Chapter Text
That was, and he knew, the worst idea ever. It was, also, the only one he currently had. Not that didn’t make it in any way less mortifying.
One might think the Flambae from SDN, the Flambae from the rapidly becoming famous Z-Team after their intervention in Shroud’s defeat, would have a wider array of options to choose from for getting himself a very much needed accomplice-- so much needed the plan would go to hell without one.
Luck, though, hadn’t been on his side.
He wouldn’t be approaching Robert Bitch Robertson if it was, that for sure. But, as painful as it was to admit, that bastard was also the best pick objectively speaking by far. And he didn’t want to think about it subjectively, but…
“Tell me you’re free on Friday.”
“I’m free on Friday.” Robert quickly replied, and the expression on his own face must have changed into the biggest display of bewilderment, because what came next was actually clarification. “It was partly a joke because you told me to say exactly that, but I’m indeed free on Saturday.” As he went on, Flambae’s mood briefly changed from disbelief to annoyance to something more neutral. “Why, though? Because, if you’re asking just to make fun of me for not having plans, then--”
“No, it’s because I have a favor to ask. Big one.” There, he said it. Now all there was to do was hoping Robert didn’t end up being the one mocking him instead when learning why for.
“A favor. Big one.” He repeated, with a tone which suggested the most obvious surprise. Not like he could blame him, anyway, not about that.
“Yes, a favor.” The explanation didn’t come until a deep sigh had exited Flambae’s throat. “I have dinner with my family-- my sister, brother in law and niece, not the whole family. Anyway, it’s for my niece’s birthday… and I sort of told them all I was bringing my partner. They’re all very excited, too.”
For a while, there was just a deep silence which didn’t stretch for much time but definitely felt longer than it actually was… then Robert let out a brief laugh, and hadn’t he realized what was up by virtue of his change in expression, he would have punched him. In fact, Flambae didn’t discard the punching, depending on how the rest of the conversation went.
“Oh, you’re serious.” At least he wasn’t downright stupid. “So, you’re out to your family.” Or maybe yes.
“Of course I’m out to my family, you dumb bitch!” If he wasn’t, and there was no reason for it, he could have just asked Prism and save himself from worries. After all, she might as well have been the perfect candidate: a friend he was in perfect sync with, not to mention how strangers even tended to mistake them for a couple before finding out Flambae didn’t swing that way at all. But alas.
Not like he regretted how easily it was, being open about that part of himself, quite the opposite; he would rather be in his current dumb predicament than having to hide such a thing.
“Well, I’d say I wasn’t, but I also highly doubt it counts since realizations came long before my father passed. So…” Wait, what?
Speaking of coming out, apparently that bastard had just come out to him, and very casually while at it. Which shouldn’t be a surprise, given how basically everyone from their team (or SDN as a whole, by that matter) was indeed casual about that stuff, but still-- though, for all Flambae knew, he could even be the last one to find out, not in a having the information actively withheld from him way but maybe in a having missed the moment he mentioned it way by storming out that night after the bar fight.
Not like it mattered, anyway.
Even if something jumped inside his chest upon learning that fact.
“That’s rough, still.” Was all he could comment about it without risking getting mushy about it. Despite how much things had changed from Afterparty of Tacos and Revelations up until then, he was so not getting mushy with or about fucking Robert of all people.
“Yeah.” Robert let out a brief sigh. “And yeah, sure. Let’s do it.”
Well. That had been easy. Too easy.
“Hm? Are you saying yes just like that?” He couldn’t or shouldn’t complain, and yet… it was confusing, if nothing else. “Are you that desperate for Saturday plans? I didn’t even have to bribe you with my brother in law’s heavenly cooking.” Fun to say, when there was no one more desperate between the two than him, or he wouldn’t have gone to him.
“Says the guy who’s enlisting someone he wanted to burn to a crisp not that long ago.”
“Yes, you’re indeed my goddamn last resort, Bob Bob.” Flambae moved on to admit, not super ashamed but definitely annoyed. “I need a guy who’s available and has social skills. We’re not exactly surrounded by many that check the boxes in both departments, as you’re aware.”
Punch Up was neither free nor an actual option, for sharing work stories with his sister had inevitably landed in gossip and she may or may not be rooting for him and Coop. Sonar could handle social situations well in terms of business meetings, but things weren’t that certain for more personal matters and the risk was too big. Chase, looking old aside, would have said no for sure. Royd wasn’t free on Friday either, and the reason for excluding Waterboy and Phenomaman was pretty self-explanatory.
So, long story short, there were only two paths: Robert or defeat. Choosing Robert was, somehow, the one making more sense.
“Luckily, you have me.” There was more sarcasm than smugness in his voice, but that didn’t mean the latter wasn’t present. Flambae let it slide, though, not because it wasn’t irritating but due to not wanting to risk a sudden change of mind after he already got a yes.
“Pretty much.” He agreed, sighing nonetheless. “Anyway, tell me you’re free today after work too, because the details aren’t going to get figured out by themselves.
“Are you still sure about this?” Robert asked, not because he was having second thoughts per se. He, still, was starting to catch a case of which could easily be called stage fright-- more or less.
He was more than able to navigate even the trickiest situation that simply required him to go there and engage in conversation. Hell, after facing that one reporter asking him whether his father would be proud of him or not when his suit got destroyed, Robert believed he might as well be able to face anything in that realm, and getting to mentor the Z-Team hadn’t changed his mind but reinforced said conviction instead. But… Well, meeting one’s partner’s family was something else entirely and a completely novel experience, even if they were just faking it.
In fact, not having something real to work with might affect his performance, and that was just the start of his dilemmas. Because--
Not like it mattered, though, since that would be simply a one time thing, then he wouldn’t have to think about it. And whatever Flambae got himself into or how he chose to say they had ‘broken up’ some time after the current dinner, that wasn’t his problem at all.
“It’s a bit late to chicken out, Bobson. You’re aware of it.” Flambae wasn’t asking, so apparently he was. Or at least he preferred going along with it anyway.
“Guess so.” He agreed, shrugging. “One last time reviewing the story, or are we good to go?” The scoff that was offered to him in response already said it all, but words came right after as well.
“Don’t know about you, but I have no issues remembering something I came up with.” Hm, he didn’t know what he expected. “We’re not ready yet, still.” That last part took him by complete surprise, but Robert didn’t have time to inquire why when in a matter of seconds Flambae’s arm was around his shoulders, bringing the two of them way closer. “Don’t look at me like that, dumbass,” To be fair, he had barely begun registering what was happening. “we’re not succeeding unless we look the part.”
Well, that made sense; acting all stiff around each other wouldn’t sell the act. Thus, following his example, Robert reciprocated by lifting a hand to entwine it with the one now hanging from his shoulder.
He noted, too, how engaging in those things with him seemed to be easier than he had expected. Food for thought.
“And now?” Robert asked, turning his head and tilting his chin up slightly to properly look at him even with their current positions. Flambae leaning in too shouldn’t have sent shivers down his spine in a way that wasn’t uncomfortable by any means, but somehow it did.
“Now,” He answered, booping Robert’s nose with his free hand; a gesture that felt more playful than downright demeaning like it would have been time before. “now we’re good to go, babe.”
Said and done, for his next move was to ring the door’s bell so their arrival was announced. Coming to think about it, perhaps speaking about their arrangement right at his family’s door might have been too risky, but it wasn’t like there was any sound coming from right behind it, and the time it took for someone to greet them only strengthened the theory of not having anything to worry about.
“You’re here!!” A little girl who could only be the very famous niece opened the door, beaming like she had just gotten her birthday presents already and hugging Flambae so intensely he would have been tackled were he even just so slightly less strong. And he reciprocated with just the same intensity, lifting her up the ground with one arm like the show off he was. “THEY’RE HERE!!!” She then announced, likely to her parents but in a volume that might as well would have alerted the whole neighbourhood-- not like Robert minded, that was very sweet.
“Wouldn’t miss it for anything.” Flambae assured her. Given how prone he was to reject team hangouts after work whenever she had a school function or he had already been appointed to take care of her for the evening, there was no doubt he was being as sincere as one could be. “Happy birthday, sweetie.”
“Good, and thanks.” She declared, still smiling from ear to ear. “By the way, nice to meet you.” Was the next thing she said, both her attention and face now turned towards Robert. She even took advantage of the extra height now her uncle was holding her, by extending a hand towards him to shake in a way she wouldn’t have been able to pull off as smoothly were she still with her feet on the ground. “You’re Robert, right? We’ve heard a lot about you. I’m Moska.”
Even when glancing at the girl instead of Flambae, he still managed to get a glimpse at him pursing his lips for a second. Plus, there was no need to be looking to notice the sound he released, something like an embarrassed snort.
“I can imagine what he’s told you.” Robert replied, shaking her hand. There was amusement in his voice, because he indeed knew-- by virtue of plotting the whole thing that was. In terms of explaining it all with romantic comedy tropes, they had been the coworkers who started by clashing since day one, then buried the hatchet over time and became friends (in reality, Robert guessed ‘friends’ sort of applied, even when their dynamic hadn’t changed that much save from the jabs having lost a lot of sharpness). Then, one thing had led to another, and they were there (not inaccurate either, even if they were just pretending to be a couple right then). “He talks a lot about you too, by the way.”
“If I suddenly stop one day, be worried about me having been brainwashed or something.” Flambae added, only half-joking because they had yet to encounter someone with powers that could do it.
Not that those couldn’t exist, though.
“That reminds me.” Moska grinned again, poking at her uncle’s cheek. “You still owe me this week’s report.”
He briefly laughed, earnestly, and nodded in agreement. Meanwhile, Robert needed a second to process the sudden jump his heart made at the sound of it.
Up until that point, things were going very well. Smooth as hell, even.
Just as she had pointed out he still owed her, Moska was given a detailed retelling of everything interesting which had happened during the workweek-- adapted for children her age, that went without saying. Meanwhile, it seemed like Robert was having no issue in winning over everyone, as actually expected.
It was good, to be honest, and at the same time it still bothered him having full confirmation of how he was indeed the best choice for the occasion.
Especially since… but also…
“And what’s your favorite superhero?” Robert precisely had to ask her. Well, the sooner that was over with, the better. “Apart from your uncle, of course.”
“Mecha Man!!!” Moska lost no time in replying, eyes shimmering. What was coming next was a scene everyone in the family had witnessed multiple times and no one would ever grow tired of. “I’ve been a fan, a Mecha-Fan if you wanna go all proper, since I was little. More little than now, anyone’d say when they’re feeling like they’re so funny. Anyway, I know everything!! In fact, gimme five minutes and I’m showing you.” Said and done, she got up by basically jumping, rushing upstairs to fetch tangible proof.
A brief glance at Robert, one Chad wouldn’t even have had to carry out to learn such information, revealed him snickering in a way that made him look stupid. Someone else might have called that cute, but someone else wasn’t relishing in the victory of being Moska’s favorite superhero.
He wasn’t going to ever let that die down, was he?
“So, Mecha Man.”
“Shut the hell up, Bobert.” Strictly speaking, swearing in front of his niece was frowned upon, by himself first and foremost no matter if she likely heard worse at school. But, hey, Moska was currently out of earshot and the emphasis was very needed.
“Don’t mind him,” Instead of aid, then there came betrayal. “Chadli’s just a tad bit bitter over that preference, you know.”
“Even my own sister throws me to the wolves.” The dramatic sigh which came right after was an absolute must. It didn’t yield results, for all he got from Shararah was the grin of someone who had exactly zero regrets about it. And, given how he had submitted her to similar things when bringing boyfriends over, trying to come up with a rebuttal would only end up in an even worse loss.
Besides, it didn’t matter since the cat had been out of the bag from the moment Robert asked Moska that question, so…
Not to mention how, if nothing else, such a topic was giving him the chance to test the waters for yet another favor to ask of Robert. Extra embarrassment wasn’t that big of a price to pay, especially with how well aware Chad was of a very simple fact: there was no way to tackle it that would save him from embarrassment in the first place, so it was better to get it done faster.
Moska did, in fact, know everything about Mecha Man.
Sure, it was just information anyone from the general public could learn, but that didn’t make her skills any less impressive; that little girl remembered dates and things which had happened to him even more than Robert himself did after several years from those moments-- a testament to her dedication, given how she hadn’t even been born yet to witness some of them, and was too young to be aware when it came to a bunch of others.
Sure, having everything noted down and organized also helped, but still.
Said string of knowledge also extended to his father and grandfather, but between his rendition of Mecha Man being the one she had actually witnessed in real time and simple preference, he was undoubtedly the Mecha Man for her… judging by both that and the merch collection Moska proudly showed him.
It was very sweet, and also a bit awkward given how he was right there in front of her, but she didn’t know who she was. Nor would telling her be wise.
“... so, y’know, I hope I can meet him tomorrow.” She then said, after finishing her demonstration on her master level expertise in all things Mecha Man. Well, that was news.
That was definitely news.
“Tomorrow?” Robert asked, hoping he was pulling off the ‘interested in the same way anyone would be’ tone, as well as putting an effort to not glance immediately at Flambae lest doing so gave something away. Perhaps there was no need to be that cautious, since it would make sense given he worked with Mecha Man (both did, technically, given how none of them had hid the fact Robert was the team’s dispatcher). But still.
“Yeah, tomorrow!!” Moska confirmed, nodding with intensity.
“Tomorrow’s the party with all her school friends.” Instead of her, it was Flambae who took up the task of explaining everything to him. Sort of. “And I promised Moska I’d try to convince him to at least pass by for a moment.”
News indeed.
“Yeah, I know he’s gonna be busy. Or resting. So if he makes it, he doesn’t need to stay much. I just wanna say hi.” Well, no matter if not asking him at any point before becoming accomplices in the fake dating scheme and leaving the reveal for them had been premeditated or not, Robert had to admit his first thought was ‘Well played’ nonetheless: after meeting Moska and already facing her bright-eyed full of hope expression, saying no seemed like an impossible.
That, though, didn’t discourage him from muttering some… grievances at Flambae when they were left alone in the room again by virtue of Moska leaving to put back her Mecha Man collection where it belonged (ordered in her room, she had said) before dinner was actually ready.
Then, she perhaps would directly join her parents in the kitchen instead.
“A heads up would have been nice, you know.” He said, poking his cheek with one finger to maintain the act just in case someone saw even when they had been holding hands the entire time already. Plus, it was fun. Especially since Flambae quickly frowned, not in anger.
“She’d be the happiest girl in the entire world. Wouldn’t you like to help me with that, Bobby?”
Robert huffed.
“Yes, but still. Heads up next time.” The mischievous smile instantly appearing in Flambae’s face made him lowkey regret his choice of words. Only lowkey, though.
“Oh, so you’re already offering up a next time?” Well, technically yes. It would be important to note how he hadn’t said he would agree, and simply requested to have all the information when about to be asked for not one favor but two… but technically yes, he had considered a next time. His rebuttal died before it was born, still because of the next topic change. “Anyway, there’s no cooking since we’re the guests, but I’m at least going to try and offer to set up the table.”
With that, Flambae stood up, and them still having their hands linked together made him choose between joining or letting go.
Because it was the least he could do for his hosts, he didn’t want to simply wait alone until food was served and just because he was already used to walking hand in hand with him, Robert chose joining.
Apart from succeeding in getting Robert to agree to ‘Helping your uncle in convincing Mecha Man to go tomorrow’ as he had told Moska, the rest of the evening went amazingly well.
So much there was yet another instance of betrayal, since Shararah even made a joke about how, if they ended up marrying each other, the family would be on Robert’s side rather than his. Very fucking funny-- oh, wait, no. But, of course, she had said that just to see Chad’s scowl and perhaps to even try and embarrass him further. Needless to say, he would eventually find a way to get back at her; no matter if she had already reached forty and he wasn’t that far from there, some things never changed. Also, said joke had been received by a laugh from Moska, and there was no way he could stay mad for long if she found it amusing, that too.
“All the food was amazing.” Robert assured for what could have been the fifth time of the night while saying his farewells, and if that was a source of pride rather than annoyance, he couldn’t even begin to imagine how it must feel in the actual cooks’ case. It wasn’t strange in the slightest people warmed up to that fucker so quickly.
It was strange, though, he sometimes found himself not being immune to it.
And, worst thing of all, Chad realized fully when taking his hand again as they were leaving felt oddly natural. Or, rather, it was a painful reminder.
Maybe getting Robert to be in cahoots with him had been a mistake in the end, even if the outcome in itself was proving to be more than successful. It was difficult to consider it so, still, since Moska having the best birthday ever was being ensured.
“Thanks, by the way.” He managed to say several minutes after exiting the house, so the ruse wasn’t discovered and because he definitely needed the extra time to gather whatever he needed to gather in order to direct that string of words towards Robert. “For agreeing to do this tonight, and even more for tomorrow.”
“You owe me a big one, you know.” Robert said, and Chad couldn’t help but groan despite knowing it was true. “Just for today, though.”
“Huh?”
“I’m going tomorrow for Moska, not you.” Then, instead of a groan there was a brief scoff. He could work with that, still.
“Well, fair enough.” He was sort of expecting the conversation was going to end there, but to his surprise (and perhaps to Robert’s too, given the look on his face), it didn’t.
“It was nice, too. I mean, I haven’t been to any family dinners since… well, my dad and his team, pretty much.” Was he aware of how sad that sounded? Because it didn’t seem so, but there was no way he couldn’t be. Or, instead of unaware, he was simply resigned. After all, there was no changing the past.
There was, still, change in the present and future. And it wouldn’t be arrogant to say it had already started, right?
“Don’t worry, Bobby Bob. Now you have the Z-Team, and I can assure we won’t ever leave you alone.” Yes, making it seem like a threat was a conscious decision. “In fact, you’ll be begging for some peace and quiet.”
Upon hearing that, Robert let out a brief laugh.
“Do you think I don’t already?” Was his rebuttal, and shortly after both were laughing together.