Chapter Text
Ox Ribs (from 2500 BC)
From A.Z Fell & Crow Presents:
Foods My Husband Will Eat: E01: Ox Ribs (from 2500BC)
Premiere 6.30pm GMT
2, 312 Watching Now • Premiered February 1, 20XX • 25:56
Mr Fell wasn't wearing his faded velvet waistcoat today. In fact, he seemed to have traded it for an off-white linen robe, complete with golden embroidery traced constellations on his cuffs, embellished with pearls. He'd never been seen without his usual beige attire until now.
Usually, Mr Fell talked on his channel about some first edition books he acquired, or a review of an expensive restaurant that had just opened. Extremely knowledgeable and chatty, he was very good at derailing off topic about things that existed years ago.
He'd gained a small following over the years, mostly by academics who emailed him for clarification on primary and secondary sources, and stayed around for his unique personality. His videos were done with extremely high tech equipment, and he had no seemingly endless budget in sight; fans discussed on Reddit his purchases of first or autographed editions of books Mr Fell acquired at auction, finding he would literally outbid anyone by millions of pounds if he needed to.
Many of his fans knew courtesy of Twitter updates that he was starting a cooking series, and was in the middle of fermenting foods and acquiring ingredients from around the world while his cottage kitchen was being renovated.
Copper and iron cookware hung gracefully above wooden countertops. The kitchen was adorned lovingly with potted herbs and dark green leafy plants that shook every once in a while. The open shelving behind Mr Fell showed a collection of vintage plates, tea sets and a few heavy recipe books.
An arrangement of vegetables, and a bird carcass, were placed in bowls in front of him, along with a sharp old kitchen knife lying on a wooden chopping board.
Livestream • Top Chat ᐁ
6.31PM red_fish: not talking about books this time?
6.31PM Gravit: Ooh his kitchen has finished renovations! NICE.
6.32PM Ana_thema: That took like two years, Mr Fell
"For those who don’t know me, I am Mr Fell, book collector and restaurant connoisseur. I usually talk about books or food in my videos; sometimes in my videos my husband the reluctant editor makes an appearance. For those who personally know Crowley, you know that Crowley is picky with food," Mr Fell remarked, gesturing to the ingredients in front of him. "So, now our kitchen has been transformed, we will embark on a taste-testing journey, beginning with ox ribs. This is a recipe very special to me. It's the first thing I ate on Earth, courtesy of Crowley, or Crawly, as he was known back then. We'll commence this series where it all began: 2500, BC."
Livestream • Top Chat ᐁ
6:38PM red_fish: 2500 BC? Is he supposed to be immortal? O_o
6:39PM Ana_thema: you must be new here. It's his character/persona
Mr Fell started thinning carrots into strips and began to talk to the camera, his eyes never looking down at what he was doing.
Livestream • Top Chat ᐁ
6:39PM barna89: jfc that's how u are going to get five finger fillet Mr fell !
“We were at a large house - or a compound as it would have technically been called, all those years ago, waiting out a storm in the cellar. The family residing there was going to have a feast. Cut a very long story short, mind you, there were many different foods: sourdough loaves, pearl barley, oranges, Roman leeks, heirloom varieties of carrots and turnips, all complemented by the savoury presence of roast pheasant.”
He pushed the carrots and newly sliced turnips aside before taking a saucepan of water and putting some pearl barley in it from a box.
“Pearl barley needs to be cooked in two parts water to one part pearl barley. We won't be cooking this on the new stove today, as this recipe calls for a fire outside. Now, at this residence where Crawley and I were at, there was also an entire cooked ox, to celebrate… something; Not sure. it was 4,500 years ago, after all.”
He then placed in front of him a terracotta casserole dish, risen sourdough resting under a tea towel. The pheasant was then placed in a clay pot filled with the sliced vegetables, bay leaves, rosemary sprigs and half a bottle of red wine.
“The starter for the sourdough came from the wife of the head of the household. It is as potent as ever. I've waited all day for it to rise, and I've added flour, and it's ready. All of this will be placed under the ox we have outside.”
Livestream • Top Chat ᐁ
6:45PM zyndell: wait an actual ENTIRE OX?
6:45PM lance.c.shadwell: he’s a witch, and,
6:46PM lance.c.shadwell: he’s making a witches stew.
With a wave of his hand, the viewers found themselves in the beautiful courtyard outside, where a large ox carcass hung upside down over an open fire. Mr Fell was now putting the pots of food he’d just prepared beneath the ox.
“Sourdough and pearl barley go under for half an hour, while pheasant goes under for an hour and a half,” Mr Fell said. “Make sure the ox is thoroughly cooked. Slow-cook it over the fire for 24 hours, ensuring the skin achieves a charcoal finish. I put this on yesterday around noon, so it has about two hours to go, which is perfect timing to cook the pheasant."
***
Some time later, Mr Fell reached into the fire with a tea towel and took out the pots, putting them on a small table in front of the camera. He pulled out the perfect sourdough loaf by peeling it free from the baking paper it was in, mixed the pearl barley with a spoon, then snapped his fingers.
The pot with the pheasant in it was now in front of him, all cooked. He pulled out a dinner plate from nowhere, carefully cut up a slice of bread, and a big hunk of ox its ribs still attached. He didn't add vegetables.
Livestream • Top Chat ᐁ
6:50PM Ana_thema: I hope he's feeding the entire village with that ox.
“Let me go find Crowley…” the camera moved as Mr Fell grabbed it, off to find his husband.
Crowley was rail thin, always with a coffee in one hand and phone in the other. Aziraphale found him in the sitting room. Even in the dimly lit room, he kept his sunglasses on, slouching on the settee in a distinct manner. Whenever he was seen in videos, he usually had a different hairstyle each time. This time he had it short with a bright red streak at the front.
Viewers assumed his real name was Crowley Fell, until Mr Fell once pointed out Crowley was both his first and last name, with the ‘Anthony J being optional’. He didn’t appear much in Mr Fell’s videos, unless it was gardening or wine-related. Fans of the couple knew he was the editor of the videos, and he was pretty good at it (Crowley said in a recent Q & A that he is very good with Adobe After Effects).
Mr Fell held the tripod and camera in one hand and offered the ribs to Crowley.
Crowley peered out the window, to look over at the ox, then back to his plate.
“Where did you get the ox from?”
“Jordan. To the west,” said Mr Fell, sitting next to him with his own plate. “I made sure it was a cow that was as close to the breed and stock as possible.”
“How'd you get the cow through customs?” Crowley asked.
Mr Fell took a small bite of meat. “Very carefully.”
Crowley picked up a piece of sourdough, and put a chunk of ox on top. “My tastebuds are screwed after drinking coffee and wine all the time. But it's good, very similar to Job’s ox. Well done angel.”
Livestream
6:53PM Ana_thema: He got praise in the end! Now he has a massive ox to eat
6:55PM Az Fell & Crow: It was good x - AJC
6:55PM lance.c.shadwell: these witches make me sick with their stews.
6:55PM red_fish: Crazy Cottagecore huh…