Chapter Text
“Oh, what if you’re lonely?”
“And you know I am too.”
As a teenager, OA had learned about Maslow’s pyramid. He remembers sitting in his eleventh-grade sociology class, jotting down the premise: when certain needs are met, others are unlocked. Looking at his life now, a lot of his needs have been met. He was perfectly capable of supporting himself financially; he had a place to return to and rest, a job he loved and even considered his life's purpose, and a partner who understood him both on and off the field.
He was finishing his report when he leaned back in his chair and looked at Maggie. She was focused until she felt his gaze. She turned to look at him with a raised eyebrow.
“What?”
He laughed, “Can't I look at you?”
She nodded as she feigned disinterest and returned to her work. OA was happy to have her in his life. She was one of the people who helped him find the path to self-acceptance. With every word, with every action, she had shown him that she trusted him and saw beyond the stereotypes that others had assigned and that he had carried with him throughout his life.
“When people ask you about me, what do you say? How do you describe me?”
That day, he really needed to hear that people didn't just see him as a religion. His faith is a huge part of his identity. A huge part of who he is. But comments from earlier made him uneasy, playing at insecurities he thought he had left behind. He needed to be sure he was seen as more than that, so he asked someone who would give him an honest answer, and that's what he got.
“I say you´re a great partner.”
“You´re loyal, kind, and smart.”
His friendship with Maggie had saved him more than once, and he liked to think that he did the same for her. There was something so special about being there for each other without the pressure of romance, simply being themselves with the certainty that they would find support, advice, and a place to rest when they needed it most.
But, as he recalls those high school days learning about Maslow, he longs for more than what their friendship offers. He also longs for that intimacy and romantic connection, to hold someone's hand at night and talk about a future together, maybe even talk about children. To experience the feeling of belonging to someone, to feel loved and desired, just as he has the desire to love without limits.
It has been a difficult year in more ways than he can count. He doesn't know if the situations they go through are getting harder or if it's just him getting older. Lately, he has been feeling distant and distracted. Something, someone, has been on his mind, but he doesn't feel confident enough to follow that impulse.
“I'm done.”
Maggie’s voice breaks his train of thought as once again, he realizes he has been distracted, so nodding quickly, he begins to gather his things.
“Do you have plans for this time of year?” he asks.
“Yes, I do,” she replies, “I’m planning to meet Erin for dinner, my parents are probably coming to town, and Ella wants me to take her skating,” she says with a smile.
“Busy schedule,” he replies.
“Well, you know this time of year is the perfect excuse to reconnect with those you love.”
A not-so-subtle statement, he thinks.
Now they are in the elevator, and he feels trapped. Maggie has that determined look that tells him she won't let him escape easily.
“What?” he asks.
He watches her shake her head as she lets out a sarcastic laugh.
“What?” he asks again.
“Men,” she retorts, without looking at him.
“I beg your pardon?”
The elevator doors open, and she steps out first.
“I'm just saying, you could give her a call and stop sighing around like that,” she says, looking at him. “Besides,” she adds, “Tiffany is such a wonderful woman, and I think you're a wonderful man too.”
To be honest, he didn't expect that to be what Maggie would call him on. He couldn’t deny that Tiffany had caught his attention. She was brave, intelligent, tenacious, and frankly, beautiful. Anyone lucky enough to truly know her would fall in love with her soul, the way he has, and more than once, Tiff had understood parts of him nobody else seemed to, since they shared certain difficulties in their lives simply because of who they were.
Of course, he thought about calling her, but every night he thought about it, he came to the same conclusion.
“…What if I call her and bring her the memories she left behind?” he said.
“Huh?” Maggie was looking at him as if he had said the most ridiculous thing in the world.
“What are you talking about?” she asked, surprised. “That doesn't make sense.”
Maggie shook her head, walked over to him, and took him by the arm while looking at him affectionately.
“What if she already has someone else?” he tried.
“What if she doesn't?” she replied. “You're not going to bring back any bad memories for her, and you won't know if there's someone else if you don't call her, OA.”
He looked away as he nodded. “You're right.”
“I know.”
“Should I use an excuse?” he asks, smiling nervously.
He hears Maggie laugh.
“Use the time of year. I think you can handle a phone call.”
“But what if I call?”
He is sitting on the sofa in his living room, staring at the familiar contact on his phone screen. All he has to do is press call, and that's it, but he truly doesn't know what to say or where to start. “Sorry for taking so long? How are you? Do you remember me?” He lets out a sigh as he brings his hands to his face.
Tiffany is the least conceited person he has ever met, someone who never made him feel inferior and who would probably laugh at him if she saw the state he was in, so he seizes that moment of courage and presses call, waiting a few seconds.
“And you pick up the phone.”
“OA?” her voice.
“Hi, Tiff,” he replies with a smile. “I know it's been a while, but I wanted to see how you're doing.”
“I heard you've had a rough few days,” she replies, the sound of children playing in the background. “So I'm surprised you called,” she says.
“Oh yes, but that's normal in this job, I'd say,” he says as he gets up to look out the window, “Am I calling at a bad time?”
“No,” she says, “I'm with my nephew and his friends, I'm babysitting for my sister for free.” He can feel her smile in every word.
“And I use this holiday to make my way to you.”
“But tell me,” she asks, “how can I help you?”
“Well…someone told me that this time of year is a good excuse to reconnect with those you love. So I picked up the phone.” If he was taking a risk with that, he didn't care. He had been nervous before, but now he felt quite confident. Her voice had always seemed to calm him, and it pleases him to realize it still has that effect.
“So I'm one of the people you love?” Tiffany’s tone is questioning, but she doesn’t seem bothered by his boldness.
With that knowledge, he takes the time to smile. “I'd say you occupy a pretty special place on that list.”
He hears her laugh, and it hits him once again that her laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds he has ever heard in his life.
“That's good, because you're also pretty high on my list she says.
“When I said November’s early to be playing these songs,
Now, when I look back, I can see I was wrong.”
He doesn't realize he's been smiling the whole time until he feels the pain in his cheeks. Everything feels so natural with her, and he feels like he's wasted so much time overthinking things.
“Then I'm very fortunate.”
“So, we're both in special places. What do we do with that information?” She tests him.
“Tiffany...”
“Look, I just want you to tell me. I want to know what you're looking for with me.”
Life always seemed to keep him surrounded by strong, determined, and independent women.
He called her with the intention of saying hello, but things took a different turn in a matter of seconds, and to be honest, he didn't mind. He had a job that could kill him at any moment, he had been through hell this year, and now he had the opportunity to confess his feelings to the woman he had been in love with for a long time, or at least have a chance to let her know how much he loved her.
“Listen, Tiff, you've been on my mind since before you left, and before I didn't have the courage to tell you. I didn't even know if I had a chance with you, or if I have one now,” he says seriously. “So if you tell me I have even the slightest chance, I'll take it.”
It surprises him how quickly she responds, and how sure she sounds.
“I want to give us a chance. I don't care about the distance. I just want to try with you.”
“And I get the chance to say…
Merry Christmas, I miss you.”