Tobio’s sister's words bring him instant comfort. He trusts her with his life, and he doesn’t trust many people.
“Do you ever plan on telling him how you fe-”
“No! Never. Absolutely not.” He immediately cuts off Miwa. There's no need to even have a conversation about him confessing because it’s not happening. Tobio has accepted that fact; now he just has to move on and forget.
Miwa scowls. “Why not?”
“That would ruin everything, Miwa! It hurts to only have him as a friend, but I can’t imagine not having him at all.” Tobio is embarrassed, spilling his heart out like this doesn’t feel great.
Miwa removes Tobio's hands from her grasp and leans back a little. “You must not know Shoyo at all if that's how you feel.” She scoffs, and Tobio scratches his head, not knowing what she means.
“If you really believe Shoyo would stop being your friend just because you told him how you felt, then you must not know him at all. Tobio, you guys have a love I’ve never seen before. You guys care for each other. He cares for you.”
Miwa continues with her rant.
“He would appreciate it if you told him, and you know that. He might even like you, too! But you’re never going to know if you don’t tell him.” Miwa is right, of course, she's right. Miwa is always right.
Tobio starts to tear up again; he doesn’t really know why he's crying. “I don’t want things to change between us. I care for him. A lot.” Tobio confesses.
“I know you do. You guys have a bond that's so strong nothing can ever change that. Shoyo would never just kick you to the curb over how you feel. I don’t think his feelings are much different from yours.” Miwa laughs.
“He doesn’t like me.”
“Oh, I wasn’t aware that you already told him.”
Tobio doesn’t reply.
“Listen to me, Tobio. Never be scared to say how you truly feel. Especially if it’s true to you.” Tobio looks Miwa in the eyes and listens deeply. “Be your true self. Rejection is scary, yes, but never knowing the truth is scarier. You don’t know how Shoyo feels about you, even if you might think you do.”
Tobio stops crying and considers her words. “What if he doesn’t like me back? How am I supposed to continue just being his friend with these feelings taking over my life?” Tobio asks in hopes of some direction.
“You continue to live knowing you have guts, strength, and courage. Most people continue with life with so many questions that will never be answered.” Miwa looks at him deeply.
“Don’t be one of those people.”
Her words hit Tobio like a truck.
“You love him, right?” Miwa asks while smiling. Love is a funny word. Tobio has never been in love before, but it seems fitting for his current situation. He couldn't imagine a life without Shoyo.
Shoyo is like a droplet of sun that somehow fell from the sky. That droplet created a human being that somehow squeezed its way into Tobio’s life. Every smile and laugh that escapes from his mouth radiates sunbeams and happiness.
Shoyo is the embodiment of the sun. You need the sun to survive.
Shoyo is Tobio’s sun.
“I do love Shoyo.”
Miwa smiles at Tobio’s answer, proud of what he said.
“Don’t run away from love just because you’re scared. Sometimes you’re supposed to be scared. Be proud that you found someone to love instead of hiding. Hiding will do you no good.” Miwa grabs his hands in that comforting way again, that way Tobio loves.
“You’re a lucky person, Tobio. You have someone to hold close to your heart, someone you can never let go of, because it's rare. You have a rare and mesmerising relationship with Shoyo. When it comes to him, sometimes it’s okay to be selfish. Be selfish with Shoyo, don’t let anything drive you away from him. Run if you have to, but run with him. Not alone.”
Miwa’s words sting, but in a good way. Like medicine on an open cut. It sometimes hurts to apply it, but it’s needed.
“You’re never going to be alone ever again with him in your life. That’s something to be proud of. Be brave, step forward, and tell him how you really feel. Running away will get you nowhere; you will only be left aggravated with unresolved feelings.” Miwa exclaims and releases Tobio’s hands from hers.
Tobio hates to admit it, but she's right. Running away will get him nowhere, and Shoyo is a great person. He isn’t going to leave Tobio over some silly feelings.
They’re partners, and they both have a promise to live up to after all.
Tobio has to tell him; he has to tell Shoyo how he feels before this burst of courage leaves his body. He immediately gets out of his seat and darts, bolting towards the door. “I have to go.”
“It’s raining, lover-boy. You can tell him later.” Miwa tells Tobio as he opens the door to see rain coming down from the sky. It’s almost dark, but not quite. He can make it to Shoyo’s house before it gets dark.
“No. I can’t tell him later. As you said, sometimes it’s okay to be selfish.” Tobio starts running. He runs, and runs, and doesn’t stop. He runs through dirty puddles and soggy grass.
He isn’t really thinking of which way he's heading, hoping his body will just lead him in the right direction. He’s going to tell Shoyo. He’s telling him his true feelings.
Tobio has too, especially since Shoyo will be leaving for Brazil eventually. The truth needs to come out. Tobio runs up hills and through neighbourhoods to get to Shoyo’s house.
The rain doesn’t stop; it only gets harder. Tobio can barely see, and his shirt and jeans are sticking to his skin in a very uncomfortable way.
His stomach burns, and his ribs hurt. It’s getting harder to breathe, but stopping will do him no good.
He starts to recognise some of his surroundings, which means Shoyo’s house is close. The thunder makes a loud, frightening noise, and it makes Tobio jump a little.
He starts to see Shoyo’s house from a distance. Maybe if he took his bike, this would be easier.
He slows down as he approaches Shoyo’s house, not seeing his bike anywhere to be found. Tobio finally makes a complete stop. He brings his hands to his knees as he pants very loudly. Almost completely out of breath from all the running.
“Tobio, what are you doing here?” A familiar voice he knows all too well appears. It’s the voice that takes over his dreams, the voice of the guy he's in love with.
Tobio turns to face Shoyo, who rolls up on his bike, also completely drenched. Tobio’s heart starts to speed up after remembering what he’s here for. He can do this and have courage. Remember what Miwa said.
“Shoyo, I have something to tell you.”
Shoyo gets off his bike and sets it on the ground. Tobio walks up to where Shoyo’s standing and is right before him. With his words locked and loaded. Shoyo nods his head from Tobio to continue, “Are you okay? It is raining silly-yama.” Shoyo laughs.
The music of his laughter fills his eardrums. A pleasant sound.
“I don’t really know where I’m going with this, so just listen.” Tobio’s hands shake in fear, his knees feel shaky, but that’s probably from the cold rather than fear. “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I mean it. I was taken aback with amazement from the day I played against you.”
Tobio’s face feels red; he’s already embarrassed.
“You make me a better person, you make me want to keep going and get better. There’s no denying that I would be the same stuck-up up bratty kid if it weren’t for you. I’ve never really had friends, but all of a sudden, you show up, and everything changed.” His voice is shaky, and he doesn’t know if he's crying or if his wet eyes are from the rain.
Tobio wants and needs to tell Shoyo these things; he can’t be scared forever. That will do him no good. Miwa’s words reply in his head to remind him to keep going.
Tobio can’t tell what expression is on Shoyo’s face; he’s never been good at reading people anyway. But he almost looks scared.
Oh no.
It’s okay, Tobio, don’t stop now, you’ve already started.
“Miwa told me to stop being so scared of how I feel and be honest. So, this is me being honest. You make my life better, you make me better. I couldn’t imagine a life without you. I don’t know how I even lived before knowing you. I love you, Shoyo. I love you more than words will ever be able to explain. My story truly started the minute I met you. The day you promised to defeat me was the day I had something to look forward to.”
Tobio runs his fingers through his soggy wet hair to get it out of his face; he doesn’t really want to try and even read Shoyo’s expression. Scared he isn’t going to like what he’s going to see.
“I want to be with you every day for the rest of my life, but not as friends. I want all of you every day, for eternity. Even eternity is too short a time to spend with you. I want you on your good days, bad days, and days when we both have nothing to say or do.”
Tobio finally dares to look at Shoyo’s expression.
Shoyo has a soft look on his face. His hands are at his side, and his hair is flat and soaked. His hair is wet, the only time it will ever be tame.
“I love every little thing about you. I love the way you hate the rain because it takes away from you going outside. I love the way you wouldn't dare to even kill a fly because they have a life, and a family. I love the way your freckles come out during the summer, even though you hate them.”
Tobio doesn’t stop; he continues to list all the things he loves about Shoyo.
“I love everything about you, Shoyo, I really do. I don’t want this to ruin our friendship. If you don’t feel the same way, I understand. I just couldn't keep quiet anymore; I can’t keep hiding my feelings. It was going to do me no good.”
Tobio stops. He has more to say, but his voice hurts from talking so much at once. He takes some deep breaths. Shoyo is quiet and just staring at him. That doesn’t make Tobio feel good at all.
A wave of nausea hits him; Tobio is terrified.
The rain quiets down a little, and it’s finally dark outside. He and Shoyo just stand there. Wet from head to toe, quiet as a mouse.
Tobio starts to apologise because he doesn’t know what else to do.
“I’m sorry, I hope you don’t hate me because of this. I just didn’t know what else to-” Tobio is interrupted by Shoyo grabbing his face and smashing their lips together. The kiss is messy and not calm at all. Just like them. Neither of them have ever kissed anyone before, so neither of them knows what to do.
Despite how messy the kiss is, the connection of their lips together creates a beautiful rhythm. Sparks fly at each motion they make, Shoyo’s hands roam Tobio’s hair, and he keeps his hands at Shoyo’s waist.
Tobio understands.
Tobio knows.
He knows why people kiss; he never really got the appeal, but Jesus. This is amazing. He can stay like this forever and never get tired of it. Shoyo’s lips on Tobio’s makes him feel things he’s never felt before.
Shoyo’s hands in his hair that now roam his chest is better than any brief touch he’s ever felt from him. Tongues are clashing, mouths are opening a bit too wide for a kiss, but it doesn’t matter.
What matters is that it’s perfect for them.
He squeezes Shoyo’s waist, wanting more. He needs more of him; this kiss isn't enough. He wants to live inside his skin and make a home there. He wants all of Shoyo in every possible way, selfish or not.
Tobio is done caring.
Shoyo breaks away from the kiss, and they both take a few deep breaths. Shoyo looks into Tobio’s eyes while smiling. As if he’s tracing every single feature on his face and memorising it so he doesn’t forget.
He has done that to Shoyo many times.
“Took you long enough, Tobio.” Shoyo is the first one out of them to speak.
“What?” he questions as he releases Shoyo from his grip. “I love you too, I always have,” Shoyo confesses with a smile.
“No way”, he can’t believe it. Miwa was right; the feelings were mutual.
“It's true, I just never knew how to tell you. Looks like you beat me to it.” Shoyo playfully nudges Tobio's shoulder.
He can’t really believe his ears and what he’s hearing. He doesn’t know what to say, nor does he know what to do. He loves Shoyo, and Shoyo loves him. The thing he was once so afraid of doesn’t exist anymore.
His heart aches with so much love for Shoyo, it’s heavy. The weight of that ache used to feel uncomfortable and unbearable. Now it feels light and airy; it’s comforting now that he has finally said how he’s truly felt.
He loves Shoyo.
Shoyo loves him back.
Tobio has the perfect response to what Shoyo has to say. A response only the two will understand.
“Looks like that’s a point for me.”