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They sit on the sofa that night, exhausted from a long day of filming, both of them on their phones, legs tangled together, just coexisting. Phil puts his phone on the coffee table and breathes out in the way that lets Dan know his partner has something to say. So Dan also puts his phone away and looks at Phil expectantly.
“I know we've only been joking, but I feel like we need to seriously revisit the marriage conversation after today's podcast,” Phil says.
“You know how I feel about this, Phil”, Dan sighs.
“I know, but I wanna try to change your mind”
“Alright”, Dan chuckles, “you can try.” He doesn’t tell Phil, but at this point, he won’t need much more convincing.
“Look, I didn’t want to put you on the spot earlier, but it really sounded like you were thinking about marriage. In, like, a serious way. Am I right?” Phil asks.
“I guess I am thinking about it. Now that we’ve come out as - collaboratively gay, it’s the first time I can actually think about it. But it’s still scary as fuck. I mean, what if we jinx it with that? Things are just fine as they are right now, don’t you think?” Dan says.
“I know what you mean, yeah, although I think for once I might be less superstitious than you. I don’t think we’ll jinx it”, Phil says gently, “in fact, I think it could be great”
“But then again, it’s kind of what people expect of us now, and I don’t want to do it on principle.” Dan shifts around uncomfortably. It’s not that he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life with Phil - he does. But it’s an identity question at this point. Does he really want to be a married man?
“Daniel, did you forget that we are gay? At this point, getting married is the thing people do not expect us to do. We could end homophobia by getting married”
“I don’t think we’d end homophobia”, Dan laughs, “but, like, you do have a point. I would have loved to see a famous queer couple getting married when I was younger.” Maybe being a married man wouldn’t be so bad as long as he was married to another man. As long as he was married to his man, his partner.
“That is a good point”, says Phil, “but ultimately, I want to be doing it for us, not for anyone else.”
“It’s not like I’m going to leave you just because we’re not married”, Dan grumbles, “also, for all it’s worth, we are already inextricably intertwined, we don’t even need a wedding. We have the mortgage, and life insurance, we own the copyright of our names together!”
“So what you’re saying is, we might as well get married”, Phil says.
“That’s exactly the opposite of what I’m saying, and you know it”, Dan says and pokes Phil in his ribs, making him giggle.
“But you’re not as opposed to the idea as you used to be, are you?” Phil says.
“I guess not”, Dan admits.
Phil takes a deep breath and makes a decision. He slides off the sofa and arranges his long limbs until he’s down on one knee in front of Dan.
“What are you doing?” Dan giggles.
“What do you think? I’m proposing to you. Now shut up, let me ask my question”
“Well, what is your question, Phil?” Dan feels like he is on a first date again, or maybe even on a first message to Phil. There are butterflies in his stomach. He can’t believe this is happening. He can’t believe he’s reacting like this to this sappy bullshit.
“Daniel James Howell. Will you marry me?” Phil holds out his hands with an imaginary ring between them.
“Phil, are you actually serious right now?” Dan asks. He feels slightly lightheaded.
“Yes, I’m serious! I know this isn’t, like, a very romantic situation, but it’s very us, don’t you think?”
“Phil, I - could you come up off the floor?”
Phil sits back down on the sofa, nearly on Dan’s lap. He’s still grinning, but he feels slightly insecure now. Maybe that was too much too soon?
But then Dan kisses him, and everything feels alright again. They kiss for a long time, tenderly, putting all the things they can’t say in the kiss. At some point, Phil can’t take it anymore, and he breaks free, smiling at Dan gently. His love. His life. His everything.
“So do you? Want to marry me?” he asks.
After 16 years, Dan wouldn't have thought he could still be giddy over a question Phil asks him. And suddenly, the answer is easy. He wants to be with Phil. In every possible way.
“I do. I kind of do wanna marry you”, he says.
And then he kisses Phil again, more passionately this time. Phil feels like a weight that he didn’t know was there has been lifted. He wasn’t really scared of Dan saying no. It wouldn’t have changed anything. He said no many times in the past, although Phil has of course never officially proposed to him. But now that he has said yes, Phil realises how much he wanted this. How much he wanted to call Dan his in a new way.
Finally, Phil pulls away again. “Kind of?” he laughs.
“Well, I can’t go from zero to a hundred percent commitment in a minute now, can I?” says Dan.
“Admit it, you were already ninety-nine percent committed before I asked you to marry me”
“I guess so - So does that mean we’re engaged now?” asks Dan.
“I guess so”, Phil parrots, “although I will buy you a ring soon so we can do it properly”
Dan rolls his eyes, “That is such a cliché, please do not buy me a ring”
“You can’t stop me, my dear fiancé”, Phil says.
“Fiancé”, Dan tries out how the word feels on his tongue. It feels foreign and exciting and like the right next step.
“Husband”, Phil smiles and kisses him again.