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and it's christmas, so no one can fix it

Summary:

travis and natalie's first christmas out of the wilderness (1998)

Notes:

kind of a short one but i wanted to write something christmas
i might add more
title is from the cover of christmas song that phoebe bridgers did

Work Text:

Natalie stared at the ceiling before she could even realize she was awake. After she did, she rolled over and stretched across her bed for her pack of cigarettes and her lighter.

The day began like any other, with a cigarette in her hand and her clothes messily draped over her bones. She wasn’t made of much more. She still hadn’t gained back the weight she starved away out there. Her dark hair was messy and tangled, she couldn’t remember the last time she had brushed it. 

She sat near the window and looked outside. It was flurrying. Natalie almost cried, but stopped herself once she remembered it would be nothing like the two previous winters. She had lost track of the days a long time ago, but she guessed that it must’ve been December in New Jersey. It could be Christmas today for all she knew. 

There was a knock on the door. Natalie sat for a moment, suspicious. But when the knocking didn’t repeat, she made her way to the front door.

It was odd, she thought. Her mother had barely been home lately, probably at her new boyfriend’s house, leaving Natalie to rot. She never understood how easily she could just leave her without saying anything. How little she cared about her own daughter, her own blood. Because Natalie knew she cared too much. She loved people so strongly, people who had never cared back. People who weren’t laced through her blood, and even people who were. She still remembers how upset she was when her father tripped. And he was awful to her. 

When Natalie opened the door, she found a box on her step. It was a medium-sized brown box with a bow tied around it. She looked around to see who had dropped it off, but she saw no one. She picked it up cautiously. She had no idea what it was, or who it was from. It certainly wasn’t from her mother. She hadn’t gotten a Christmas gift since before middle school. Except eighth grade, when Van gave her a friendship bracelet. 

The tag read: To Natalie

There was no information about who had sent it. Natalie brought it inside and closed the door. She set the box on the coffee table and stared at it. It was so strange, to be loved. What a fascinating thing it is to be cared for. It was a feeling Natalie had never known.

A few minutes later, the present laid unopened and another knock sounded from the front door. Natalie went to open it. Standing on her front porch was Travis.

Travis.

Natalie searched the familiar eyes. The ones she shared so much loneliness and sorrow and starvation with. Her mouth was agape and her vision became blurry with tears. None fell, however. She breathed him in, though her chest didn’t expand at all. Her eyes explored him, like she had never seen him before. He was so different but so comfortable at the same time. Nothing had changed at all, but so had everything. 

Travis took his Natalie in. She was still so thin. She still had those eyes, those wild eyes. Not savage like the other girls had been, but desperate, searching for something real. She was pale as a ghost, and maybe that’s what they were now. Shells of people who had no option but to kill, and to eat. 

Without saying a word for a few minutes, Natalie pulled Travis into a tight hug. She kept the same expression on her face, wide-eyed and seen. Her strength would’ve surprised anyone who didn’t know her, but not Travis. She was the strongest person he knew, and she held him like it. 

“Come inside,” Natalie gestured, her voice small and broken.

They both took a seat on the small couch. The gift lay on the table in front of them, littered with cans and burnt out cigarettes.

“You haven’t opened it yet?” Travis asked.

“I didn’t know who it was from,” she explained.

Travis picked up the present and handed it to Natalie. 

“Merry Christmas, Natalie.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, not meaning to.

She untied the ribbon and opened the box. Inside was a shiny pair of black combat boots, brand new. A smile stretched across her face as she looked up at Travis.

“Oh, Travis,” she trailed off.

“I know you needed new ones. I thought I’d get you a good pair,” he smiled.

Guilt flooded Natalie’s body.

“Travis, these must’ve been so expensive. And I didn’t get you anything. I didn’t even know it was Christmas,” she said as she looked at him with sorry eyes.

“Don’t worry about it, Nat. It’s a gift, from me to you.”

“Thank you,” she said, still in awe and guilt-ridden.

Travis put his arm around her, and she pressed back into him.

“I love you, Natalie.”

“I love you, too, Travis."