Chapter Text
It’s become increasingly clear that there’s something wrong with Mike Wheeler.
He’s skipping sugar in his coffee every morning. The fact that he’s having coffee every morning in the first place sits wrong in Will’s gut. But even still, when he used to drink coffee on the rare occasion, he’d pour about half the sugar bag in his mug before he was satisfied. Even then he’d make a face at the still-bitter taste. Now he just downs his cup with a tired expression, before grabbing the pot to refill.
He’s locking himself in his room a lot, too. Alone. Like, any single chance he can get. Which is weird, because before he’d do just about anything to get out of the house. Even when the rest of the party was busy, Will knew Mike would take bike rides around town on his own. He was someone that liked to keep busy no matter what, even if his version of busy just meant peddling down every street his bike would take him.
The next thing Will’s noticed is…maybe a bit selfish. And too hopeful. And wrong. If anything, it makes Will feel a heavy sense of guilt for having the eyes to tell something fishy was up.
Mike seems to be talking to Will a lot more than El recently. And before, that would’ve given Will a thrill through his system. To know Mike seems to care about him more than a girl? Will from two summers ago would be squealing into his pillow with a smile.
Now, though? It makes him feel horrifically uneasy.
Will loves El endlessly. She’s saved him, the others, more times than he has fingers to count. She’s the reason he’s even able to wake up every morning, have breakfast, brush his teeth…talk to Mike.
El and Will got the amazing opportunity to grow closer in Lenora. He really does view her as his sister now, a bond only the two of them could understand. They’d been through tragedies at such young ages, things beyond their control and power. They suffered every day thanks to the things they’ve witnessed, the toll their bodies have taken from years of confusing turmoil. But they made it through, and now they have each other to face that understanding together.
It’s never easy for either of them. But to know there’s always someone there who has any semblance of understanding for the things you’ve been through…it’s a relieving weight off his burdened back. He knows El feels the same.
Which is why this whole thing totally sucks.
Mike’s upstairs locked in his room again, after a gruelling argument with his parents at the dinner table that Will and everyone else got the lovely misfortune of witnessing firsthand. Mike’s always been very forward and combative with his parents, this is nothing new. What is new is the fact now Will gets a front row seat to every dinner-time argument, and how it never seems to get any less painfully awkward.
“He’s just tired,” Karen sighed, picking at the asparagus on her plate. “These are tough times. We can’t give him too much flack.”
“He’s a man now, Karen,” Ted said with a cheekful of mashed potatoes. “Mike has to contribute to this family now more than ever. We can’t let him just mope around all day and get lazy. He’s not doing nearly enough.”
Will took a sip of his water, his swallow sounding more like a gulp in the growing silence. He felt his mom’s hand against his knee under the table, looking up to find her sad little smile.
“Maybe you should go check on him,” she said, giving a nod toward the stairs.
Will sighed, whispering so the bickering couple wouldn’t overhear, “What I say won’t matter. He’s been so moody lately, I don’t know what’s wrong with him.”
“That’s why you should talk to him. He’s more receptive to you than anyone else at this table,” she pinched her lips and raised her brow as if to say, ‘you know I’m right.’
Will couldn’t argue, glancing over at Nancy who seemed to be fully disassociating from the noise around her. He wonders if this is what every dinner at the Wheeler’s was like before they got there, or if this is a direct effect of their presence. He guiltily hopes it’s the first thing.
“I’ll try,” Will wipes his hands with a napkin, and his mom gives him a little smile before patting his knee.
Will stood from the table, taking his plate in hand to wash it up in the sink. He wasn’t fully finished with his dinner honestly, but he can have a midnight snack later if it bites him in the ass. Right now, he has to talk to Mike. Again.
They’ve been talking quite a bit lately, a stark contrast to their time apart when Will was hours and hours away. Even more than the summer before when he was just down the street. They distanced for so long that Will once thought there was no chance at restoring what was already broken. But he was, apparently, very very wrong.
Will’s been sharing Mike’s room the past five months, and it’s been pretty healing for their friendship. They talk through hours of the night, they talk when they wake up to get ready for school in the morning, on their bike ride there, class, hallways, lunch, the ride back– they’re practically attached at the hip. The wonder duo returns.
They talked about a lot of stuff. Memories they shared over the years, mostly ones from before ‘83 when everything really picked up for the worse. Good nostalgia instead of the bad. They talked about the movies and comics they were into while they were apart, sharing ones the other hadn’t seen and bonding over the ones they seemed to get into at the same time without each other there.
Mike told Will about the crazy campaigns Eddie used to put on, going into great detail like he’s always been so good at. He told these stories like they were real things that happened to him and the party, always keeping Will engaged and on the edge of his seat. He’s missed Mike’s stories more than he cared to admit.
Will told Mike about his first time trying weed. Mike didn’t believe him at first, scoffing and rolling his eyes at the admission. But Will insisted, telling him all about the afternoon Jonathan had accidentally left a half-burnt joint on the bathroom counter, and Will got a little too curious. He told Mike about how he’d never try it alone again, because his paranoia got too intense. Mike barked a laugh, poking Will in the ribs for proving Mike wrong about him.
So yeah, they’ve finally been talking.
And yet somehow, it’s felt empty recently. They might talk quite a bit, but there’s clearly quite a bit they aren’t talking about too.
When Will tries to bring up El in conversation, Mike is immediately unreceptive. He practically shuts down. He grows quiet, the conversation turns awkward, and Will always feels the need to change the subject lest Mike literally walk out of the room in his stupor.
It’s weird. Mike is being totally weird.
Like tonight at the dinner table. Ted was barking about how Mike isn’t contributing enough to work around the house, that he’s not maintaining the space now that it’s been, quote, “taken over by guests.” Usually Mike would brush it off, roll his eyes and give a snarky comment before moving on. But tonight he pushed back, angry, and incredibly defensive.
It wasn’t something worth blowing up over. But Will’s pretty sure he knows why.
He suspects (well, hopes) that Mike’s upset El couldn’t stay with them at the house. He can’t see her nearly as often anymore, what with Hopper practically keeping her locked in their cabin again like when they were younger. And it’s understandable, she can’t be seen by the government officials that are actively looking for her.
But her absence is felt everywhere. When they hang out in the Wheeler basement with the rest of the party, the lack of giggling from El and Max is loud. At the dinner table, Will almost wants to pull up empty chairs for the ones who couldn’t be there to join them. Everything feels wrong without those two around, and he’s pretty sure Mike is feeling it too.
He’s probably finding it hard to talk about El because he’s missing her so much. That’s what Will’s hoping for, anyways.
Will misses her too, though it seems like Will gets to see her more often than Mike does these days. His mom is always over at Hop’s cabin, so sometimes he’ll join her to visit and hangout with El for a while. They listen to music and talk for hours, and it’s always a good time to see her when he can.
He’s asked Mike before if he wants to join, but he always turns him down with some thinly veiled excuse.
There’s something wrong with Mike Wheeler.
Will makes it to the top of the steps, feet away from the closed bedroom door. He makes it over and gives two good knocks.
“Not now,” he hears on the other side.
Will sighs. “Mike?”
A pause. He hears footsteps behind the door, before it’s being opened and Mike’s standing in front of him. He’s wearing a weak expression, like he did want to be alone, but he couldn’t say no.
“You finished eating already?” Mike said with a tired smirk like he already knew the answer.
“A few bites of your mom’s potatoes should hold me over for a while,” Will grinned back, a little shrug to his shoulders.
Mike exhaled hard through his nose, opening the door wider to let Will in. “I’m sorry, you shouldn’t have to run up here after me. I know I was being dramatic. You should go back, finish your dinner. I’m okay.”
Will shook his head as he walked in the room, taking note that Mike was still holding the door open like he was inviting him back out. “I feel like you’re not, though.”
Mike pinched his lips together, slowly shutting the door. An indication that yeah, okay, they’re gonna talk. Just the two of them.
“What’s going on with you?” Will sat at the edge of Mike’s bed, watching Mike lean against the door staring at the opposite wall instead of at Will. There’s something unspoken happening, but Will can’t put his finger on it. Well—
–He can, actually. He just hopes he’s wrong.
“I don’t know,” Mike shrugs, his non-answer frustrating beyond measure.
“Mike..”
Mike sighs, “There’s just so much going on, and he’s mad I forgot to vacuum the carpet earlier? Like, that’s really our main concern right now?” Mike said, exasperated. He worked his jaw in frustration. “He has no idea. No one does,” he spared a glance at Will. “I’m just glad I have you here, at least. It’s nice having someone that understands.”
Will felt his chest warm, but he pushed it down. Not the time.
“So is that…really all you’re upset about?” Will tried, cringing a bit. He knows Ted being a dick isn’t the only thing getting Mike worked up. It was just the final straw.
Mike looked back down, biting the inside of his cheek. Will’s worried he’s gonna push past this too, like he’s been doing every time they try talking about anything real recently.
“I guess it’s just— things have been so different since we got back from Lenora. It was like Hawkins changed overnight…”
Mike’s expression pinched like he’s fighting the words crawling up his throat. Like it actually hurts to say it out loud.
“It’s like she changed overnight.”
Shit. No. Nonono.
Will’s heart picked up. They’re finally talking about her. And it’s something Will’s wanted to do for a while now, but now that it’s actually happening, he can’t help but feel horrendously nervous. He just wants everything to be okay.
“Who?” Will asked, but it was a stupid question and they both knew it. Mike just looked at him, brows upturned and sad. “Oh…”
“Yeah, oh,” Mike said, finally trudging over and plopping down next to Will on the bed. He leaned his elbows against his knees, his posture utterly fucked as he stared down at the floor.
“She’s not happy. Not with me, not with us, not with…really anything, right now,” Mike said, dejected. “I’ve tried fixing it. Over and over again, I tried. But it’s like—like she’s already made up her mind. “
Oh wow, okay. So they’re really, finally talking about this.
Will knew something was up with them. But this was the last outcome he was ever hoping for.
He just wants El and Mike happy. Yes, he’s had his own internal struggle with their relationship over the past few years. He fell in love with his best friend pretty hard there, but it was entirely unfair to put that on either of them. They seemed so happy for a while. At least, that’s how it looked on the outside.
But Will saw glimpses of it, little windows into what seemed bound to happen. He didn’t want to accept it. After Lenora, Will thought it’d be easier to just accept them as the happy couple, be the best friend and good brother, and move the hell on.
But if this conversation goes how he thinks it’s gonna go…he’s worried he’ll fall head first right into the place he used to be. That hole he thought he’d already dug himself out of months ago.
Will isn’t sure he can go through it again. He’s terrified of that place. It was so lonely there.
“So…” Will started, his throat dry. “When’s the last time you talked to her?”
Mike sat there a second, not making a sound. It seemed like he was really having to think about it, which didn’t sit easy with Will.
“Honestly, probably over a month now. I don’t know, it’s like we just haven’t had anything to talk about.”
Will scoffed. Mike looked up, surprised by the sound like it was the last thing he expected to hear from Will.
“Sorry, just…” Will shook his head, his chest filled with reduced anger. Maybe it’s not anger– he’s beyond frustrated. “Nothing to talk about? Have you tried, like, just asking about her day? How she’s doing at Hop’s? Or how her training’s going?”
Mike pinched his brows together like he, again, had to think about it.
“Seriously, Mike?”
“I have, I know I have! I just…like, when your relationship is rocky like this, it’s kinda all you wanna talk about. I just wanna fix it.”
“What’re you trying to fix, exactly? What did you do wrong?”
Mike looked away again, like he was embarrassed. This clearly wasn’t the reaction Mike was expecting, but this has been eating at Will too. He cares about those two so much it hurts, and to see them doing so bad over something so stupid was agonizing to witness.
“I don’t really know what I did. I just know she’s not happy, but she’ll hardly talk to me about it,” Mike said. “She’s avoiding me.”
“She’s avoiding you?” Will strained, trying to make this get through Mike’s thick skill. “I go over there at least once a week to see her. Usually more. And I always ask you to go with me–”
“She doesn’t wanna see me. I know she doesn’t.”
“But she’s still your girlfriend. You have to try to see her. If you don’t, she’s just gonna start resenting you,” Will explained, like he always has to. “I’m sorry, but…you’re messing this up.”
“I know,” Mike groaned, throwing his face in his hands and leaning against them. They sat there like that for a moment, letting the air fill with a conversation they probably should’ve had a month ago.
Then, Mike muffled into his palms, “What if…I’m tired of trying to fix it?”
Will paused, staring down at the back of Mike’s head. “What?”
Mike moved his head, letting it rest on its side against his hands, freeing his mouth to speak clearly. He looked up at Will. “I said before that I wanted to fix it, but…I don’t know if I really do anymore.”
Will just sat there, letting it sit in the air. He felt his chest doing something, but he couldn’t place it. Fear, but also…relief. Emotions that just don’t mesh well, his whole body uneasy with the feeling. His face contorted.
“No. You can’t just give up like that.”
“Will, why do you care?”
Will drew in a thick breath, looking away. He knows exactly why he cares. The thought that maybe, if those two could just get their shit together and be fine, Will can finally move on. He can put all this behind him, pretend it never happened. Will never fell in love with his best friend, because his best friend is already in love with someone else.
“Seriously,” Mike sat up, looking at Will who wouldn’t look back at him, “Like, I swear you used to hate our relationship. I know we got on your nerves, it’s fine.”
Mike shook his head like trying to make sense of it. “But now you’re…you’re saying I shouldn’t give up on it? Shouldn’t that be, like, exactly what you want?”
Will grimaced, now feeling actually angry. “How would you know what I want? We never talk about this stuff anymore, you have no idea how I feel about it now.”
“Well what changed then?”
Will looked up at the ceiling, trying hard to avoid that heaviness creeping up his throat. He won’t cry. That’s not necessary.
“I’ve gotten close to her, Mike. I lived with her for months. We spent every day together, and every day, she always wanted to talk about you.”
Mike just sat there, taking in every word. Will finally looked at him, like he’s needed to say this for a long time but couldn’t find the moment to bring it up. The moment is now, and he’s taking it.
“She loves you so much. So much it hurts her. You hurt her,” Will said, “And it’s completely unfair to just give this up without even trying to communicate. I know she’s being…unreceptive, or whatever, but I don’t think you’re really trying. I think she deserves more than whatever this is.”
Mike worked his jaw in thought, looking back down at his hands as he absorbed Will’s words.
Will sighed. “I care about both of you so much, Mike. And…yeah, I didn’t love your relationship for a while there. But it was because…I felt like I was losing you. You stopped caring about anything but her. And that was hard, as your– as your best friend.
“But I feel like, after everything that’s happened since Lenora…I feel like I have you back. You’re you again, Mike,” Will said, before emphasizing, “Except when you’re fighting with El. And, I just think if you guys can work it out and be normal, everything would go back to being okay. We can be friends, you and El can be perfect for each other, and things can just be good. I want things to be good.”
Mike sat with Will’s words for a moment, processing. He chewed on his lip in thought. It made Will a little anxious, but he stood by what he said regardless. He felt like he needed to get that off his chest for a while, and it was relieving in somehow the most humiliating way.
Will has always felt the need to pour his heart out to Mike. He wants to share everything. His deepest thoughts and fears, his worries and his doubts. The things he loved, the things he hated. He always felt like Mike deserved to know.
Which is why it’s been so hard to keep so much from Mike for so long. Will’s felt like a shell of his former self since having to keep so many secrets. He feels trapped in his own body, uncomfortable like he doesn’t fit into his own skin. Like his bones were never made to grow with him.
He wants Mike to know everything. But he knows that’s just not possible. Not safe.
So what little confessions he can spare to Mike, Will pours everything into them. Every emotion he keeps bottled up goes into every word, even if they aren’t the right words for the feeling. He’s always worried Mike can see the undercurrent of what’s actually flowing beneath Will's surface, the real meaning behind why he gets so passionate. He just has to hold onto hope that his dam will never break.
“I’ll talk to her.”
Will’s brows raise, taking a quick breath through his nose. Once again, Will’s words broke through Mike’s rough exterior. And it didn’t hurt any less this time, either.
“Good. She needs to hear from you,” Will nodded, feeling a mix of relief and deep disappointment.
It’s so selfish to want Mike to push back on his words. To fight him on it. And Will tries so hard to pretend that’s not what he wants. He gives Mike a bump of the shoulder, and they share a smile together.
He’s sure Mike’s feeling a little better now. God, Will hopes he is. Because otherwise, what was any of it ever for?
—
Empty. He’s so empty.
Will really should’ve finished his plate before going upstairs earlier.
It’s probably around 11:30 now. They went to bed about an hour ago, and Will is restless. Laying in the afterthought of their talk has him tossing and turning in his sleeping bag, unable to find any position to satisfy his body’s unease. Plus it didn’t help how hungry he was.
He feels guilty. Why does he feel so guilty?
Will did a good thing tonight. He might’ve repaired Mike and El’s relationship– again. And after all the turmoil he’s been through, shouldn’t that be something to be proud of? Shouldn’t he rejoice over the fact he’s so clearly over Mike now, that he can fix his broken relationship with a smile on his face and not even shed a tear this time?
That would be something to rejoice over, y’know, if any of it were true.
Will knows he’s not over Mike. Somewhere buried deep, beneath his ribs and beyond his lungs where he finds the will to breathe, there’s a stir. Something that’s been festering.
During that fateful spring break, it festered so much that it infected his entire being. He was diseased with it. Written all over his pale skin was a green sheen of love-sick sweat, so visible that Jonathan had called him out on it in that stupid pizza dough freezer.
But he figured, after all this time, after aiding the wound with a speech to Mike that literally saved El and Max’s lives, he’d be clear of it. That should’ve been his cure, the final blow to whatever’s been eating him from the inside out all these years.
The stir never went away, though. It never even stopped growing. Will’s body seemed to just…adapt to it. Like his immune system was fighting just to keep Will afloat for so long, it eventually molded itself around the sickness itself. He became one with it, rather than letting it eat away and slowly kill him from the inside.
Will is the disease.
And he can’t let it spread.
He doesn’t think he’ll ever stop loving Mike like this. If that night in the freezer couldn’t cure him, nothing could. So he should just keep doing everything in his power to make sure nothing seeps out of him. No infectious spores sprouting from his mouth, leeching onto Mike and ruining everything.
His stomach rumbles, loud in the quiet of Mike Wheeler’s bedroom. Shit. Will feels his face warm, praying Mike is still asleep.
There’s no sound from the bed above him, no rustling of the covers or mumbling in his sleep. Good. Okay. Will should probably get something to eat.
Sleeping bags are so much louder than they have any right to be. You’d think the design department would’ve taken a little consideration into the fact that not everyone has the privilege of camping alone, much less in the childhood bedroom of their best-friend-slash-lifelong-crush that’s sleeping so soundly on the bed above. Seriously, maybe he should write a complaint.
Will tries hard to shuffle out quietly, pushing himself up and off the floor, and giving his back a little stretch. Hardwood is truly unforgiving on a growing boy’s back.
He spares a glance at Mike, drooling on his pillow. Will smiles through a grimace, remembering how they shared that bed at every Wheeler-House sleepover growing up. Will would always wake up first in the morning, and every single time he’d have to scoot about a foot away from Mike’s pillow to avoid getting any drool on his own cheek. It was so gross. It was so Mike.
His stomach churns. He’s just hungry.
Will pushes on the door as he opens the knob, remembering the secret little trick to make sure the door doesn’t creak in the dead silence of the night. He pushes through to the hallway, and closes it shut, breathing a sigh of relief.
The hallways haven’t changed much. A few new pictures on the walls, mainly of Holly as she’s gotten older. The same one of Mike from the third grade next to the upstairs bathroom, his toothy smile forced and practiced. His ears were poking out like an elf, too big for his little head.
Mike always hated having his picture taken, and Will never understood why. He always thought Mike looked way better in pictures than Will ever did. He looked natural, even when his smile was forced. He only looked so unwilling because Will remembers Mike groaning and complaining about it on that exact picture day.
Will had promised him it would only take a second, and then they could forget the picture was ever taken and go back to playing knights and wizards on the playground. Of course, then Mrs. Wheeler had it framed, and Mike’s growing hatred of photography only grew.
Will tore his eyes from the picture, taking his first step down the stairs.
He’s not really sure what snacks they have holed up in the cabinets right now. Maybe he could just spoon some peanut butter from the jar and call it a night. Anything would do right now, honestly.
When he opened up the cabinets, he found some crackers stuffed behind a Pop-Tart box. Hell yes. Midnight peanut butter crackers. The cure for any lovesick broken soul.
Will does his thing, grabbing a spoon for the peanut butter and creating the perfect spread over the cracker, gentle enough so it doesn’t crack and crumble all over the clean kitchen tile. Seriously, how do they keep this place so tidy? With about eighty people living in the damn house, you’d think it grow a little messy from time to time—
“Will?”
Shit. Busted.
Will threw his head over his shoulder, his mouth full as he caught Mike’s eyes at the doorway.
“Are those…peanut butter crackers?”
Will gave a little nod, swallowing.
“I got hungry. Someone made me miss dinner,” Will teased, pushing his back against the counter to face Mike. He stuffed another cracker in his mouth with a grin.
“Hey, I didn’t make you do anything,” Mike grinned back, walking in like he’d finally been invited by Will’s tease. He chose his spot against the kitchen island, right in front of Will. “You came up there of your own volition.”
Will rolled his eyes, “Yeah, sure, like I’d leave you to mope around after your little temper tantrum.”
“Oh please, it was not a temper tantrum,” Mike chuckled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. He glanced down to the spoon in Will’s hand. “So are you gonna share or what?”
Will scoffed, “Uh, this is my dinner, Mike. Make your own.”
“No way. You just so happened to know this is my favorite midnight snack too. I’m not passing it up,” Mike said, holding out a hand palm up. “Hand me the spoon.”
“Gross, no way.”
“I’m not dirtying up any more dishes after we practically wasted two plates tonight,” Mike shook his head, standing his ground. “Give it.”
“Mmm…” Will pretended to think on it, before using the spoon to point at Mike. “Only if you grab the jelly from the fridge.”
Mike’s eyes lit up, his grin widening. “You’re just a mind reader tonight, aren’t you?”
“Oh really?” Will laughed, watching Mike immediately head toward the fridge to grab the grape jelly jar from the door.
“Yeah, dude. Remember those mini peanut-butter jelly sandwiches we made with the crackers?”
“I do recall, yeah.”
“And the bowls?” Mike closed the fridge, giving the jar a little shake to show Will. “When we’d mix the PB&J in a bowl, no bread or anything. Just eating straight-up mush.”
“Oh god, that was so gross. What was wrong with us?”
“A lot, clearly,” Mike snickered, placing the jar on the table just as Will finally handed over the spoon. Their fingers brushed (of course they did), and Mike gave Will the sweetest smile before scooping into the peanut butter.
“Thanks, by the way,” Mike said, looking down the jar instead of at Will. “I really needed that talk, earlier. I’ve been kinda…bottling things up, I think.”
“Yeah, it’s…” Will shook his head, watching Mike’s hands. “It’s no big deal. I could tell you needed to get that out.”
Mike nodded slowly, before peering up at Will. “Kinda seemed like you needed to get that out as well.”
Will gave an amused huff, crossing his arms and averting his eyes. He felt shy under Mike’s gaze. “A little, I guess. I hate seeing you guys unhappy.”
Mike bit into his cracker, thinking as he chewed. He handed Will the spoon so he could get more. “Has she, uh…” he shook his head, like he knows he shouldn’t be bringing it back up, but he can’t help himself. “Has she mentioned me? Y’know, like, when you’re at Hop’s cabin?”
Will bit the inside of his cheek, like trying to keep the words in with his teeth. Yes, actually. She has. But that isn’t Will’s business to tell. It should come from El herself.
She’d told him all about how she’s felt the past year. Unloved. Uncared for. Unseen. It only cemented to Will that they had to fix things. Mike had to get his shit together and talk to her, for better or for worse. Will knew how much El has been hurting, feeling completely pushed to the side by Mike ever since she moved.
“I don’t think he loves me anymore.”
“El…”
“He won’t say it. It is like he’s…scared. I don’t know why.”
“He loves you. I know he does. He’s just pent up all the time. Emotionally stunted.”
“Stunted?”
“Yeah, like– like he’s got all these feelings trapped inside of him, and he doesn’t know how to let them out. Mike’s always been like that.”
“I don’t like it. It makes me feel…”
“...like he doesn’t care?”
“Yes. He doesn’t care.”
Will can’t help but feel guilty. Because he knows that with every day Mike and El have been drifting further apart, he and Mike have only grown closer.
He remembers that summer. The summer everyone seemed to forget Will even existed. Mike was always at the cabin, and even when he wasn’t, he only ever wanted to talk about El. And at the time, Will didn’t really know El that well yet. He couldn’t help but grow resentful of her, that little voice in his head always telling him that she stole Mike away.
Will knows that’s not true now. She was just a young, traumatized girl, taking any love she could get wherever she could get it. And Mike…Mike was her hero. He’d been the one to take her in, to take her from the bad men that had kept her prisoner her whole life. Will could only sympathize now that he sees it through her eyes.
So he hates to put her in that position he knows far too well. Pushed away for someone else. Sidelined. It’s a terribly lonely feeling, one that in the moment, you convince yourself you’re never going to feel any other way than this. Alone, isolated, and afraid. Unloved.
If he’s tried to fix anything, he’s done it for her. He’s been where she’s at, and he knows she’s the last person on earth to deserve feeling the way Mike has made her feel.
“Um…” Will started, not really sure what to say. He’s not just gonna tell Mike everything El’s told him in private. That’d be completely unfair.
But he has to say something.
“I really think you just need to talk to her yourself. I think she’d like to hear from you.”
Mike sighed through his nose, dejected. Clearly he was hoping for any kind of hint that would help him out, like there was some key thing he was missing that if Will just told him, he’d have all the answers.
But there’s not much Will can do for him at this point. He has to figure it out himself.
“Yeah, yeah you’re right,” Mike nodded, crossing his arms. “Sorry I keep bringing it up.”
“No it’s fine, Mike, I get it,” Will gave him a sympathetic smile. Mike returned the smile before looking down at his own feet, unsure of what to say next now that he’s done with that part of the conversation. They sat in a moment’s silence, letting the air in the kitchen fill with something unresolved.
Will nodded toward the kitchen island, “Would you hand me the jelly?”
Mike chuckled under his breath, mumbling, “Sweet tooth,” before reaching behind him for the jar. “Let me spread it. You always spill jelly on the floor.”
“I do not.”
“Yeah, you do, I just never mentioned it. I always cleaned it when you weren’t looking,” he said, but there was no annoyance in his tone. It was fond, like he was happy to do it. Will hated how it made his heart swell.
“Fine, whatever,” Will said with a shy smile, handing him the box of crackers and the spoon. He watched as Mike prepared his little snack, making a miniature PB&J with the crackers like a sandwich. He got peanut butter on his thumb, giving it a quick kiss to suck it off before presenting Will his little meal.
“Bon appetite.”
Will rolled his eyes, taking the makeshift sandwich from Mike and stuffing it in his mouth, making sure not to get crumbs all over the place after having just been called out for being messy.
“So? Just as good as you remember?” Mike asked, his voice soft and weirdly genuine.
“Mmfpfh–” Will started before remembering his mouth was full, and couldn’t help but giggle through it. Mike shook his head, but he started giggling too. How silly Will must’ve looked with peanut butter on the corner of his mouth as he tried to keep it closed through his laughter, his eyes scrunched as he tried to keep quiet.
They giggled quietly into the kitchen air, trying not to wake anyone up with their mirth. But Will was getting louder, every time he looked at Mike he laughed a little harder, his giggle-box completely turned over at the ridiculousness.
Then— Mike put his hand over Will’s mouth through his laughter, a finger to his own smile, “Sshh!” and Will could feel his face turn red. His giggles got softer, looking at Mike through his lashes.
“You’re gonna wake everyone up, you dork,” Mike whisper-shouted, his smile wide and eyes crinkled with mirth. Will breathed his last giggles through his nose, the eye contact with Mike making his skin ignite.
Will was stirring.
He tore his face from Mike’s hand like it burnt, his own hand moving to cover his mouth as he finished chewing. But Mike hadn’t really seemed to notice the reaction, just leaned back against the island and watched Will finish up.
“Okay, now: Just as good?”
Will swallowed, unable to look back up at Mike.
“Yeah. Still good,” he nodded, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. “I think I’m– uh, I’m gonna go back to bed. It’s late.”
Mike checked the watch on his wrist, chuckling to himself. “Shit, it’s already almost one in the morning. We’ve got school in a couple hours.”
Will nodded, grabbing the box of crackers to start putting everything back in its rightful place. And Mike noticed, immediately reaching for the peanut butter just as Will was doing the same. Their fingers brushed against the jar, and Mike chuckled and pushed it towards Will, going for the jelly instead.
Will could just about combust if he were truly willing.
Once everything was packed away in their spots, Mike turned the kitchen light off and they headed upstairs together. Mike saw Will glance at his picture on the wall.
“I wish she'd let me take that thing down. I hate that picture,” he whispered into the back of Will’s ear, knowing everyone was sleeping in their rooms right beside them.
Will got goosebumps from the breath on his neck. “You look like an elf,” he giggled, covering his mouth to stifle the sound when Mike pinched the back of his ribs.
“Asshole.”
Making their way into their shared room, they crawled under their respective covers (the sleeping bag seemingly much quieter now that Mike’s awake to hear it) and got ready for bed. Will wasn’t sure he’d be able to rest well, now that his brain feels fried from Mike being like that all night. He knows he’s overthinking the little things, but it’s hard not to when Mike hasn’t acted like this with him in years. It’s equally as nice to think about as it is ridiculously frustrating.
It was quiet for a while. The bed above him rustled a few times as Mike tried to get himself comfortable, and Will wondered if he’s having just as hard of a time sleeping as he is.
“You awake?” Mike whispered. Ah, so he is.
“Yeah, I’m up.”
“Just…wanted to tell you how glad I am you’re here. You know that I’ve missed you.”
Just stop, Will thinks, shutting his eyes tight.
Mike’s said that a lot these past couple months. But there’s always something flowing underneath his words. It’s never about Lenora when he says it.
Like, he can’t just say he’s sorry for how messed up their friendship has been the past few years. Instead, it’s like it’s easier for him to just remind Will that somehow, that wasn’t actually Mike back then. And now the real Mike is back, and he missed what they had while he was gone.
Or, Will really is just looking into this way too much. Overanalysing every little move Mike makes the same way he did before. He has to stop, it’ll get worse again if he doesn’t. He’ll end up back in that place. Rotted from the inside out.
Something in Will begins to move. To stir. He tries to settle it, but he can feel it coming up his throat in bursts.
“Yeah. I missed you too, Mike.”