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The room was cold. So desperately cold that you could hardly feel your fingers, every breath a cloud of steam in the air. The radiator was long rusted, out of use for who knows how long, and paper was peeling off the walls, revealing the rotted wood underneath.
That’s how they lived. In that tiny abandoned apartment, just Jason Todd and his mother. She lay on a dirty, squeaky mattress, infested with roaches, as was the entire building. One scurried across the floor, before it was smashed under a small, black boot.
Jason sniffled, his nose bright red, as he grimaced at the spindly remains of the cockroach embedded in the grooves of his shoe. But he was used to it. The bugs, the chill, and the smell of mildew hanging in the air. He’d simply have to clean his shoes later— if he ever found the time. He approached his mom, Catherine, curled up on the tiny bed, a couple of blankets wrapped around her frail frame. She shivered in the cold, eyes sunken and skin sallow as she lifted her head to look at Jason. A smile bloomed across her face, a smile so warm it could brighten any room. Jason smiled back, though it was strained.
He remembered what she used to look like— cheeks full, eyes sparkling with life. The way she held him to her, warm in her arms, her gaze resting lovingly on him. It was the same gaze she held now, though it was marred by time and circumstance. Jason kneeled down next to her, placing a gentle hand on her forehead to feel for her temperature. There was no fever– not yet. He was grateful for that, at least.
She reached out a shaky hand and wrapped it around a half-eaten can of beans next to the mattress.
“Eat,” she murmured, pushing it towards him. “You need to eat, Jay.”
Jason shook his head, brows furrowing as he insisted, “No, you need to eat this, momma. ‘M not hungry.”
Catherine frowned and laid her head back against the ragged pillow.
“Eat, honey,” she urged, pushing it towards him again. “I’m full. I don’t need anymore. Eat it, please.”
Jason pressed his lips together in a thin line, but obliged, picking up the can and tilting his head back to let the cold beans slide into his mouth.
He’d do anything she asked of him.
He devoured the food, his growling stomach quieting at the sensation of food finally settling in his gut. He didn’t want to admit it to his mom, but he had been starving.
Once he was done, he wiped his mouth and put the can to the side.
Catherine suddenly reached for a black pouch, too far from her reach, and Jason grabbed it before she could even ask. He opened up the pouch, but frowned as he looked back up towards her.
“There’s no more, momma.”
Catherine’s eyes widened, and she snatched the pouch from his hands, opening it herself and looking through. Panic fell over her and she threw it to the side with a groan.
“I–it’s okay. I’ll go get some more for you,” Jason offered, desperate to see that look on her face wiped away.
Her eyes quickly darted up, and she shook her head. “No, honey, no. It’s too dangerous for you. I can—” a cough wracked her body as she tried to sit up, and she collapsed back down against the mattress.
“I’m gonna go. I’ll get you your medicine, I promise. And I’ll get us some more food. I’ll be back soon.”
Jason stood up and kicked the can to the side, watching as a roach crawled into it. At least one of them was getting enough food to survive.
As Catherine recovered from her cough, she reached out for him, only just missing his pant leg as she called weakly after him, “N-no, Jason!” But no matter her protests, Jason was on a mission.
“Be careful,” she told him, relaxing back against the mattress, resigned to the guilt of what would come next.
Jason made his way down the stairs, through the deserted lobby, and out of the building, wrapping a coat tightly around him as he walked through the snowy streets. They were empty save for the vagabonds at the corner and the working girls prowling in their coats and fishnets. He pushed past them, and one of the girls—Amy—shouted after him, “Jay-jay! Don’t getcha self in trouble, sweetheart!”
He ignored her and kept on, moving into the crowded street outside of Crime Alley, where he maneuvered through the shivering crowd. The people were packed tight like sardines, and he was easily able to slip his hand into pockets and fish out what he could. He even slipped a ring off a rare gloveless hand, and moved quickly before she could cry out and catch him.
In the end, he emerged with twenty dollars cash from various wallets, and that same ring glittering in the streetlight. Twenty dollars plus the ring was enough— that could get his mom medicine for at least half the week. And if there was extra, he could get them groceries for a little while.
Jason pushed his way through the crowds again, like he had a million times before, and slipped into a narrow alley off of the side of the street. Walking forward a few yards, he took a right turn into a run-down pawn shop.
A bell dinged when he opened the door, signaling a man—Anthony Agosti—at the counter to another customer. He was portly, short, and decked out in finery, probably delving into his own stash throughout the years.
“Hey kiddo, whatcha got for me this time?” he greeted, as though this eight-year-old was an old friend.
Jason grinned up at him, proud of his find as he slapped the glittering ring on the table.
Antony peered at it, his brows rising. “That’s a beautiful ring ya got there. How’d you find it?”
“I found it in a garbage bin,” he lied easily, the grin never leaving his face. Atony only nodded, not questioning him.
He picked it up, grabbing a magnifying glass and placing it over the ring. He turned it all sorts of ways, using one eye to peer at it closely, and he grinned with a chuckle, saying, “You got something good here, kid. This’ll getcha thirty bucks, easy.”
Jason’s eyes widened to saucers. “Thirty bucks?”
“Yep, lemme just get that for ya,” he said, pocketing the ring and opening up the cash register. Antony dropped three ten dollar bills onto the counter, and pushed them towards Jason. “Here ya go, kiddo.”
Jason smiled gratefully at the man and snatched the cash, shoving it into his pocket as he turned, calling out, “Thanks, mister!” over his shoulder.
Jason left the pawn shop in high spirits, the day already deemed a success in his eyes. Maybe, if he had enough, he could even get his mom a Christmas present with any cash left over. Christmas was coming up soon, and Jason couldn’t remember the last time they’d celebrated it– if they ever had. They’d always been too poor to enjoy the festivities, wrapped up in survival, not the merriness of the season. And as of late, Jason’s top priority was taking care of his mom, and only that.
Jason moved back through the streets just as the sun started to dip below the horizon. An orange and purple glow spread over Gotham, giving the usual dreariness a rare sort of beauty. But he hardly even noticed it as he slipped back down Crime Alley, his eyes darting around and his hand stuck in his pocket, holding the cash tightly.
He searched the area, walking along the street, the chittering of rats on one side, and the sound of the working girls trying to find their next pay-pig on the other. Jason quickly crossed the street and approached the girl who called after him earlier, Amy. She turned around, holding an old faux-fur coat tightly around herself, her stockings running down into her long, bright-pink high heels.
A smile spread over her face as she spotted Jason, and she bent down to be eye level with him. “Hey kid,” she drawled, her pupils blown wide, not all there, “What’s up? Gettin’ in any trouble?”
“No,” Jason replied confidently, “Not yet.”
“Hmm… Well, do your best to stay outta it, ‘kay? Don’t wanna see you end up like any o’ us.”
Jason grinned at her, and shook his head. “Can’t promise nothin’.”
Amy sighed, exasperated, and straightened up.
“Whaddaya want?” she asked, with a hand on her hip. Her tone was kind, yet there was a sharpness that always laid at the edge of it, like she was waiting for the knife.
“I gotta find Danny, you know where he is?”
Amy’s face dropped, and she looked around, bending back down to be level with him once again.
“What’re you doing looking for Danny, Jason? You know he’s no good,” she half-whispered, concern flickering over her features as she looked him up and down.
Jason frowned, “Where is he? You gotta know. I gotta get my mom’s medicine.”
Sympathy and understanding dawned on her face, and she sighed, shaking her head.
“Shit, kid. Why can’t she get it for herself? Why she gotta get you to do it?”
“Ya know why, Amy,” Jason replied, an edge to his voice.
Amy grimaced, but nodded as she told him, “Okay, okay. He’s on the side of Ma Gunn’s school.”
Jason went to leave, but Amy’s hand shot out to grasp his arm, her grip iron.
“Be careful, kid. You don’t wanna get mixed up in his shit. He’s bad news. Get what you need and get out. Ya hear me?”
“Yeah, yeah, I hear ya,” Jason said, putting on a bravado not fit for an eight-year-old as he wrenched his arm out of her grasp.
He headed down the alleyway, past Ma Gunn’s school for boys, and toward a little offshoot with some trash bins on the side of it. Jason stepped into the dark nook, and heard a voice.
“Well, well. Look what we got here,” the voice said, sounding stereotypically villainous in its lilt. “You’re Cathy’s kid, aintcha?”
Jason swallowed thickly. He didn’t usually get his mom’s drugs for her, but these days she’d been so low that he had no choice. And he never bought from Danny, word on the street being that he put too much filler in his stash and knifed whoever complained about it, but Jason was desperate and didn’t have much money. So Danny it was.
“Y-yeah. I, uh, I got some money for ya.” Jason’s voice shook as he stepped deeper into the shadows, and he pulled out a fistful of money— about thirty dollars.
Danny peered out from the shadows, his bony figure stepping into view. He hardly looked dangerous, but Jason could see the faint glint of metal shoved in Danny’s pants. He wasn’t one to be messed with, that was for certain— and Jason knew enough not to.
“Oh, so the kid’s got some cash, huh? Well, lemme take a look.”
Danny grabbed the cash out of Jason’s hand, wrenching it back so hard Jason stumbled a little. He chuckled and thumbed through the money.
“Mmm…” Danny hummed, squinting at each bill, “This’ll get you… 7 grams. That good enough for ya?”
Jason’s eyes widened, and he nodded quickly. “Y-yes! That’s–” he calmed himself, reigning himself in to keep his cool. He cleared his throat, and recovered with, “Yeah, that’s good.”
Danny grinned and shoved the money in his pocket. He took off his backpack, and rifled through, taking a baggy and dropping five, six, seven vials into it.
“Alright, kid,” he said unceremoniously, zipping it up and handing it to him, hand outstretched. “You got your shit, now get the fuck outta here.”
Jason reached out to grab the vials, but was suddenly yanked forward roughly, his eyes going wide. Danny was right in his face, all rancid breath and wild, blood-shot eyes.
“Be careful with this stuff, kid. This ain’t child’s play.”
Jason was frozen stock-still as Danny breathed in his face, and fell backwards onto the ground when Danny released him. He stared in shock whilst Danny hauled his backpack onto his shoulders and spun around, walking deeper into the shadows. Jason let out a breath when Danny disappeared, and he pulled himself up to standing. He pocketed the vials with shaky hands and took off.
Jason ran through the street and towards the convenience store. Jason wanted to get as far from that damn place as quickly as possible. He stumbled into the store, the warm air hitting him as the man behind the cash register looked up, startled. Jason just breezed past, making a beeline for the grocery section. There were cans lined up against the wall, and Jason reached up to collect as many as he could in his little arms. He trudged up to the counter, dropping them down, when something caught his eye.
In the corner was a little carousel filled top to bottom with tacky, glittery keychains with every letter in the alphabet. Jason focused in on one at the bottom rack, a blue C. His mom’s favorite color. He reached over and grabbed the keychain, putting it amongst the cans. The man rang everything up, announcing, “Okay kid, that’ll be twelve bucks.”
Jason sighed in relief, and fished out the money from his pocket. The man at the counter gave him back eight dollars in change, which Jason pocketed, and he handed him the bag.
Jason wore a bright smile as he left the convenience store, proud of how productive and well the day went. There were a few scary moments, sure, but nothing an eight-year-old like him couldn’t handle. He was practically an adult now, wasn’t he? Man of the house. Just like his dad told him to be before he disappeared.
The vials clinked together in his pocket, but he paid it no mind as he traveled back home, the wind and the snow not even bothering him as he focused solely on returning to his mom. He crossed the street, and walked back up to the rotten little building that they were squatting in. Jason walked up the stairs, and suddenly heard a painful groan from the other side of the door. Jason’s heart sank, and he ran up the rest of the way, pushing his way into the apartment.
His mom was laying there, sweating, shaking, moaning in pain, and Jason dropped the bags in his hands as he rushed to his mom on the mattress.
“Momma! Momma! It’s okay! It’s okay– I got your medicine. C’mon, I got your medicine!” he repeated, rolling her over towards him as she shivered and shook. Sweat dripped down her face, and her skin was deathly pale.
“J-Jay?” She groaned, reaching out to place a hand on his.
“My— my— my kit,” she stuttered, and Jason’s heart pounded as her sickness overwhelmed her.
Jason nodded, scrambling to grab the pouch a few feet away from the mattress, opening it up and grabbing a little kit inside.
“Can you– can you do it yourself?” he asked her, brows furrowed. She gave a tentative nod, and he sighed in relief, shuddering at the idea of injecting his own mom.
But, if he had to, he’d do anything for her.
She forced herself up into a seating position, and grasped her own arm, positioning it facing upward. She reached weakly for a belt stationed at the other end of the bed, and Jason grabbed it, helping her tighten it right above the crook of her elbow. Jason leaned back and took the vial from his pocket, the syringe in the kit, and slowly filled up the syringe. He handed her the syringe, eyes wide and focused on her arm, just to make sure she did it right this time. She’d missed a vein before, and it hadn’t been pretty.
She took a deep breath, stilling her shaking only for a moment, and slowly inserted the needle into her skin. Jason didn’t even wince. He just stared as she pressed down on the syringe, injecting the fluid into her body.
The result was instantaneous. Her entire body relaxed, and her hand fell to the side, eyes almost rolling back as she sighed so deeply it was like she was releasing something dark and painful with her breath. The shaking stopped, and Jason gingerly reached over, pulling the needle out of her with care, and set it aside. He undid the makeshift tourniquet, and placed it back in the kit, as well as capping the needle and placing it inside. He put the kit back in the pouch, and placed it out of reach.
Jason’s arms slowly outstretched as he placed his hands on Catherine’s shoulders, guiding her back down to the mattress, so she could drown in the oblivion for as long as she needed to. It’d be a while before she needed another dose of her medicine. But he’d barely made it in time. He’d have to do better in the future. For now, at least, she could sleep peacefully.
He reached down into the plastic bag the man at the convenience store gave him, and pulled out the keychain. The same sparkly blue that caught his eye in the store. He gently placed it next to her pillow, and, leaning forward, he kissed the side of his mom’s head. He stood up and grabbed the bag, slowly setting down can after can on a dirty countertop. That would be enough food for a week, if they rationed it carefully.
Jason could hear Catherine’s gentle breathing, soft and slow, and it soothed something restless, something dark in him to hear her at peace. He looked down at the ground, closing his eyes for a moment with a deep breath, before his eyes blinked open at the almost inaudible sound of scuttling.
A cockroach crawled across his shoe.