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As soon as she walked onto the departing train she felt the tension. Reze was risking her life, her potential future, trying to escape what could only be dubbed a failed mission. Public Safety would be out to get her. The Soviet government would probably not want her back either. And all it could take was for someone to recognize her here, even though the only two witnesses of her survival were a fiend and… her original target. Most of the other witnesses were dead. Killed by the impact of last night's battle.
She was a fugitive. That was the word: a fugitive on the run.
As far as she was aware, nobody acknowledged her; most people were either asleep, reading, or ocassionally settling down a misbehaving child. Still, to prevent attracting any attention to herself, she sat in a seat at the far edge of the car, loose strands of her indigo hair obscuring her face. On the window beside her, someone must've tried to vandalize it with a sticker of some cartoon mascot. Judging by how torn, grimy, and unrecognizable the sticker was, it had to have been stuck there for years.
Each time the train came to a stop, people got on and off. Other than Reze, the only individual to stay in her exact spot throughout the trip was a businesswoman, too preoccupied on her cellphone to notice anything suspicious about the young lady sitting across from her.
"…the adoption stuff’s weighing on me too, but I feel like it’s not important right now… I mean, I guess I could get Erabi to… I… uh… I’m just finding our message earlier this week a bit…"
Through the bridges and tunnels of Japan, train made its way out of the city. Streets of Tokyo transitioned into suburban regions, which eventually dissipated into rural fields and mountains. The biggest mountain, snowy at its peak, would stay in place for half of the trip. She rested her head on the vandalized window and thought back to the night before, in the pool. How that night had been the first time she had let herself be vulnerable and free.
How she had taught him an important life skill, too.
Why did you save me over there, Denji? Why didn't you just let us both drown at the bottom of the ocean? Aren't you risking more lives by doing that? If only that shark fiend hadn't intervened during the festival, her mission would've been accomplished, and she would've retrieved the Chainsaw Man's heart. Then what after?
Then she would have to go back to merciless training, then possibly be assigned another target to assassinate. It would be the same thing as always. But that night in the pool…
Well, even if she did feel something for him, it had all been an act to bait him. And what did he know about her anyway? She never felt anything with anyone she had encountered throughout her life. Nothing sexually. Nothing romantically. Denji had been no different, despite what he may have felt for her.
So then why did she keep the flower he had given her that day, when they took shelter from the rain in that phone booth?
She pulled the flower out of her pocket. Examining it, the flower was a bit awkward-looking, but it was genuine. Sweet. Beautiful even. And it reflected that act of kindness he had shown her in the phone booth. It was the first time she had ever been treated that way by anyone.
Like a normal person.
Shy tears slalomed down her cheeks at the realization, and she clenched the flower to her chest. It wasn't safe for either of them to be together anymore. If she ever saw him again, it would not be the same as before.
To hell with the mission. To hell with all the training. To hell with faking romance. To hell with… well, she didn't have the word for it. Even if she got to experience the feeling that most people would, she wouldn't have wanted anything to do with it.
Heartbreak may be painful, but it wasn't lethal. She may not have loved Denji—at least not romantically—but she had felt something while with him. And it was okay to grieve the few good memories she had with him while moving on. Those memories didn't define all of her, but neither did anything else from her past.
Did it?
Remaining pinks in the sky faded into the starry night as the train stopped at an unknown sleepy town. What had her hometown been like? Not the place where she was experimented on for years, but the place she had been born. Despite living in the Soviet Union all her life, she had never really seen much of the land she grew up in. Maybe someday, when it was safe—if it was safe—she could travel incognito from here to there. She could uncover so much of her heritage that had been taken from her so early in life.
A walk in the park… dolphins in the ocean… penguins in the Antarctic…
She would stop here for now, until she decided where she would travel next. Somewhere outside of Japan was ideal. She could never live a normal life, especially not after eveything that had happened last night. But even if she had to spend the rest of her life living that way, she would figure out how to experience the same little things in life as everyone else.
Denji… wherever you are right now… I hope you get to live a normal life too someday…
Still holding onto Denji's flower, Reze stepped out. The woman on the phone was still discussing business affairs.
"…I’m less worried about credit, and more about getting it done… I think the reason Erabi wants to lead it… yeah, even if he doesn’t really say it, I think Erabi…"
But the door closed before Reze could hear Erabi's reason for leading.