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The air in the pub was vibrating with the Christmas spirit and various Welton students were pushing each other past the chairs and tables to get as close as possible to the makeshift stage set up at one end of the room. Charlie was already seated at the table the dead poets had claimed for themselves, right up front and center. His fingers tapped over the rough wood, rehearsing the piece he was about to play, once more in his head.
Mr. Keatings entire English course had been asked to do a little performance at the pub as a sort of Christmas celebration.
“Embrace the arts and share your joy for it! Spread it and give it to the people! Christmas is all about sharing love with the people around you, and what is love if not song, poetry, stories?”, their teacher had said, three weeks ago, arms spread nearly as widely as the grin on his face.
Todd of course was destroyed by these news, absolutely hating the idea of having to perform, not only in front of the class, but also in front of strangers. However, Neil was there immediately to stop him from spiraling and with Knox as added emotional support, the three quickly decided to form a trio this evening.
Charlie would have to lie to say that he wasn’t at least a bit jealous of not being a part of their performance, but Neil and Know have always been the emotions-experts. He probably would just make Todd even more anxious if that was even possible. Besides, he was really excited for his own show. Oh, how lucky he was that his parents not only forced thousands of clarinet lessons on him but just as many piano lessons. Maybe he would have to thank his old folks for this torture after all.
The song he picked out for today was short and “sweet” and most importantly, would piss off Cameron. Charlie saw it as an early, little Christmas gift to himself. A Christmas gift that would be much more enjoyable if he could share it with all of his friends.
“Where the hell, are Knox, Neil and Todd! Are they chickening out after all?!”
He asked his friends, one hand pointing at the empty chairs as if they were to blame for their emptiness. Meeks, Pitts and Cameron all looked at him, slightly startled.
“ I wish I knew. I thought they had left extra early to prepare a bit more”, Meeks looked at the clock on the wall “ And the show was also supposed to have started 3 minutes ago.”
“Maybe, they’re all too scared to perform with you in the audience.” Cameron quipped at Charlie, probably still feeling a bit pissed that Charlie stole one of his meatballs during lunch. Still, the brunet could not just let that stand.
“The only one who should be scared of having me in the audience is you!”
He leaned forward on the table, to get a bit closer to the offender. Pitts let out a throaty laugh.
“What are you gonna do? Throw tomatoes at him? Play the sax whenever he tries to speak?”
Before Charlie could even consider these, objectively amazing ideas, Mr. Keating slammed two hands down on the table.
“Boys, we’re faced with some difficulty. The first group still needs some more preparation time. Does anyone of you feel ready to help out your fellow artists in need?”
He looked at all the boys in front of him, who were all a bit too surprised to respond immediately.
“Mr. Dalton? You already sounded pretty confident in school today.”
Charlie snapped out of his little trance as soon as his name was mentioned. He might’ve bragged a bit too loudly to his friends this morning.
“Oh, yes my Captain! I was practically born ready for this.”, leaning back on his chair, he let a half grin cross over his face, trying to look as confident as…well as Charlie Dalton always does.
“That’s the spirit Mr. Dalton! Then up, up and backstage! You have about ten minutes until the waiters have set up the Piano for you!”
The teacher rushed him towards a door behind the stage. A wonky sign on it told everyone that this was supposed to be the backstage for tonight.
--
Outside of tonight, so the inside suggested, it was just an extra room with dozens of wooden tables and chairs pressed against one wall. It was dusty and no one had bothered to turn on the lights so just one small window served as a light source. Charlie patted his sweaty hands on his pants, trying to actually feel as confident as he pretended to be. It’s not that he was a nervous wreck but can anyone actually stay completely calm before going put on a stage? Especially when they’re thrown into it so suddenly?! For the sake of his own ego, Charlie decided that, that was impossible.
He needed to somehow get the five minutes over with, distract himself. Just as he was about to pull out the crumpled note sheet out of his pocket, he noticed a girl at the far end of the room, her ear pressed against yet another door. That signature smirk crept back on Charlies lips. A girl was much more entertaining than looking over notes for the hundredth time.
With his hands in his pockets, the smirk on his face and relaxed shoulders he made his way over to the unsuspecting lady.
“Well, what is a pretty girl like you doing in here all alone?”
She teared her head from the door, clearly startled from being suddenly addressed. And as soon as her eyes met his, he realized that she was actually pretty. Like really pretty. Like heart erupting into a thousand little butterflies pretty.
Charlie needed a short second to catch himself, now was really the worst time to lose his composure. It was weird, with her long, slender face and slim pink lips she didn’t look at all like the girls Charlie usually went for. Still, he was certain that she was the prettiest girl he had seen so far. All this sudden romance went to his head way too quickly. Was this how Knox always felt? It was absolutely unbearable.
“I-“, started the girl, reminding Charlie that it was generally considered rude to stare. Not that that made him stop. Her eyebrows were drawn together and her brown eyes wide, making her look somewhere between confused and surprised. When she didn’t continue, Charlie jumped in:
“ All lost for words, are you now? You don’t have to be scared of me, I’ll be gone again in…eight minutes. To perform. You should come and watch me.”, he pulled his hands out of his pockets and instead leaned one arm on the wall next to her. But despite all his best efforts to appear cool and approachable, she just blinked at him slowly.
,, Are you also performing?”, it was his last shot, his last attempt before deciding that she might be incredibly pretty, but sadly also incredibly stupid. And it worked. She snapped out of her trance and ran a hand through her starkly blonde hair.
“Oh I-…yes, I am. My friends and me were supposed to go up first but now they’re having a moment in the bathroom.”, she hammered against the door with surprising force at that last bit. Her voice had a nice raspy tone that was unexpected to Charlie, but also felt comfortable, familiar in a way.
“ Well, if they look anything like you they don’t have nothing to worry about.”, he let his gaze wander to the elegant red dress her surprisingly broad body was covered with. A beautiful blush crept up her face but she also turned her face away, nearly scanning the room. Oh, she was already absolutely smitten, Charlie could just tell. And he knew exactly what he needed to do to make her swoon.
“I’ve been visiting a poetry class in school…”, he leaned a bit closer to her and her eyes went wide “…and I’ve gotten pretty good at coming up with them. I could write you one right now.” A huff of air escaped her like a gasp.
“Oh, could you now?”, the word “could” was stressed in a way that Charlie just chose not to question. It would just confuse him, and this Knoxious-like romance was already confusing enough.
“Sure, I could.”
But as he looked into her eyes, feeling all these weird feelings, all he really could do was remember Knox. How he stood in front of the classroom reciting his absolutely pathetic, but kinda sweet poem.
This could not be the only poem in his mind right now. He must have something better stored up there. But his mind blanked completely, and he needed something now.
To hell with it, he thought, It worked for Knox and Chris.
“ I see a sweetness in your smile…”
The start was a bit clumsy but the girls mouth flew open anyway, clearly blown away.
“Bright light shines from your eyes,”
and it really did as her eyes pierced into his, turning his tongue into a slug.
“But life is complete,”
he pushed on.
“Contentment is mine”
her mouth moved slightly, nearly like she was trying to mouth the words along.
“Just knowing that”
and here he just, very authentically, reenacted Knox nervous break.
“…you’re alive.”
She was silent and just stared at Charlie in (hopefully) awe. When the silence got awkward, Charlie flippantly moved his hand through the air.
“It’s not the best, I know. But-“,
now she found her words again and nearly defensively crossed her arms in front of her chest.
“Not the best?! I thought it was quite good actually! I’m sure a lot of love and heart was put into it.”
Now it was Charlies turn to be surprised. She had taken way more from this poem than expected.
“I’m glad –“
The sound of a door opening with a croaking creak interrupted them and threw a light across her face. Like gold it poured over her and Charlie had to seriously pull himself together to look at the waiter in the doorframe.
“Charlie Dalton, you’re up!”, and then the door fell close again and his gaze returned to those brown eyes.
“It seems I have to share my talent elsewhere. But if you press your ear to this door you may listen to it once more, Miss…”
She looked at him as if she had forgotten her name for a second.
“Miss…Miss…Christian. Noelle Christian, yes.”
Noelle Christian, the name had an odd ring to it, but he couldn’t quite place it. Instead of dwelling on that he reached for her hand and placed a chaste kiss on it. A yelp escaped her and a shiver went through his whole body, starting at his lips.
“See you later!”, he whispered and went back out.
--
“Up next is Charlie Dalton, performing “I Hold Your Hand In Mine” by Tom Lehrer!”
Charlie cracked his knuckles and threw a confident smirk to the audience before he first laid hands on the keys and sung the first notes into the microphone. Sweat was covering his palms but oddly enough the thought of a pretty girl listening to him somewhere backstage only made him play better. Now he had even more of a reason to show off. It nearly made up for the fact that he still couldn’t see Knox, Todd or Neil in the audience.
The further he got into the song, the more he got into it, and the paler Cameron’s face grew. At one point he thought he saw him mouth Is this song legal? to Pitts and that was honestly better than any applause. Of which he also didn’t get all too much. The crowd was pretty evenly divided on thinking this song was funny and clapping and just looking at him disturbed. Which meant he had had exactly the impact he had hoped for. Hopefully, Noelle was standing behind the door giggling and not shivering.
With one (or five) extravagant bows Charlie said goodbye to the stage and went back to sit with the poets. Really a shame Neil wasn’t there. Him and Charlie have been listening to Lehrer non-stop for the past weeks and he would’ve absolutely loved this. However, Meeks also immediately gave him an appreciative shoulder pat and a huge grin.
“Sir, what a show!”
“This should already be enough to get you expelled.” Cameron whispered over to him.
Charlie just chuckled as one of the waiters came back up on stage to announce the next act. Noelle’s.
“Well, that for sure was a performance. Next up we have something just a bit more agreeable. Marilyn Monroe’s “Diamonds Are A Girls Best Friend”, performed by Neil Perry, Todd Anderson and Knox Overstreet, in drag!”
The words reached Charlie and circled around his head. With each round they did his heart rate accelerated but he couldn’t decipher them to know why. Until his three friends stumbled onto the stage. All of them dressed in elegant red dresses. All of them wearing wigs in a stark blonde.
Heat rose to his ears and it took all his restraint to not just smash his head against the table. Or at least let out a yawp. Never had he needed to let out a yawp more than now.
Neil took center stage, Todd stood, face turned down, to his right and Knox to his left. Now in the bright light it was obvious to Charlie that these were his three friends in cheap wigs. How could he not have noticed that backstage? It must’ve been the light.
Knox’s eyes met his for a split second only to immediately avoid them again, the blush being visible even beneath his make-up.
The brown eyes, the long face, the thin rosy lips. Charlie Dalton had flirted with Knox Overstreet.
With his own poem. His head became too heavy to carry, so while he couldn’t let it fall on the table he rested it on his hands.
“Wohooo! Sexy”, yelled Pitts as the first notes started playing and the guests that weren’t ashamed of men in dresses started clapping. Charlie probably should join. Yell obscenities, clap and cheer. But all he could do was stare at Knox.
Knox, who wasn’t half as confident on stage as Neil, but not also not as anxious as Todd. Knox, who had to adjust his wig every two seconds. Knox who’s eyes were avoiding Charlie’s. Knox, who probably still was the prettiest girl Charlie had ever seen.
Out of the three only Neil could really sing, also because Todd was, despite microphone, basically inaudible. He kept withdrawing into himself more and more until Neil went over to him, grabbed his hands and started whirling him over the stage in an uncoordinated dance. And slowly Todd became audible again, forming a disharmonic harmony with Neil’s singing.
Charlie probably wouldn’t have noticed any of that if Knox wouldn’t have been thrown off by it and had looked at his two singing partners. Knox stumbled a bit through the lyrics before he caught himself again, swaying in a clumsy dance behind his micro. Now that he was the only one up front he seemed like the main character on stage.
The light. Yeah, sure it was the light. The longer Charlie looked at this man the clearer it became how ridiculous that idea was. There was no world in which the girl on stage looked like anyone but Knox Overstreet. And he had known. Somewhere, deep inside of him, he had already known who he was talking to backstage. The feelings weren’t really new. They just felt allowed all of a sudden. Because now Knox was a girl, and Charlie wasn’t gay. He had always loved women, was smooth in talking with them, charmed them easily. But he had also never had feelings this strong for a woman.
Knox’s eyes wandered over the crowd, and a smile suddenly spreading across his face, and Charlie didn’t even have to look away from Knox to know who he was looking at.
Knox being a girl wasn’t the only reason why Charlie reacted this way backstage. It was also that Knox wasn’t Knox anymore. He wasn’t Charlies pathetic but hopeful friend, or the classmate who also never understood Trig homework. He wasn’t a member of the Dead Poets Society. And most importantly, he wasn’t Chris Noels boyfriend. In that backstage room he was just a girl whom he could safely fall in love with and who could possibly love him back.
“Is Dalton okay? Never took him as the type to be speechless when his friends show up in dresses.” Cameron made some noises somewhere.
“Maybe he practiced the rockstar-lifestyle already and is high on some powder.” Pitts throaty laugh.
“He looks rather down, honestly. Hey, Dalton.” Meeks snapped his fingers in front of Charlies face. He just swatted them away.
“I’m fine, I just need to think.”, he grumbled, sight still set on Knox.
A giggle from Cameron’s direction: “No wonder he looks so spaced out then. It’s probably the first time he’s ever done that.”
The performance was coming to an end and Neil dramatically pulled the other two boys in for a hug and then a bow. The audience clapped and many of the other students yelled for autographs, even Charlie managed it to clap and whistle. As he left the stage, Knox pulled off his wig with an exhausted sigh. And just like that, vanished the prettiest girl Charlie has ever seen, to never appear again. He didn’t even get to spend 20 minutes with her and he was already sure every girl he would meet in the future would have to compete with her.
That was it with dating for Charlie Dalton. It was just over now. “No girl after Knox Overstreet” was probably written somewhere in his DNA. He surrendered to gravity and let his head fall on the table.
“Was the thinking that unsuccessful?” Meeks gave him a pat on the back, quickly followed by a smack on the head by Neil.
“You weren’t even dancing! What are you exhausted from? Get up and congratulate your Ladies!”
Charlie had to let out a chuckle at that and raised his head again.
“ You made me go up first! The adrenaline from that still has to wear off!”
“No one believes that you had even an ounce of fear on that stage, Dalton.”, Cameron was really pushing it today.
“And they’d be right in that, Dick. Now get here Ladies, you were spectacular.” Charlie pulled Neil and Todd into congratulatory hug.
“Coming from you that’s an extra compliment. Amazing song choice!” Neil gave him that big smile he had missed during his own performance.
Knox came to their table a second later, Chris in tow. Charlie gave her a small smile. She was a good girl and good for Knox. No one he could really be jealous of.
“Chris, you won’t believe it! This guy made tried to make me cheat on you!” Knox’s accusatory finger was pointed at Charlies chest. Relief washed over him. He was much more comfortable with discussing this situation in such a joking way rather than later in a heart to heart. This way it was easier to just push all those feelings under the rug. “Cape Diem” was great when it gave him a reason to mess with authority but not here. Not when so much was at stake.
“Don’t act like you didn’t go along with it, Knoxious! Putting on a pretty voice, and inventing a new name…”
“I thought you were joking! I had to go along with it! And when you just quoted my poem at me, I was way to startled to still back out! Who even does that?” Knox looked ever so slightly flustered and it brought a smirk to Charlie’s face, despite being called out.
“Oh, can you really blame me? I saw a pretty girl and I took my chances, isn’t that what you did with Chris?” Charlie did his best to bat his eyelashes at Knox.
“He’s right with that.”, said Chris, laying a hand around Knox’s waist “And I would also absolutely have flirted with a girl as pretty as you.”, she made kissy noises in Knox’s face and a laugh burst out of Charlie. He and that girl had a lot in common. A delicious blush crept up Knox’s face and he mumbled a “Stooop.”
“I feel like I missed something.” Neil said as he took a seat to the right of Charlie, fidgeting to get the dress under the table.
“ I really hope no one ever tells you.” Charlie smiled.
The show just continued, completely ignoring that Charlie’s world had just turned upside down, so Charlie decided to also just ignore it. He laughed with his friends, listened to various singers, poets and puppeteers, sneered at Cameron’s performance and generally did his best to be himself. It really didn’t matter then that he avoided looking at Knox, avoided noticing his laugh, his excitement for the love songs and his adoration for Chris. Those were all things he could think of later, when the lights were turned off and Cameron snoring next to him. And he knew he would, for many nights to come.