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I love the boss of Port Mafia. My boss. My savior.
These words often come from Atsushi's thoughts.
I love him. I love him so much it hurts.
From the day Dazai picked him up from the orphanage after his escape. Dazai never questioned or was surprised with how Atsushi was covered in blood or why he had faint lichtenberg figures around certain parts of his body. Maybe he didn’t care at the time, he wasn’t the Port Mafia boss at the time; but merely a scrangly sixteen year old boy wrapped head to toe in bandages.
Atsushi felt that his heart couldn’t tell the difference between all the types of love out there. He didn’t even know there were more than one type until he befriended Kyouka and developed a platonic love for the girl, who like him, was brought into this world by force.
But eventually, he knew that he loved Dazai and Dazai only.
When he would gaze at him in a room full of other members while discussing numbers and figures Atsushi didn’t care to know about. Dazai wanted him in there, across from the long table standing guard at the door. It felt silly to Atsushi, the boss’ favorite Executive was always next to him. The man could easily crush any fool trying to ambush and assassinate Dazai.
Dazai’s gaze always burned. That singular brown eye told so much more to Atsushi. It was always bright when he looked at the weretiger and hollow—empty when someone would take his attention away. At least, that’s what Atsushi believed.
He loves him.
Why else would Dazai put so much trust in someone who had no control over their own ability. There was always a chance Atsushi would transform unwillingly and kill Dazai by mistake. Calling Atsushi to his office without being watched by his partner or making him leave, without the man scolding their boss and giving Atsushi idle threats.
Atsushi was used to that.
What he wasn’t used to was the first time the two of them took their relationship of owner and pet further.
Waking up next to a warm body was unnatural to Atsushi. The body being of his beloved boss was even more unnatural to him. Yes, his body was sore and covered in marks left by Dazai; but—he loved it. Being caged between Dazai’s arms and tricking himself into believing he was the only person in the world who got the privilege of seeing both of Dazai’s eyes. It made him feel special, the only person in Dazai’s life. So what if he was only sixteen and stupid, so what if their new nightly routine pissed Dazai’s beloved Executive off. They didn’t like each other, they always bickered and called each other names.
Dazai always would grab his wrist and pull him into his lap after coaxing him to come closer once the other one left the room, nothing would happen—not for a heartbeat or two or until Atsushi would get impatient and kiss his boss. Dazai would smile into it and it made Atsushi’s heart flutter.
The younger boy would sigh and nuzzle his cheek against the older teens chest and run his hand down Dazai’s chest, loving each and every bump from scars that peppered his body. Was it wrong of them? Maybe. But the feeling of soft hands and softer kisses felt too good to think otherwise. If it was wrong, why did it always feel good afterwards? Atsushi never felt any fear when Dazai would pin him down on a soft bed and devour the boy. Why else would Dazai kiss him and whisper things in his ear all while embracing him afterwards?
But that was impossible. Dazai didn’t love him—Dazai couldn’t.
Still, Atsushi relished in the greed of it all and loved every minute of it.
Even now, after his disobedience, the lingering fear of losing his special spot in Dazai’s world. It never happened. Atsushi was punished as expected, but it was such a minute punishment the boy assumed it was because Dazai couldn’t bring himself to hurt the one he loved.
That wasn’t it, he later learned. Atsushi was just a means to an end for the boss. He wasn’t anything more than just a tool to keep this world bound together.
Dazai made it that way, leave nothing behind. Snip away the loose ends—Atsushi will be okay without him in this world. Atsushi didn’t need to know that every failed story was because he tried to be a greedy, greedy, selfish man. In these worlds, his ultimate goal of having a world where Odasaku was living and writing his novel and having Atsushi beside him like the original.
Dazai loved Atsushi.
