Chapter Text
Eliana SquarePants
By M-Jewel 💚
‘Ah, bonjour, salud, and welcome to ze wonderful little corner of Bikini Bottom. As ze sun is shining down through ze Pacific waters onto zis charming little town, many of ze residents are unaware of ze big change to zer small town and lives, and especially a big change in the life of one of my favor-eet sea creatures…ze Yellow sea sponge, Aplysina fistularis. Or as many others prefer to call him…
SpongeBob SquarePants.’
Today was a new day where anything could happen. SpongeBob knew that better than anyone. But today was going beyond any day in his life. Today was a HUGE day, bigger than anything he’d ever done. And single-handedly it would be the most exciting and…scary day ever.
As the young sponge paced around his living room, his mind raced with his feet and his hands as they wrung. He went over everything in his head to make sure he had prepared for this day. He had bought everything he needed, right? What if he had forgotten something important? No, he was sure he had it all ready, but what if he didn’t?
“Mrrow~” came a familiar noise near his feet. SpongeBob looked down and saw his beloved snail, Gary, looking up at him in that way he knew well. SpongeBob sighed at him. “No, Gary, they haven’t come yet.” He answered, the anxiety barely kept out of his voice. Gary blinked and nuzzled his leg. “Mrrow~”
SpongeBob smiled and petted his snail’s head, making sure to give him scritches on that one spot behind his right eyestalk. “Thanks, Gare-Bear.” He cooed. The minute he stood back up from petting Gary however, the worries and sheer amount of how big this particular day was flooded back, and soon the porous fry cook found himself pacing in a circle around his living room once more.
They hadn’t come yet. Why hadn’t they come yet? What if they never came? What if it all went wrong today? No, he couldn’t think that. He had to stay positive! Worrying wouldn’t fix anything….uggggghhhh but how could he NOT worry?! Today was so IMPORTANT!! It was going to change everything!! Could he even handle this? Wait, what was he thinking, he WAS. He had signed up for this and he was ready!
Right?…
After all, he had faced hard stuff before. He’d survived Plankton’s multiple evil plans. He’d gotten through huge natural disasters, like giant whelks and a mad snail plague. He’d even gone to Shell City and lived to tell the tale after fighting an army of brainwashed Chum Bucket customers! Heck, even scarier than that…he once had asked Mr. Krabs for a raise when the latter was in one of his rougher moods.
He scratched his arms like how he always did when he was nervous and glanced up at the clock. 10:30. They should be here soon. Hopefully. Or not. He sighed through his nose and groaned, speeding up his pacing and his thoughts along with that, too.
Everything in that well-known pineapple felt abuzz but also frozen at the same time, held together with two conflicting shades of tension. Thoughts both thrilled and terrified buzzed around in SpongeBob’s mind, bouncing around like frantic bouncy balls and knocking on his skull. He could feel his heels start to drag a circle in his floor, but he didn’t find himself able to stop pacing. Ugh, Neptune, why was this taking so long?! They were coming any minute, he had to do SOMETHING, but at the same time, he couldn’t think of anything TO do. For now, agonizing as it felt, all the sponge could do was wait as he paced in a whirl, lost in his mind until the thing happened-
“SpongeBob?”
SpongeBob felt an unexpected tap on his shoulder and nearly jumped out of his pores, his thinking haze broken. “GAAA-AAHHH!!!” He yelled, flinching and turning around, hands in a defensive position until he saw who it was.
“Oh. Hey, Patrick.”
“Hey!” The pink sea star beamed at his best friend. “Whatcha walking around like that for?” He pointed at the ground.
SpongeBob looked down and saw maybe he really HAD been pacing too hard. “Bahaha…!” He laughed nervously, stepping out onto the actual floor level. “Sorry about that, Patrick. I guess I’m just a little nervous today.”
“Why?” Patrick asked.
“Well, something important is happening today after all!” SpongeBob explained.
“Really? Like what?” Patrick’s eyes widened with excitement. “Tell me!”
“Well, it’s something-“ SpongeBob started but then paused, a mischievous smile springing onto his face. “Ha…nice try, Patrick! I can’t just ruin the surprise that easily.” He grinned, walking away towards the door for maximum waiting preparation location. “Oh, we’re playing that game, huh?” Patrick grinned back, equally smug. “Alright, let’s see…a big surprise, huh?” He held his chin, thinking hard. “Hmmmm.” He squinted hard.
“Yup!” SpongeBob said happily. To tell the truth, he was really tempted to blurt it out, but he bit his tongue, fighting the urge.
“Uh…A new Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy movie is coming out and you got early tickets??” Patrick guessed.
SpongeBob snorted. That had been oddly specific. “Nnnope!” He giggled.
“Darn.” Patrick frowned, thinking harder. “Uhhhh…maybe…no, don’t tell me!” He waved his hands desperately, pink brow furrowed in determination. “Uhhhh…”
He inhaled. “Is…there a party?”
“Noooot exactly.” SpongeBob said, rocking on his heels, smiling.
“Tartar sauce.” Patrick cursed. “Umm…” He locked eyes with his best friend, the gentle black-gray blending into the bright blue. “Wait…does it have something to do with you visiting that orphanage for the past few weeks?” He guessed.
SpongeBob’s grin threatened to stretch off his face. “Mmm…Mayyyybe….” He said singsong-ly.
“I KNEW it.” Patrick said excitedly. “You bought your own ice cream truck!!!”
SpongeBob stared and his grin faltered from the abrupt absurdity of that sentence.
“Uh…what?”
“You bought your own ice cream truck, didn’t you?” Patrick repeated, his eyes giddy with joy.
SpongeBob burst into his loud, happy laughter as he realized Pat was serious.
“Patrick, what does that have to do with an orphanage??” SpongeBob asked in disbelief.
Patrick blinked and frowned, clueless. “I dunno…” he shrugged a little sadly.
SpongeBob walked over and put a hand on Patrick’s shoulder, looking at his best friend with undying affection.
“Hey, good guess, but no. Owning an ice cream truck would be pretty cool though. Maybe when I’m older.” He smiled, imagining the scenario. “After I closed up the Krusty Krab every day, I’d take the truck out and give ice cream out to everyone…aw, that’d be neat!”
Patrick laughed. “Yeah, and I’d be your first customer every single day!”
“Awww, really?” SpongeBob’s chest felt like it filled with warm water and his eyes teared up. “Well, then, I’d look forward to that every day.”
Patrick beamed a big shining smile and for a second, the entire world just seemed to circle around the two friends, a light emanating from their smiles.
“But…no, that’s not the surprise.” SpongeBob clarified.
Patrick slumped. “Well, barnacles, I have no idea!” He said, throwing his stumpy hands up in the water. “I give up! Is it someone’s birthday or something???”
SpongeBob giggled and perked up, his fists shaking in anticipation.
“Well, kind of! It’s kind of a birthday for someone!” He said, bouncing.
“Ooh! Ooh! Is it mine?”
“Patrick, your birthday is months away.”
“Oh, yeah… is it someone’s birthday from the orphanage?”
SpongeBob squealed and bounced even more. “You’re getting closer, pal!”
“We’re going to throw a party for the orphan!” Patrick exclaimed, pointing at SpongeBob in triumph. His pink excitement was almost infectious and the yellow sponge bit his tongue to keep from blurting the surprise out.
“I’m doing something even better than that!” He said, waving his fists in happiness. The sheer joy and excitement bubbling in him flooded through every cell in him, threatening to burst out in a whirlwind of noise and colors from how big the news today was. He wanted to yell, to let out every ounce of happiness, to jump around the room with Patrick shouting with euphoria about how amazing it was…but as SpongeBob thought about it, he realized he couldn’t.
This entire day, and the weeks and weeks before it, everything to lead up to it…had only been possible by the young sponge proving that he could handle it. That he was…responsible enough. Mature, like with the incident about King Neptune’s crown, except being a kid…wouldn’t help with such a giant change with this.
SpongeBob took a deep breath and steadied himself, wondering how to tell Patrick the news. True, the pink star was his best friend, pretty much for as long as he could remember. But…nothing like this had happened before. Except for a few times…but that wasn’t anything like this. This was taking something huge into SpongeBob’s life…and pretty much everybody’s that he knew, too.
“You see…” He started, Patrick hanging onto every word. “I’m actually going to-“
Ding dong.
SpongeBob gasped and turned around, almost springing out of his pants.
“AAAAAAAAHHH!!!” He screamed, hearing Patrick jump back in fright behind him.
They were here! They were here! They were FINALLY HERE!!!
“They’re here! They’re here! They’re here, THEY’RE HERE!!! THEY’RE FINALLY HERE!!!” The hyper invertebrate chanted with his delighted thoughts, flapping his hands and leaping up in joy.
“Yeah, they’re here!! They’re here!! They’re here!!! THEY’RE FINALLY HERE!!” Patrick chanted along with him, dancing with oblivion. The two grabbed hands and spun around, giddy and laughing, chanting it over and over, until they pulled apart and SpongeBob ran to the door as fast as he could.
Patrick abruptly stopped laughing. “Who’s they?” He asked cluelessly.
SpongeBob swung the door to his pineapple open, the hatch spinning and an instant smile blossoming when he saw who was there.
“Diane!” He beamed.
“Hello there, Mr. SquarePants!” The purple fish smiled back, holding the clipboard and pencil SpongeBob had seen her with so many times. Behind her was the white boat with the symbol of the orphanage he had visited almost every week, and one of the workers from there who he had seen a few times too. In the worker’s arms? Something SpongeBob couldn’t stop looking at in overjoyed anticipation.
“Pretty big day for you, huh?”
“Ha, you bet!”
“You got everything prepared right?”
“I sure do!”
“Great!”
Diane scribbled something down and handed her clipboard over. SpongeBob took it gingerly, looking it over and taking a steadying breath. He couldn’t get too excited now. Try to stay calm, old boy…
“Think you’re all ready for this?” Diane said gently.
The world seemed to suddenly stand still, hinging upon this moment. In this second, every thing was frozen. Revolving around that clipboard and that pen in that yellow hand.
SpongeBob stared at the small black object, trying to process just how big a responsibility and huge change the small little writing tool would bring. He felt a small twinge of doubt in the ocean of happiness and anticipation swirling within him.
Was he really…prepared for this?
He held his gaze on the small line where he needed to sign, thinking it over, and nodded, signing his name.
“I’m ready.” He said with finality, albeit he doubted he had ever said that catchphrase as quietly as that before.
Diane nodded and the worker slowly handed the small something into SpongeBob’s slightly shaking arms.
“We’ll be keeping in touch, Mr. SquarePants.” Diane said warmly, taking the clipboard but leaving the papers with SpongeBob. “For now, congratulations. She’s all yours.”
SpongeBob barely kept the smile on his face from flying off and his heart from leaping out of his chest and fluttering into Jellyfish Fields. As Diane and the worker left, he watched the boat roll away and tightened his grip on the small, pink bundle in his arms leaning into his chest, right up against his rapidly beating heart.
Patrick stood in the middle of the room and SpongeBob almost walked right into him, staring at the pink blanket in almost a trance.
Pat saw the small package and immediately was transfixed.
None of the best friends said a word…and Patrick almost held his breath as SpongeBob pulled back a flap of the pink covering.
“Hi, Ellie.” He breathed.
Inside the small blanket was a baby. A tiny baby that was nothing like what was usually seen in Bikini Bottom. She was a fish, sure, but not any normal fish.
She was a Lionfish.
Not a Lionfish like one at the zoo or on a Safari though. Not those Lionfish that roared or had a lion’s head with a fish’s body. No, this tiny baby was a real Lionfish- a member of the mysterious, withdrawn tribal fish clan that lived far away. They rarely went anywhere near cities and towns like Bikini Bottom most of the time. Normally they just liked to keep to themselves and didn’t like anybody intruding into their homes. But Ellie was an…interesting case.
SpongeBob hadn’t heard a lot about how Ellie had gotten to the orphanage. Just that she had been left there by someone…maybe an aunt? And didn’t have a lot of things with her. She unfortunately had never been given a lot- not very many families wanted to adopt a baby that had venomous spines or was a unique species. He could remember clear as day when he had seen her for he first time after he had delivered that takeout order to the orphanage director, all small and alone in that gray bassinet.
According to the director and Diane, the social worker, Ellie didn’t have anyone looking after her; she had even been returned there by a couple families who just didn’t want her anymore. It had been the saddest thing SpongeBob had ever heard, and he didn’t understand why anybody would just give up on a baby.
Especially a baby like Ellie.
Sure, she was a little feisty from what the workers had told him, and those spines would be an issue as she got older, but really despite the ‘unusual’ nature she came from, she was a sweet little girl. In SpongeBob’s opinion, not very many people were giving her the chance she needed. Not like he was now. Maybe it had just been him, but he was sure there was a reason he had been the only one who calmed her down from crying that fateful day…and as the days went on and he visited the orphanage to help and deliver take-out orders, that reason, and a tiny idea only grew each time he saw that little girl. And held her. And sang to her when she was fussy. And played with her. And put her down to sleep. And even when he helped change her diaper.
Now, looking down at those little orange-red fins and miniature, curly shaped appendage on her head that resembled hair, SpongeBob reached out a finger and looped it around her fin, which was barely big enough to wrap back the whole way. Remembering all those little moments took on a whole new meaning in this moment. She was just a month old but already she had changed his whole life.
Ellie stirred in the pink blanket and slowly opened her eyes, revealing a startling view of a vibrant purple color. No less surprising than SpongeBob’s shining baby blue, but paired with her gray sclera, it made it look a little more calm and cunning. A little more of a peek into her ancestry.
She looked up at SpongeBob and met his eyes, and her pupils glittered with recognition. She made that small gurgle noise she always made when she saw him and SpongeBob felt as though something inside him lit up like a ball of sunshine.
“…mmmbluh.” Ellie mumbled, tightening her grip.
“Hey, sweetie.” He said quietly, stroking her fin with his thumb.
Ellie cooed more and leaned into SpongeBob’s chest, her face right over his thumping heart.
The young sponge almost started crying, but then he smelled a familiar strawberry scent and soon saw Patrick leaning over his other shoulder, peering at Ellie with shock, eyes wide.
“…That’s a baby!” He exclaimed.
“…Yeah!” SpongeBob said, beaming at him.
Patrick stared at the little Lionfish, blinking but not quite putting it together. “…Who’s baby is she?” He asked slowly.
SpongeBob sighed but kept smiling. “Well…mine, now.” He revealed. “I just adopted her. She’s my daughter!”
Patrick continued to gape at Ellie, then looked back and forth between the baby and his best friend, getting an idea but still bewildered.
“Wait…YOUR baby?” He repeated.
SpongeBob nodded and set down the papers he just signed on the coffee table. He’d have to remember to put them somewhere better later…
“…She’s your baby??” Patrick asked, pointing at Ellie’s face.
“Mm-hm!” SpongeBob nodded.
Patrick was strangely quiet, transfixed by Ellie. He seemed to finally make the connection and his eyes widened.
“So…you’re a dad now?” He asked again, almost too quiet to hear.
Hearing that felt so different than SpongeBob did knowing that. Hearing that sentence flooded his mind with how…new this was.
“Yeah…yeah!” He said, looking at Ellie with eyes glowing with joy. “I guess I am.”
He was really a dad. This really happened.
Sponge was still reeling from all this. For years, he never really thought of himself as…a father. Sure, he had looked after kids before— he was great with them, kids were fun to look after. One time, heck, he’d even raised a scallop with Patrick, technically speaking and a couple others. But that had only been for a while- this was the real deal. He was actually going to fully embrace looking after a baby. And this baby was his. Really his.
Patrick still gawked, probably trying to process this as much as SpongeBob was, if not more. He couldn’t take his eyes off Ellie, who still continued to lay on her new dad’s chest. Then slowly it seemed to dawn on the pink sea star and his eyes filled with a mess of emotions. Instead of reacting loudly like SpongeBob expected, however, Pat played with his hands in a funny way and looked down at his feet. Almost…shyly.
That wasn’t like his best friend much, but SpongeBob could understand why.
This wasn’t just new for SpongeBob; it was new for Patrick too. It changed so much of their lives and even their relationship. Normally anything like that would immediately make both of them uncomfortable and desperate to fix whatever was there, but…
“Can I hold her?” Patrick suddenly asked gently.
SpongeBob blinked and grinned warmly. “Of course, buddy.” He said back, just as gentle.
He handed the pink package into Patrick’s arms of equal color, and for a while there, the entire time there was frozen in place. Pat looked at Ellie, eyes wide with wonder and barely moved, as though he was afraid of accidentally crushing her.
“What’s her name?”
“Eliana.” SpongeBob piped up. “Ellie for short!”
“Ooh…”
SpongeBob saw Ellie move under her blanket to look at Patrick and for a minute, he bit his lip, wincing. Ellie was a little sweetheart but he had to admit, she had her grumpy moments. Would she cry? Oh Neptune, he hoped she wouldn’t.
“Hoo~” He heard Ellie chirp softly. Then a small noise like a tiny, bubbly engine.
Patrick softly gasped.
“Hey…she’s purring! Just like Gary!”
SpongeBob watched in pleasant surprise. The only other person Ellie didn’t cry around was him. Patrick was pretty good with babies too, possibly as good as him, but with Ellie? That was impressive, he had to admit.
“She likes me!” Pat beamed, face shining with pure joy.
SpongeBob matched his feelings and clasped his hands together, warmth surging throughout his body.
“She’s so beautiful…!” Patrick’s voice wavered and then, slowly, he started crying from happiness.
Ellie continued to purr and nuzzle Pat’s chest, adding to the beauty of the moment. SpongeBob smiled impossibly wider, unable to say anything but understood everything. She WAS beautiful. She was his daughter.
Sponge suddenly found himself half-tackled, half-swept up in a big bear hug, Pat getting tears onto his shirt sleeves. “Whoa-!” He squeaked. Usually he didn’t like when people touched him without warning. Patrick was a rare exception, but even then there were some moments where he would’ve appreciated a heads-up.
“Patrick-?” He said, trying to steady both of them. Patrick was slumping onto him pretty hard but at least Ellie didn’t seem like she was getting squished.
Pat sniffed, one arm cradling Ellie, the other clutching SpongeBob’s back.
“Y-You’re gonna be such a great dad!!!” He blubbered unexpectedly.
The emotion hit like a sparkling wave of joy and real life, and soon SpongeBob found his own eyes watering over, adding to the flurry of heartfelt noise.
“Awww Pat!!” He choked out, then started crying too.
He hugged his old friend back and for a while, the two friends stood there in a warm embrace, sobbing into each other’s arms, but they both couldn’t have been more happy. Or wet and salty at the same time.
Finally, the two pulled apart and wiped their happy tears away. Ellie, still in Patrick’s arms, now looked a little annoyed and stared at them both looking done.
“Well.” SpongeBob sniffled, quickly wiping his nose. “She’s certainly got one heck of a family with both you and me already.”
“Ha, yeah!” Patrick agreed, reaching out a hand and letting Ellie grasp it. “I’m gonna be the best uncle ever! Just you wait and see, Ells!”
“Ells?”
“Pssht. I gotta have some kinda cool nickname for her! I thought it’d fit!” He said, continuing to wiggle his finger to play with Ellie. “…Hey! I thought of another thing that’d fit her!” He suddenly announced, eyes lighting up again.
The sea star handed the baby back to SpongeBob then ran out the door.
“Patrick?” SpongeBob called after him. When he didn’t come back, he shrugged and looked down at his new daughter, affection surging. She was now fully awake and babbling, her head nestled perfectly in his elbow. Like she was meant to fit in there.
“Buh.”
SpongeBob gazed down at her, feeling an indescribable wave of warmth and love, and kissed her tiny forehead without saying a word. He wanted to say something- he wanted to tell Ellie so many things. But could he even put the words through his mouth? That felt a little hard. Maybe that was too early as well. He had just got her a few minutes ago—wouldn’t that be awkward? Ugh, but he loved her so much already! It felt awful to just hold it all in. He wanted to kiss her all over and tell her everything, but at the same time, should he wait?
“Mrrow~”
Gary was nudging his foot, not wanting to be forgotten.
SpongeBob sighed but still smiled. He’d never forget his Gare-Bear.
“Hey, Gary-Bo-Berry,” he said, kneeling down. “Meet your sister!”
Gary meowed again and sniffed her, his eyestalks moving in curiosity.
Ellie made a curious sound and then reached out, squealing a little softly. Her tiny fin touched Gary’s nose and the snail nuzzled the baby Lionfish, purring.
It was so cute, SpongeBob felt his blood sugar go up and he couldn’t stop smiling, as much as he was used to that.
“I got it!” Patrick yelled, barging back in. Gary jumped and skittered off somewhere.
“What is it?” SpongeBob asked, standing back up. He definitely had something in his hand, but he could only see a little. It looked…purple?
Pat grinned and stuck it behind his back. “Guess!”
“Uh…” SpongeBob tried peeking around him, but Pat kept moving his hands in accordance. Well, that wasn’t fair. How was he supposed to guess if he didn’t know what he was guessing about?
“A…fruit?” He said after a while. “Like a grape?”
Patrick guffawed. “No, silly! I’d sure like one of those right now though…” He spaced out and a small trickle of drool dripped from his mouth.
SpongeBob snapped his fingers and Patrick jerked back to reality, shaking his head rapidly. “It’s one of these!” He opened his palm and revealed a small hair clip in the shape of a purple tiny heart with a crack in it making it look like a broken one.
“Ooh! How cute!” SpongeBob lit up.
“It’s one of Squidina’s when she was a little kid!” Patrick explained, pointing at it.
“Why’s it have a crack in it, though?”
“I sat on it!” Patrick grinned widely and placed it in SpongeBob’s hand. “Put it on! Put it on!”
“Alright…”
Ellie sat still and didn’t flinch from the clip being put on. It looked a little big on her tiny head but other than that, it looked adorable on her.
“Awwww, Ellie!!” SpongeBob cooed. “You look so cute, sweetheart! She looks great, Patrick!” He declared, throwing an arm around the sea star’s shoulder.
Patrick threw an arm around his back. “Yeah!” He agreed.
“Oh, I’m so happy…” SpongeBob said, looking down at Ellie with her tiny hair clip and everything. “I’ve had many of the best days of my life before, but this?”
He kissed Ellie on her right chubby cheek. “This tops all of them combined. This is the best day of my life.”
“Me too!” Pat waved his other arm in excitement.
“I can’t wait to tell everyone!”
“I can’t wait either!”
“Oh they’ll all be so happy to meet her!” SpongeBob said, imagining the moments and walking around his living room again.
“Yeah!” Patrick cheered behind him.
“I wonder if I can even bring you into work!” SpongeBob speculated, poking Ellie’s tummy softly. Ellie squeaked and bit his finger toothlessly. “Mr. Krabs might not like it a whole lot, buuuut he DOES like babies! I’m sure once he sees you he’ll be alright with it, the big softie.”
SpongeBob gasped, getting a wonderful idea. No, the best idea he’d ever had!
“Patrick!”
“Yeah, SpongeBob?”
“We should show Ellie to everyone!!!” He announced. “Today!!!”
Patrick gasped. “Yeah!!”
SpongeBob didn’t even think twice before he grabbed the door, running and jumping over his furniture.
“Let’s show my girl around town!”
“YEAH!!!”