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Momo really hated to admit that she was nervous, but fuck, she was. She'd been on dates before, but… for some reason, this one felt different.
At first, she tried to blame it on the fact that she barely knew the guy, but she'd gone on a date with a guy she'd barely exchanged words with before… yes, it had gone poorly, but it had happened. Maybe it was how well he seemed to know her in comparison.
Maybe it was because he might be expecting her to be someone she's not.
Someone who knows about aliens, has some weird 'curse powers' and helps fight for the protection of the world or some other anime bullshit.
But that wasn't Momo… not anymore, at least. She wasn't sure she would ever be able to connect what other people saw her as with herself… sometimes she wanted to, though.
Still, though, it felt like more than that.
It felt like… Okarun meant more than that.
And maybe that was the root of the anxiety -that she'd never been on a date with a guy she'd really, truly liked to this degree before… even if he was a little shit, tricking her into a date in the first place.
Whatever was causing the anxiety, though, all that mattered was that it was present. Normally she'd have asked Miko and Muko over to help her get ready, or at minimum have texted them for opinions on her outfit choice (if she had a phone, because lets just add one more way to fuck up her life right now). Today, though… even if she'd had her phone, she wanted to do this herself.
She wanted to be herself.
She didn't want to dress to impress, she didn't want to act the way she thought a boy might want a girl to act. She didn't even want to act like how her supposed friends wanted her to act.
If Okarun didn't like her for her, she wanted to learn it sooner rather than later. Yeah, he seemed like a really nice guy. He made her smile. He was fun, and sweet, and seemed to really like her.
But did he like her, or did he like who she was in that gap of time she can't remember?
Because she might never come back.
She wound up picking a short black dress that seemed classy but not too try hard, paired up with her red crop jacket with a faux fur collar. It was simple, comfortable, and suitable for multiple different outtings…. seeing as she had no idea where the fuck they were going.
Last time she'd tried to ask, he'd simply flashed that big, dopey smile and said 'Don't worry about that, Ms. Ayase'.
The jerk.
Once her outfit was picked out, she could move onto one of her favorite parts of any looks - her nails. She loved being able to either match or contrast her nails to her outfits, a way to stand out without needing to put in too much effort. Honestly, she found the action of painting her nails to be pretty relaxing. The years of painting nails with Miku and Muko had paid off, her hands being fairly steady, requiring very little clean up afterward. Tossing on a Ken Takakura film as she pulled out her polish, she held up the different options to her jacket, contemplating what she thought would go best.
She settled for a color that didn't match at all.
Teal that matched her usual earings, in fact.
Stark, loud, but still cool. A color she found comforting. Not sad, like the color of the ocean or sky tended to feel to her, but a happier shade of blue.
It was the color that felt the most like her.
So even if it didn't match, even if it clashed horribly, it was her, and that's all she wanted to be today, right?
Outwardly, she was ready. She was dressed, her clothes laying in a slightly messy manner that was also perfectly planned to be so, her hair brushed and shiny yet tousled like she'd been standing in the wind. She'd long ago mastered the energy of looking like she wasn't trying…
But today, it felt like she was trying anyway.
Resisting the urge to pick off her polish, she decided to wander outside and wait on the steps for her date to pick her up. Vamola was out of the house, having left to help Kinta with some 'club matters', whatever that meant. She'd made sure Momo was okay before she left, though…
Vamola was sweet.
Momo wished for a moment that she could remember her.
But then shoved that thought away. There was no point dwelling on what may never happen.
She wanted to live in the now, and anyone who couldn't accept that could just fuck off.
Even if the idea of them all leaving her behind was terrifying terrifying terrifying.
Momo would never pretend to be someone she wasn't.
That was why she fell in love with the gyaru style in the first place - it was about challenging beauty standards, about not being what everyone thought you should be.
Also, it just looked really fucking cool.
That was besides the point, though, which was… she wasn't even sure.
Her brain was just running on anxiety at this point, anything to keep her off of thinking about the… date she was waiting to be picked up for. She shoved her hands into her jacket pockets, trying to keep herself from picking at her polish still. Hopefully, it'd at least last their… outing before she messed with them too much.
There was a reason she never went for lots of accessories on her nails - she knew they wouldn't last the day.
On the plus side, picking at the polish gave her an excuse to redo it a lot?
She was finally saved from her racing thoughts by the sound of footsteps. Getting to her feet, she turned to see Okarun walking up to the shrine, hands in his own pockets. He looked… nice.
His hair was still the perpetual mess it always seemed to be, but in a way that was incredibly endearing. His pants were very similar to their school outfit, though the bottoms cinched a bit more to his ankles (and she was only noticing that for purely fashionable, aesthetic reasons, not because she was looking at him too heavily), though rather than his usual loose graphic tee and hoody, he had on a soft blue button down shirt.
He looked…. nice.
She told herself to stop blushing right now before he could notice.
(She did not think her body listened.)
"Miss Ayase!" he said, big grin on his face as he walked up to her. She almost hated how… not nervous he seemed? How dare he? She was a bundle of fucking nerves right now, and he was Mr. Calm Cool and Collected.
Then she noticed the faintest twitch coming from his pocket. Like she had been doing only moments before, hands fidgeting in her own jacket pockets.
He was nervous - he just wasn't letting her see it.
It was… endearing. She almost wished he'd show his nerves a bit more, yet just knowing they were there helped ease hers, just a bit.
"So, do I get to know where we're going yet?" she asked, raising an eyebrow, doing her best to look unimpressed — she wasn't sure how well she succeeded, considering she could still feel the heat in her cheeks.
"The train station," he grinned, cheekily. He tilted his head to motion for her to follow, and she did, the two walking side by side.
They weren't holding hands, but she felt the back of Okarun's brush the back of hers. The instinct to grab his hand was there, and it confused her.
None of her past relationships had been the kind where you just walked down the street holding hands. She'd never had the urge to reach over and link their fingers, stroke her thumb over the back of someone's hand, their presence being the only comfort she needed.
So why was the urge there now?
"The train station?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. "Where are we going?"
"You'll see!"
What a little shit.
Okarun picked up the tickets at the station, having her wait behind so she couldn't know their destination.
A flash of fear jolted through her on instinct — was he taking her somewhere remote to kill her?
But it didn't even last a second before the idea made her laugh. Surely if the other wanted her dead, he wouldn't have done so much to save her life.
And then all those moments flashed in her mind. The injuries he took to protect her, telling her to run, to leave him behind.
All for some girl who might not even exist anymore.
Because surely, that's who this was for, right? The girl she was, before she lost her memories. Okarun may have said he was in love her with, but really, he was in love with a ghost.
Why did that idea hurt so bad?
She shouldn't care — she barely knew him. But, the heart didn't listen to logic, and she felt her own clench in pain.
Once Okarun walked back over to her, she forced a smile to her face — she hated that she didn't have to try hard to force it — and dutifully followed him over to their platform. Unfortunately, Momo rarely left Kamigoe, so knowing what train line they were taking didn't tell her much about where they were going.
"So, can I at least know what we're doing?" she asked after they managed to find some empty seats.
"Where's the fun in that?" Okarun teased, causing her to throw him a deadpan look. "It's a surprise, but you'll like it, I promise."
He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket, folded and wrinkled, waving it in front of himself. "It's all planned out, it'll be great!"
She was suspicious of that — on if she'd like it, or the old her would like it — but it was hard to be upset with Okarun when he had that dopey grin on his face, eyes squinted he was smiling so big.
"If you say so," was all she said.
Once they got off the train — the small talk flowing naturally rather then the stilted way she'd expected — Okarun was glued to the paper he'd pulled from his pocket earlier, following it like it was a map to the holy grail.
"Do you… even know where we're going?" she finally questioned after a few more minutes of silence. Okarun was looking around for a moment before glancing back at the paper and repeating.
"Oh, um… not really?" he admitted, rubbing the back of his head. "Jiji wrote down these instructions… I've never been here before."
"You… haven't?" She didn't know why it stunned her at first. Then, she realized.
She'd expected him to use their date as an excuse to jog her memory. To take her on a tour of all their 'special moments' to try and 'bring her back'. A walk through memory lane, if you will… only for her, it wouldn't be. It would just be some guy she felt like she should know but didn't, telling her about all these things she supposedly did but can't remember.
And yet… he'd done the opposite.
"Nope," he shrugged. "I asked Jiji to pick somewhere, he picked everything out, actually. I uh… wanted to go somewhere new for the both of us."
She said nothing, but kept looking at him as they walked. He just looked ahead, but continued.
"I know things have been… really weird for you. So, I didn't want to put any pressure on you to try and remember anything," he explained. "And I didn't want to be thinking about anything we did before while we were together, either. So… I figured the best choice was, to pick somewhere that'd be entirely new for us both, so we can make new memories together."
He looked so bashful as he finished, a bit of red tinting his face, and yet the smile on his face was so earnest.
She could feel herself melting.
"Oh, uh…" she stuttered, at a loss for words. "I… thank you."
He voice was quiet, and she could feel her face reddening. And yet… she smiled at him, and he smiled right back before turning back to the paper.
They walked in a comfortable silence the rest of the way — occasionally glancing at each other, flashing smiles but blushing when they were caught.
It was… nice.
Especially now, with the weight of her greatest fear for today being lifted.
Okarun just wanted her to be… her. Whoever she was now, not who she was before. Sure, part of her feared that he was just saying pretty words, but…
In the brief time she'd known him,he was honest. To a fault, even, if she was being honest. Sure, sometimes it felt like he was hiding things from her, but… when he actually said things?
They felt real.
So, she wanted to believe him.
Okarun finally put the paper back in his pocket when they reached a small ramen shop — nothing fancy, yet very comfortable. It was… kind of perfect.
Okarun pulled out her chair for her — something she normally would have thought to be a stupid cliche, a view of her as inferior, and yet… she just blushed and said thank you.
They looked over the menu together, both talking about what they liked and didn't like — Okarun never once saying 'I know' or 'you'd love this'. She did, however, notice him grin as she practically salivated when she saw crab sticks on the menu.
For the first time, it felt… weirdly comforting, that he knew her. The fact that he didn't act on that, though — let her tell stories he'd possibly heard before, tell him what she liked and disliked without ever responding with 'I know'…
It was nice.
Momo went to protest as he paid, but… it felt nice, too. She'd never had a guy not only foot her part of the bill, but she'd often had them try to have her cover it. Not that she'd been on many dates, but…
Honestly, the few she'd had were pretty shit.
There was a reason there tended to never be a second one.
She'd… be okay with a second date this time.
The rest of their date was nice — they walked together, Okarun no longer glued to his instructions, allowing his hands to hang at his sides, the back of his brushing up against hers once more. They dipped into the shops that interested them, Momo inspecting some clothes without a single protest from Okarun.
She also went into the manga store they found without a single word of protest — she felt no need to hide her inner nerd the way she had with other boys. In fact, she had never felt the need for it to be louder.
Okarun walked out with a few things, he explained that they were for Kinta and Jiji — that the three of them had been watching anime together, and he found the first volume of the manga for them all to read together.
The excited look on his face when he talked about it was contagious, the pure joy at being able to share something with his friends was… adorable.
It felt like too soon when they headed back toward the train station, and yet, she also felt exhausted. They'd been out for hours, though it certainly hadn't felt like it.
She found herself hoping that they'd do it again. Sooner, rather than later.
The train ride back lulled her, exhaustion hitting her like… well, like a train. Without even meaning to, she found herself closing her eyes and leaning her head against Okarun's shoulder. She almost jumped when she realized it, but… she felt warm. Comfortable.
Safe.
Safe in a way she only ever had with her Granny.
Okarun said nothing, so she kept her head there the rest of the ride home.
She found herself walking slowly on the way back, drawing it out despite the fact that her feet were begging her to get off of them. Okarun didn't seem to mind, flashing her smiles, but not calling her out.
It allowed her to stay in denial that he was aware that he knew exactly what she was doing and why. She was grateful.
Still, too soon they were back home. Okarun walked her up to the steps of her home like a true, proper gentleman. The way no one ever had before. The way she'd thought only happened in old movies anymore.
She wanted to say she was too cool to be treated that way, but… it was nice. It made her feel…
Ways she didn't want to put into words.
"That was nice," she found herself saying.
"Yeah," he agreed, the silence that followed somehow not awkward in the least. They just… stared at each other, and smiled.
"Maybe next time, you can ask me out without tricking me into it," she found herself teasing — a gentle way of hinting that yes, she'd like to go out again.
"Hey, I won fare and square," he protested, a hint of a pout on his lips.
She wanted to kiss it away. But not today. Maybe another time.
"Yeah, yeah, I still say it's cheating to hold me to something I don't remember," she teased back, much less upset about it now than she had been originally. It had worked out in the end.
"Fine, then I'll ask you out properly next time," he challenged.
"Good."
"Good."
"Fine."
"Fine."
She stared at him for a moment before he just smiled softly.
"Thanks for going out with me," he said, as though she'd done him a favor.
"Any time." And she meant it.
He turned and began to walk away, part of Momo sad she didn't get a kiss goodbye, but most of her relieved he hadn't leaned in. She wasn't ready.
But maybe, in the future, she would be.
Momo watched him walk away with a soft smile on her face which melted into confusion when he stopped in his tracks and turned back toward her.
"See you tomorrow?" he asked, hand held out in an awkward wave, smile on his own lips. Her own smile not only returned, but grew, a blush growing on her face. Rather than feeling the need to hide the blush, the warmth flooding her felt comforting, safe.
A bit like how love felt.
"See you tomorrow."