Chapter Text
izuku always hated the rain.
well, let him rephrase that — he’s always hated the rain since it was raining when kacchan died. whenever you see your best friend with a hole in his chest when it’s raining, hating the rain sort of becomes inevitable.
another thing that becomes inevitable are the nightmares. the countless night terrors that never seem to go away.
kacchan always stars izukus dreams. it’s been that way ever since the war ended.
they all started and ended the same exact way; izuku was too late showing up to the coffin, he sees kacchan lying there, pale and motionless, and shigaraki kills izuku too.
the most frightening part about the nightmares is that they weren't really dreams. everything up until izuku dying was true. izuku witnessed it all with his own eyes. and now he had to relive it every single night.
tonight was no different from any other.
izuku had finally gotten to the coffin in the sky. he remembers it being quiet. too quiet. he was frantically looking around, searching for his favorite crimson eyes, only to find them staring back at him, lifelessly.
there weren’t any sparks coming from his hands. no stupid remark about how izuku was late. no shout coming from his mouth. it was all quiet.
izuku tried to scream, but no sound came out. he started hyperventilating violently. he wanted to throw up. needed to. kacchan wasn’t dead. right? he couldn’t be.
he couldn’t breathe. his chest felt like it was collapsing in on itself. was he dying too?
he heard shigarakis voice faintly, but izuku couldn’t focus on anything other than katsuki. he couldn’t care about anything else right now. not when kacchan was dead.
izuku sprinted over to kacchan, nearly tripping over his own feet on his way over there.
“midoriya! edgeshot is patching up bakugo! he’s going to be okay!” izuku barely processed togatas words.
he kneeled by kacchan and finally screamed. he clenched katsukis wrists desperately, searching for a pulse that wouldn’t come.
“he died, and it’s all your fault. you were too slow, deku.” and then everything faded to black.
izuku woke up screaming. he gripped at his chest, tears streaming down his face. tomura never said that to him in his dreams. ever. that was new and entirely unwelcomed.
izuku was still hyperventilating. the hole in kacchans chest was still fresh in his head.
too slow.
because of you.
all your fault.
izuku sprinted to his bathroom, barely making it to the toilet bowl before throwing up. it burned. it burned so bad. was that how kacchan felt when he died?
he dry heaved again. he was sweating horribly, his hand slipping off of the toilet.
he sat on the floor for a couple of minutes before finally flushing the gross bile down the toilet. he got up begrudgingly to brush his teeth, the taste horrid.
at the loud clap of thunder, izuku jumped. of course it was raining.
the rain slammed down against izukus window. he felt his hands shaking as he was brought back to the coffin.
kacchans dead body. his bloodied face. the city around him destroyed.
before he could even think twice, he was already out of his room and in the elevator, the door opening to the fourth floor.
izuku doesn’t even remember it, but he practically sprinted to katsukis door, stopping his hand just before he could knock, second guessing himself.
but before he could knock, the door opened to reveal a disheveled, messy haired katsuki. he looked really confused and yeah, that was to be expected. but he was alive.
izuku visibly softened. he was still shaking, cheeks red from crying, hair messy, and he reeked of throw up. katsuki immediately took in his condition, his expression molding into one of understanding. he slowly stepped to the side without saying anything.
izuku walked in, jumping as a sudden loud clap of thunder reached his ears. he clamped his hands over his ears. he was going to have another panic attack.
that was until katsuki stepped in front of him, taking izukus wrists into his hands.
“it’s okay, izuku. i’m right here.” katsuki voice was softer than izuku had ever heard it be before, but he wasn’t complaining.
izuku needed to feel his heart. needed to know it was beating. he needed so much. izuku kept his eyes on kacchans scar on his bare chest.
kacchan moved izukus hand to place it over katsukis heart. izuku immediately felt the soft thump thump thump under his fingertips, his body instantly relaxing.
“my hearts still beatin’, ‘zuku. it’s still there.” katsukis heartbeat grounded izuku. izukus heart finally stopped beating out of his chest. katsuki was still alive, here, in front of him.
“i’m sorry, kacchan.” izuku whispered. he didn’t mean to wake kacchan up. though, he also didn’t take his hand off of katsukis chest. he was still a little selfish.
“don’t fuckin’ apologize. i told you in the hospital to come to me whenever the nightmares get bad.” izuku had to look away. he hadn’t been coming to katsuki every time.
kacchan eyed him suspiciously. “izuku.”
izuku traced katsukis scar with gentle fingers, feeling katsuki inhale sharply.
“they happen a lot kacchan. the only reason i came here tonight was because ten— shigaraki said i.. that it..” izuku choked back a sob, his eyes growing watery again. “he said that it was my fault. that you died.. because i was too slow. that it was all my fault. and i’m sorry for coming here tonight but i can’t keep coming every—“
“bullshit you can’t.” katsuki cut him off. izuku looked at him wide eyed. “i told you to come here whenever you have a nightmare. you helped me with my shit in the hospital, so let me help you nerd. it’s whatever.” izuku felt a stray tear fall from his eye, but he was quick to wipe it away with the back of his hand.
kacchan started walking over to his bed, leaving the hand izuku had on his chest to fall empty. izuku tried to ignore the feeling of emptiness wash over him.
izuku followed him blindly, just as he did when they were kids. katsuki laid down on his bed, lifting up the blanket to signal for izuku to join him.
izuku looked a little puzzled, but another clap of thunder made him practically jump into katsukis bed.
izuku started shaking again. it felt like his whole stomach was twisting from the inside. all because of the stupid rain. what a joke.
“i thought you liked the rain izuku?” katsuki whispered.
izuku shook his head. “not anymore.” he hesitated before turning onto his side to face katsuki. his breathing hitched as soon as his eyes met katsukis red ones. they were so close, their breath intertwined.
katsukis eyes were soft and understanding. he stated quiet, an invitation fur izuku to keep talking if he wanted to.
“it rained when you died.” izukus voice faltered, cracking at the end of his sentence. he cursed himself for how weak he was.
izukus hand subconsciously found its way back to katsukis chest, his fingers splayed out over the scar. he could feel katsukis heartbeat speed up ever so slightly.
“it poured. and i hated that it did, because youve always hated the rain. why did it have to rain when you died? why did you have to die in the first place? why—“ izuku sobbed, cutting himself off. he looked into katsukis eyes desperately, searching for comfort he couldn’t bring himself.
katsuki looked like he was contemplating something deeply. his brows were furrowed. izuku was going to question it, until kacchan pulled izuku into his arms.
izuku gasped. he tried to speak, but kacchan beat him to it.
“don’t fuckin’ talk about it, nerd. just sleep. i’m right here.”
and with a shaky breath, izukus hand still on katsukis chest, izuku closed his eyes.
izuku subconsciously pulled katsuki closer, his arms moving to wrap around his waist. his head found its way to katsukis chest, finally being able to hear kacchans heart beat.
katsuki took a deep, shaky breath, before resting his forehead on top of izukus head.
“don’t leave me kacchan.” izuku whispered.
and izuku could barely feel it, but it was there. katsuki kissed his forehead ever so gently. “‘m not goin’ anywhere, ‘zuku.”
and for the first time in months, izuku feel into a dreamless sleep.