Chapter Text
“You can't let them take him,” Buck begged Eddie. “What right do they have, huh? They don't get a redo, Eddie.” Eddie just shook his head.
“They don't,” he started, looking down at his feet. “But Chris wants to go with them, Buck. And my dad made a good point. I shouldn't be like him and wait years to listen to his needs.”
“You're not like him!” Buck exploded, causing Helena and Ramon to stare at him and Eddie and for Chris to look at them with concern. “Don't let them get into your head!”
Eddie just shook his head. “I'm letting Chris take the lead,” he declared, and Buck knew there was no changing his best friend's mind. Buck bit his lip before turning to look at Chris.
The boy stared back at him with a sad look. Buck could tell that the boy didn't want to leave but for some reason felt like he had to. Buck walked over to the boy before crouching in front of him.
“Bring me back something cool, ok?” he asked the boy as he held out his hand for a fist bump. Chris wrapped his arms around Buck's shoulders and buried his head in the crook of his neck.
“I'll bring you the best present ever!” the boy declared, making Buck start to tear up. He wrapped his arms around the boy's waist and squeezed.
“Good to hear,” Buck whispered, pulling away from the boy and standing up. He ruffled the kid's hair before stepping away, so Eddie could say goodbye to his son.
Buck turned his back to them to give them the illusion of privacy as he blinked away tears and held back sobs. He only turned around when he heard the sound of Eddie's shoes moving on the wood floor.
He put a hand on his best friend's shoulder as the Diazs led Christopher outside. It was when the door closed that Eddie broke. He turned into Buck and sobbed into his shoulder. Buck held the man as he let a few tears fall from his own eyes.
After a few minutes, Buck started leading Eddie towards the couch. He could feel Eddie's legs trembling as they tried to hold up his weight. Buck didn't want Eddie to fall or for him to have to catch him.
Buck helped Eddie sit down, and once he did, he buried his head in his hands. “I hate this, Buck,” Eddie spoke, voice rough from the earlier tears. “I hate feeling so useless!” Eddie looked up at Buck.
His eyes were red. There were tear stains all over his face, and fresh tears were making their way down his cheeks. Buck wanted to run out of that house and snatch Christopher away from his grandparents, but he knew he needed to be there for Eddie.
“He'll come back,” Buck started, resting a hand on Eddie's knee and his other on Eddie's shoulder. “Nothing can keep that boy away from home forever. No matter what you do, he'll come back, Eddie.”
Eddie shook his head. “This is on another level, Buck,” Eddie said, looking at where Buck's hand was resting on his knee. “He saw me with Kim who looks like Shannon!”
Buck sighed as he laced his fingers with Eddie's to get his attention. “I hate that you don't talk about your feelings,” Buck muttered, squeezing Eddie's hand.
“It's scary to be vulnerable,” Eddie huffed, and Buck rolled his eyes.
“Eddie, you went to war,” Buck said, unimpressed. “You have been shot twice. You watched me die. You literally do scary shit all of the time.” Buck shook his head.
Eddie scoffed. “You don't get it,” he said, turning his gaze away from Buck. And Buck knew that Eddie knew that Buck did in fact get what he was saying because he was the same way. But Eddie continued talking.
“I just got my son taken from me because he hates me, and now you're talking about how I don't talk about my feelings.” Eddie pulled his hand away from Buck's and crossed his arms. “You don't understand, Buck.”
Buck's hand felt cold now that Eddie's hand wasn't in his. Buck hated the direction the conversation was going, but he knew that Eddie needed to get his anger out somehow, and it's better if he yells at Buck rather than joining another illegal fight club.
“Eddie,” Buck started, face and voice serious as his eyes bore into his best friend's skull. "If you just talked to Christopher and–” Buck was cut off by Eddie's accusatory tone.
“So you're saying it's my fault that my son was taken away from me? Because I didn't talk to him, huh?” Eddie accused, eyes boring right back into Buck.
“That's not–” he started before he was cut off again.
“It's not what you were saying?” Eddie finished. “No, but it sure as hell is what you're thinking. You think I'm a terrible parent because I made my son hate me.”
Buck shook his head, but Eddie didn't let him get a word in as he pushed Buck's hand off of his shoulder. “Just leave Buck,” Eddie huffed, glaring at Buck.
And God. Those words felt like a stab to the heart. Being told to leave his best friend's side when he's suffering. Buck's mouth was left agape as he stared at Eddie who was unwavering.
Tears threatened to fall as Buck stayed where he was. “What?” he finally choked out, hoping he'd heard Eddie wrong even though he knew he hadn't.
“I said leave,” Eddie gritted out. H-he was mad. He was mad at him, he realized. Buck's eyes widened at the realization.
“You're mad at me?” he accused, standing abruptly. Eddie rolled his eyes. “What the hell did I do?”
“Nothing!” Eddie yelled, standing up to meet Buck's eyes without having to crane his neck. “That's the problem! You did nothing to try and keep Chris here, and now you're trying to comfort me as if you didn't just sit and watch as my son was pried out of my grasp!” Eddie's words felt like knives digging into his heart before they were pulled out at the end of his sentence.
“I did try!” Buck yelled, tears dripping from his eyes. “I tried to get you to put your foot down and be the bigger person, but you wouldn't–”
“So it's my fault again?” Eddie demanded, cutting Buck off. “God, you can't ever just take the blame can you?”
Now that one–that one stung. Growing up, Buck had always been blamed for things, and he'd just take the blame because he didn't want anyone else to get in trouble, and he had recently figured out that he still did that. That he still blames himself for things that weren't his fault.
He and his therapist were working through ways to help Buck get over the habit, so hearing Eddie say that he can't take the blame for something when he always does, pisses him off.
“No!” he said, voice rising. “No, you don't get to do that! You don't get to blame me for Chris leaving when I had nothing to do with it!” Buck was pointing a finger in Eddie's face.
Eddie slapped his hand away. “But it is!” Eddie insisted. “You didn't even try to fight against it! You could see how torn I was between what to do, and you didn't even try to help! What kind of best friend does that?”
Buck's eyes stung. Sure, he knew that all of this anger Eddie was letting out was misplaced and was really meant for his parents and himself, but Buck couldn't help but think that what Eddie was saying was true. It hurt.
“I wanted to, believe me!” he yelled, desperation creeping into his tone. All he wanted was for Eddie to understand what he was saying. “I wanted to yell at your parents and say that they weren't taking Chris anywhere, but then you said that if that was what Christopher wanted, then you'd let him go! So what was I supposed to do Eddie?”
Tears were flowing down his cheeks now. His voice was starting to sound wrecked, but he didn't care.
“Yell at me! Tell me how stupid I'm being! Anything but stay quiet! Why, Buck?” Eddie demanded. “The one time I need you to say something, you stay quiet! Normally, you can never shut up, but today you were as silent as a mouse!”
Eddie seemed to realize the weight of his words as soon as they spilled out because his eyes widened, and he started stuttering. “B-Buck. I-I didn't mean it,” he said, but Buck was done.
Buck pushed past Eddie as he made his way to the door. “Buck,” Eddie pleaded, but Buck couldn't care less. He grabbed his jacket and keys before he turned back to Eddie.
Buck's voice was wrecked, but he needed to speak. “Chris was right,” Buck started, knowing exactly where to aim for his words to hit the hardest. “You are an asshole.” After that, Buck slammed the door and made his way to his Jeep.
He knew Eddie would be too surprised by his words to follow him, so Buck stayed in the driveway for a while. He leaned his head back against the headrest as he tried to calm down.
Man did he fuck up. He knew he shouldn't have said that, but Eddie had said so much and Buck–Buck wanted the last laugh. God! Eddie was right. What kind of best friend is he?
He knew he needed to do something to make it up to Eddie, so he started brainstorming ideas during his drive back to his loft. By the time he got back, he knew exactly what he was going to do.
וπ•×
Eds 💪🏻 • 12:22
Buck
Eds 💪🏻 • 12:22
I’m sorry
Eds 💪🏻 • 12:23
I shouldn’t have said that
Eds 💪🏻 • 12:23
I love when you talk
Eds 💪🏻 • 12:23
Please answer
Eds 💪🏻 • 12:24
I’m sorry
Eds 💪🏻 • 12:24
Buck
Eds 💪🏻 • 12:25
Please
Eds 💪🏻 • 12:25
I know you’re upset but please
Eds 💪🏻 • 12:25
Buck answer
Eds 💪🏻 • 12:26
Please
Eds 💪🏻• 12:26
I need you
Eds 💪🏻• 12:26
Please Buck
Eds 💪🏻• 12:27
I'm so fucking sorry
Eds 💪🏻 • 12:27
I was stressed and that's no excuse
Eds 💪🏻 • 12:27
I'm so sorry
Eds 💪🏻 • 12:27
I should've let you be there for me rather than push you away
Eds 💪🏻 • 12:30
I'm sorry
Eds 💪🏻 • 12:30
I think I'm finally getting the message that you don't want to talk
Eds 💪🏻 • 12:30
Please just let me know you're ok
Eds 💪🏻 • 12:31
Stay safe
Eds 💪🏻 • 12:31
I love you
[Eds 💪🏻 deleted 1 message at 12:35]
וπ•×