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It was a sleepless night in his bed that the sudden thought popped into his head. Nothing seemed to be wrong with him, other than his restlessness that crept up on him sometimes when he least expected it. His body is so tired, and yet it can't seem to let him get any sleep.
It's in the silence of the false night that the train projected he thought it. It felt less like a realization and more like a fact he knew for a while, and yet refused to say. Something he refused to acknowledge.
Was he really…human?
The body he was in somehow held a seed of destruction. A cancer of all worlds. A stellaron. Yet how? How was the stellaron in his body so tame? How could a simple human such as himself house such a thing?
There simply wasn't such an explanation for it. Definitely not something simple, but something complex wasn't in the equation either. No one really truthfully explained to him just how any of this was possible.
Was he born like other people? Did he grow up? Did he have a life before he ended up at the space station?
He only had basic answers to those questions, barely anything to go off of.
Just what was the reason for his existence? Was it just to house a stellaron? Is that all his existence wounded up to?
The room he was in, his room, the room he worked so hard to get, felt foreign now. The bed he laid in felt wrong, and he didn't know how to fix that feeling of sudden unease. Did he even deserve something like this?
He shifted out of bed, peeling the covers off of him like they disgusted him. Leaving the blanket and sheets a mess, he shifted to change out of his sleeping attire, back into the clothes he felt familiar in. The room felt like it dropped a couple degrees in temperature. He no longer felt safe here anymore.
With his clothes on, he left his room in just a bit of a hurry. The dim lights of the train car signalled something that he already knew. It was night, at least for them. This once, he was aware of his footsteps, making sure they made the least amount of noise as possible.
He found his way to the parlor car. With no sign of anyone around, he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He found a couch that he was quite familiar with, being the one he used to sleep on before he got his own room, and laid down on top of it. His knees were pulled to his chest, his arms holding onto them tight enough so they wouldn't fall.
The familiarity of this comforted him, even just a bit. Yet, it took him over an hour for him to finally succumb to sleep.
Dan Heng barely left the archives when he was on the Astral Express unless someone needed him or he needed to eat, yet maybe it was good that he followed this gut feeling to go to the parlor car when he had woken up that morning. Lest he would miss this sight.
It wasn't unfamiliar to see Caelus laying down on this particular sofa, at least not before. But now, Caelus has his own room. He didn't need to bother with finding a spot to sleep anymore. Heck, Dan Heng had seen his bed, almost twice the size of his own mattress. Why would he ever decide to sleep outside of it?
That wasn't the only thing peculiar about this. Another thing was the way that Caelus was positioned. Knees to his chest, holding on tightly even in his sleep. It seemed like a defense mechanism, a way to keep himself safe. He's only seen him sleep like this a couple times, mainly the first couple nights he was in the Astral Express.
What would cause him to be like this? Dan Heng could only wonder for now.
The slow stirring of the man in front of him had him blinking his eyes. He stayed unmoving as he stared at him. What was he supposed to say to this?
Caelus yawned, hands loosening their hold on his legs and stretched out. When he finished yawning, his eyes blinked open before they landed directly on Dan Heng. He didn't even flinch at the sudden presence, and Dan Heng could only assume it was because of the tiredness it seemed the other had.
“What are you doing here?” Caelus mumbled out, shifting his body on the couch to sit up. He yawned again, hand moving to scratch at the back of his neck as he did so.
“I could ask you the same thing,” Dan Heng responded, “You have a bed, and yet you’re sleeping in the parlor car.”
“Oh,” Caelus mumbled out, eyes pointedly not looking at Dan Heng, “Right.”
He couldn't tell if it was the tiredness or not, but Caelus seemed void of his usual emotion. His expression was flat, but it reminded him a lot more like the expression he held back when they first saved him at the space station. Emotionless, void of thoughts and feelings.
Yet, Caelus didn't give him a second to question him, because he stood up and trudged to the door, “Well, I'll just go back to my room then. Goodbye, Dan Heng.”
Dan Heng stared at the door event seconds after it had closed behind Caelus.
Dan Heng wished that was the only time this happened, but the next morning when he went to check the parlor car, there he was in the same position as before. Dan Heng didn't stick around for him to wake up that time, and neither did Caelus mention that he came at all, so he probably didn't notice.
Dan Heng made it his mission to check the parlor car in the morning, and more often than not did he see Caelus slumped up on that couch curled into himself.
That wasn't the only thing wrong about him. Caelus tried very hard to hide it behind his usual smile and joking, but Dan Heng knew him better than that. He could see the difference in his eyes. The crafted happiness may be able to get past most of his friends, but Dan Heng knew better.
The most disturbing thing about this came in a simple question that Caelus had asked one night while he lingered in the archives, in which what seemed like Caelus reading up on things but in reality may have just been a way of not being alone.
Caelus probably hadn't expected him to hear him, with the way he was focussed intently on his book, but how could he not focus on it. He couldn't even forget the words he had asked him.
“Am I…real?”
Dan Heng blinked, before turning his attention to Caelus. There were so many reactions he could have given, so many things he could have said. There was a slight feeling in the back of his head, the protective part of him that wondered just who would put that thought in his brain.
Dan Heng didn't know how to quite react to that, so he tried in the best way he could, “You are. You wouldn't be here if you weren't.”
“Oh,” Caelus had responded, “That's not-” He cut himself off, shaking his head.
“That's not what?” Dan Heng had pressed, eyes boring into the side of his head.
“Nothing,” Caelus responded a bit too fast. He shook his head, a smile formed on his face, but it felt so wrong, “Nevermind.”
Dan Heng wished to ask him about it further, but he didn't want to make him feel worse, so he stayed silent for the rest of the time, pretending to read as he focused on Caelus, the familiar emptiness seemed to make its return.
There were moments when he was fine, when he acted the same as any other time before. Smiling, laughing along with whatever he and March talked about as Dan Heng stayed mostly silent in their debacles, choosing to observe the two of them instead of putting his two cents in.
But there were moments that he wasn't fine, and yet played the act of trying to be. It wasn't only Dan Heng that caught on to his illusion, Himeko had started to wonder too.
After one particular group meeting, Himeko spared him a glance, and Dan Heng seemed to understand what she meant by that look, and nodded his head to her. He turned to look at Caelus and March 7th, March seemed none the wiser, smiling and laughing with him as they walked. Caelus was much the same, and yet there was something different about him, this aura that things didn't seem all genuine. It seemed different than what he was before.
Himeko was staring out at the stars, and Dan Heng moved to stand beside her, glancing at her before looking out the window.
“So, you noticed it too then?” Dan Heng asked her.
“I did,” Himeko confirmed, turning her head to look over at him, “It's like the happiness was sucked right out of him, and yet he puts on such a believable act.”
Dan Heng turns his head to look back at her, “He's sleeping on the couch in the parlor car too.”
“I know. I caught him a couple times in the morning. At first I thought he just accidentally fell asleep there but by the second time I knew there was something deeper to it.”
Dan Heng stayed silent for a couple seconds, then spoke again, “He asked me something a couple days ago, it seemed a bit alarming,” He told her, “He asked me if he was real.”
Himeko turned to look out the window again, at the stars that seemed to illuminate the space around them. Dan Heng could see how much she was thinking.
“I don't know what’s wrong with him,” He continued speaking, “And I don't know how to make him feel better.”
“There isn't necessarily something wrong with him. Something being wrong with him would mean that it's wrong for him to have the feelings he does,” She explained, “And sometimes you don't have to say anything to make them feel better. Him speaking to you about it even just a little bit shows that he finds comfort in you, even if just a little bit,” She smiled just a bit, “He trusts you in a way that he trusts no one else.”
Dan Heng stared at her with slightly widened eyes. The feeling of being told that Caelus trusts him like that…it made him feel uneasy. A good feeling of unease. Something that he couldn't quite explain.
“Thank you, Himeko. I'll try to help him as best as I can.”
“Oh. I know you will,” She told him, her smile widening.
When Dan Heng left the parlor car to go back to the archives, he spotted Caelus in the hallway. He didn't hesitate to speak to him, to invite him inside the archives.
He would try his best to support Caelus, as much as he could, no matter what. Even if he had to sacrifice some of his alone time for it.
To be honest, having Caelus around never bothered him in the first place anyways.
The next instance comes in the shape of a formidable foe. Caelus had a one track mind most of the time, and when he saw a chest guarded by a scary monster he knew he had to defeat it.
It should have been easy. He was a great fighter. Him and his bat could literally go places. He would be a top fighter at the Fight Club for sure.
Yet, the more he swung his bat in his battle the less he perceived the world around him and the more he thought. It's like his mind all of a sudden became aware of his actions. His thirst to fight, the way his bat felt like an extension of his body, the way he defeated enemies with no care in the world.
Was that really something humane? Was that something a normal human would do? Or was he influenced by the stellaron in his body? Was this just a lapse in his programming?
There was only so much March’s shield could do before it wouldn't protect him anymore. Caelus already didn't think about preserving himself in battle, only caring about destroying the enemy. He seemed to shrug away attacks like they were nothing, but now wasn't the same. He was distracted, and Dan Heng found out too late.
A particular hit had broken through March’s shield and had him falling to the ground. Dan Heng’s eyes widened just a bit at the sight, but his instincts kicked in almost immediately. He had to protect him.
“March!” He called out, and March snapped out of her haze.
“Uh, yeah! Right!” She responded in a hesitant voice, clearly trying to keep it together after watching her friend take a nasty hit. She casted her shield onto Dan Heng and moved towards Caelus, kneeling down and peering over him. She only had one thought in her head, ‘please let him be okay’.
Dan Heng moved in front of them, Cloud-Piercer by his side, and it was in that moment that he knew one thing. This monster messed with the wrong people.
Fighting a strong just by himself was proven to be hard, and March could only shield him for so long. Eventually though, he landed one final hit and the monster in front of him fell to the ground unmoving.
A bit out of breath, Dan Heng turned to look at the two behind him. He tried his best to stay composed, and not let the worry he felt sink into his voice when he spoke, “Is he okay?”
Before March could even speak, Caelus’ eyes were open, and he sat up from the ground, rubbing the back of his neck like he strained it and didn't just get hit from a big enemy, “I'm fine,” He responded, eyes glancing behind him, sparking just a bit when the landed on the chest, “Did we win?”
Caelus stood up quite easily from the ground and ran over to the chest, moving to open it with ease. Dan Heng could tell that he was trying to hide it, but he was most certainly limping. Dan Heng let out a soft sigh.
He turned back to look at March, and she seemed distant as she stared at Caelus, “It's not your fault March,” He told her, “You did the best that you could.”
March had a tough time believing that.
When the voices in his head got too much for even simple comfort to help, what was he to do about it?
Laying on the couch proved nothing in helping him that night like it usually did. His thoughts persisted even as he tried desperately to block them out. What would have made a normal person cry from such thoughts, just made him feel empty.
Caelus let out a shaky breath, hands moving to convert his face. How was he to stop these thoughts tonight? How was he to not feel things like this anymore?
There was a face that flashed in his mind, and Caelus moved without thinking.
He didn't expect him to answer the knocking on his door. He was probably asleep, at least that's what Caelus would have thought. But when he opened the door to the archives, Caelus’ thoughts were proven wrong.
The only person that would knock on his door this late would have been Caelus. March was sound asleep by that time, and the other two usually gave him space, especially at nighttime. For Caelus to be knocking on his door at this time of the night, he could only assume the worst.
It seems his fears turned out to be true when he opened the door to find him, staring right back at him. His face was expressionless, emotionless. Like all those times before.
“Caelus,” Dan Heng spoke his name, hoping that it would ease him, “Is there anything you need?”
How was Caelus supposed to know what he needed? He acted without thinking, an impulsive decision that led him to the comfort of the archives. Even if he did know, how was he supposed to tell him?
Dan Heng peered at him. Well it seemed the man wouldn't speak. That was okay. He didn't need to force him to speak. If anything Himeko said was true, Caelus just needed to be with someone, to not be alone. With a deep breath, Dan Heng spoke, “Do you want to come in?”
He stepped to the side, and Caelus’ feet took him inside the room. Caelus didn't know how to feel right now. All he knew was that these voices didn't bother him when he was with Dan Heng, like the man distracted him enough to stop thinking about that. This was enough. It should have been enough, but…
As soon as Dan Heng had closed the door and turned around, Caelus had moved up to him. This close, he could see the flicker of sadness in his eyes. Either his facade wasn't as good as he thought it was or Caelus was lowering his walls.
Dan Heng didn't say anything, he didn't need to. Caelus had moved closer, leaning his head down on the other's shoulder. He wasn't expecting the closeness, and he was hesitant with his hands, but they slowly found their way around his back. Apparently, that was a good choice, because Caelus had soon wrapped his arms back around him. Tightly.
Dan Heng didn't speak. He didn't need to say anything. He was there for him, and that's all that mattered.
Dan Heng woke up a little later than he usually did, and the culprit was clinging onto him for dear life.
He seemed a little bit more rested than usual, and a lot more groggy. He didn't even realize he was being held onto until he tried to shift and felt resistance against him. He let out a soft sound, then moved to blink open his eyes.
He almost immediately zoned in on the top of a head full of grey hair. His head shifted down as he took in the sight of Caelus sleeping soundly with his face smushed right against his chest.
He seemed comfortable, and that's all that really mattered to him.
Dan Heng shifted his hands just a bit, back to their original position before he woke up.
As much as Dan Heng didn't like loitering in his own bed, he wouldn't dare wake Caelus up from his peaceful sleep anytime soon. Caelus deserved to be happy, and if this is what kept Caelus happy then who was Dan Heng to remove his happiness from him?
He moved his face closer, burying his nose into the other’s hair, smelling the scent of his shampoo, and a different scent that was ultimately…him.
Dan Heng was surprised to find that with all the trash he rummaged around he never usually had the smell of actual trash linger. When he would have expected to smell the awful scent of trash on the other man, he never smelt anything but fresh. Of course, that was probably after Caelus had bathed himself of the trash smell he usually had after rummaging in it in the first place.
Their predicament, if Dan Heng were to say that he was doing it only for Caelus, it would be a lie. He could really only imagine himself doing things like this with him, every thought he had of being this close to him was just a figment of his imagination. Now that they actually were this close though, it made him uneasy. Was this the only time that they were ever going to be this close? Dan Heng didn't know.
He stayed completely still, not wanting to wake Caelus up from his sleep prematurely. Though it didn't take a while for him to wake up, thankfully.
Caelus stirred after a while, making a small grunting noise like he wasn't ready to wake up and it had Dan Heng wondering if the acceleration of his heartbeat had woken him up. He didn't even move his face away though, only trying to bury it closer to his chest. When he realized his face wasn't pushing into a pillow but instead a less plush chest, he groaned quietly, moved his face up and off. Dan Heng pulled his face away, leaning it back as he looked down at him.
“Hmm,” Caelus hummed softly, blinking his eyes open softly, a little disoriented at the world around him. It took him a couple seconds to process what was in front of him, and his eyes turned to look up at him, “Hm?” he let out another noise, voice pitching up into what sounded like a question.
Caelus seemed much like what Dan Heng was like when he woke up. Tired, disoriented, like he had just woken up from a deep sleep. Instead of waking up any further though, Caelus had decided to return to his previous position.
Now as much as Dan Heng wished he could spend the rest of eternity with Caelus like this, without a care in the world for anything else, he could feel the emptiness of his stomach and the slight pain that was associated with hunger. He was reluctant to wake them up fully but…it's what had to be done. Caelus must have been hungry too.
It took a bit of coaxing him up, but soon Caelus and Dan Heng were making their way to their usual breakfast spot.
When they arrived, Dan Heng spotted Himeko enjoying her coffee. She gave him a knowing glance, and Dan Heng got the message.
“You go on ahead,” He spoke, “I'll be there in a moment.”
Caelus didn't question it, just nodding his head and continuing on towards the kitchen. Dan Heng watched him go before he took the seat across from Himeko.
“He wasn't in the parlor car this morning,” She started the conversation like that, moving to take a sip of her coffee.
“I know,” He responded. Though, how was he supposed to tell her about their night?
“He seems happier. You both do,” Himeko set her coffee down on the table, “You both deserve it, after everything you two have been through.”
After everything they've been through…
After everything they've been through, why wouldn't Caelus give him the time of day now?
From their small break after Jarilo-VI, to before they arrived at the Luofu, their sleeping predicament had not only been a one time occurrence. The two of them frequently slept together, and it happened much like that night as well. Caelus would come over, face completely void of emotion, and he wouldn't even say anything. He would just move close and Dan Heng would wrap his arms around him and they would find comfort in each other. Caelus always seemed to feel better in the morning, and Dan Heng couldn't help but be happy that he was able to help him in any way he could.
A particular odd night that Caelus hadn't come over, Dan Heng had a strange nightmare. Something that seemed so real, Something that left him paranoid. It seemed the one time he needed comfort no one was there for him. At the same time, he wouldn't want to bother Caelus with his problems when he seemed to be suffering through so much already, so he let it be.
Now though, with everything that had happened, Caelus wouldn't even give him the time of day. Dan Heng could understand, given what has transpired since the last time they saw each other. Dan Heng must look foreign to him. Even with the confirmation that Dan Heng was himself, Caelus only looked at him before shaking his head and looking away. The flat expression was clear on his face.
How was he to fix this?
Dan Heng didn't look familiar. He didn't look like that man he knew, and there was no real proof that the man was who he was told he was. The warmth he normally felt with Dan Heng was no longer there. The happiness he felt being near him never showed up. Caelus felt uncomfortable and empty.
When Dan Heng walked towards him, Caelus stared out at the view. The water pushed back, revealing just what was underneath the surface, the dragons in the distance. It seemed peaceful, even if their situation was all but. Caelus finally felt like he had a moment to breathe. If he wasn't thinking about the task at hand, and especially at night, his thoughts trailed off to his meaningless worries. Every what if situation popped in his head. What if everyone just pretended they cared about him? What if Caelus really wasn't good enough to be on the express? What if he was really just putting everyone in danger by housing a stellaron? Was he really just one minuscule variable in the bigger and longer equation?
Dan Heng tried speaking to him, and Caelus’ face turned to him. A man he didn't recognize, a man he only felt cold and distant from. A completely new person. He didn't want to hear his case. Not now, not ever. Caelus shook his head, eyes trailing back to the sight. He didn't speak a single bit. Not a peep.
When everything was said and done, Caelus just wanted to lay in bed and ignore the rest of the world that night. He didn't speak to anyone after the fight, just trailing off down the walkway to their sleeping arrangements.
Behind him, glowing eyes stared straight at him, soft and mournful. He expected people to treat him coldly, with what his past reincarnation had done, but he didn't expect the person who held his affection to treat him the same way. The air between them was so tense, and Dan Heng didn't like it one bit.
The others around them could feel it too, and as peppy as March usually was, a mixture of exhaustion and the mood that surrounded them had affected her too.
When they arrived, Caelus spared no glances at the others and entered.
Dan Heng stared at the door where he once was, stopping in his tracks.
“Jeez, you look like a kicked puppy,” March spoke, breaking him out of whatever daze he was in.
“You should talk to him,” Welt suggested, appearing beside him. His gaze turned to him, and then to March. With that, he nodded.
Dan Heng moved to his own room first, one that Welt had seemed to sort out ahead of time. In privacy now, he took a deep breath, letting his vidyahara form slowly dissipate until he seemed to be back in his normal form. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, now seemingly comfortable in his own skin.
He thought about just what he was supposed to say the entire time he had walked down the hall to what he was told was Caelus’ room. He stood outside the door, staring into it as he pondered. Was there any way of comforting him when he seemed like he found no comfort in him anyways?
He prepared himself, and then knocked on the door softly.
There was nothing spoken, nothing he could hear at least, and no movement at all behind the door. Moments passed, turning into half a minute, and Dan Heng was about to knock again, but the door opened just before his hand hit the door again.
Caelus looked terrible, to say the least. His hair was dishevelled, his skin was paler than usual, and being this close he could truly see the bags under his eyes, probably from a lack of sleep.
The worst part of all, Caelus was back to being flat expressioned. Looking at it now, he realized there was a difference between the expression he made now and the one he made when he first woke up at the space station. Before, his expression was flat much like now, but he held a mild curiosity in his eyes, much like a person who had woken up with no memory would probably act. This time, his expression was void of everything, much like the Nihility.
“Caelus,” Dan Heng started speaking, and the look Caelus had given him made him forget everything that he was about to say. There was a hint of sadness in his eyes, and it made him want to rethink everything he thought about saying at that moment. Caelus didn't speak, but he moved. He opened the door, letting him in. Dan Heng took the opportunity almost immediately. It reminded him of before, the first time Caelus had come to him and they slept together. Obviously, their roles were flipped that time, but it still counted.
If he trailed back to the moment they had before, then he knew exactly what would be coming as soon as he closed the door behind him, and he wasn't disappointed. Caelus moved slowly this time, eyes trailing over the features of him until his eyes landed on his again. Next, his hands reached out, very hesitantly. His eyes trailed down to look where he was going to put them, and then back up at Caelus. Dan Heng knew exactly what he wanted, and he nodded his head softly. If it made Caelus feel better, he would do whatever it took.
His hands landed on his shoulders first, then down his arms, back up and over his chest too. While others would think that Caelus was just feeling him up, Dan Heng knew there was a deeper meaning to this. There had to be. His hands moved up then, feeling around to his ears. As normal as ever.
“It's you,” Caelus spoke, hands moving back to his shoulders but refusing to leave him at all. Dan Heng didn't mind a bit. “That other version of you..”
“I'm sorry I never told you but I wasn't ready to speak about it then,” Dan Heng took a slightly deeper breath, then let it out, “But I owe you an explanation. I'll answer your questions to the best of your abilities.”
“You..” Caelus averted his gaze, eyes trailing down to stare at his chest. His fingertips dug slightly into his shoulders, “You’re still you, right?”
Dan Heng’s face softened just a bit, and he nodded his head, “I always have been me, and always will be.”
“But..that form…” Caelus trailed off, refusing to look at him, “It didn't feel like you. It didn't feel like the you I know.”
“My vidyadhara form. I try not to use it unless absolutely necessary, but it is still me under there,” Dan Heng tried to explain. He didn't like to touch that form unless absolutely necessary, though that particular scene seemed absolutely necessary.
“But…I don't…” Caelus closed his mouth after that, trying to find the words to say. His hands slipped down him, then off him completely.
Dan Heng tried to think of something, absolutely anything to make him feel better, and a thought popped into his mind, “Do you want to see it again?”
Caelus looked up at him, seemingly snapped out of his depressive daze. That curiosity clear in his eyes once again, “Are you..Are you sure?”
Dan Heng nodded his head softly. Then, he stepped back slightly, closing his eyes.
The first thing to happen was his body lifting off the ground, then his transformation started from the top of his head. First, his horns, then ears, then his head started lengthening, and lastly, his clothes started to change into his other attire. Then, he was placed back onto the ground, and when he opened his eyes, they glowed their bright turquoise, both eyes now having that familiar red marking underneath.
When he looked at Caelus, his mouth was agape slightly, and his eyes sparkled in wonder. Much more like his usual self. He could tell that this was genuine emotion too. He couldn't help but smile softly at his expression. In fact, his entire face softened at his expression.
“See? It's me." He told him.
Caelus reached out, and Dan Heng stepped closer to him. He didn't mind the way Caelus’ hands trailed over the new parts of him. His clothes, his hair, his ears, even his horns. His touch was always light, and as his eyes wandered to where he touched they kept averting to Dan Heng's, almost like he was trying to decipher if this was okay.
Dan Heng always tried to avoid his past, always wanted to move on from it. This form made him uncomfortable at the start, and yet the way Caelus touched him like he was so very fragile…it warmed his heart. Maybe it wasn't so bad after all, not if it caused Caelus to touch him so much.
Suddenly, Caelus’ eyes gazed away from him, and more so behind him. Then, he spoke, “Wait. Where's your tail?”
“Ah. Well…” Dan Heng trailed off, “My form is just the remnants of my past reincarnation as a high elder. I still have some form of it but not exactly like before.”
Caelus looked at him expectantly, and Dan Heng let out a little sigh before he willed the tail into existence. Well, the slightly see through tail that really just looked like a hologram of what once was. However, Caelus didn't seem to treat it any differently, and looked in awe as it curled up behind him.
Where he had expected Caelus to try and touch it, he kept his distance and looked from afar. Character development, it seemed.
Dan Heng averted his gaze, the affection that seemed to pour out of Caelus’ eyes were way too much for him to handle at the moment, lest his heart fall out of his chest.
“Listen, Caelus,” He started speaking, and Caelus’ eyes moved from his tail to him. The gaze in his eyes never changed, and even seeing it through the corner of his eyes made his face flush. Caelus looked at him expectantly, and Dan Heng took a moment to relax before he continued speaking, “There is no part of me that is leaving the Astral Express. Everything may be put in the open, and I may have this form now, but I'm not leaving the Astral Express at all.”
Caelus looked at him, his brain seeming like it needed to process for a bit the implications of it, but it seemed he didn't need to, because Dan Heng just spoke it straight up.
“I'm not leaving you.”
It took a couple more seconds for it to really click, and when it did Caelus seemed to be the happiest he's ever been, and then-
And then…Dan Heng didn't know what happened next, his eyesight was taken over by Caelus’s face and suddenly there was a pressure against his lips and-
Did…Did Caelus just kiss him?
It was over almost as soon as it started, and his lips burned along with his face as Dan Heng tried to process what just happened.
Caelus stared at him, the smile no longer on his face. Instead, he looked almost guilty as he made it his mission not to look Dan Heng in the eyes again, “I'm sorry I was just…I was so happy and then-”
Dan Heng needed to swallow down his nerves just this one moment. This could potentially be one of the most important moments of his life, and he needed to be calm about this. He needed the truth.
“Did you mean it?”
“...Huh?”
‘When you kissed me, did you mean it?”
Caelus turned to look at him again, his face flushed, “What are you-”
“Caelus please,” His voice sounded desperate, like he was holding onto the strings of something that could be there for dear life, like if he didn't get this answer it would kill him, “Just this once, I need you to answer me.”
Caelus blinked at him, and Dan Heng’s face softened just a bit. He didn't move for a bit, before he nodded his head slightly, eyes averting his once again, “I did.”
Dan Heng's hand moved up so hesitantly, pausing right near him. He took a deep breath, and slowly moved to cup his face. He held him like he was special, like if he used too much force then Caelus would break in his hands. His thumb brushed against his cheekbone a couple times, and Caelus trailed his eyes to look at him, “Well, I'm glad that your first thought when you were happy was to kiss me.”
“Oh my-” Caelus cut himself off as his face flushed a deep red, hands moving up to shove Dan Heng’s hand off his face then moving to cover it with his palms, “This is so embarrassing...”
“I've never seen you this embarrassed before,” Dan Heng responded, “So out of character for you.”
When Caelus didn't respond, Dan Heng’s hands moved to grab at both his wrists and pull his hands away from his face. This close, he could see all the features he couldn't see before, like just how the details in his eyes went, or the pores on his face. There was never a moment in his life that he thought he would get to be this close to him, and yet here he was now, so very close to him. Like the first time they met, when he almost-
“Caelus,” He spoke softly, his eyes looking straight at him with so much love and affection in them. Eyes that were different from the original him that Caelus knew, and yet they acted just the same. How could Caelus ever think that this man was anyone else other than his Dan Heng?
He had never quite felt like this before. His body buzzed, whether that was from anxiety, his happiness, or something else completely different. It was an unknown feeling, and he should have been scared at that moment. But, with Dan Heng looking at him like that, it's like he could accomplish anything.
“Can I kiss you?” Dan Heng asked, ever the consent man. Caelus knew he would never intentionally do something if he didn't want it, and he knew that no matter what Dan Heng was feeling, he would do whatever he told him to, within reason, of course. If Caelus told him no and pulled away, Dan Heng would never do what he wanted over what Caelus was comfortable with. It made him think back to all the moments he never asked for things, just doing it because he needed to feel comforted in the moment or he was going to lose it. He never asked Dan Heng’s permission to sleep in his bed. He never asked him to be held, or to be comforting. He never even asked if it was okay to touch him.
Or, maybe that's not the way it happened. Maybe there was no need to ask, because Dan Heng had silently offered. The more he looked at the things he thought was selfish of him, the more he realized that maybe Dan Heng had offered it instead.
“Please.” He muttered softly, voice sounding fragile, and yet his moves proved the opposite when he shifted his hands to lace their fingers together, when he leaned closer to kiss him.
And a kiss it was. He had seen it a couple times, but he never had experience in it. Or well, not that he would remember. It was kind of hard to think that he would randomly kiss someone when he was happy but….he did. Maybe somewhere subconsciously he knew of his feelings.
Dan Heng kissed him back so softly, just like he would expect him to kiss him. Caelus kissed back hesitantly, like he was trying to figure out what to do with his mouth already, and wondering where the hell Dan Heng got all this practice from considering he doesn't exactly seem like the type to go kissing random people.
The more they kissed, the more confident Caelus got. Yet…the less he could breathe. He didn't really want to pull away, but his lungs demanded oxygen, and who was he to deny them?
Yet before he could pull back, Dan Heng beat him to it. Not fully back, just enough for them to breathe.
Caelus was panting as he tried to catch his breath. It seemed Dan Heng was better at him than breathing, but not exactly by much.
“How…How do you…kiss so good?” Caelus asked him in between his panting.
“I don't know, I've never missed anyone before,” He responded.
Dan Heng let go of one of his hands to cup his face again, rubbing his thumb just under his eye now, “You should go to sleep, you look tired.”
As soon as Dan Heng had pointed that out, Caelus realized that yes, he was indeed tired. He stepped back, glancing over to the perfectly made bed, before looking back at him, “Stay. Please?”
Dan Heng squeezes his hand just a bit, “I wouldn't have it any other way. Just…let me change first.”
As Dan Heng moved to let go of him Caelus held onto his hand harder, “Wait,” He said to him, a little bit louder than he had expected to speak. “Don't.”
Dan Heng looked at him, mouth open to ask ‘why?’ and yet it never came out. He could understand why he would want him to, but not wanting him to? Whatever his logic was, Dan Heng wouldn't question what he was being told. At least, not now.
“Okay, I won't then.”
When they cuddled together under the covers like they normally do, Dan Heng realized that there were fingers running through his hair. There was a warm fuzzy feeling that spread around him at the feeling, and he moved to kiss him on top of the head.
All their problems they could worry about tomorrow, because they both felt safe in each other's arms, no matter where they were.
“Finally. I've found you, Caelus.”
In the moment before when Caelus had looked at him in indifference, the moment before when Dan Heng had changed forms, was so different compared to this time. This time, it almost felt like Caelus was trying hard to be separated from him. Dan Heng didn't blame him, he was holding back himself as well.
Caelus smiled at him, looking at him with that familiar gaze of affection, “Long time no see. Say, Dan Heng, have you grown taller?”
Dan Heng’s gaze softened, and he mimicked the smile with his own, "While you were trapped, I experienced…a lot.”
The memories that flowed through his mind, every single journey he went on to find him, just for this moment to play out when he did. The weight had been lifted off his shoulders, but it led to a moment of vulnerability. The crushing realization of just how long it really had been.
His expression fell, along with his gaze. He stepped closer, slowly, until he entered Caelus’ personal space. He leaned his head down, resting his forehead lightly against his shoulder, “I'm…sorry it took so long.”
Caelus spread his arms out long before Dan Heng had entered his space. His arms wrapped around him securely, one of them lacing through his long ponytail, while the other rubbed his back, “What matters is that you're here, and that you found me in the first place. You could have taken a millenia and I would have reacted the same.”
There was a beat of silence before Dan Heng spoke again, “It was a millenia.”
“Oh.” Caelus paused his hand movements, “Then…an eon?”
“You would have reacted the same if it took a billion years?”
“Yes, well…I don't know if either one of us would survive that long. It doesn't matter you understand my point.”
Dan Heng pulled away from him slightly, gazing down into his eyes, that same slightly pained expression on his face. Guilt ate at him, and Caelus could only think of one thing to help him. He moved up on his tippy toes and kissed him.
Now, they had kissed plenty of times but it was a completely different experience when you had to go on your tippy toes to kiss someone. The kiss was good, but it was hard to keep himself upright like that for so long.
Caelus pulled away, letting his feet land flush on the ground again, “It is so unfair that you got to grow taller and I have to stay the same height.”
Dan Heng let out a small laugh, and it was music to Caelus’ ears, “Then next time I'll just lean down, how about that?”
“It's definitely a start,” Caelus responded, tugging him down for another kiss.
And when Dan Heng returned to his normal size, he didn't need to know Caelus cheered inside his head. His neck was straight to strain from having to look up at him.
Extra
“Dan Heng belongs to the Astral Express,” Caelus told him, giving him this glare as his arms wrapped around Dan Heng protectively, meanwhile the man he clung to had let out a soft sigh and had the eyes that told him to pay no mind to the clingy trailblazer, yet Jing Yuan would never miss the way Dan Heng seemed to move his hand to lay against his ‘friend’s’ own hand.
“Calm down. I never planned on taking him from you,” Jing Yuan seemed amused at the exchange. He definitely wasn't believing the friend thing a single bit.