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Kris has made peace with their fate a long time ago, on the day they failed to reach their hand out to her, a confirmation of their death they cannot retract.
Their wings burned out a long time ago. The Icarus weeps for its lost freedom, loses itself in its grief.
So each day turns into a countdown to their expiration. Kris is in class or home or at the river, and where they are doesn’t matter because all they can think about is the day they will give themselves up like the prophecy foretells. It’s some form of atonement, they think.
Kris will stop being Kris and they will become the Cage, and it is as simple as that.
And so they come to learn of the prophecy. It’s the first time they learn about it in depth. The scale of it all is overwhelming.
Then again, something about Kris was always sacrilegious; The red horns they adorned, the way they couldn’t sit still at a sermon, drawing or napping or daydreaming all to pass the time.
Kris hates the way the prophecy finds a way to twist into their life, roots holding Kris firmly to the ground. They are chosen for something far too big for their frail self.
Their desire for insignificance was never to come true. They cannot be normal. The prophecy is inescapable, be it through their mother’s lectures or softly-spoken sermons, or videogames following the hero’s journey.
They run and run, but each time they look back the prophecy still follows them, unchanging no matter how they look at it. In a way, it reminds them of the moon: unreachable, yet stable. Kris wishes the prophecy was as distant as celestial bodies, but the words carved in fate breathe against Kris’ neck, and they are given no solace.
So they learn. It’s all they can do. They dig themselves deep into the scripture that spells out their life, interpretations misinterpreted, retold and retold again and again.
They learn the truth and its tragedy and most importantly, they learn about the Girl.
The Girl. Revered and loved and most importantly, Kris’s executioner.
Through the words on the pages Kris learns of the Girl. Of her kindness, of her power, of her acceptance of someone as soiled and demonic as them.
Kris falls in love with their executioner, blushing at the idea of their life in the Girl’s hands, cleansed by the holy.
They hope that the Girl’s love will be found through them. There’s something appealing to that, something appealing to observing how low they can make her stoop.
And Kris wonders, wonders about the expression the Girl will make as they plunge deep into their soul, twisting the Cage beyond recognition, setting them free like they’ve always wanted. Kris wonders if the Girl will sneer at them and stomp all over their body. Kris wonders if it will be quick or slow and excruciating. Will she smile? Cry? Laugh, or yell at their face?
Kris Dreemurr wonders this until they meet Susie, and they know what kind of expression she will make. They know she will hate them for their betrayal and stare at her with all of that kindness she holds, the kindness she tries to hide. They know her eyebrows will scrunch up in disapproval.
And they are glad they will die hated by the hands of someone they love.
Susie is a nice refresher for their routine saddled with self-loading. From the instant she walks in, the love for the Girl that writhes within them boils, shaking from recognition, from the anticipation of it all.
There’s something that resembles personhood about the way she projects her issues onto them. Kris is elated by this, the way they can soil the perfect image of the Girl that they are meant to revere.
Their eyes do not narrow when she calls them a freak. Instead, they giggle and watch her distress grow.
Seeing her angry, ticking off her boxes, it’s all incredibly natural to Kris. Her experience mirrors theirs, unwilling outcasts and all. The line between her and them blur: selfhood almost feels lost, but in a way Kris doesn’t mind. In the banter, Kris’s role in the prophecy feels alleviated, relief from the end being in sight.
And when they meet, when they really meet and she breaks down all of those walls, Kris’s obsession with her grows. The prophecy looms within them like a parasite, and she fuels it all.
When Kris meets the Girl, when they meet Susie, when they see her joke around with Lancer and slowly acclimate to Kris’s strangeness and get embarrassed around Noelle, they know that the expression she will make when they die will burn into their retinas. They know she will hold them close despite her hatred for them because she cannot rid herself of her kindness.
When Kris meets the Girl, when they see her so desperately fighting against the wheels of fate, Kris almost wants to tug at her jacket and tell her it’s okay, I’ve wanted this for a long time.
Because they are waiting, giddy only for that final moment.
And once they’ve befriended the Girl, learned about her beyond the pages, Kris is confident this is what they wanted.
By their savior’s side, as if spilling their sins out at a confessional, they tell her: “I liked you a lot. Even before we met.”
The pale moon watches from above, distant and unchanging.
Kris thinks of the ways Susie has saved them, has been saving them.
“Isn’t it a little nice we were fated to meet?” Isn’t it a little nice we were fated to doom each other?
“Well, yeah. But I think we would be friends without that.”
A pause. The moment stagnates before Susie continues.
“I mean, like… Okay, I know I was an asshole before, but I think I would still come around liking you, as long as you’d let me. And then we’d hang out like this, same as always.”
“Prophecy or not, we’re always together. Isn’t that better?” Susie’s smile beams.
And Kris, Kris wants to- they want to strangle her. They want to tell her don’t you dare take this away from me. They want to tell her they’ve been fantasizing about their death, that taking it away from them would be so cruel.
They want to tell her that their worldview keeps crumbling around her. That their faith is jeopardized, that everything they’ve believed in feels like a lie.
They want to tell her that they want to live, if only she allows them to live alongside her.
“Um… or not?” Susie retracts nervously, observing the way Kris is red from frustration, eyes blurry as if preventing themself from tearing up. Susie doesn’t know what’s upset them, and Kris can’t blame her for that. They really can’t.
And so they sigh, bite those thoughts down, like they always do. They look up at the moon and the itch from their melted wings remind themselves that the prophecy is final, that what she says won’t change anything, and that they are ready to die.
“Sorry. Not mad at what you said.” Their apology is chaste.
“You’re good, dude. If anything, it’s my fault.”
And Susie looks at them, with the kindest expression Kris has ever seen, and they want to grip at her until she bleeds.
“Just… no matter what, Kris. I’ll be there for you.”
Their love for the Girl turns into their love for Susie, and Kris cannot help but desire the light that she brings into their life.
The moon looms. Kris leans against Susie.
“Is that a promise?” Kris asks.
“Of course, ” Susie responds.
“Okay.” Kris bites down their hope for survival, they think about the time they have left with her.
“I’m excited, then. For our future.” For you to linger. Even when nothing turns out like you said. When you kill me.
“…yeah.”
Kris used to wonder about what expression the Girl will make when they die. It’s clear to them now, she will hate them for betrayal, for leaving her behind, for ruining her so that she can never be whole, never holy.
Kris stays leaning against Susie, and lets the love overtake them for now.