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Cuteness Aggression

Summary:

A conversation between V and the fuckass evil writer (you) that bites him all the time.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

To say that you perplex V is an understatement. You seem to be a completely well-functioning, reasonable person to him (you are not), so the fact that you bite him at random just… makes no sense. At all.

The day he decided to ask you about it was a perfectly comfortable evening, a treasured quiet moment where V wasn't busy with vigilante, volunteer, or socialite work and you weren't busy getting dragged by your agent. You were happily snuggled up together on the couch when you decided to chomp at his arm for no reason. And you know what? V would usually tolerate your antics, would usually just shoot you a fond sort of glance and go back to whatever he was doing, but you may have mildly offended him this time by ruining the moment.

"Why must you do this?" He murmurs into your hair.

"…I dunno!" you say, lifting your face from his chest to gaze up at him.

"That is not an answer," V responds flatly.

"Answering you is definitely an answer. That's what answering is. I'm an author, you should trust me on these sentence things."

"Yes, love, you are clearly very eloquent," he snarks, "but that is besides the point."

"Why do you need to know, nosy?"

"Because you confuse me, and I wish to understand your behaviour. You are not unlike… a teething puppy…"

"Are you seriously comparing me to a dog right now?"

"I believe your behaviour warrants it."

"I am literally nothing like a dog!" you whine indignantly.

V hums thoughtfully.

"You bite like one. And you are sitting in my lap now, yes?" He muses, before lifting an arm from your waist and tapping you on the nose playfully.

"Haaahh? You don't see me like that, V." You stare, slightly scared that your favourite vigilante sees you like one of his hounds. Your face flushes, V chuckles, then sighs and looks away.

"…No, obviously I would not dehumanize you in that way."

You clear your throat, ready to disprove that.

"I am simply returning morality to the animal kingdom… Us humans are animals that society has failed to civilize…" you mock, absolutely fumbling his accent (but you know you're correct anyways). V deadpans, obviously displeased that you would weaponize his morals against him, but you think you see a spark of unwilling amusement in his intense gaze.

"Have you done anything to deserve becoming a part of the broken equation I wish to make right?" he questions.

"Not that I can think of."

"Then be pleased with your humanization, you ridiculous outlier," he says fondly.

"Haha, what if I had though? Done something truly evil."

"Please don't say such things."

"You'd still love me, loser," you wheedle.

"Unfortunately. But I'd rather love you while you're living and breathing, my love" he says, placing a hand against your neck to feel your pulse.

"Oh."

It's almost eerie how unchanging he is after saying something like that. He did technically fall in love with you when he still believed you were a serial killer, so you aren't sure how evil the deed would need to be. But whether his response indicates undying faith in you or indifference to you… Hard to say. I mean, you certainly feel loved enough, so—

"The biting?"

"What?"

"Have you forgotten already, my love?" He mumbles, sounding a little concerned.

"Right, right, right. You are a very biteable man, I guess."

"I do not know what you mean."

"You give me crazy cuteness aggression, and I want to bite the fuck out of you like a fat shark."

"My love, we have been over this. Sharks actually attack very few humans and claiming that they do pushes a harmful stereotype which severely harms already dwindling and vulnerable shark populations tha—" he pauses "—cuteness aggression…?"

"Yeah, it's when something's so cute you just wanna commit acts of violence on it, but not actually hurt them."

"I am familiar." You presume that someone from the server (read: Misaki) introduced him to it, then. Like a lot of other things, as you have learned in the few months you've dated V.

"So, you get it!"

"But I am not cute. I… I have no way to respond to your inane implications." He's so flustered it takes all of your strength to not tell him his response completely proves your point.

"Perhaps you should start with, I don't know… Agreeing with me? Because I'm right?"

"You are not. In fact you are seldom correct about anything and I do not wish to speak to you right now."

So adorable.

"But you are speaking to me."

So in response, he stops speaking at all, and shields his burning face from you with a hand.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"V, you don't have to not speak to me," you murmur, playfully brushing his cheek with your hand—

"Ow!"

Surprised, you sharply pull back your palm. It didn't really hurt, it was mostly the shock, but…

"Did you just bite me?" you ask.

"You said it was a response to cuteness aggression, did you not? If either of us is going to be seen that way, it will be you. One million times over."

"Youuu…"

You sit there, floundering, trying to think of something witty to retort with, but he seems to have flustered you this time. There is nothing you can say without dying inside a little.

Which makes V think you're uncomfortable. He averts his eyes. "Ah, did I overstep?"

"No! No, of course not." If anything, you're just glad that he cares enough to learn the ways you express love.

The grin that splits your face is infectious, the expression that you now both bear is absolutely ridiculous.

"Then I am glad. I… know I do not tell you so as often as I perhaps should, but I appreciate your strange tendencies." They make you, you, after all.

"And I yours."

Notes:

THIS IS SO POORLY WRITTEN I AM GENUINELY SORRY. but i hope the v appreciaters in the crowd are somewhat satiated for today...