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"You sure about this, Vik?" Jayce is kneeling in front of him, weight resting on his good leg. He holds Viktor's hands gently in his own, giving Viktor all the time he needs to respond.
It had been like this since the beginning of their partnership, Jayce knowing the exact place to put the chisel that hammered at the cracks of all of Viktor's walls. And at first Viktor had let him, let those walls crumble - a lifetime of caution born of an Undercity upbringing undone by one man's ridiculous optimism. But those walls had gone back up as Jayce and their 'shared dream' drifted farther and farther apart. And for all of Jayce's half-hearted swings, these walls stood firm. It was like he'd told Jayce that day on the tower, they'd lost themselves, their dream left somewhere far behind in the wreckage of two lives gone off in different directions. And Viktor had wanted Jayce to understand him as he knelt before Viktor at the top of the Hexgates, understand that Viktor could save all of Runeterra from itself.
Until an impossibility had ripped open his façade and Jayce stood before him, bathed in starlight and beautiful to behold, holding Viktor's forehead to his as the world unraveled around them.
"There is beauty in imperfections."
They are both imperfect beings, thrown back out into an imperfect world.
An imperfect world that assaults Viktor with an onslaught of emotions he hadn't felt in months. There was no need for emotions for those in his Glorious Evolution. Emotions clouded reason and judgement, kept humanity from reaching its highest potential. He had felt the faintest stirrings of pity and sadness near the end, but all feeling had been so deeply numbed by that point that he couldn't say if he'd actually felt or if the remains of humanity in him had tried to will some sort of final emotion into him.
It had been the full return of his emotions that laid Viktor out for what felt like an eternity, memories remembered now with the full weight of his actions. And Jayce had held him, as he holds him now, giving Viktor the patience and space he didn't feel he deserved. Held him through the storm as everything came back to him too loud and just too much.
A gentle hand on his face brings him back to himself and Viktor realizes he never answered Jayce's question. He closes his eyes and leans into Jayce's touch, taking a deep breath and letting it ground him back to the moment.
"Yes, quite sure."
"Okay." And that's all Jayce needs. He rises slowly, his bad leg shifting as he places weight back on it. Viktor remains seated and Jayce kisses him softly on the forehead on he reaches around him, grabbing his target off the table behind Viktor. "I don't think I've ever seen you with it this short."
"You haven't, it hasn't been that short since I was a small child."
There's a look on Jayce's face that tells Viktor he's trying to imagine him as a small child and he scowls.
"I'm sure you were adorable as a child, Viktor."
"I have no photos from that time so I suppose you will never know. I, however, can say with confidence that you were a very cute child." He smirks at Jayce and watches with amusement as his statement has the intended effect of turning Jayce bright red. Ximena Talis had been very insistent on showing Viktor all of Jayce's baby photos the first time Jayce had brought Viktor to meet his mother and Viktor had never let him live it down.
He had missed this, affection and laughter with someone he loved. Through the spectrum of emotions that have innundated him they woke up, not all of them have driven him to seek refuge somewhere dark and quiet. Some of them - happiness, desire, love - have made themselves a welcome home in his mind. Those are the emotions Viktor is relearning to draw on when the darker ones threaten to take hold of his mind once more. And Jayce is the source of so much of it, the swings of his hammer once again smashing cracks into Viktor's walls to let his light in. Jayce is bright and blinding in his love and Viktor can't help but turn himself to face it, take in every ray he can.
Viktor shuts his eyes as the heavy thunk of the clippers powering on is all the warning he gets before Jayce is running them across his head, long strands of brown and blonde falling to the floor.
Shame, guilt, and a deep lingering horror at his actions haunt Viktor's mind during all of his waking hours. Jayce had tried to talk him out of at least some of it, reminding Viktor that he wasn't fully in his right mind. But Viktor cannot bring himself to fully absolve himself of responsibility. Yes, the Hexcore was working through him, but in the end it was still his own actions that brought so many people to their deaths. Everyone he had 'helped' was dead. Dead when Jayce killed him and once more when they came together in that swirling maelstrom in the anomaly as everything fell together into a single point.
The Hexcore may have been the impetus, the orchestrator, but Viktor was still the executioner, the false prophet of an evolution that was truly only a different means of death.
It was all he saw when the looked in the mirror, his hexcorized flesh a constant reminder of the guilt he carried. It covered his whole body, rising up his neck to arc under his cheekbones, covering his left eye, and down his face in a solid line through the middle; a cruel mockery of the mask he had split his face in half for as Singe injected that pure, apex Shimmer into him. All surrounded by lank hair that fell past his shoulders. There was nothing in that reflection that he recognized as himself.
Perhaps neither of them should recognize themselves after everything they'd been through. Viktor saw the way that Jayce tried to hide the discomfort of his bad leg. Even now with a proper brace, Viktor saw the way that Jayce struggled to come to terms with his new disability. Viktor had had his whole life to adjust to the reality of his body, but Jayce had had thirty-odd years of being physically strong and able in a body he would never get back. Their roles are almost reversed and Viktor feels like the universe has a twisted sense of humor indeed - the fact that he knows it all had to happen this way doesn't make it any easier when he sees Jayce become annoyed with his new limits.
But they were learning them together, trying to piece back the broken pieces of each other. Viktor would lay kisses across the twisted scarring of Jayce's Arcane infected leg and in return Jayce would work his way across Viktor's entire body. He could leave no trace on Viktor's hexcorized flesh but in Viktor's mind he was covered with the traces of Jayce's love.
It had been Jayce's idea, after one such night, to find something in himself that he could control.
"Why not just shave it off if it bothers you?"
"I don't think I'd pull the shaved head look off very well." Viktor had rolled over to look at Jayce, moonlight slanting though the curtains that bathed Jayce and their bed in silver. The marks on his forehead almost glowed in that silver light and Viktor ran his fingers over the remnants of his own touch. "Besides it's good for hiding the…" he gestured at his own face with his other hand.
"Do you want to hide it?"
"I do not wish to scare children, Jayce."
"I'm just saying that, personally, as a child I would have thought you were very cool looking."
Viktor pushed his fingers back against Jayce's forehead, forcing his partner's face into the pillow as he laughed.
"Your opinion is biased and can't be used as a basis for measure."
Jayce grabbed his hand and kissed the tips of Viktor's fingers. "You know I'm right though."
"I know you're a silly man who I will not hesitate to push out of this bed." Viktor retrieved his hand and ran his fingers through Jayce's beard and up to the his hair. "Would you join me in this head shaving idea of yours?"
Jayce's smile turned melacholy and he moved a hand to hold Viktor's in his hair, lowering his eyes away from Viktor's gaze. "I think this suits me better. It feels a little less like I'm trying to be someone I'm not, like I'm not trying to be the 'Man of Progress' anymore." He looked back up at Viktor then and he knew what he meant. Jayce couldn't be that manufactured version of himself again, molded into the perfect version of what other people needed him to be - the perfect student, the perfect son, the perfect councilor. That man had died in a deep pit and nothing had remained in the tormented soul who had climbed back out. Now he was just Jayce, sharp angles of pain and feral survival smoothed down by love and safety into a different shape, but still Jayce. "Besides, you like it don't you?"
Viktor had pulled Jayce into him, arms encircling that strong back that always tried to carry the weight of the world's problems. "Very much."
Viktor opens his eyes as the last strands of hair fall and Jayce flips the switch off, silence filling the room as the sound of the clippers fades.
Jayce reaches around him again to put the clippers back on the table and pauses for a moment before running a hand through Viktor's now much shorter hair. While he'd shot down the full head shaving idea, Jayce had more experience with this than Viktor did so he'd taken the time to explain all the different numbers on the guards so Viktor could understand how short each one would cut his hair. It's just barely long enough for Jayce to run his hands through and Viktor has to push down the thought of suggesting they test just how much of a grip Jayce can get on him now.
The silence persists for too long and it causes Viktor to fidget slightly on the stool. Jayce is just staring at him and running a hand through his hair without saying anything. Oh, it's horrible. He's definitely made a mistake.
"Is it that bad?"
His question startles Jayce out of whatever state he's in and Viktor watches as his eyes refocus and the hand in his hair stops its movement. "No… no! It's good! It looks really good!"
"Jayce, you are turning a concerning shade of red."
The hand in his hair is quickly removed so Jayce can clasp both hands around the back of his neck and look up at the ceiling. "You're just really hot."
Viktor blinks at him, unimpressed. "Jayce you have admitted to me on several occasions that you thought my Herald form was 'hot'." He makes air quotes with his fingers and can't help but smile, eyebrow raised, as Jayce looks down to glare at him.
"And I stand by that statement." Jayce releases his hands and lets his posture fall a little, moving closer into Viktor's space. He pushes a hand back into Viktor's hair and grins at the small gasp that escapes Viktor as Jayce pulls his hair into a firm grip, pulling his head back so he can kiss him throroughly. Well that's certainly that question answered.
Viktor reaches up and uses Jayce to pull himself off the stool, chasing his mouth as he stands, his hand wrapped around the back of Jayce's head as he pushes himself into Jayce, not letting their kiss break as that hand in his hair pulls harder.
They break away panting moments later, Jayce releasing his hold on Viktor slightly to pull back and stare. The way Jayce looks at him makes him want to turn away, he shouldn't be looked at with such devotion, such love. But Viktor has learned that Jayce Talis is a very stubborn man who will do insane things to get what he wants so Viktor knows that he's just doomed. Doomed to spend the rest of his life loved by Jayce regardless of his own feelings of undeservedness.
Jayce moves his hands to Viktor's shoulders and gently turns him towards the mirror that's been behind him the whole time.
A stranger stares back at him.
The metal of his flesh stands out sharply with nothing for it to hide behind. His hair just barely falls to his forehead now, though much of it is currently sticking up in every direction from Jayce's man-handling - he looks like he has a horrible case of bedhead. But it's not Viktor of the Academy, or Viktor dying a slow death, or the Herald bringing everyone to his glorious future.
It's just Viktor.
And in a way that's all he's ever wanted. To be seen for just himself, to have his achievements and talents be recognized for their actual worth; not as a cripple of the Undercity or Assistant to the Dean, or Jayce Talis' partner. He just wanted people to look and see the man under all that, for them to just see him as Viktor, as himself. To see just what he was capable of and judge him on those merits.
He looks at the man looking back at him in the mirror and feels something well up in him. Pride, perhaps? Contentment, appreciation that he can look at himself and maybe finally see a future for himself.
Jayce rests his chin on Viktor's shoulder, meeting his eyes in the mirror and wrapping his arms around Viktor's waist. "Hi."
Viktor encircles Jayce's hands with his own and meets his gaze in the mirror. "Hi."
"Told you you were hot." Jayce turns his head and kisses Viktor's cheek, then lifts his head to kiss his eye. He darts his tongue out to lick at the metal surrounding Viktor's eye and grins at the startled laugh he gets in response.
"Yes, Runterra's two hottest men standing right here, we should alert the press." Viktor turns in his hold and pulls Jayce's forehead to his. "Perhaps I am also the most fortunate, to have you in my life."
"You'll always be my partner, Viktor. I'm yours in every timeline you'll have me."