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"WE'RE THROWING A PARTY!"
Umemiya's earsplitting, yet enthusiastic cheer rang in the air. He opened his mouth again, but a smack on the head from Hiiragi successfully silenced him, to which the entirety of those gathered on the rooftop responded with a relieved sigh.
Yes, even Sugishita. It was a (not so unnoticeable) secret that it was the one thing he disliked about his oh-so-great senpai.
"Oh, that Christmas party we discussed earlier?" Nirei's eyes lit up with excitement at the mention, his enthusiasm matching the leader's.
"Eeeexactly! Though, I don't know where" he huffed with a small pout, his scarred eyebrow narrowing. The orphanage would be definitely overcrowded, and overstimulating to some... He DID promise to still spend some time with the children and staff, of course.
"...The hell are you looking at me for?" Sakura growled, met with Suo's mischievous gaze.
"You're the only one who lives alone, so an intrusion wouldn't be bothersome~"
"I'D be bothered! I'd be extremely bothered!" He yelled as he slammed his fists against the table, his mind filling with flashbacks of every single time someone barged into his apartment uninvited.
"As promising as it sounds... I'm afraid we all wouldn't fit into Sakura-chan's place." Kiryu hummed, not bothering himself with the conversation enough to stop scrolling through Pinterest, but enough to eavesdrop and butt in.
"I'd suggest my place if not for-..."
"We know. I bet we'll figure something else out." The sweaty palm that was currently held against Kiryu's mouth belonged to no one else than Tsugeura. He knew better than anyone else just how complicated the other's family situation was, and would hate it if hosting the party there ended up causing trouble for his... friend.
That's what he says to himself. Kissing your homies goodnight isn't gay, after all. Umemiya's words are sacred words.
"A-actually... I was going to suggest my house. My mom has the night shift at work, so..." Nirei spoke up sheepishly, only relaxing as Suo's hand rested on his shoulder.
"Nire-kun is saying that he doesn't want to stay alone. I believe it's a good idea, especially since he's scared of the dark-"
"SUO-SAN!!!"
"It doesn't take a genius to notice, yanno. You squeak like a mouse stepped on whenever you see leaves shifting in the dark."
"SAKURA-SAN!!! NOT YOU TOO!"
Well. Nirei's house, it is.
They spent the next hour settling who's going to take care of what, the only ones staying out of the lively chatter being Sakura and Sugishita, who somehow ended up sat beside each other.
"Ain't gonna do anything to impress Umemiya this time?" Sakura couldn't help but scoff, just wanting to break the awkward silence on the bench, even if he was picking up the risk of getting murdered. Anything was good as long as he could stay out of it all.
Surprisingly, luck was on his side today, and he only got granted with a low growl and the typical glare.
"...You're not even coming, I assume. That makes two."
Sugishita couldn't help but slightly raise an eyebrow at the other's words.
Sure. He had no intention of coming, if not for Umemiya. And so, the assumption was partially correct.
It was so intriguing that it snapped him out of his non-verbal state.
"...You're not?" He barely audibly muttered, his voice oddly soft.
Sakura's gaze lowered as he bent forward, fiddling with his fingers. He was now more or less matching the other's slumped posture.
"No. I don't get all that... hassle." He muttered with a mix of annoyance and something else.
Eventually, after realising his "friend" has gone silent, he decided he might as well attempt a decent, level-headed conversation.
"...You?" He asked quietly.
After a few seconds of silence, he heard a small groan.
"...Noisy."
"Makes sense."
The end of Sakura's great initiative came to an end as the overjoyed yelling returned, revealing the figure of no one other than Umemiya Hajime himself, standing before them and causing Sugishita to immediately straighten his posture.
"Sugishita-kun! Obviously, you'll be there, won't ya?!"
He failed to cover up his defeat so miserably it hurt to watch. Thankfully, his senpai was too oblivious to realise.
"...Yes."
Sakura's eyes flew wide open in a sudden wave of anger.
"HEY! TRAITOR!" He accusingly pointed a finger at the Sugishita, not caring just how much his voice was hurting his ears now.
And that damn guy just shrugged, fueling Sakura's frustration further.
"Oh, so the moment Umemiya says something, you're immediately in?!"
That was where he crossed the line, the piercing glare from earlier returning with double force.
"Umemiya-SAN."
"IT DIDN'T BOTHER YOU SECONDS AGO!"
"Hey, hey! Don't kill the christmas spirit, now!" The subject of their bickering stepped in between them, pulling both into a sideway hug.
.
.
.
Sakura Haruka despised December with a burning passion. It brought New Year's, winter fairs, and... This.
He couldn't stand it. This entire crisis, crimes-mass, crisp-mess, whatever the hell it was.
All he's ever associated it with was the overbearing loneliness and isolation.
He couldn't name a single past foster family of his that'd actually treat him like an actual human being during the damn holiday. More like an abandoned dog.
Or cat, perhaps. But cats are used to their solitary lifestyle.
So is he. Isn't that right?
Perhaps you can still yearn for something you lack, even if you're used to the absence of it.
It just... Sucked.
Making him feel like less of a human. Sitting in his room, hearing the chatter from downstairs... It really made him want to slam his head against the wall repeatedly.
"Haruka. We're having guests, stay in your room."
"Tch."
"Don't scoff at me. Someone finally pitied you, and all you show is lack of gratitude."
"Pitied? Sure."
If that's what pity was about. Transfering his life from one shitpile to another.
In the end, all shit was shit.
One Christmas, he was offered to take some food from the dining table. To later eat in his room, of course.
No one would even bother to include him. Who would include the problem child? The freak who wouldn't even look good on "family" pictures?
Like he chose to be born with genetic conditions that made his life a living hell.
He'd be difficult, like always. He'd ruin the atmosphere, that's what he overheard many times.
Maybe if he wasn't treated like a monster, he wouldn't behave like one.
He thought that living in a shed outside of the house would spare him the annoying pang gnawing at his heart whenever his foster...
How he hated to call them that.
"Parents"...
...Were somehow able to treat their biological child like every child should be treated.
Seriously, getting discarded in the trash as a newborn felt like a better option.
It was hard to even think that one day, there will be someone who won't give up on him.
...When he's been stuck in an endless cycle of rejection from the moment he was born.
Even the people who brought him into this world couldn't love him. How could he believe someone ever would?
...
...
......
One time, he actually cried.
Later, he couldn't care less anymore, having accepted his lifetime sentence to loneliness.
He didn't need to spend time with anyone. It would do him no good, anyway.
...Is what he'd say before arriving to Makochi.
Regardless of everything, regardless of how disgustingly, overbearingly loved Bofurin made him feel...
All that Christmas brought were terrible memories and nuisances.
It was one large nuisance. And he was going to leave it at that.
If so, why was he currently at Nirei's house, helping him hang criminal lights?
"SCREW THIS CRIMES-MASS STUFF!" He eventually snapped, having a Santa hat put on by Suo, which was, to be fair, pretty ironic, considering he wouldn't let anyone put one on HIM. Talk about being the biggest hypocrite known to men.
The stool on which he was standing to hang the lights on the walls wobbled all of a sudden, probably due to his rapid movement as he yelled at the two before him.
Nirei managed to stabilise it, catching the hint of panic in the other's eyes, yet choosing not to comment on it. Instead, he smiled sheepishly in an attempt to calm him down.
"Sakura-san... It's Christmas..." He corrected, keeping his expression like he was aware he was going to get jumped any second now, but pushing his luck regardless.
"Whatever! And I hate hats. Get this outta my face." Sakura shook his head rapidly, trying to get the hat off himself (his hands were still occupied, and so, he had to use the only resources he had left) and failing. Only the latter decided to spare him, taking the cursed hat and stacking it up with the one he was already wearing.
"Sakura-kun, is there a reason why you dislike Christmas so much?" The one to address the obvious elephant in the room was Suo. From how his eyebrows narrowed, it could even be said his question was born from concern, not mockery.
He's noticed it before, like every silent observer would.
Sakura tensing up at every mention of the celebration.
His grumpy attitude being around ten times worse than usual.
Eventually, a barely noticeable gloomy aura. Surprisingly well concealed considering how much of an open book the boy usually was.
That, discussed with Nirei who have noticed even sooner, led both to an agreement - it wasn't a typical temper tantrum of his. Something was going on.
Because Sakura was always more or less displeased. Complaining, scowling, arguing. It was just the way he was.
It was the silence that planted worry in the ones around him. And just how quick he was to let go, as if afraid of admitting something he'd hate anyone to know.
"It's just... Stupid! What's so special about it, anyway? People are acting all happy and crap for no reason at all!"
There. The defensiveness. The squeaky noise with which his voice heightens when in panic.
"They're happy to spend time with their close ones. That's what Christmas is about." Nirei took over the baton, keeping his voice as calm and casual as he could. If he let his concern slip into it, he could scare the other away.
"Well! They can do it whenever they want!" The snappy attitude did not falter, and if anything, it only got worse.
"Yeah, but on this day, it's a tradition for everyone to..." He proceeded with his point regardless, then stopped upon noticing how Sakura's gaze shifted away.
Not with a scowl. Not with the previous agitation still present.
But with past hurt flickering across his bicoloured eyes.
A pain so subtle, yet so heart-shattering for those who were let into his gates. Allowed to peer beneath the indifferent façade in the slightest.
If one's ever talked to the boy, they eventually grow accustomed to the true variety of the hues behind those irises.
Anger wasn't just anger. Anger was either that, or defensiveness, or sadness, or betrayal, or pain, or just so much more for Haruka.
The only thing he trusted himself with. One emotion he wasn't afraid of.
"Sakura-san."
"Don't- don't look at me like that." He growled, a shiver going down his spine upon hearing his name called out so softly.
Damn Akihiko Nirei and his uncanny ability to tear through anyone's deepest layers without a sweat.
Empathy, apparently.
At least Suo wasn't giving him that damn pitying gaze-
"Sakura-kun isn't used to it, I think."
He was. And the said "Sakura-kun" wanted to wipe this damn pout off his face.
Damned Hayato Suo.
Damned everyone.
Damn his goddamn life.
If only he could run.
"I-" His voice got caught in his throat.
"Fine, whatever! I've never had a proper Christmas Eve, so what?! Don't pity me!" He finally snapped, his previously suppressed emotions hitting with twice the force.
"No one's pitying you." Suo immediately reassured, keeping his expression stoic as he raised his hands in a surrendering manner.
His sensitive companion, although, was on his edge. Having noticed that, he put a hand on the other's shoulder, a non-verbal "hey, you've got this".
A shuddering breath left the freckled as he tried again, his voice quieter.
"Then... Why not let this be your first? Just... let yourself enjoy it."
Ever since getting to know Sakura, and seeing how mistreated he must've been, he made a promise he swore to keep to himself.
Never make him feel unloved, unappreciated, unwanted, ever again.
But god, was it hard.
It wasn't that Sakura was unlovable. Quite the opposite, he was an extremely sweet and lovable person underneath all the layers. Considerate, painfully empathetic and determined to care for everyone's wellbeing.
The problem laid somewhere else.
Sakura wouldn't let himself be loved, even if he wanted to.
Even if he looked like a cat nudging its head against a human's hand, as if expecting to be pet, only to retreat the second the first stroke comes into action.
The said couldn't help but scoff ridiculously.
"Ha, easier said than done. I'm used to..."
The typical silence followed suit, the one that implied he was leaving his safe grounds and saying more than he'd like to. Although it seemed like the waves were banging at the floodgates by now.
"... Feeling like shit every year."
A barely audible mutter.
His head was so low that no hint of his face was visible to the two, not anymore.
They, although, silently agreed to break the silence and keep on going so as not to risk Sakura running away again.
"But you finally have people who value you. I thought you were past pushing us away already." Suo calmly responded. He really wanted to get through the troubled mind, too. Sure, he was rather closed off himself, however he wasn't the type to reject kindness or such.
This entire conversation was making Sakura genuinely nauseous. Maybe it was all in his head, and maybe he's just had enough of hearing the same crap every time. He appreciated it, but it was outdated.
"It's not about- Ugh, it feels weird."
"But does it feel wrong?" The other pried further, however ended up accidentally causing the other's irritation to grow.
"What kind of question is that?!"
Nirei gave Suo a "I've got this" gaze, before taking over, his voice calm enough to not feel invasive or pressuring, but firm enough so as not to overwhelm.
"I mean... Does it feel bad? Unpleasant?"
Sakura had to take it into consideration before he could answer.
Actually, he knew the answer right away. It was just hard to word it the way he'd like to.
It felt odd. In a negative way. But "bad" wasn't the right word to call it.
"...No."
The corners of Nirei's lips involuntarily curled up as the answer turned out just as expected.
"Then try, okay? To focus on the brighter feelings."
.
.
.
It didn't take long before the rest of the Bofurin members started gathering, and since everyone was free to come, the house seemed almost overcrowded at some parts. Nirei himself couldn't deny the overwhelm he felt as the host of this mess, but it was all paying off. Seeing his friends enjoying each other's presence, laughing together... It was more than he could ever ask for.
But one wish was still out of his reach.
His gaze wandered to the armchair in the corner of the living room, where Sakura sat all stiffened up.
It'd be less concerning if he let himself drown in the comfort of the cushions beneath him. And yet, he was sitting there as stiff as a wall. As if kept there by force.
He believed that the other tried to convince himself to join into the fun. Let himself loosen up. He really did, but-
"Nire-kun."
"Guh-"
He just choked on his drink.
Before Suo managed to react, Umemiya took over the glass of non-alcoholic mulled sake, then used his other hand to firmly pat the suffering's back, stopping as he heard a sharp intake of air.
"Aaand that's what you get for worrying so much." Suo hummed teasingly, playing with the tassel of his left earring.
The three of them were the last ones left at the dining table, as the rest was busy arguing over which board game to choose first. It seemed like it would take another hour, so Suo and Nirei, compromising as they were, backed away, while their senpai sensed the odd atmosphere and stayed as well.
Though, he couldn't help but choke back a wave of laughter as with the corner of his eye, he noticed Sakura perking up upon hearing "Othello", only to come to an embarrassing realisation.
"It just... Hurts even more because I can see that he's trying." Nirei muttered with a sad exhale, his hand playing with his almost empty glass.
"I noticed that, too. In the past, he wouldn't hesitate to not come at all." Suo nodded in agreement.
No one noticed the moment Kotoha, too, joined in. She sat down on the edge of the table, her gaze flickering between Sakura and the Sakura Mental State Assessment Council.
"... It's hard to tell whether he'd follow or not if so far, he's been getting dragged everywhere."
"...True that."
"He would. Haven't you noticed what loneliness does to him?"
...No one needed to be reminded of Sakura's pathetic attempts at distancing himself, and how they ended with someone having to drag him back, because he realised he, in fact, DID need human closeness, but his ego wouldn't let him admit it as he's already rejected it once, and so, he'd torment himself with fake indifference UNTIL Nirei has enough of it and does something about it. Then, Sakura comes to a great conclusion, "Wow! I was gaslighting myself all along? Maybe that's why it felt so terrible!"
"Yeah, no. No good."
"We need to speak more quietly. I think we're forgetting he's there."
"So maybe it's about time to try and engage him with something... We've been just sitting here and letting him-"
He stopped as he noticed the topic of their conversation abruptly got up from the armchair he was previously sat in, rushing outside with a frustrated expression.
Nirei's eyes widened. He immediately got up, too.
"Sakura-san, it's-"
The door slammed loudly.
"He knows. And he'll be back." Umemiya assured.
Indeed, Sakura knew it was cold outside. And he wouldn't last long, since despite him hiding it, it was well known he couldn't handle cold well.
Not to mention, his immune system wasn't any better.
"Umemiya-san, you're saying that, but he's gonna get sick, and- we can't leave him like that! If no one goes after him, he might just spiral into thinking he's unworthy, and-"
"That's what YOU would do, Nire-kun." Suo bummed, after a long while of being an idle participant of the conversation.
"Shut- You know how sensitive he is!" There it went, his paranoid mode slowly shifting into irritation. Among all of the things Nirei hated, being powerless to help his friends was holding the first place.
"And that's exactly why he needs space to cool down."
"He probably still needs time to adjust. Leave him be, I'm sure he'll be back when ready." A calm nod from the eldest followed.
Nirei, on the other hand, wasn't exactly having it. To him, it felt like cruelty. Still, there was a chance the others were right, and he was just too overbearing.
"Are you sure?.."
The warmth of Umemiya's gaze washed his worries away.
"Trust me. I know it."
.
.
.
...The yell that tore through Sakura's throat the moment he stepped outside could SURELY be heard inside.
"And what are YOU doing here?!"
Before him, stood the two well-known to him individuals, Shishitoren's ex first and second-in-command, also known as Togame Jou and Tomiyama Choji. They were holding some steaming plastic boxes with a neat smell emanating from them, but at the moment, he couldn't care less about the food.
He was pissed that he couldn't catch a damn break.
Togame seemed utterly unphased, his typical calm smile unchanging.
"No need for the excessive hospitality, Sakura" he chuckled softly, as if the rage unfolding in front of him meant NOTHING.
(As if Togame would've been scared of a 15 year old's temper tantrum.)
"You're gonna freeze here!" Tomiyama giggled, lunging forward to wrap his arms around the Sakura's waist. His fluffy coat provided some warmth, indeed.
His energy could've been infectious, but in this case, it worked like a red rag to a bull.
"I'm not some weakling! Get off!" The assaulted snapped, thrashing wildly, to no avail at all.
"Well, Choji is right. You fed up with them?"
"...More or less." He grumbled quietly, looking away.
What was he supposed to say? It's not that he was fed up with his... friends. Truth was, he valued them an awful much - he's grown enough to be able to admit it before himself.
What he was fed up with was how overwhelmed and uncomfortable he felt among all this warmth and kindness.
It felt terrible for someone who's grown used to the reality of being, apparently, unlovable.
He didn't doubt their fondness of him. He'd never.
What he doubted was that if he was truly deserving of it. If he really was the person they should give away their hearts to.
To his dismay, Togame was an empath. One that understood the feelings of unworthiness more than anyone other than himself could.
Therefore, despite no noticeable traces of change in the older's expression, it was clear he realised just what he had to do with and with that, he calmly commanded his companion.
"Choji, why don't you take these inside? They're gonna get cold."
The said looked up at the plastic containers held out to him, noticing the steam was indeed slowing down.
"Roger that, Kame-chan~" He nodded eagerly, beaming as he grabbed the stack from the other and rushed inside.
After hearing Tomiyama's loud greeting from the other side of the door, Togame leaned back on it, figuring the coast was clear. He felt a bit guilty for telling him off like that, however, Choji was too carefree to even tell, knowing him.
"So, what is it really about?" He asked calmly.
"Nothing! Nothing is about anything!"
"Sakura, come on. You know I'll listen."
Of course he will. That's the worst part.
"𝘚𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴... 𝘐𝘵 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘴𝘦. 𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘺, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘮𝘦. 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘢 𝘴𝘢𝘺."
Back in that armchair, he got this terrible knot in his chest again. The suffocating ache that never failed to overwhelm his entire being.
He hated how terrible it all felt. He hated that his mind could not perceive affection as genuine, or deserved. No matter just how hard he tried to break out of his shell, join Suo and Nirei by the table or whatever, he couldn't even move. He was successfully paralysed by his thoughts.
He's done nothing to deserve such kindness.
Not as someone who was apparently the worst of trash.
Well, it was hard not to believe it after 15 years of being proved right.
Togame noticed the other wasn't willing to start, but by now, he managed to read into him enough to be able to grasp the concept of what was going in.
"...Why did you escape from the warmth?"
A softly asked question with two possible interpretations.
"I'm used to the cold."
A pouty huff in return.
"That doesn't answer it. You can get used to the cold, and still enjoy warmth. Even if it's not what you've known."
Sakura looked up at the other, his eyes widening slightly. This sentence, though metaphorical (and oh god, how he hated it, Kaji once made him realise), did something to him.
"It doesn't take an expert to see just how much they all love you, Sakura." He went on, slightly reducing the distance between them. He stayed mindful of how putting his hand on the other's shoulder could possibly end this conversation abruptly.
His sentence seemed to have hit bullseye, getting him to tense up and blush.
"That's!.. That's the problem... It feels so strange, and..."
The boy's words got lost at the back of his head, as the redness of embarrassment and cold mixed on his cheeks.
"If you can't put it into words, it could be another sign your fear is injustified here." The other bluntly stated, causing Sakura to snap, as well as grant him with a glare.
"This has nothing to do with fear."
"We know it does. You just can't verbalise it. If you tried telling me what you're scared of, what would you say?"
"They would..."
He didn't sound so sure of himself anymore.
What was he so scared of?
He loved Bofurin. With all his heart, honestly. If he had any love to give, it was already given out to them.
And deep down, he knew they loved him too.
Deep down, under the layers of his own insecurities.
"What could they possibly do? That makes you so scared." Togame repeated himself, his patient demeanour unchanging.
It worked miraculously. He never showed too much care, only calmness and a will to listen without any judgement or empty words.
That was exactly why it always managed to get Sakura to open up. Or rather, burst out.
"I did nothing for them to like me so much, and eventually, they'll notice it! That I'm not worth the hassle, that I'm too difficult-"
All his earlier (feigned) indifference and toughness were gone in the blink of an eye, his insecure self raw and uncovered. The fear wasn't only visible in his eyes, but also easily heard in his strained voice as he tried to yell.
Togame wouldn't have expected such an intense reaction, but his face showed nothing. Nothing aside from the previously stated usual, fully giving the other space to let it out.
"Sakura. Nobody is forcing them into that." He interrupted in a moment of silence.
"You don't get it! You've never been-"
A pressure on his shoulders, extracting a shaky exhale from him. Like a drowning man after his first intake of breath on the surface.
"Sakura. Calm down. You just think they'll see you the way you see yourself."
Like the string of a bow whose archer has just backed off from shooting, realising the threat was gone. That was the shift in his expression as it loosened.
He didn't need to word it anymore. It got done for him.
"That was it all along, wasn't it?.." Togame smiled softly, addressing his relaxed expression.
He expected Sakura to grow even more agitated at those words, but he seemed to have relaxed. Perhaps he finally felt understood, or even understood his feelings on his own for the first time, after all these "maybe"s and "I don't know"s.
"Maybe. Whatever. I can't tell it apart." He huffed weakly with his head down, as his hands tightly gripped onto the hem of his shirt.
The way he sees himself...
He didn't even bother trying to make himself see his own worth, not even once. In the end, his self-perception was stained by the cruel words he once believed, and his own thoughts born from them. Or his father's voice at the back of his head, repeatedly telling him he'll never belong anywhere. Even if these days, he knew it wasn't true.
On top of that, he was overly sensitive. And full of criticism for his own self.
Bofurin wouldn't have lasted a day with him if they saw the flaws he's made up in his head.
"If people thought of you the way you think of yourself, they wouldn't be around you right now. And yet, you're surrounded by warmth, hm?"
The silence spoke for itself.
"Don't torment yourself."
Easier said than done, Sakura would say for the second time today. But he could only give the other a vulnerable, somewhat grateful look.
He didn't realise a tear was about to escape his eye, even though he didn't feel like crying at all.
"Are you-"
"NO! A snowflake melted under my eye!"
Togame was about to tease him upon realising how defensive he's gotten, but... Didn't quite have the heart to.
"Do you want to go inside? You're shivering."
"...I guess so." He muttered, tracing the goosebumps on his arm with his fingertips. The adrenaline has worn off by now, and the reality of the weather was catching up to him.
Nevertheless, he didn't move an inch. He felt like something was lacking.
"Hm?" The other raised an eyebrow, noticing how his eyes shyly made contact with his own.
"...Th..." Sakura stuttered with a barely audible voice.
"What was that?"
"...Thanks." He huffed out
.
.
.
He was prepared to be the center of attention once he comes back inside - now that he thinks of it, his exit WAS pretty... Attention-catching.
Before he could say a thing to explain himself, Tsubaki has thrown a blanket over his shoulders with a concerned frown.
"My, you're all red, Sakura-chan... Here, have this."
Nirei was the second one at the door, which was understandable considering just how worried he was. He expected to feel at ease now that his friend was back, but he still seemed off. His gaze wandered over to Togame, who was standing beside him and lazily taking off his shoes.
...Seeing Togame in anything that wasn't his wooden sandals of terror felt odd.
Anyway, now wasn't time for such thoughts.
"Togame-san, did anything..."
"I'm fine, just cold, alright?" Sakura interrupted, nuzzling his face into the blanket to warm his cheeks up a bit. He really hoped the traces of his previous emotions were gone by now.
"Your cheeks are terribly red, and..."
"Getting frostbite doesn't make you look like you're on the verge of tears." Suo bluntly stated, saying what needed to be said. Then, he basked in the satisfaction of seeing Sakura agitated.
"Well, that's because Togame hit me with the door!" He snapped accusingly, then pointed his finger at the clueless guy next to him.
To which, the accused chuckled.
"I'd never believe the first time I hear you say my name would be like this. And no, I didn't."
"You did! You can't seriously trust him!" Sakura yelled, frantically looking around to find ANYONE who seemed to have believed him.
Then, his eyes met Umemiya's.
Umemiya wasn't naive, but was perfect at pretending so. Therefore, for the sake of the younger's comfort and peace, he decided to "believe" the accusation.
"Nah, we don't trust these guys." He smirked, looking at Tomiyama who was curiously peeking over his shoulder.
"Whaaaat? Ume-chan, I thought we were long over itttt!" The other whined with a sad pout, then tugged on his shirt.
"Kidding, kidding~"
The topic shifted to a lighter one, since Bofurin decided to go along with the joke and blame Togame for what he's done (despite there having been no physical and logical way for him to actually commit his crime). Noticing Sakura standing in the middle of it, not quite knowing what to do with himself just yet, Kotoha approached him with a small smile. There was a familiar smell clinging to the apron she was in.
"Hey, Sakura. The others wanted to try out the christmas omelet rice variation I came up with, so I went ahead and made a portion for you, too. Won't say no, hm?" She smirked suggestively.
"You... didn't have to do that." The blush and pout came immediately, but he didn't tell her to piss off either. It was a step.
"It didn't make a difference whether I made 6 or 7." She shrugged, leaving for the kitchen as she took it as a yes.
Somehow, this answer reassured him. Probably because it assured him he wasn't being a burden.
He could've also sworn Sugishita growled at him just now, but he was too busy rushing to the dining table to care.
As he sat down by the table to wait for the food, he couldn't help but realise just how lighter he felt after Togame's words.
He wasn't bad. No one saw him as bad. No one aside from his own mind.
His mind could go to hell and stop depriving him of the affection he's receiving.
It really wasn't so bad here.
Surprisingly, the one to deliver his food was Sugishita. Now that he noticed, he must've been helping Kotoha in the kitchen, judging from the apron and the displeasure painted on his face (most likely from having his hair tied).
Maybe he didn't poison it. He believed Sugishita had a good heart.
"Thought you went home." Sakura muttered, not having seen the other around as long as he was inside.
Sugishita DID want everyone to think he went home, but Kotoha dragged him out from underneath the kotatsu where he was hiding.
"Shut up and eat." He growled, holding out the plate.
"Fine, sheesh." The other reached his hand out, only for Sugishita to snatch the plate away from him to have the final word.
"And say it's good."
"How the hell can I know if I haven't tried?!"
The glare hardened.
"Say. It."
"I'll say it! Just let me eat!" Sakura snapped, getting up from the table to get the plate back. Only now, he's noticed the other was holding it up high on PURPOSE.
"You moron! It's gonna get cold! Stop!"
"Sugi, come on..." A female voice from the other end of the room caused Sugishita to tense.
Kotoha's words caused him to scoff, then put the plate down.
"...Heh." He still couldn't help but smirk.
"You damn-"
...He wasn't in the mood for arguing with him.
.
.
.
10 minutes later, Sakura was already at his second portion. He would've been somewhere around the fifth, if not for the fact that he got too engaged in talking with the others at the table, reminiscing what a mess the preparations were, or planning what they would like to do next.
At some point, he stopped taking in whatever the others were talking about and just... Enjoyed the atmosphere.
He rested his cheek on his hand.
"Seems like I've broken the curse, after all."
He internally told himself.
It was time to acknowledge it, he was part of something beautiful.
An irreplaceable part.
"Sakura-kun, you look happy~" Suo's hum and teasing smile broke him out of his thoughts.
He just had to piss him off in that ONE moment he felt peaceful.
"SHUT UP! I'm not happy!-"
That wasn't true.
He stopped and looked around. He was not happy, he was, in fact, overjoyed. Now that his mind was clear, and he let others' warmth wash over him.
"I-I mean, I'm- ugh! It doesn't suck, okay?! And the food is good." He finally huffed, stuffing his mouth with another spoonful of his comfort meal.
Seconds later, he noticed the unnerving silence around the table. When he looked up to inspect what was going on, he noticed everyone's eyes were on Umemiya.
And Umemiya's eyes were on HIS.
"Anything else?" He smirked, keeping his gaze subtly expectant.
"..."
He let out a shaky exhale, playing with the food on his plate.
"You're not that annoying." He finally muttered.
"That means "I'm having a nice time with you", translated from the Sakura-kun language-"
Suo's comment did not get appreciated, and he ended up having a spoon pointed at himself by the beetroot-red, previously mentioned Sakura-kun.
"I'M GONNA SHOVE THIS UP YOUR THROAT!"
That wasn't refusal, though.
Nirei used the moment of silence to add his own observation, one he couldn't help as for the first time today, he wasn't worried about Sakura anymore. Whatever Togame told him, it must've been exactly what he needed.
"You do seem more relaxed now."
"Just... Needed to adjust. Whatever."
"I'm glad you finally feel comfortable." He smiled softly.
"Yeah, you could say that." Sakura sighed, breaking eye contact to think his upcoming words through. He felt like he owed them all some sort of explanation for his earlier behaviour.
"...Thanks for that, I guess. This entire thing... It's honestly so damn stupid that I was so against it only because I was..."
It felt like too much all of a sudden. But this time, he wanted to push past his boundaries.
"...Was... just scared of feeling abandoned." He added, more quietly this time.
As he looked up, he noticed that they were still smiling. Their expressions were telling him that it was okay. That they understood, and were just grateful he was here with them.
Then, Umemiya's loud and cheerful voice broke the silence.
"The word 'abandonment' doesn't exist in the Bofurin vocabulary!"
Sakura huffed softly, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. This guy was so damn unserious sometimes, and yet… His words were true. He's never felt that way with them, not once.
"Tch, you can't just make rules up…”
Suddenly, he heard the sound of a camera shutter.
"HEY!" He snapped, looking in the direction of the noise only to notice Kiryu smiling smugly, looking at his phone.
"Lookie, lookie! A rare picture of Sakura-chan smiling~" He waved the device to show everyone around the moment he's just captured.
"SEND IT TO ME!" Nirei immediately pleaded, and a few other people requested the same.
"YOU-"
Again. Sakura wasn't in the mood to snap. In fact, he didn't want to snap.
It was nice, in a way. If they liked seeing him happy…
…He could let himself be happy.
"Ughhh... I can't with you, morons." He sighed, going back to his food, though his smirk still lingered.
"We're glad to have you, you know?" Nirei added, but received no response.
The other was just busy eating, but… His face was burning more and more.
He still wasn't exactly used to it if he tried…
"Sakura, are you having an anaphylactic shock?!" Nirei finally screeched in terror, shaking the other by the shoulders.
"WHAT?! NO! SHUT UP!" He snapped back, poorly attempting to stab his assaulter with the spoon he was holding.
Not that he knew what this anasomething shock was. But he wasn't shocked by anything. He guessed so.
"Come to think of it, you said you didn't know if you had any allergies..." Despite Suo knowing it wasn't anything near anaphylaxis, he decided to play along, feigning concern.
"Could it be mushrooms?" Kotoha covering her mouth with her hand as she spoke signalled she, too, was playing along, but unlike Suo, failed to hide her amusement so well. For the two of them, it was clear Sakura was simply showing symptoms of simple embarrassment.
"M-M-MUSHROOMS?!" The oh-so-suffering suddenly screamed, slamming his fists against the table. The horror on his face was almost paralleling Nirei's now, if not for the fact that the other just went fully pale.
"YOU'RE ALLERGIC TO MUSHROOMS?!"
"NO! I FRICKING HATE THEM!"
Silence.
"...You enjoyed it, though." Kotoha finally said, giggling quietly.
“...I guess… They don't taste that bad.”
Kotoha took a mental note. There were a total of two vegetables he accepted now, which was a large step.
Nirei, though, didn't believe everything was fine. His friend was shaking and tightly clenching the spoon in his hand.
"...Sakura-san?"
He took a shaky inhale.
"I'm... g-glad to have you... too... Really..."
For the first time, he said it. And it felt so good he'd do it again.
But the “aww”s that rang throughout the room at his confession didn't fail to make him a blushing mess again.
"Isn't that common knowledge?!"
"It is. Just hearing it from you... Feels different." Nirei said quietly, with shock painted on his face. It was as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"It just proves how much of a long way you've come with your feelings." Umemiya added, right on point, only serving to fluster the poor boy even more.
"One more word and I'm taking it back." He growled, then glanced at Nirei, who stood up and walked over to him.
"Can I..." There was this odd shyness in his eyes that only appeared whenever he really wanted something.
A hug. Sakura could see where this was going, and didn't know what to say.
"You do it without asking all the time. I don't care."
He wasn't used to this kind touch. Both of them knew it well.
"I just wanted you to want it too."
…It was time to adjust.
"I... won't have anything against it. Don't overuse it, though.”
The tears finally escaped Nirei's eyes as he pulled Sakura into a gentle hug, giving him enough space to back off if he wanted too.
And as the first wave of shock washed away, Sakura eventually hugged him back.
Yeah. He should stop tormenting himself.