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“Chibiiiiii~”
Dazai yelled out to the rather empty apartment. Strange… normally Chuuya would be here, whether it was him being passed out drunk or…. Him being passed out drunk. But he was still supposed to make a sound to that, noise even.
“Chibiko? Chibi? Chuuya?”
Dazai yelled out once more, each name louder than the last. He wasn’t worried… It was just strange. Uncanny if anything, then again it made sense. Chuuya was the type to stay in the office working overtime. Or maybe he was sober and genuinely couldn’t hear Dazai… his apartment was rather big after all.
“Chuuuuuuyaaaaaaa”
He sighed, this was sad, embarrassing really. He was supposed to annoy Chuuya, by eating all of Chuuya’s food in front of his face, but no. He was just nowhere to be found. Honestly… his apartment in general was dark. The only light coming from the lights Dazai turned on as he ventured into the apartment.
Then came the light, it was a contrast from what should’ve been Chuuya’s completely dark apartment. It was from his own bedroom. Jackpot, he must’ve started drinking in his room and simply got too drunk to actually leave said room.
“Oh Chuuyaaaaaa, I found youuuu”
He said, opening the door. He never really did care about privacy, Chuuya was his dog and he had a right to see what his dog was up to. And when he opened the door, he had to admit he was a bit surprised. He didn’t see the many alcohol bottles he thought he’d see. Nothing, no wine, no beer, no alcohol. Instead, he saw that in his hands, cupped carefully, was a bottle. A tiny one, it couldn’t have contained more than one ounce.
“There you are!”
He exclaimed, sitting on the bed next to Chuuya, he looked at Chuuya’s hands, they were shaking a bit, oh it couldn’t have been anything. He must’ve been in the state where he had alcohol, but not enough to get drunk yet.
“You know, your master was so worried. He was looking all over your apartment wondering where his loyal dog was.”
“Now’s not the time ‘Samu.”
He said it in a tone Dazai couldn’t put his finger on. It was like shame… but regret. A tone like he had done something bad… but he was accepting the thing even if he didn’t like it. Was there a word for that? Yet even in the end Dazai knew something was wrong.
He looked at the ginger, he wasn’t exactly staring at him, he was staring past Dazai. Or was it through him? His eyes looked empty, like he was unconscious but still awake. He looked unwell, but how? How was he unwell? What happened to make him unwell?
He shook Chuuya's shoulders, trying to awaken him from his trance. Chuuya jolted, his eyes refocusing on Dazai.
“Fuck it, to think I’d stoop as low as this?”
He groaned, he couldn’t even look Dazai in the eye anymore. He promised he wouldn’t be like the stupid mackerel. Hah, how ironic life was.
“What happened?”
“You’re alive! 4 entire years… I thought you were dead for 4 entire years. But you weren’t.”
Oh. Dazai couldn’t help but feel guilty, Chuuya was supposed to know that the explosion was him. That Dazai was alive, and fine, and nothing bad was going to happen.
“I was needed… Mori needed me, Akutugawa needed me. People needed me.”
“I think Chibi’s had too much to drink, he’s sputtering nonsense. He’s acting really weird.”
“Everyone who I felt close to was taken from me… I wanted to be a part of something. But I felt so alone when you left. But you’re back now.”
“I don’t like Chibi’s tone… I don’t like it at all.”
Dazai slowly said… there was something that was supposed to come after this, and Dazai knew he wouldn’t like it. He wouldn’t like what Chuuya would say.
“Just shut it you stupid mackerel. Just shut it. Gosh, I never wanted to become as pathetic as you. Wanting to kill yourself at every turn.”
Dazai noticed Chuuya clench the bottle tighter. Honestly… he could never recall an alcohol brand that made jars like that. Was it even alcohol?
“Chuuya… Chuuya lemme see the bottle”
Chuuya said nothing, he chuckled, smiling as he let the glass bottle roll from his hands, it rolled, falling onto the soft mattress, Dazai picked it up. Looking at the label. Reading it slowly and carefully.
Aconite
Honestly… at that point everything made sense. Why he was so… different, why he was talking like that.
Why he compared himself to being as pathetic as Dazai. He had chugged an entire bottle's worth of Aconite, a fast working poison.
“How long ago?”
Dazai asked… he couldn’t seem desperate. Not for this stupid slug, this stupid slug who made the stupid decision to chug an entire bottle of Aconite. If he was fast enough… fast enough to get Yosano here, or fast enough to take him to a hospital… then maybe. Just maybe he’d have a chance to save him.
Chuuya had the audacity to smile, the audacity to look happy, he was being such a bad dog right now. A horrible dog, he was causing his master so much worry.
“20 minutes.”
Dazai was stupid to think saving Chuuya would be possible… Aconite was horrible… It only needed 15 to 30 minutes to work. Even if Chuuya had chugged it at that moment, the thought of bringing him to a hospital was basically impossible.
“The flags… they were such good friends, yet I killed all of them. I disbanded the sheep, I’m a walking curse ‘Samu. And now I’ll die a pathetic death, I never wanted to commit suicide. I didn’t want to be like you, but fate has other plans.”
Dazai, paused, taking a deep breath himself.
“I’ve always wanted to commit a double suicide with a beautiful partner…”
“Theres no point in trying to make me feel better, I know I’ve stooped low, that past me would be disappointed.”
“A beautiful partner like you.”
Dazai finished, Chuuya was shocked, he grew even more shocked when Dazai leaned forward and kissed the ginger. Dazai took in this shocked state to let his tongue enter Chuuya’s mouth. Traces of the Aconite still lingered. It tasted sweet at first, so terribly sweet, then it grew disgusting, it tasted disgusting. Horribly disgusting.
“Chibi’s so mean… he didn’t let me choose when I’d die”
Dazai said he was sure the poison was flowing through his system now, maybe he’d get lucky and die in 15 minutes instead of the full 30.
“What was that…?”
Chuuya said, in a state of shock, and happiness… then disappointment. He could feel himself grow out of touch with his surroundings. No… No he couldn’t die here, he couldn’t die now. There were still so many questions he needed answers too.
“I love you Chuuya Nakahara. I want to have a double suicide with a beautiful partner, I’m glad that partners you.”
Chuuya opened his mouth to speak, he wanted to say something, anything, yet his eyes wouldn't stay open. They couldn’t stay open, they closed. No… No… No not now. Please… just another minute, another minute to talk to him and clear up everything, to understand everything.
“I- l-l”
He coughed, a bit of blood coming out, he’d prevail, he couldn’t die now.
“L-l ove y-you.”
Chuuya hated how he only realized now. Only realizing his feelings for the brunette, he wished he could say more. But it was fine, he said what mattered, he could just… sleep for now.
Dazai could feel Chuuya go limp… so it took the great gravity manipulator 26 minutes to die… he wondered how long it would take for him to join him. Would they go to the same place? He didn’t know what happened when they died. But if they both died… and they both went to hell. Would they really be allowed to see each other?
He held the limp body close to him, smiling as he pressed a kiss to the ginger's forehead, hugging him tight. This… this would be a great position. He could handle someone noticing their absence after a week, and seeing them like this.
Dazai thought about all of their moments together. He cherished them, and he regretted not being able to realize how he felt earlier.
Time passed… and he could feel his eyes close. For 7 minutes, in those 7 minutes he didn’t see his parents. He saw Oda, he saw Ango, he saw the Armed Detective Agency. He saw Ranpo compliment him by saying he wasn’t that stupid compared to the rest, he saw Kunikida get pissed at him for not doing his paperwork. He saw Yosano and Kyoka talk about torture. He met the calf named Dazai, he saw Atsushi look up to him. He saw the siblings, he saw Fukuzawa.
In the end, he saw Chuuya, he held his hand out, Dazai held onto it.
The seven minutes were up. Right now, anyone could enter Chuuya’s lit up apartment, they would see Chuuya’s bedroom, and there? They would see Dazai and Chuuya, Chuuya cuddled in Dazai's arms. They would see the poison, they would see lifeless bodies.
What they wouldn’t see, was what happened before they died.
What they wouldn’t know is how much Chuuya Nakahara and Osamu Dazai adored each other.