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Shuichi is nervous. More nervous than he’s ever been before. He stares at the unsent message on his screen, which reads, “hey, can we talk? There’s something important I need to tell you. Preferably in person.” The message is meant to be sent to his boyfriend, Kokichi, but Shuichi is unbelievably scared. He’s planning to finally come out to Kokichi as a transgender man, but he doesn’t know how Kokichi will react. He doesn’t want to ruin their relationship. He sighs and reminds himself that no matter how scared he is, Kokichi deserves to know. Besides, he’s already cut his hair shorter and bought himself a chest binder, which are both things that Kokichi will definitely ask questions about. Shuichi bites his lip and quickly presses the send button before he can start overthinking again.
Today at 7:00 PM
Shuichi > Hey, can we talk? There’s something important I need to tell you. Preferably in person.
Kokichi > whaaat (｡•́︿•̀｡) is my beloved going to break up with me?! my heart is broken!!!
Shuichi > What? No, it's not like that. I promise.
Kokichi > if youre lying im gonna be really maaaaddd ( •̀ ᴖ •́ )
Shuichi > ...Why would I lie about that?
Shuichi > Seriously, I don't want to break up. Far from it.
Kokichi > ヽ(°〇°)ﾉ
Kokichi > omg. ... are you gonna propose (・・;)ゞ
Shuichi > What???
Shuichi > No
Kokichi > whaaaatt why nooot ( • ᴖ • ｡)
Kokichi > my beloved doesnt wanna marry me.. im so saaaddd o(TヘTo)
Shuichi > That's not what I meant...
Kokichi > i know (￣ω￣) im teasing you silly
Kokichi > when do you want me to break into your dorm
Shuichi > What??
Kokichi > you said you wanna talk
Kokichi > in person
Kokichi > soooo i obviously gotta come over riiiiight
Kokichi > sooooo should i come nooow or at some point tomorrow
Shuichi stares at his screen, internally panicking. He hasn't prepared exactly what he's going to say to Kokichi yet. He isn't quite ready to explain everything. More messages come in, showing that Kokichi has probably picked up on his hesitation.
Kokichi > hellooo?
Kokichi > stop overthinking i can basically feel your negativity through the screen (¬_¬ )
Kokichi > helloooooo???
Kokichi > if you died im gonna be really mad
Kokichi > if you dont answer i am gonna show up at your door in a few minutes
Shuichi's panic worsens and he frantically begins typing a response.
Shuichi > I didn't die, I'm just thinking
Kokichi > OVER thinking (￣^￣)
Kokichi > let me come oveerrrr we can talk about whatever it is you wanna talk about
Kokichi > the more you stress about it the more youre gonna not wanna talk about it
Shuichi pauses to think, then lets out a long sigh.
Shuichi > Okay.
Kokichi > yippee (o^▽^o) be there soon!
Shuichi swallows thickly, turning to stare at the door. It’s the weekend, so his roommate is spending the night at her friend’s place, meaning Shuichi and Kokichi will be alone together. He doesn’t know if that makes him more or less anxious. It’s not like he’s never been alone with Kokichi before, or uncomfortable being alone with Kokichi – he’s just incredibly paranoid that Kokichi might have a negative reaction to Shuichi coming out and that Shuichi won’t know how to handle it. He groans and buries his face in his hands, only for a knock to sound on the door mere moments later. He reluctantly pulls his hands away from his face and gets up, walking over to the door and opening it.
“There she— Woah, you look super different!” Kokichi exclaims, immediately stepping inside Shuichi’s dorm once the door is open. “You cut your hair! And…” His eyes flick down to Shuichi’s chest, making a feeling of nausea arise within Shuichi. “Your chest is… a lot smaller.”
Shuichi averts his gaze. “Come sit down, and I’ll explain everything.” He mumbles, turning and walking over to the couch.
Despite Shuichi’s words, Kokichi keeps talking. “Well, I can understand wanting a different hairstyle, but what’s with your chest? I thought girls want big boobs, not no boobs!” He comments.
Shuichi feels like he might throw up. He sits down, and then stares at Kokichi as he pats the space next to him. Kokichi blinks at him before finally coming over and sitting next to Shuichi. He looks Shuichi up and down, as if trying to pick apart what’s going on.
Shifting from side to side uncomfortably, Shuichi speaks up. “I need to tell you something. It… It might change how you feel about me forever. You might be disgusted by me — Y-you might not love me or want to be with me anymore.” He explains.
“Something that might make me not love my beloved Saihara-chan anymore? What’d ya do, kill someone?” Kokichi tilts his head. “Well, I don’t care. I’d help you hide from the police if you did.”
Shuichi stares, then lets out an exasperated sigh. “No, of course I didn’t kill someone. Ouma-kun, I… I think I’m a transgender man.”
“Oh.” Kokichi blinks. “That certainly explains the haircut and your chest.” He peers at Shuichi curiously. “But why would you think I wouldn’t love you anymore because of that? That hurts, y’know! I can’t believe Saihara-chan thinks so lowly of me!”
Shuichi inhales sharply, taken aback. "Th-that's not— No, I just... I-I'm just wary, Ouma-kun. You know how mean some people can be when it comes to this stuff..." He sputters, lowering his gaze. "I didn't mean to make assumptions, I swear... I was just scared.”
“Oh, I know. I’m just messing with you. I’m not upset! Actually, I’m super proud of you for telling me.” Kokichi gently grabs Shuichi’s chin and makes him meet his gaze. “I know it must’ve been scary. But I still love you, ‘kay?” He grins, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to Shuichi’s nose. “I love my beloved no matter what gender you are. Actually, I usually like guys anyways. You were a special case, but I guess you aren’t anymore. Cuz you’re a guy now.”
Shuichi stares, bewildered that Kokichi just… accepted it so easily. He never thought coming out would go so smoothly. He can’t help but crack a smile, tears pricking in the corners of his eyes. “Thank you.” He murmurs.
Kokichi leans back and gives Shuichi an unimpressed look, frowning. “Why are you thanking me? I haven’t done anything that you should be grateful for.” He takes on a somewhat scolding tone as he speaks, reaching up and gently flicking Shuichi’s forehead. “If you’re thanking me for accepting you, stop it! It’s just basic decency to respect someone’s identity.”
Shuichi widens his eyes, flinching back a bit when Kokichi flicks his forehead. “I… I just…” He trails off awkwardly. “I felt like I should…”
“Well, you shouldn’t!” Kokichi exclaims, rolling his eyes. “Anyways, is there a different name I should be calling you?”
Shuichi hesitates, then shakes his head. “Not in your case. Y-you don’t usually refer to me by first name anyways…” He reminds Kokichi softly. “But… My chosen name is Shuichi. If you ever decide to use it.”
“Shuichi.” Kokichi mutters under his breath. “I’ll remember it, but I’m still gonna call you Saihara-chan.” He says bluntly. “It’s easier!”
“That’s okay.” Shuichi replies. “I don’t mind.” He flashes a soft smile at Kokichi.
Kokichi stares at him for a few moments, then grins back at him. “So, should I call you my boyfriend now? Since you're a boy?” He asks, tilting his head like a confused puppy.
Shuichi nods in response. “That would be preferred…” He says sheepishly. “N-no pressure if you don't wa—”
“Nonsense!” Kokichi exclaims. “What I want is to refer to you in whatever way makes you most comfortable. But even if I didn't want that, it doesn't matter! This is a matter of your comfort!” He points a finger at Shuichi, almost in an accusatory way. “Saihara-chan is my wonderful, perfect boyfriend!”
Shuichi feels his face heating up, opening his mouth to protest Kokichi’s words, but the purple-haired boy glares at him, which immediately makes him shut his mouth and shrink back slightly.
“Saihara-chan!” Kokichi whines, leaning forward into Shuichi’s personal space and wrapping his arms around Shuichi's shoulders. “It's okay to let me compliment you, y’know! You don't have to get so embarrassed.” He gently pokes Shuichi’s nose, causing Shuichi to flinch, before returning to having his arms wrapped around Shuichi. “I have the best boyfriend ever, so I have to compliment him and tell him how amazing he is!”
“I-I’m sorry.” Shuichi stammers. “I’m just… I never expected you to be so accepting of my identity. You're the only person I’ve told, and I… I guess hearing you compliment me while calling me your boyfriend and being so supportive of me is just… it's a lot. I-in a good way!” He smiles bashfully at Kokichi, averting his gaze.
“Well, get used to it!” Kokichi declares. “I’m gonna keep it up forever and ever!” He squeezes Shuichi and buries his face in the crook of the taller boy’s neck. “Man, I can't believe I have a boyfriend now!”
Shuichi glances down at Kokichi and furrows his eyebrows. “We’ve been dating for months.” He points out.
“Yeah, but up until now you were my girlfriend! But now you're my boyfriend! So I have a boyfriend now!” Kokichi replies, voice muffled by Shuichi's neck. “And I love my boyfriend sooooo much!”
Shuichi cracks a smile and rests his chin on top of Kokichi's head, closing his eyes. “I love my boyfriend too.” He murmurs. “I love you, Ouma-kun. Thank you for everything.” Truly, Shuichi can never put into words how grateful he is to Kokichi. He just hopes Kokichi understands anyways.
Silence drags on, until Kokichi eventually falls asleep there on Shuichi’s couch, cuddled up as close to Shuichi as possible. Shuichi feels like he's at peace for the first time in years, so he allows himself to relax and drift off to sleep alongside his boyfriend.