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Will Byers got married on a Saturday, at the end of a sunny summer afternoon in the backyard of Harrington Mansion, in a simple family ceremony.
Mike Wheeler, the groomsmen, broke up with Jane Hopper the following morning.
Lucas never thought Eleven and Mike would last.
It wasn't an opinion he had ever voiced before, knowing it would be met with disapproving glances. It was awkward to offer such advice on other people's relationships, and he never possessed Max's unwavering courage or Dustin's lack of tact, so he remained silent as the relationship dragged on. He advised and helped Mike stay strong through the first breakup and subsequent ones, but doubt crept onto his shoulder, always peeking whenever he paid a little more attention, looked too closely.
“I don’t know how El doesn’t see it,” Max said to him, frustrated, after yet another long weekly call with Jane. Lucas always made time for Max on those days, because he knew she would need him to vent. “Mike is trapping her in this and he doesn’t know how to get out anymore.”
It's 1994. Less than half a year later, Lucas stares at the floor of Steve Harrington's living room while Mike vomits up almost three bottles of wine into a cobalt blue bucket. Dustin, beside him, wrings his hands in a silent resignation that doesn't match his restless personality at all.
The house was emptied last night, so there was almost no one to see the scene. Robin and Steve, who agreed to leave them alone when they understood the gravity of the situation, disappeared into the backyard almost forty minutes ago and haven't shown up yet. Max left with Jane in Lucas's car an hour ago, with the key in one hand, Jane's hand in the other, and Erica following close behind, furious and ready to be put behind the wheel.
Lucas didn't stop her – nor did he want to. Mike stumbled into his arms as Jane slammed the door of their room shut, leaving with heavy steps and tears in his eyes.
“She wants to be proposed to.” Max confided in him once, after a difficult party dinner that ended in a heated argument between Jane and Mike. They had been estranged for months, as wary as cats, and Lucas had been waiting for a call from Mike seeking advice for some time. He had proposed to Max two months ago.
“But doesn’t Mike want to get married?” He remembers asking, almost rhetorically. The awkward conversations they’d had about the subject came rushing back to him like a tidal wave – the hesitation, the tense shoulders, and the vague, uncertain answers that made Lucas wonder who he was talking to in those moments. He remembered how he thought he knew Mike like the back of his hand.
Lucas used to believe Mike would be the perfect husband. As children, he was a knight in shining armor who saved damsels in distress. A cocky and silly boy, but very kind and caring. Lucas saw how he would gently place his hands over the delicate shoulders of a frightened friend, take his fingers and pull him close in the comfort of a hug. He had a special way of speaking – soft, low – that could charm any girl if he wanted to.
“Mike doesn’t want a lot of things. And some things he can’t have,” Max teased, annoyed. She had always been very protective of Jane. “He should start accepting that.”
The smell of alcohol burned Lucas's nostrils. With a sigh, he observed Mike's crumpled clothes and the way the bucket trembled under his fingers, feeling guilty for being relieved that all this had happened this morning with the house empty, and not last night in the middle of the party.
Mike wasn't in the habit of drinking. He thought it tasted awful, but he'd gotten used to a beer in social situations. He didn't touch a single drop of alcohol during the ceremony, but kept his distance, his face furrowed and his eyes distant. Hours later, Lucas woke up to Steve complaining that someone had broken into his wine cellar during the night and opened some bottles.
They were staying at Steve's house after the party, so Jane found him and they argued. "It's a special day", she had said, disappointed. It was at that moment that the argument escalated.
It took ten minutes for a nine-year relationship to end.
Mike was the one who ended it this time. And it had a definitive tone that had never permeated any of their breakups since the beginning of their relationship.
“I thought you were going to propose to her.” Dustin said after a long, uncomfortable silence. There was nothing left for Mike to vomit up, but he continued clutching the bucket tightly in his fingers as if it were what was keeping him breathing.
Lucas watched him.
His empty, distant eyes stared coldly at the porcelain tiles with indifferent wonder. This had been the case since long before last night.
Dustin's voice, however, caught his attention. Mike's lost gaze drifted to Dustin's face as if he hadn't understood a single word that had come out of his mouth. He was still half-drunk and confused. Dustin, who never got the memo of anything that was happening because he was never paying enough attention, was visibly lost, and Lucas felt tired. Dustin always had difficulty understanding social cues or delving into the complex nuances of the relationships around him. Lucas imagined that he never knew the truth; that open secret that was kept under lock and key, sealed behind lips that refused to speak of the matter aloud, even in secret. As if it were something so fragile that it could break at any moment through a mere mention.
Lucas sees when the words finally settle and resonate in Mike's ears. His eyebrows furrow and his whole body falls forward, heavy and lethargic, and he makes a stubborn grimace of anger that they've all seen more than a hundred times.
"It was all bullshit." he says, his voice drawn out and trembling under the sound of each syllable.
Lucas sees Dustin's eyes widen, but he himself can't seem surprised by the harsh words.
It's almost like déjà vu.
In a spasm from the remaining alcohol in his body, Mike ends up with his head in the bucket again, vomiting nothing but intestinal fluid. His face is sweaty and his wet hair clings to his oily forehead. His jacket was lost somewhere along the way, but his dress shirt clings to his body like a second skin. There are deep dark circles under his eyes, and he looks thinner than usual. Mike looks sick. He looks almost dead.
Despite everything, Lucas is still startled when he throws the bucket aside, unconcerned that the vomit might splatter across the floor of a house that isn't his. Mike then brings both hands to his face, pressing them against his eyes as he curls up on the floor with a guttural, mournful sound escaping his throat.
Dustin, next to him, freezes.
But Lucas can't do anything either when he sees trembling shoulders inside worn party clothes, with sobs echoing off the walls as they grow louder and louder. And it's been so long since Lucas has seen this happen – not since childhood, not since a funeral, a disappearance – that he doesn't immediately understand what Mike is doing.
But then Mike takes a deep breath, rubs his fingers against his eyes, and there they are – bright and transparent, running down his cheeks like fresh paint on a newly finished canvas, leaving his red, desolate eyes behind to drip onto the floor. Tears fall and Lucas's heart clenches with sorrow.
Mike cries.
Will met Liam Hale during the final attack on Hawkins. In an epic love story, Liam wielded a lumberjack's axe against a Demogorgon to defend him, without imagining what the one he was protecting was capable of.
Liam liked to joke that it was his courage that won over the Byers. Will always retorted that it was his stupidity.
Lucas found it amusing how he knew their story in so many details, even more than he remembered the one he had with Max. Liam was a natural storyteller and loved to talk, so he was always willing to tell anyone who would listen how the sparkle in Will's eyes had irreversibly captivated him. That seeing him for the first time amidst the wreckage of an apocalyptic city was like being struck by a love spell, where he found himself unable to do anything but dedicate his life to a beautiful unknown boy who controlled demonic creatures with his mind.
The two were a funny couple to be around. Liam was a confident guy, very different from Will, so the flirting was a lot of fun to watch. Hale was popular at Hawkins High, as captain of the swim team, and received attention all the time: athletic and strong, so tall he was almost two meters high, with a face sculpted by Hollywood and long blond hair framed by green eyes. Liam always bragged about how, at first, Will could never look him in the eye without turning as red as a pepper.
But the beginning of the relationship wasn't exactly easy. Liam had to struggle for long and embarrassing weeks before Will agreed to go out with him. But Lucas admits it was fun watching the increasingly daring and innovative ways Liam managed to get the Byers' attention, not caring about the obstacles in his way.
And it was even better for the party to see how Will shone under his attention. How he enjoyed giving Liam provocative and mischievous answers, but couldn't hide his shy, sincere smile, much less his blushing cheeks when Liam was so shameless in his attempts to flirt. The way they fit together, even being so different, and always ended up being reprimanded for getting too excited during a conversation to the point of shouting and laughing loudly at each other. How Hale didn't understand anything about D&D, but learned to play to help Will in campaigns and to participate in every game where he was the Dungeon Master. Just as Will never understood anything about sports, but started sitting next to Liam to comment on a match even though he had no idea which side each team had to score on.
Lucas liked Liam. Max liked Liam. Everyone liked Liam. It was very easy to like him. Liam was the type who knew a little about everything, from physics and math to Madonna's latest hit or international politics. He was very intelligent, so he could talk to Dustin about whatever quantum theories he was excited about that month. But he was still an athlete, so Steve always dragged him to weekend games or marathons he insisted on signing up for. Liam spent hours with Hopper and Nancy discussing guns and different types of bullets for each holster, as well as hunting with the sheriff during the seasons. He also listened to all kinds of music, so he was always willing to listen to the new albums Jonathan or Robin had discovered that month, as well as always picking out songs, series, and movies to introduce to Jane when he had a feeling she would like it. Joyce loved him like one of her own sons, and whenever Liam and Will came to visit, she made sure to drag her son-in-law into the kitchen so he could make his famous apple pie for family lunch.
Liam Hale was an amazing guy. Lucas used to join him and Steve during their basketball practices and would laugh hysterically all day. Sometimes Steve would laugh so hard at Liam's jokes that he'd fall to the ground during a play and need help getting up.
And Liam was very good to Will. Thoughtful, kind, and clever, who could make anyone sigh if he wanted to. Will smiled like a child around him, as if the Upside Down was an unfortunate game of D&D left in the past, with no chance to tarnish the incandescent happiness Will had achieved so many years after it was all over.
Because Will's happiness was Liam's priority and he would never let Will's flame die out. He was a very good boyfriend.
And Mike Wheeler hated him.
There was a taboo within the party that was forbidden to be mentioned, even in hushed tones or in secret, and its prohibition was taken more seriously than the law itself.
They had never discussed it, not even to establish such a prohibition. It was simply a mutual understanding between them. And there were few people in the party who didn't know about this taboo: Dustin was one of them, along with Jane and Will.
But Dustin, unlike the other two, had a vague idea of what was going on. What had been going on for years.
There were two days when Dustin Henderson was the brave one among them to bring up the subject: Christmas Eve 1990 and the morning after Will's wedding.
Christmas 1990 was very special, as it was the first time everyone had managed to get together to celebrate since everything had ended. It was also the first time Liam had spent Christmas with the party. Hours before dinner, Lucas was sitting on Steve's couch with Dustin beside him, both assigned the dreadful task of untangling the remaining Christmas lights to put on the tree. They were surrounded by boxes, piled at their feet with hundreds of meters of lights and half-broken ornaments that Steve had carelessly stored in his closet. Mike was on the other side of the large living room, sitting in a recliner with his own box in his lap. His fingers worked mechanically and his eyes were lost between the edges of the large windows beside him.
The three had been silent for a while, focused on their tasks and with their minds elsewhere. Until Dustin leaned back against the couch and emitted an irritating hum, the kind that indicated he was thinking about a difficult problem he didn't know how to solve. It was also at that moment that Lucas noticed that Dustin was no longer untangling the Christmas lights.
“Dude, if you don’t help me, we’re not going to finish this until New Year’s.” Lucas complained, grabbing another string of lights and throwing it into his friend’s lap. Dustin didn’t even flinch when hit by the decorations, he didn’t even look at Lucas. He just shushed his mouth, asking for silence for whatever he was doing.
Curious, Lucas's eyes followed Dustin's. He found Mike, frozen in his armchair, staring out the window, the decorations looking like they'd been forgotten long ago.
Lucas's eyes then slid further to the left. He saw, in the distance, Will and Liam in the snow outside.
Seemingly lost in a vast expanse of white on the Harrington property, Will and Liam might as well have been alone in the world. The Christmas tree they were tasked with retrieving lay carelessly on the ground as they chased after each other. Though he couldn't hear it, Lucas could almost feel Will's laughter echoing through the air as he slipped from Liam's grasp. He could almost see Byers' lips protesting as Hale used the enormous height difference between them to his advantage, grabbing Will by the waist and lifting him off the ground, making his escape impossible.
Liam spun him around in the air a few times, lifting him as if holding a bride in his arms. Will put his arms around Liam's neck and buried his head against his chest to stifle his laughter. The snowflakes continued to fall around them, unashamed to interrupt the intimate moment.
A smile spread across Lucas's face, but it faded when he saw the dull eyes of one of his oldest friends, sitting in an expensive armchair with two hundred meters of lights on his lap, unable to pay attention to anything other than what was happening outside.
Mike seemed to be in a trance. He couldn't stop staring.
“You know, sometimes it seems like Mike is jealous of Liam.” Dustin said suddenly, his voice low enough to whisper a secret. Lucas thought that even if he were shouting, Mike still wouldn’t be able to hear him at that moment. “But not jealousy, jealousy. It seems more like… envy.”
Jealousy. Envy. Regret. To Lucas, they all seemed synonymous in the trembling lips of Mike Wheeler.
“When we were kids, before… before all that happened, I thought Mike was, you know…” Dustin says, hesitant in a strange way that never suited him. Unfortunately, Lucas knows what he’s talking about. He thought so too. He saw in Nancy’s eyes that she always thought the same thing. “But then Jane came along. I don’t know. I think he’s a different person than I thought he would become.”
Lucas is silent for a second. He loves Jane with all his heart and is very grateful to her, but sometimes he thinks about how things would be if Mike had never found her in that forest. Maybe if he had never fallen in love with her.
He wonders if it would be the same people outside, playing in the snow.
But that's not something they talk about. It's too painful, and there are too many people to protect with this taboo, so Lucas just lets out a long sigh and says, "Leave it alone, Dustin."
And Dustin, for the first time, listens without even questioning. He'll only understand in the summer of 1994, when Mike falls into Lucas's arms and repeats that it was all a big bullshit. But now he looks away and is content to frown at the ornaments in his hands, looking even more embarrassed than they were five minutes ago.
Lucas ends up focusing on his own tangle of wires and lights. When he raises his head again, he sees an empty armchair and the curtains are drawn. He can still hear the echo of laughter from outside.
The invitation arrived on a random Tuesday. Max had complained about the large amount of mail that morning, joking that perhaps some of the heavy envelopes were overdue bills from the neighbors that had ended up in their mailbox by mistake. Lucas chuckled at her cheerful smile as he scanned the envelopes, pausing only when he saw William Byers' name on the back.
“It’s from Will,” he said, confused. Will didn’t usually send letters to anyone. He always preferred phone calls.
Before he could even begin to open it, Max was already snatching the letter from his hand. She squinted through her glasses and cloudy eyes to see the words, and Lucas let her take her time trying to understand what was written. Max hated feeling helpless.
“Oh my God!” she exclaimed, breaking into a huge smile. “Liam proposed! Lucas, they’re getting married!”
The wedding took place two months later, on July 23, 1994. It was a small and informal ceremony in California, without any legal validity, since same-sex marriage would only be legalized ten years later in Massachusetts. But at the Harrington Mansion, Murray used his supposed license to officiate the ceremony in front of the people who really mattered.
There were five groomsmen for each of the grooms. Lucas, Dustin, Jonathan, and Robin were Will's.
Mike was also invited to be a groomsman. To Lucas's surprise, he accepted.
It was no secret that Mike Wheeler hated Liam Hale. Mike has never been the type to hide his dislike for someone, even at the cost of good manners. He always treated Liam with disdain and distrust, using the flimsy excuse that, as an athlete, Liam wasn't someone trustworthy to have around. That they couldn't trust Will to Liam. Will deserved someone better, smarter, more handsome – the list was endless. And even though Liam proved himself in every way – an amazing boyfriend, an intelligent and academic guy with almost supernatural beauty – it never seemed enough for Mike. Will deserved only the best, and Liam wasn't the best.
Will disagreed.
And they fought about it. Many times. Countless times.
In the six years that Will and Liam were together before their marriage, the friendship between Will and Mike hung by a thread countless times. And it was always because of Liam, always Mike's fault.
It started with a sarcastic comment that Liam ignored. But then Mike went further, hit harder, and Liam lost his temper. He told Mike to mind his own business and shut up, but Mike retaliated and an argument ensued. Annoying, but not that damaging.
But it was unbearable for everyone. And even though Mike tried to get along with Liam, it was as if something prevented him from going all the way. An invisible chain that held him in the same place and dragged him back to the same paradigms whenever he and Liam managed to go more than a month without sniping at each other. A sarcastic comment led to an argument, Will interfered, and that led to a fight.
“I don’t understand, Michael! Don’t you want me to be happy?! I’ve been lost my whole life, imagining I’d never find love like you found, like Lucas and Dustin found! And I am happy! Liam makes me happy! I’m happy with him! Why does that bother you so much?!” Will yelled during a particularly bad fight. Mike had pushed Liam during an argument (I know what you’re up to, Wheeler. You think I didn’t notice?) in the middle of a shopping mall parking lot in San Francisco, three months after Liam and Will had moved there. Then they decided to fight in front of everyone.
Silence reigned among them. Liam stood behind Will, like an iron wall with an impassive face. Max shook Lucas's hand and Jane stared blankly into space, lost in thought about how everything had escalated so quickly. The night was so nice.
Mike had frozen, staring at Will with the childlike desperation of a child caught in the act. He looked frightened and ashamed. He looked like he was about to drown in tears, his eyes dry.
“Will… I'm-” He stammered, trembling like a twig, but Will didn’t give him a chance to finish.
“I'm what? I’m sorry?! Oh, you’re sorry, Mike! You’re always sorry, but you never change your behavior! You never stop! Liam tried to be your friend, but you treat him like trash for no reason at all!” Will yells, tapping Mike’s chest like a reflex from many years ago, when Jane used to do the same whenever she was angry. They were always very similar. “What do you have against Liam? Tell me! What does he need to do for Mike Wheeler to approve of him?!”
Mike seemed cornered. "H-he doesn't deserve you, Will. You're... You're so..."
Will let out a sound that resembled a whimper of pain, the tears he had been holding back finally streaming down his face.
“Liam doesn’t have to deserve me, Mike.” He sobbed, staring at his best friend with teary eyes. “He loves me. I love him. I chose to love him. I chose him. I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love him. Isn’t that enough?” He said, the last part almost whispered between them.
And Mike had no answer for that. He stood frozen in front of Will with a devastated expression, motionless as if trapped by the same chains that prevented his relationship with Liam from improving. Lost in the past, unable to move on and accept the future. Mike Wheeler had left Hawkins, but Mike was still there. A ghost trapped in a harmless memory, unable to move on out of sheer fear and regret.
And Lucas is startled to realize this. How lost Mike seems within himself, a shell of who he used to be. And he wonders when this has happened. He had never seen Mike so sad in his entire life – he had never realized how sad Mike is. Will's words resonate intensely with everyone, but Mike seems to have been punched in the chest. He looks like someone who's about to run away at any moment.
But he remained there, shivering in the wind with Jane huddled beside him, unable to choose between supporting the love of his life or leaving with his brother.
“If you don’t change,” Will says suddenly, breaking the tense silence. He’s sniffling now, unable to stop the tears from falling. “If you don’t accept him, Mike, I can’t continue being your friend. I won’t let anyone, not even you, hurt the person I love.”
And then Will snuggles into Liam Hale's loving arms and walks away, leaving everyone behind.
Five minutes later, Mike is still staring at the spot where Will was. His gaze is empty, his eyes red. The beginning of the estrangement. He only leaves because Jane drags him home, without saying a single word to her.
Mike is not seen for a while. He misses two months of monthly meetings or movie nights. But when he returns, the animosity towards Liam stops. It's not acceptance, but a tense and uncomfortable silence that holds many secrets and confessions. But he and Liam never argue again, and the friendship between Will and Mike is not lost.
A year later, Will is proposed to. Mike is on the right side of the makeshift altar, his face contorted in an indecipherable grimace that looks both happy and devastated. During the ceremony, among the guests, Lucas sees Nancy staring intently at her brother. She is crying.
Will says yes. They celebrate.
Everyone is in a frenzy during the party. One of the Harrington mansions that Steve acquired after his father's death is gigantic and isolated in the middle of the Californian mountains. It's basically their meeting point, which could have been a base of operations in a life they left behind. Now it's simply the stage for a happy wedding, even if it's worthless in the eyes of the United States government.
Max drinks as much as a cargo truck, so Lucas has to refuel her body several times during the night. He's laughing to himself in the main kitchen pantry, the glass doors closed as he fills his arms with bottles of expensive alcohol that have been there for at least a hundred years, when he hears a noise coming from the kitchen and sees Mike and Will.
Will is leaning over the bar and laughing like a drunk, which he actually is at this moment, having picked up the bad habit from Max and, unfortunately, from Liam, who thought it was great fun to have drinking competitions at parties. Mike follows him silently, staring openly at him. Lucas knows he hasn't drunk a single drop of alcohol all night.
They don't know he's there – although the pantry door is glass, only the inside is transparent. Lucas is tempted to go out and let them know he's there, but hesitates: Mike and Will haven't had many opportunities to talk in recent months, despite Will's invitation for Mike to be his groomsman. Their friendship will never be the same, not with that something hanging over their heads, but Lucas and the others always hoped they would work things out eventually.
So Lucas waits. They'll come out eventually, considering the party is outside, not inside. Lucas will just try not to pay attention to what they're saying and wait.
Which isn't easy at all, since Will is talking very loudly. He starts to recount in detail the plans for the "Honeymoon" he and Liam will have the following morning, as an engagement gift from Steve. Murray will take them to the airport in the early hours of the morning, between two and three, where they will board a flight to Brazil for two weeks with everything paid for. He's so excited that he can't stop giggling, unconsciously making Lucas want to laugh too.
Mike, however, says nothing.
Lucas gives in to his curiosity and turns his head, just a little, to see what's going on.
He finds Mike in the same position he was in when he entered, at the opposite end of the large marble counter where Will is leaning. His eyes don't leave Will for a moment, as thirsty for the features of his face – his eyes, his cheeks, his nose, his mouth – as Max had been all night for a bottle of white wine.
Lucas's heart races. It's never been so obvious. So explicit.
And Will doesn't even notice.
“You know, Mike, I wanted to thank you for agreeing to be my best man!” Will exclaims excitedly, in a sudden change of subject. “I was so sure you’d refuse.”
Lucas grimaces. Mike simply shrugs, as if the comment was nothing.
"I'm still your best friend, am I not?"
“You still!” Will laughs, waving his hands. “Liam said it was okay, even with the fight between you two and my old feelings – he’s not the jealous type, but I really thought you wouldn’t want to.”
Lucas almost dropped the wine bottles.
Mike remains silent for a long minute, expectant and incredulous. When he speaks, his voice is just a hollow, impassive sound. "Your feelings?"
Oblivious, Will laughs behind his hands as if he were telling a really good joke. “Oh my God! My feelings, Mike! I liked you! Don’t you remember that? Wow, it’s been so long! I had a huge crush on you back then. You were my first love!”
Lucas thinks Will must be very drunk to be telling this so casually – or he simply doesn't care anymore. Will married someone else. It’s been a long time.
But it seems to matter to Mike. It hasn't been that long for him.
Mike takes another long moment to answer, trembling as he leans on the counter. He doesn't take his eyes off Will once. He can't.
"Was I your first love?"
“Yes!” Will smiled playfully. “Didn’t you know? I thought everyone knew!”
No, Lucas thinks, shocked. Nobody knew.
Because the big taboo has always been, from the beginning, that Mike Wheeler was in love with Will Byers.
And his feelings were not reciprocated.
And Will simply says that, revealing an opportunity they didn't even know existed, as if it were nothing. On his wedding day. Because it's been so long.
This time, Mike can't say anything. His eyes are filled with unshed tears. Lucas thinks he should have left when he had the chance, stopped before it happened.
With his mind clouded by alcohol, Will doesn't notice. He turns his head as if he hears something, and Lucas sees that Liam is calling him to the backyard. Will smiles and jumps off the counter, deciding to leave Mike behind without a second thought.
But before he leaves to go towards the door, Will turns around and smiles.
“But don’t worry! I haven’t felt like that in years.” He says sincerely. “It’s bullshit.”
And he leaves. Lucas watches Mike fall apart.
It is Lucas who ends up washing the bucket full of vomit.
Dustin reluctantly takes on the responsibility of mopping the floor. Steve and Robin still haven't returned, and Lucas suspects they took the truck to town, leaving only Mike, Dustin, and Lucas at the house.
Like the others, Will left last night with a cheerful wave and a grimace of regret that would turn into a massive hangover during the commercial flight.
After finishing with the cleaning supplies, Lucas goes to the kitchen and ends up finding Mike at the counter, in the same spot as last night. He has an impassive face, swollen eyes, and has just showered. He no longer smells of alcohol, but rather of Steve's expensive hair products.
Lucas hesitates at the door, but ends up going in anyway. He heads towards the refrigerator and takes out a few things, like eggs, cheese, bacon, and a large pitcher of natural juice. He doesn't take any of yesterday's leftovers.
He starts cooking mechanically, ignoring the exaggerated sounds of disgust he can hear Dustin making in the living room.
“Lucas.” He hears a murmur. Turning around, he sees Mike staring at the counter with a grimace. “I… I’m sorry. You know, by vomit.”
If Lucas were a less strong man, he would have laughed. He just ends up shrugging.
"Don't worry, man."
Mike simply lowers his head and says nothing more. Lucas goes back to working at the stove, without pressuring him.
As the eggs and bacon are being served, Dustin bursts into the kitchen and practically throws himself onto one of the stools with a sigh of pain. He grabs several pieces of bacon from Mike's plate and shoves them into his mouth before Lucas can stop him.
"Those weren't for you," Lucas grumbles, rolling his eyes and turning to serve Mike again.
Dustin ignores him. “Nobody ever warned me that cleaning up wine vomit was so much work! Don’t make me do this again, Wheeler. Our friendship isn’t worth all that.”
For a second, Lucas thinks this will worsen Mike's already precarious situation, but he ends up letting out a weak laugh.
“I don’t intend to drink like this again.” Mike replies, tasting the bacon with a grimace. He must have a terrible headache.
No one says anything more, so they eat in peaceful silence for a while before Dustin ruins it once again.
“So when are we going to talk about the elephant in the room?” He snapped, looking at Mike with questioning eyes. “Since when have you been in love with Will?”
Lucas drops his fork on the table, and it clinks from the impact and the noise.
"Dude!" he exclaims, incredulous at his own insensitivity.
“Well, Lucas, this doesn’t seem like something that just happened recently – it seems like something that’s been going on for years! Will just got married, Mike drank all of Steve’s wine, ended a nearly ten-year relationship with one of our best friends – who is, by the way, Will’s sister – and had a meltdown right in front of us!” Dustin argues, waving his hands as if proving a point. “Sorry to be blunt, but it seems like everyone knew about this except me! And this silent treatment clearly didn’t work! Mike should have told us this years ago, not entered into a decade-long relationship when he knew he was in love with someone else!”
Silence.
Mike doesn't even lift his eyes from his bacon, stirring it with his fork, disinterest etched on his handsome face.
Lucas continues to stare at Dustin in shock, who doesn't seem the least bit sorry for his words.
“I don’t know when it started.” Mike finally answers. His voice is low, indifferent, but Lucas can feel the trembling in every vowel. “It wasn’t supposed to last so long. I… I don’t know. I don’t know what happened. With me or with El. With Will.”
Dustin seems to reflect on the response. "Well, your anger towards Liam makes a lot more sense now."
And that brings a smile to Mike's face. A hesitant one, but a smile nonetheless. "He's just an idiot."
And that makes Dustin and Lucas roll their eyes, laughing.
"He's not an idiot," Lucas says, smiling.
This makes Mike grimace in disgust, but he's almost laughing too. "Are you going to defend him now? Seriously? I'm going to end up throwing up on the floor again."
This makes them laugh. For real, this time. And Mike seems lighter than he has been in the last ten years. He's no longer the forgotten remnant in the dead town of Hawkins, but the real thing. Mike. Mike Wheeler. More than a weight lifted from their shoulders, more than a breath of air in lungs full of dust.
Lucas sees Dustin's smile soften at the sight and knows he's smiling too. The previous night was incredible and terrible, all at the same time. The happiest day of Will's life and the worst day of Mike's life. And the party in the middle of it all, balancing on a tightrope so that it doesn't tip to either side for years. Dustin seems lighter and Lucas feels lighter, truly breathing without the weight of guilt and expectation at the extremes between Mike and Jane and Will and Liam.
Mike lets out a trembling sigh. He still looks awful: deep dark circles under his eyes, swollen and red at the edges, along with the irritated skin of his cheeks from what Lucas suspects is a whole night crying in Steve's cellar. He's still too thin and looks more than just half-dead, but it's the first time in years that Lucas has seen the child he once called his best friend. The one who didn't hide who he was, nor his kindness or sensitivity. The boy who had the opportunity to cry and seized it with all his might – simply because he was sad and wanted to cry.
“Will is a guy,” Mike says, then. He begins to confess. “I didn’t understand for a long time. When I realized that all of that, the things I felt for him, weren’t normal, I was an idiot. I avoided him. I fought with him. I fought with El. Our relationship was good, it made sense, and it seemed like those… feelings would go away. But all of that just stayed with me.”
"Then Liam arrived," Lucas guessed, causing Mike to let out another sigh, but this time filled with frustration.
“I was so jealous. I am so jealous. He is everything I could never be,” Mike admits reluctantly. “I can’t like him. All I feel when I see him is anger. Not at him, but at myself.”
And the silence that follows is almost a silence of respect for Mike's feelings. For his unrequited feelings. For the marriage. For his ten years of denying himself. For El. For Mike himself.
“And yesterday Will told me something.” Mike murmured, making Lucas tense. He saw Mike grip the fork even tighter, anchoring himself to reality. “That he loved me too. In Hawkins. Before Liam. That destroyed me.”
This time, Dustin also seems deeply shaken, but Mike isn't finished yet.
“I couldn’t pretend anymore. I could only think about what would have happened if I’d been braver. It’s Will. Why did loving him scare me so much? He’s… he’s so easy to love.” Mike says, aloud this time.
He seems angry, fragile. And Lucas notices: it's the first time he's spoken about it. The only time any of them gave him the opportunity to talk about it. Lucas shrinks back, feeling guilty, thinking that what Dustin said might have some truth to it. They shouldn't have left him with this burden for so long. They should have confronted him and supported him, even if that wasn't what Mike himself wanted at the time. Maybe then things wouldn't have gotten this far. And Mike wouldn't have so many pieces to pick up when he was rebuilding himself.
“We fought the Upside Down and Will died. We killed Demogorgons, we killed the Mind Flayer and Vecna, and what scared me the most was the possibility of liking a guy. It scared me so much that I preferred to waste ten years of my life hurting someone I loved and losing the person I wanted.” Mike snorts, but there’s no humor in the gesture. Just melancholy and regret. “And now Will is married. He doesn’t love me anymore and he never will again. I didn’t even know I had him at some point, not until I lost him forever.”
Mike's hands are trembling, but he continues talking.
“And I feel like shit. Dirty. Guilty. I keep thinking how much easier it would be if Will were a girl, but he and El are so alike. Why was I never satisfied with her, then?” His words are now almost trembling babbles, as if he were about to cry. His eyes are about to overflow with tears. “At night, I could only think about him. And she was right beside me. I feel like I cheated her. It should never have lasted this long. She must hate me now. I was an asshole.”
“Jane doesn’t hate anyone, you know that.” Lucas interrupts, comforting him. “She has the right to be angry, but she’ll understand you. And she’ll forgive you eventually.”
“But you’re going to have to talk to her,” Dustin says, grabbing another handful of bacon. “And that conversation is going to be awful.”
Mike sighs and looks at the eggs with the saddest expression in the world. "Yeah, I know," he says, dejectedly. "And now I'm homeless."
"Dude, Suzie went to Cambridge to start her PhD. She wouldn't mind if you hung out on our couch for a while."
Mike gives him a weak smile. "Thank you."
“Are you going to tell Will?” Lucas asks gently. Perhaps afraid of scaring him. “Not now. But do you plan to tell him?”
“I don’t know. Maybe? I always thought he knew. Everyone seems to know.” Mike grimaces. “I assumed Liam would tell him. I know he knows.”
“Liam would never do that.” Lucas hums, barely trying to hide his smile. “Because he’s not an idiot.”
This time Mike can't help but laugh, even if it's a bit ironic.
“I know what you’re trying to do, Lucas. And you’re not going to succeed.” Mike says, this time in a bad mood. “I can’t believe Will agreed to marry that guy. I was so… so angry when I saw them that night, at the end of it all. That jerk was holding his hand in front of everyone while I avoided looking at him more than twice in a row for fear of being weird. He’s so… brave it’s almost clueless. It seems like he doesn’t understand the consequences. That he’s not afraid of it.”
“Well,” Dustin ponders, raising his arms. “I guess being two meters tall and had thirty pounds of pure muscle gives you some courage.”
Lucas laughs, agreeing, but Mike just rolls his eyes even more and points his fork at them, accusingly. "Can't you go a minute without sucking up to this guy? Just a reminder that my suffering is largely his fault!"
“Liam has always been nice to me, Wheeler, and he never threw up his guts on the floor for me to clean up! And he drinks more than a bearded, pot-bellied Viking!” Dustin retorts, but now Mike is truly outraged.
The conversation then becomes very noisy, but without any real anger behind their words. The provocations fit together like polished gears, and it's as if they're fourteen again. Mike still seems very shaken, and Lucas knows it will take him a while to heal – the following months will be difficult. Mike ended his decade-long relationship with one of the most important people to him and angered many people in the process. As if it couldn't get worse, he was the best man at the wedding of the love of his life last night, and he will have to live with that burden for many, many years after that. Still, overcoming all this no longer seems like an impossible task.
Not when there are no more secrets. Not when there are no more taboos.
And Lucas thinks that, in the end, that's what really matters.