Work Text:
We were in the gold room where everyone
finally gets what they want,
so I said What do you want, sweetheart?
and you said Kiss me
the party
At the end of the day, it really takes just one small moment to tilt your world upside down – whether the shift is good or bad.
It's December 17th and Kuroo is at the Haiba's household for Nekoma's traditional Christmas party. It's just a silly tradition they had been going on for a couple of years now, and although he shouldn't have been invited (he had already graduated after all) his presence at the end of their practices was frequent enough that it did not feel awkward that he was there. Yaku and Kai had both been invited, as they were in town after having moved to Russia to play and to Osaka to study, respectively. Kuroo was the only one who stuck around and popped in almost every day to pick up Kenma and watch the result of his efforts as captain bloom into a beautiful new team. To watch Kenma, sweaty, red-faced and grumpy, still give his best on the court.
Sweat and grumpiness aside, Kenma is similar now - red-faced but giggly, curled besides Kuroo and way too close to the fireplace in the living room, as they play truth or dare. They just watched Fukunaga try to play the flute with just his feet when it's Taketoras turn.
“Kenma!” He yells, a malicious look in his face, and Kenma snorts at him, sitting a little mroe straight. “Truth or dare?”
“Dare.” He replies confidently, although his fingers are twisting in his sweater. Kuroo smiles softly at him.
He feels so proud of how confident Kenma has become in these past years, how far he has come since he has entered high school. He has grown so much, become more comfortable in his own skin. He is still a little skittish around strangers, but around their friends, the people that he knows know him, he blooms into himself, beautiful and snarky. Its still a much more subdued version than he is when he is alone with Kuroo, of course, but maybe Kuroo likes that too. There is a version of Kenma that is only his, and there is a delicious possessive joy in that.
Kuroos stream of thoughts gets interrupted by Taketora, pronouncing the most beautiful and horrifying sentence Kuroo has ever heard:
“I dare you to kiss Kuroo-senpai.”
And then there it is, the moment that changes everything – Because Kuroo nervously laughs it off, is ready to hear Kenma curse all of Taketora's future generations until he gets a proper dare. Instead, Kuroo feels a warm, soft hand on his jawline, feels his face get turned to the side just enough that he can see Kenma's golden eyes and red cheeks, blurred from the closeness. Feels the press of cracked, wine stained lips against his, soft and insistent but quick enough that he doesn't has time to close his eyes nor process what just happened.
Now, Kuroo is the one who finds himself red-faced. Their friends are cheering, but Kenma is acting like this is normal, like nothing extraordinary just happened. The game moves on, but Kuroo feels stuck in time. Yaku and Kai are staring at him so intensely that Kuroo can feel their stare burning a hole on the side of his head. He can't look back. He can't move. He only blinks and digests what has happened.
The game moves on. Kenma kissed him. His best friend, whom Kuroo has been in love with for as long as he can remember but has never done anything about it because he has not motives or indication to believe that Kenma likes him back (Although most of their friends in common have loudly disagreed with him over the years, which has been useless in swaying Kuroo's opinion because really no one knows Kenma better than him) – In all honesty he doesn't even know if Kenma has ever been into anyone, besides a vague comment here or there he has always been so private about his attractions that at times Kuroo has questioned if Kenma is on the asexual/aromantic spectrum (which he would be very supportive of, of course).
Kuroo has daydreamed about kissing Kenma a lot. He has dreamed about Kenma kissing him first. He has never, ever, thought that it would actually happen, however. Even less so in a scenario like this, that Kenma was so bravely kiss him in front of everyone as if this was the normal for them. Even in his wildest dreams, where he and Kenma are fully married with 8 rescued cats, he had assumed his best friend (slash dream husband) would not be one for public displays of affection. His world has been tilted upside down and everyone else (except fucker Yaku, who seems to also be having an aneurysm but now from laughing at Kuroo's expense) is acting as if nothing has happened.
But It's fine, Kuroo can be normal about this. Of course, he can. Easy peazy lemon squeezy.
the kiss that never did
You are 17, and it's the night before your graduation. The boy you love, the one that taught you what love is, lays stretched on the other futon in your bedroom floor. He is snoring softly, spread out close enough that you could touch him if you wanted to, and you do badly enough that you raise your hand close enough that you can feel his even breathing on your fingertips.
The boy you love is usually a night owl, but he is dead asleep right now while you are wide awake. His eyes are puffy from crying, and you want to feel the soft, bloated skin underneath his eyes. The crying got you by surprise, you are also the emotional out of the two of you, and the reason even more – He will miss you, he says. He has a whole year without you ahead of him, and vice versa. The crying surprised you because he is independent, is one of the reasons why you love him. He also cares deeply, and shows it intensely when he does, which is why you fell for him in the first place.
The boy you love is your best friend, and you have been inseparable since the day you met – a two-headed creature. You promise him not much will change, because you will still live at home for the first year of university, and you will pick him up at practice to make sure he won't abandon volleyball. He tells you it's not the same, that you won't be there for lunch or on the way to class or back from it, and you won't have the same homework or teachers.
“You will have a whole new life I won’t be a part of” He whispers, then pauses before confessing something even deeper, “and I will miss playing volleyball with you.”
The boy you love is so smart you have nicknamed him the brain of your team, and it will stick even after you leave the school. The boy you love is careful with his words and concerned about people's perception of him. He is shy and attentive and prone to detail. Yet, in the dark of your bedroom, he holds your heart in his hand and shatters it a bit unknowingly. It is not the first time.
There is a void in your routine that will exist as you move forward, before he eventually catches up to you after also graduating from high school next year. Your paths will divert even more then, you know. You will move to an apartment, he will quit volleyball. You might not have anything in common by this time in two years. Still, you know some things will not change. He will still be your best friend, your first friend. He will still be the boy you love, the one that taught you what that word means in the first place, even if unintentionally.
You will still want to kiss him desperately, softly, tenderly.
You touch his hair feather-light, you move it to the side so you can see his face more clearly. You consider kissing his fingers, his hand twitching in front of his face. You consider running your nose through his cheeks, tangling your fingers in his hair. You do none of it. You pull your hand back.
The boy you love is fast asleep, and you watch him, taking in every single bit, as the sun rises outside your window.
the coffee shop
Kuroo is not normal about it. Life is in fact Difficult-difficult lemon-difficult.
The thing is, he simply can not be normal about it. Kissing Kenma was something he has wanted for so long, it was hard to get himself under control. The first stage was, of course, delusion that Kenma might have liked him back. Then came the rationalization that IF Kenma did have feelings for him, than he would never have just kissed him like that. That soon turned into panic about Kenma realizing Kuroo's feelings for him after the kiss – Which of course lead to Kuroo deciding to simply not face Kenma again until he got himself under control.
It comes to a halt the following thursday. After almost a week of monologue texts, not picking Kenma at practice at the excuse of being too busy and taking the long way to the train station to make sure he wouldn't run into Kenma on the way to class, Kuroo decides that he is too underwater and needs help, and so he makes the very questionable decision of asking for advice, maybe even some comforting words.
“You have to be actually stupid to not realize what is going on here.” Yaku says the second he sits down in front of Kuroo at the coffee shop. Kuroo scoffs and tells him something less than polite in response, and Kai gently chuckles at that, used to them by now.
“I don't love Mori's choice of words, but I need to agree that it seems kinda obvious Tetsu, you have to admit.” He supplies, calmly.
“It doesn't seem obvious at all to me! Which I feel like it is what matters!”
“Yeah, that is cause you are fucking stupid!”
“Truly a blind spot when it comes to Kozume-kun.”
“What have I done to deserve this.” Kuroo deadpans. “You two are supposed to be my support team when I'm on a standstill with my best friend-”
“Slash love of your life.” Kai complements.
“He can't be the love of my life if he doesn't love me back, Kai.” Kuroo snarks, the way he has done for years now, and Yaku groans out loud.
“Oh my god, you are the most stupid creature I've encountered in my life!”
“Well, then please elucidate me, oh so knowing Morisuke!”
“Pay me a coffee and I will!” Yaku scoffs. “Can't believe we have graduated for almost a year now, I literally moved countries, and your dumb ass is still whining about Kenma and not seeing what is right in front of you!”
“LIKE WHAT!” Kuroo exclaims raising his hands in frustration. Yaku merely clicks his tongue.
“One black coffee with soy milk, and a pastry.” Yaku replies simply, and Kuroo groans in frustration. He turns to Kai, hopeful,but the man simply smiles at him.
“I will take a green tea and the miso onigiri, please.”
“You two are the worst” Kuroo says, standing up.
“And yet, here we are, whenever you need help.” Kai says, as Yaku simply shows him his middle finger.
Kuroo opens his mouth to reply when the worst possible thing happens – The coffee shop door opens and Kenma, out of all people, walks in.
Even worse, in a terrible, cowardly impulse, Kuroo immediately ducks under the desk.
It's too late, of course. Even as he crouches, he can feel Kenma's eyes locking in on his. Still, he crouches, he hides, he remains unmoving for over a minute until he hears the door of the coffee shop closing, and even so. Yaku sighs above him and kicks him, not lightly.
“He definitely saw you, dickhead.” He says, sounds disappointed.
“And he is definitely mad about it.” Kai completes, his tone not much better than Yaku's.
Kuroo buries his face in his hands and groans. There is no escape now. He needs to talk to Kenma, and at the very least apologize – for his actions, for having feelings for his best friend in the first place.
Whatever sense of stability that had come with suppression of his own feelings all these years, hoping to never affect is and Kenma's friendship, was definitely over. What once was, can never be again.
Kuroo still remembers, in perfect picture-by-picture form, the day everything changed in the first place.
the realization
You are 14, which is, by all means really, a terrible age to fall in love. Everything is awkward, everything is too much, your body is changing, you haven't seen your mother and your sister in 5 years, your hair gets greasier every day and there is this newfound stench coming from your armpits that makes your grandma threaten to wack you with a wooden spoon if you don't shower as soon as you step inside the house after volleyball practice.
Things become even more terrible when your grandma takes a fall and ends up in the hospital. The house is in shambles, as predicted when any structure loses its main pillar. Your grandpa is lost without his other half of over 30 years, his father is overworked and terrified, neither of them know how to cook any meal more nutritious than pre-packaged ramen.
You end up spending most days of that school semester at your best friend's house. You were afraid, initially, that you would get sick of each other, but it only brings you closer. He shares his room and snacks easily. More important, he shares his thoughts and attention willingly and plenty. There are plenty of late night talks, of varying degrees of stupidity and seriousness, but there are also many moments of silence, of just existing near each other. Those are the ones that mean the most to you, this level of comfort with another human being.
Your grandma eventually is able to go back home, and so do you. Your grandpa and your father both alternate in the kitchen, while your grandma orders them around and you sit by her side. You laugh and you hug her and you are happy to be home – but something has shifted in you this past spring and you are still unsure what.
Your routine sets back to normal, as the school semester progresses to is closing, and you often find yourself missing the days you spent at the Kozumes. You feel guilty at first, because you truly are so happy your family is back together under one roof, but there is something about listening to your best friend hum while he brushes his teeth and the sleepy look on his face when he wakes up that makes you crave it again.
You find yourself going to the makeshift volleyball court near your house more and more, practicing helps with your anxiety. The almost summer air is crisp and warm and humid. Heavy, but refreshing when you are out of your school uniform and ignoring the cramming you have to do for exams. You close your eyes and lets the wind surround you, looking for some sense of peace in the midst of the stress. You think of your best friend's laugh, the one he had let out earlier while watching you practice your tossing, which got you in a spat with your teams' libero. You smile, and identify something that you are yet to be familiar with but knows the name of.
The air is hot and humid, the wind just perfect as the afternoon settles. There are days when all you could think about were upcoming competitions and chemistry homework and your sister's smile. But afternoons like this one are made to wonder about bleached blonde boys behind the arches of a volleyball court, familiar eyes watching you and a rare laugh on his lips.
You know then, when you see the sun set and the golden shade makes you think of your best friend – You are in love.
the courtyard
He lasts a week.
It's December 23rd and Kuroo finds himself in front of the Kozumes house. Before he can ring it, however, Kenmas parents comes out in a rush.
“Oh! Tetsu-kun, hello!”
“Hi auntie.” Kuroo says, suddenly shy. “Is Kenma home?”
“Oh, he is back at Nekoma! The team had a little surprise practice, but he should be home in an hour or so if you want to come back.”
“No, thats okay, I think Ill just go over there, help him get everything together.”
“Lovely!” His mother says, rushing towards the car. “Oh, can you also tell him that there is dinner in the fridge? We are going to his dads company end of the year party. You should stay and eat too!”
“I will, thank you!”
“Dont wait up!” She says, as they drive away. Kuroo sighs, watches the lights disappear before making his way to the subway station to head towards their school.
He thinks maybe mrs. Kozume called Kenma from the car, because he doesnt need to announce himself. Kenma is alone, putting away the last of the equipment in the court. He doesnt even turn when Kuroo walks in but there is a hunch on his shoulders that make the tension in his body (and in the air) clear.
“I'm mad at you.” Kenma says, not turning back, and Kuroo sighs, guilt settling into his body.
“I know, I'm sorry, I know I've been weird lately, I-”
“I know it's about the kiss.” Kenma sighs, finally turning back to face him. He looks so tired and dejected, and it breaks Kuroos heart to know he is the reason behind it. “I shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable-”
“You didn't!” Kuroo exclaims. “I was surprised, that is all!”
Kenma raises an eyebrow at him, clearly not believing him, even though both statements are equally truthful.
“I don't know why would you be.” Kenma stares at him as if you are stupid. “You're in love with me, I know you are. I just don't understand why you won't do anything about it.”
Kuroo stares at him in disbelief. Something unpleasant, fear covered in uncertainty, crawls up his throat.
“What?” He mumbles intelligently. Kenma rubs his face and groans in frustration.
“It was Fukunaga's idea. He said maybe you just needed a little push.”
“A little push to what? Have a mental breakdown?”
“To confess, Kuro, keep up!”
“You call kissing me a little push?”
“Well, I was running out of ideas!” Kenma sighs “I'll be graduating soon, and you were planning on moving to a new apartment closer to uni, which means you won't pick me up after practice any more and I won't see you every day any more. It felt like maybe if I didn't get you to confess now, then it would never happen.”
Kuroo was, maybe for the first time in his life, speechless.
“But…Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why would you want me to confess?” For a moment, he fears Kenma will admit to wanting to let him down, but he knows he could never be this cruel. Instead, Kenma looks at him softly.
“Do you really not know?”
“I think my reaction to this whole situation makes it pretty clear that I am very lost here.”
“Kuro” Kenma chuckles, tired. “The only thing that differentiates us from other couples is the fact that we don't kiss. We have already been dating for a while now, since you haven't noticed. I was afraid that if I didn't do anything about it, then things would change and I would… Lose you.” His voice becomes weaker as the sentence runs on, until Kuroo finds himself blinking, static.
“We are dating.”
“We are” Kenma states, looking at him both tired and somewhat fond. Everything seems so obvious now, Kuroo isn't sure how he missed it. “You know, you are supposed to be smarter than this.”
“I've always been told I'm a little stupid when it comes to you.” Kuroo tells him softly, before stepping closer, step by step. Soon enough, he finds himself once again in a dreamlike image – Kenma in his arms, their faces close. “But I think I'm caught up with the plan now.”
“Are you?”
“Yes. I'm in love with you, you're in love with me. Sorry it took me a bit to catch up.”
“You're forgiven.” Kenma smiles, arms wrapping around Kuroo's arms.
“You know, you also could have been more straightforward about it.” He complains, but that only earns him a snort from his (apparently) boyfriend.
“What would have been the fun in that?” Kenmas laughs, and Kuroo huffs, burying his noce in his hair. “You surprised me” Kenma says softly, after a moment of silence.
“Me?” Kuroo laughs, “You kissed me out of nowhere as a way to confess!” He exclaims and Kenma laughs with him.
“I just…It was different. From what I had imagined, I mean.”
“You thought of me kissing you, kyanma?” He teased and Kenma rolled his eyes, pushing light enough to not actually move away from his arms.
“I hate you” He mumbles and Kuroo laughs. After a moment, however, he continues. “I just…I don't know, it was nice” Kenma said, burying himself into Kuroos chest. Kuroo pulls him away, needing to see his face.
“Was it good?”
“Too quick, I think. But yes. It was…Nice.” He repeats, and there is that word again.
“Well, you caught me by surprise. I didn't have time to actually kiss you back.” Kuroo says, cradling his face, running a thumb over his cheek.
“Yeah? How would you kiss me, then?”
“Better.”
“Better than nice?”
“Baby, I wouldn't be nice at all.” Kuroo brushes his thumb over Kenma’s bottom lip. The look in his eyes is equal parts knowing and fond.
“Show me, then” Kenma demands, and Kuroo gives in easily into temptation.
When he kisses Kenma again, properly this time, it runs through him like a livewire. He feels as Kenma arches up into his touch, both of them greedy for it. Kenma groans softly when Kuroo sucks his lip into his mouth, and Kuroo smiles, pulls him closer, kisses him harder. This is what he’s been dreaming about for as long as he can remember, even more intensely since the party. This and so much more.
“I daydreamed about you a lot,” he whispers, pressed so tightly against him now that Kuroo feels Kenma’s dick twitch against his thigh, his smile against his neck. “I didn’t wanna let myself, but I couldn’t help it.” Kuroo confesses, reaches below Kenma's chunky hoodie to run his fingers over the soft warmth of Kenma’s back, the promise of what is underneath making his mouth water.
“Yeah? Are you going to tell me about it?”
“I'll do you one better” Kuroo says, lightly biting Kenma's cheek. “Your parents aren't home” He pants against Kenma's mouth. Kenma smiles, steals a kiss before he can continue with his proposal. “Why don't you let me take you home so I can show everything I dreamed of doing to you?”
“Lead the way, boyfriend.” Kenma says, pulling away from him. Kuroo smiles, kisses him deeply before tangling their fingers together, dragging Kenma out of the closet and towards home – a dream coming true.
I'll give you my heart to make a place for it to happen,
evidence of a love that transcends hunger.
Is that too much to expect?
That I would name the stars for you?
That I would take you there?