Work Text:
First Summer
An Eternal Promise
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Throughout the seasons, her gravitational pull shifts, tethering him to her existence
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Delicate things frightened Caleb.
Flower petals easily fell. A butterfly’s wing turned to dust if you touched it. Birds couldn’t fly if they broke a wing.
Gravity is what made you fall. What crushed metal cans into thin disks, deflected bullets, and sent them flying with ease. Gravity was manipulative, capable of destroying time and space at an atomic level. It’s what made stars collapse in on themselves, taking anything and everything with them.
And so, it made sense for him to be good at destroying things. Delicate things, of course were the easiest to manipulate for a boy of only ten. Paper could become lighter than air, and was malleable enough that he could easily turn it into a knife or a bullet without much effort. All he had to do was stare and think about the shape and let his gravity evol do the rest.
The researchers liked that about him. They liked how he easily turned pieces of scrap metal into disks as thin as an insect’s wing. Cheered when he made the rain stand still. Went silent when he took all the air out from a researcher’s lungs, just because he felt like it. It’s why he was punished not long ago, reminded through her to keep himself in check.
Over and over and over, he was reminded through each and every scream.
He heard them in his nightmares. Relived them as he walked through the halls to their next test. Reminded himself how futile it was to act out. Instead, it was better to plan for escape. Bide his time. Wait until those white coats became sluggish and eased by his cooperation.
Until then, he would watch over her, protect her in any way he could.
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Caleb sat beneath a tree, its leaves pointed upwards as if offering itself to the humidity in the air. Crisp lines were broken by shimmering light, the pure white marred by grey shadows. Clouds passed overhead in alternating patterns, refracting the light overhead into leaf-shaped shadows that seemed to be coloring his paper cranes in cross crossed patterns. Patterns that helped him disconnect.
A faint outline of a silhouette is what broke his train of thought. He looked up to see round dark eyes, glistening in colors that weren’t quite golden or green, not even really brown, but all three. Bright. A small nose was scrunched up beneath them, seemingly twisting the girl’s smile into an inquisitive, toothy grin.
It was the delicate thing he’d tried to avoid more than once. The thing he’d been connected to, the girl that wasn’t quite human, yet was. The same one he’d been forced to restore at least twice now. Reset, as they liked to say. Restart as they liked to chant, rhythmically, methodically, inhumanely. As if she were a wind-up doll. As if her heart was mechanical and not flesh and blood.
“Caleb! You’re here early today. What are you making?” The girl plopped down next to him, her white gown splaying across the grass and tickling his ankles. The girl’s short, dark hair framed her face as she leaned over his shoulder to look at the crane, her small, chubby hands reaching for it.
Caleb smiled mischievously as he made the crane fly around her head, chuckling as her pout rose and fell at every missed chance to catch it. While her eyes were glued to the crane, he made another, this time entirely with his evol. It formed slowly behind his back, the paper crinkling and smooshing together haphazardly. While it wouldn’t be as pretty as the one dancing above her head, it would surprise her.
He liked the way light danced in her eyes when he performed “magic tricks.” Even if she forgot him again, the reaction was always the same. He liked that.
“Caleb!” From her lips, his name came out with a whine. Playfully, coaxing, as if she knew all too well he’d give in and let her have her way eventually.
It wasn’t like she was wrong.
This 01, today, at least remembered him. Hadn’t been reset. So, the least he could do was give this 01 what she wanted.
The misshapen, crinkled paper crane lightly floated down onto her head, the other still encircling the girl as if waiting for the signal to land. The girl looked up, stunned, her hands reverently picking up the crane atop her head. She cradled it carefully, as if the slightest movement would destroy it.
“Two? Why two? How did you do that?” 01’s round eyes softened, the wide smile shifting into a small circle.
Caleb held out his hand, guiding the crane above her back to his palm. “One for me, one for you. I said we’d share the last time.”
“That doesn’t answer my question, Caleb.”
”Well, who says I should give out all my secrets. Magic tricks aren’t magic if you know how it’s done,” He said, ruffling her downy locks, the softness of her tresses as fluffy as a cat’s fur.
“Oh alright, but someday you gotta teach me!” 01 leaned her head on his shoulder, her cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk. He poked her cheek, grinning at how squishy they were. Nothing with 01 was boring; everything about her was fun and warm, tickled his insides like a warm blanket, and made him taste sweetness more delicious than any candy.
“I can but doubt you can do it,” He teased, resting his head atop hers. Their evols, while compatible, weren’t the same. He destroyed things while she created and enhanced them, acted like a battery, and reset like one, too.
Reset. Caleb’s gaze fixed on their now intertwined hands. 01 had grabbed it while he wasn’t looking. Her small frame propped up against his was so light he was scared just touching her would cause her to break. Break like that clock. Shatter like that glass. He swallowed, shaking at the memory of when she had broken down—shattered because of him.
“Caleb, can you please teach me the magic trick today?”
He stiffened, smiling to relax his jaw, breathing out slowly to not let it show, and squeezed her hand to assure them both.
“Nope, next time.”
“But when will next time be?”
“Dunno, maybe when I’m taller than you,” he nuzzled the crown of her head, breathing in deeply the sweet scent of flowers and warmth that naturally caressed her being. “When I’m taller, we’ll get out of here and go somewhere just the two of us.”
“Really? Where?” 01 gazed up at him, her dark eyes round and shining, as if that dream were hers too.
“Somewhere so far away no one can hurt us. Beyond these walls and up into the sky, where it’s only us.”
“Only us…” 01 leaned into the crook of his neck. “Ok. Can you promise?”
“Promise,” Caleb held out a pinky finger, laughing as 01’s face rose and fell. Right, this A-01 didn’t know about pinky promises. He guided her, palm to palm, then hooked their pinkies together. “This is how we make a promise. If I break it, I’ll swallow a thousand needles.”
“What?! No, don't do that!” Her muffled cries entered his ears. 01 tightened her arms around him, pressing herself so close they could meld together, close enough to where he felt her emotions again.
“Ok, okay, I won’t.” He laughed, ruffling her hair.
He really did want to keep that promise.
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Fifteen Years Later with Her
A Wish for Endless Summers
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Linkon City held within its crowded streets, back alleys, and playgrounds their memories in the form of childish scrawls. At each and every one of their “secret bases” was a drawing. He liked them. Seeing those physical manifestations that they were here once, together, and that those memories were real, kept him grounded. Still, the ghost of naive and bright dreams followed his every step. It was something that used to bring him comfort. But now…
It was a reminder of how she looked at him back in Skyhaven.
And how he wasn’t sure what to make of that look she gave him now.
He didn’t expect to be back here so soon. Not like this. Making up some excuse to come to Linkon was easy, but she didn’t buy it. At least not completely.
Of all the places she decided to go, it had to be that shop full of a past now deemed ill fit to stay, something now deemed to fade away until it was nothing but a former building living on in a crinkled photograph.
Dull. Lifeless. Something that only had meaning when she looked at it, spoke, and reminisced. Someday, would she be that way with him, too?
Perhaps it would happen suddenly. Her gaze towards him would shift, just like the way his desires for her intensified one day, to the point where he couldn’t lie to himself anymore.
“Do you remember how many days have passed since we said goodbye in Skyhaven?”
Her question had an easy answer. Of course, he knew, down to the second.
“How long has it been since we’ve seen each other?”
Too long. So long it was painful. It was why he came in the first place. He wanted to make up.
“You told me to eat well, take good care of myself, and asked me if I would miss you,” her breath carried in the air, settling in his chest cavity as heavy as a humid summer evening.
He turns to face her, not surprised to see those two bright eyes staring at him in the dark, glistening like she held the stars within them, stars that should never be directed at him—yet were.
“You also snuck that make-up coupon into my pocket.” Her smile was a mix of happy and sad. Like she wanted to say more, but just as that flash of emotion appeared, a new one took its place.
Fear.
“Caleb, if we hadn’t met up here, would you have…”
“Are you hoping I’d stop by and visit, or are you hoping I don’t?”
He voiced it. The feeling that had been simmering underneath his skin, daring him to push her feelings to the surface. He needed to know. Had to know or it would eat at him alive.
Had…his confession of sin made her see him differently? And which way did that pendulum shift?
“I want you to answer my question first.”
“Have you thought about me at all these days?”
Silence. The hesitance in the way her eyes avoided his felt like a door slamming shut.
“I—“
“How many times? When I want to see you, will you also see me?”
It was then he saw it. That barely perceptible flicker of light, the dusting of pink in her cheeks, a gaze that seemed to say, all the time.
He found himself lost in that moment. Almost drunk on the realization that maybe all this awkwardness meant she was seeing him the same way, and didn’t know what to do about it.
It made him want to test her and slip through that invisible boundary. He reached out to her, his palm grazing her wrist, moving up from her arm to her neck, then her cheek.
She didn’t shy away. It made a ghost of a smile bloom across his face as he pressed his forehead to hers.
“How could I not come?”
All he wanted was endless summers with her. Maybe she wanted the same.
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Autumnal Aftertaste
Shift in Her Gaze
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Autumn breaks were always too short. Long enough to make time to see her, but too short for his thirst to be quenched.
He knew she didn’t miss him nearly as much. Didn’t think about him in the way that she occupied even the most minutia moments of his day.
Sometimes he’d see a cloud in the sky and take a picture just because it looked like an animal she would like.
He’d find himself drawing her name on his field notes and on the condensation on the cockpit window before every flight test. She was ingrained in him in such a way that he couldn’t deny anymore that this love was more than he’d realized.
It was a love that drove him to show up unannounced, planning to speak with her, only to be met with a hesitance that cut to his core. He’d done this many times before. Back then, it was easy to surprise her and be greeted with a bright smile.
Now, he could tell that the smile she gave was nervous, guarded—not at all excited to see him like she used to be. Surprised, he couldn’t tell if his presence was a burden or a blessing. Was it because of how they parted in Skyhaven? Was she holding onto the lie they told themselves, the three days and time at the amusement park that didn’t happen?
She’d shown a side of herself back in Skyhaven that was only possible because of the chip. Back then, was it grief and anger that drove her? Did she really hate him enough to think he killed her Caleb?
He got his answer when she invited him to her apartment after that run-in with the bracelet. The old woman’s words seemed to shake her. Made her once veiled awkwardness twist into something he couldn’t place. Still, her walls remained up. Whatever that was between them in Skyhaven was an unspoken taboo, a line he shouldn’t cross. Whether she remembers or not didn’t matter.
The fact that she was letting him back into her sanctuary should have been enough. She opened the door as if it were a window of opportunity. All he had to do was step back into the role she was familiar with for that smile to return. All evening, he played the part. As long as he didn’t cross the line, didn’t remind her of that day, then everything would go back to the way it was.
But he’d long passed those days of playing it safe. He couldn’t hide his feelings, and didn’t want to. Now, he had to push her to do the same.
“For a long, long time I’ve known what I want.”
He voiced his true feelings to her, knowing all too well it would shake her. Boxing her into a corner was the only way he’d shake her loose from those shackles. He needed to dare her to confront this tension between them.
“I’m well aware of what I’m doing. What about you? Are you aware?”
Caleb saw the way her lips curled, frustrated, as if answering with a simple yes would shatter her then and there. He’d rather that happen. Then he could pick up the pieces, and they could move forward together.
Still, she needed time. But they only had so much of that time left. That’s why the next day, he dared to start that dance with her. Confront those pointed jabs and what ifs from that day with a recklessness that knew only one answer should come from it. He’d stayed up most of the night considering what to say, how to convince her that holding back was the worst thing they could do to each other.
It was then he realized perhaps he needed to find a way to help her let her guard down. Cooking breakfast seemed like the best option. It was familiar, warm, like home. He felt so sure of himself that he didn’t expect to see her so worried and upset when he returned. Had she thought he left?
In her gaze was something akin to the way she looked at him in Skyhaven, a misty look on the verge of tears that said, ‘You can’t leave me. Not again.’
Her attempt at playing house again did little to assuage him after that. This game needed to end, somehow, and he was the only one who could. So he pressed her. Guided her along the path to voice what was truly inside that head of hers.
“I don’t want you to have so much on your mind whenever you see me.”
There it was: that origin of the invisible boundary she set up. It sent a thrill through him. He needed to end this stalemate. The sooner that boundary was crossed, the sooner she’d smile again.
Then he just had to see that soda recipe. Had to gain that hope of what happened that day not being a mistake for her. It made him want to test her. After all, it was clear she felt the same. He just had to make her admit it.
“Take your time to come up with a reason. But if delicious things aren’t eaten in time…”
He leaned in, holding the forbidden fruit between them. The warmth of her touch as she met him halfway and wrapped her hand around the apple was only in his memory. It wasn’t there; he couldn’t sense it at all. Still, he could tell from the heat in her gaze and the way she bit down on that apple that he’d caught her.
He could see it, that shift in the light of her eyes. The way she looked at him would never be the same. He wouldn’t hide his feelings anymore. He took a bite, savoring the taste as a smile passed her lips.
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A Winter Wonder
Shared House of Monsters
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”This is the closest we’ve been this year. Stay still. Let me just stay for a while.”
Closing the distance between them wasn’t easy. That kiss she never spoke about, and tried to play off as a dream, blurred his reality once more. He dared to close that gap, lingering inches away from her lips.
Her once wavering gaze was swirling with emotions mirroring his own. It made him want to test her again. Reach past that invisible boundary again and pull her close.
Instead, her words made something snap.
“When you used to sit beside me before, did you look at me this way, thinking the same thoughts?”
His hand went up to cover her eyes, reflexively as if doing so would save him from the sinful look he had given her. She’d run away from him if she found out more.
But instead, her hand grasped his own and slowly guided her gaze back to him once more. He traced a path with his fingertips, brushing across her brow, down the bridge of her nose, and along her jaw to stop at the corner of her lips.
”It’s almost scary, one moment you’re perfectly calm and then the next you do something like this.”
Her words cut into him. Made him think she didn’t like it. Didn’t want this kind of touch from him. These feelings for her, sinful and all-consuming, were as monstrous as he’d always thought.
“Yeah, I must be quite the monster.” A dry laugh slipped out, the pain in his eyes reflected in her own.
“Then in the coming year, we should rename this place the 'House of Monstrosity.”
His breath caught, surprised by that kind admission. It was like she was stepping up to be his partner in this crime, daring to walk the same path. He slowly tightened the grip on her hand, interlocking their fingers like he had countless times before. It reminded him of that day all those summers before, of the time he promised that 01 they’d find a safe place for just the two of them.
This 01, this girl free from the years of torment lost to oblivion, dared to make a place for him.
“Caleb, you’re not the only one with these dangerous thoughts.”
A string, red and knotted, found itself pulled taut between two kumquats on the windowsill. Winter breaks had always made him feel like he would never leave the free fall of that hollowness in his chest. He’d never escape that longing.
As one kumquat fell off the windowsill, the other was pulled into the depths with it—interconnected by that red string.
A light, soft kiss was stolen from him. So quick that he had to lean in for another to check if it was real. Her warmth was as fleeting as the flap of a butterfly’s wing, yet it was more than enough for now.
Seeing her red cheeks as she pulled away from that kiss was enough to energize him for another year.
All too often, he left back to Skyhaven during winter break with a hollowness that wasn’t filled until the peak of summer. New Year's celebrations went by fast. Gran took up most of their time together, especially when he was in college. Celebrations with friends and family never left them any time together alone. And while he didn’t mind sharing her presence this year with her friends, he still wanted her all to himself. Just like every other year until now.
At first, he thought it might be childish jealousy. He enjoyed spending time with her, so anything that got in the way that reduced the time he was happiest was annoying.
As he got older, it became clearer that it was more than that. Seeing her smiling at someone else, laughing with someone else, the fact that he wasn’t the one causing that smile irritated him. In college, these were the thoughts that made him take a step back and realize that he wanted all of her as his and his alone.
He knew it was monstrous to want to monopolize her time. It was a sin to want someone this much. But then this year, she said that she didn’t mind being in that house of monsters with him.
It made him want to kiss her again. So he did. Softly, tenderly, and as that shy smile spread across her lips, he knew his monstrous gaze possibly thrilled her too.
Winter came fast, but this time it spread through his fingertips a warmth that he thought would never return.
❀𖤣𖥧𖡼⊱✿⊰𖡼𖥧𖤣❀
Spring
Blossoming in the Depths
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Spring was often spent without her physical presence. Video and voice calls were sparse, instead replaced with brief and fleeting text conversations. It was why this spring felt so special in comparison. He wanted to cherish this spring of new beginnings with her, in the new role she’d deemed fit for him to fill.
A promise overriding the nightmares that plagued him was still nestled in his mind before the crash. A promise they could be together made it possible for him to wish, no beg, to see her once more.
To see that wish answered but marred through her tears made a crack widen in his heart. She’d found the letters he’d left. Countless letters with sparse sentences that only barely scratched the surface of the depth of his love for her. He’d written them with regret, guilt-ridden with the knowledge that he saw her in a way that could only be described as sinful. The dangerous feelings, this all-consuming love for her, for so long, he felt they were something he shouldn’t voice.
But he could show her the love she wanted. He wove that love into every word and recipe he left behind. It was a way for him to ensure he stayed alive in her mind, somewhere. It was a selfish desire to leave an indelible mark on her soul. There was also the side of him that wanted to leave enough to bring her comfort. He knew she’d miss him and be lost at what to do next. Maybe not forever, but he knew the feeling of loss all too well. It becomes more numb over time, but never leaves.
He wanted to remind her that even if he was gone, their memories remained. If she had tangible evidence of those memories, then maybe they would exist in her mind and never leave. But he was wrong. To her, these half-spoken admissions of love were yet another piece of himself he hid from her.
“Don’t you dare write any more of those 'letters’ before your missions. No matter how detailed your instructions are, I won’t follow them.”
“Why do you have to be so bossy?” He said it teasingly, attempting to lighten the mood. In a place blooming with the flowers she loved so much, he’d hoped to quell her worries, make her and him forget that life had no guarantees.
“I have to when it comes to you, Caleb,” her voice was on the cusp of breaking, each word strong but still swallowed thick with worry.
He liked it when she worried about him, and enjoyed any attention she would give him. Still, this wasn’t it. He didn’t want to hurt her. That’s not at all what those unsent letters meant to say. Back then, he viewed their relationship as something only he craved more than life itself.
To think, he would see those same feelings reflected in her eyes.
“Then that special apple jam…it’s ok if you never learn how to make it. Whenever you’re craving it, just stop by my place. I'll make it for you.”
He held her close to his chest, impressing upon his memory every detail as he gently pressed a finger between her furrowed brow. Not a flinch, not even a flash of irritation graced her features. Instead, a smile that blossomed like a lotus.
“Oh right, I remember crying whenever we reunited at the Fleet’s headquarters. Any man who makes you cry isn’t worth your time.’ Isn’t that what you wrote?”
A biting tease with a wide grin to match.
‘Wait you…I wrote a lot of letters and that’s the one you remember?”
”There’s no point in remembering things that will never happen. I never want to see any of those farewells or last words ever again.”
She shook her head, defiant against any predetermined notions about their fates. In that moment, he felt she was even more beautiful. How lucky he was to have such a miracle in his arms.
”Then, only hellos from now on and no more goodbyes.” A new promise, nestled between weeping willows on a small boat surrounded by blooming flowers. He’d brought her here to impart a beautiful memory, now she was the one polishing a new memory for him instead.
A nod, then she rested her head against his arm. It was then he could see it, she yearned for the same sense of home he saw in her. If this was to be their new beginning, he’d relish in it.
There had been many times before that the endless darkness of the deepspace tunnel almost claimed him. Just when he thought he’d be swallowed up by that void, time and time again he would glimpse that image of her running to him with flowers in hand. A vision so beautiful that the recording only paled in comparison to the real thing.
She has beautiful eyes.
He lost himself in them and forgot about the boundaries that once held him back. Ignored the boundaries of time and space that almost claimed him. Instead, he kissed her forehead, then her nose, and peppered her cheeks. A laugh, so light and ticklish to his ears filled the air.
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Summer Reprise
No Return in the Height of Summer
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Summers were special. Her gravitational pull always reached out to him then. It was as if fate deemed this time to be for them and them alone.
So fitting it was to have such a gift at the height of summer. A gift of her, a night filled with soft kisses and whispers of love he never thought they’d share. He awoke with the fresh memories of the summers before still on his mind, when it wasn’t clear what his new role would be, to the blindly beautiful smile staring down at him.
“Good morning,” she said, leaning down to kiss his forehead. Her delicate fingertips brushed the hair away from his lashes, traveling down to cup his cheek. He leaned into her touch, turning to leave a light kiss on her palm.
“Morning. Feels like I’m still dreaming.” He laughed as her lips turned to a pout before melting into a smile.
“Wake up then, sleepyhead. I’m hungry.”
“Oh? Demanding, aren’t you? Ok, I’ll go make something. Be right back.”
He only left her for a moment, just long enough for her to change out of that dress. Those ribbons…he needed to buy more outfits like it. They should have dresses for her with ribbons that were even easier to untie with his evol.
With those absent thoughts, he left two plates piled high with pancakes on the table and left to return to her side. Time with her was precious; he never wanted to waste a second. So, maybe he did rush through making breakfast to make it back to the living room.
Still, he didn’t expect to find her poring over one of his albums. Carefully, he sat down behind her on the couch, engulfing her in his arms. She elicited a soft squeak, a very fitting sound for his pipsqueak as he dared to rest his chin on her shoulder. The warmth of her skin, and the faint familiar scent of her shampoo instantly transported him to the memory of home. Memories she now was gazing at through a lens he’d never planned to show her.
”Seems like you found it,” he said.
“Why do you have so many photos of landscapes? I see a few familiar places and I know I was with you there when you took them. Why didn’t you ask me to take a picture with you? You need to learn selfies are a thing, Caleb.”
He laughed. Of course she would say that.
“Hmm, these are all photos of the times I’d gone to see you, but it took a while for you to warm up to me again, remember?”
He felt her muscles stiffen, then relax as she craned her neck to look up at him, defiant. “It wasn’t that long.”
“It was an eternity for me,” Caleb stole a kiss then leaned back, amused as she crawled up to give him a few wacks on his chest. When she was done venting her frustration, she sat on his lap, languidly draping her arms around his neck
“Still, don’t just make memories alone. I want to cherish every moment we have together. Like last night—when I asked you for the selfie in the cockpit.”
“We should have taken a lot more then, especially photos of what we did here, and there, and over there last night—ow.” He winced as she pinched his cheeks.
Her plump pouty lips did little to quell the desires swirling in his chest. Still, she was right. He had taken those photos as a reminder for himself. Every time he looked at them, he recalled how different their relationship was, and how varied and distant their feelings seemed to be.
Maybe if he’d dared to push her sooner, dared to seek in her eyes the same gaze he bore then…maybe…
Caleb shook his head. No, just as the seasons shifted and changed, so had their love for each other. Fate threw them in different directions, one he thought might take her away from him forever. Still, she found her way back, as if drawn by the red thread tethering him to her.
“Caleb, let’s take more photos together. And fill a whole new album. No multiple ones.”
“If you keep saying that, I’ll get greedier for your time. Can you handle that?”
A sigh escaped her lips. The girl he once thought would one day turn away at his sinful gaze cut through it, defiant, with a kiss.
“I’m greedier, trust me.”
That promise to find a paradise, just for the two of them, remained. A place no one could hurt them, safe, and high in the sky, was still but a fleeting dream. But maybe, this pale imitation of the warm home they’d lost was enough.
If they just had each other, that’s all that mattered.
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