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The Kane family didn’t have “tense” dinners. They had traumatic dinners.
And that night, with two vampires sitting at the table, the tension was so thick that if someone sneezed, it would probably trigger an ancient curse.
Chancy Kane had set the good tablecloth. That was already the first mistake.
Roger Kane had practiced lines in front of the mirror like: “Welcome, we’re glad to have you here” and “No, we are not going to eat you,” even though nobody asked him to.
Liam and Lily sat like funeral statues. Cold stares, crossed arms. “If you blink, you die” posture.
Kieran, rigid, pale, impeccable, held his teacup as if it were a bomb. Annalise, beside him, smiled with that dangerously calm vampire smile of someone who had survived worse dinners... but not this family.
Mason was sweating, literally sweating.
He tried to reassure Kieran with a romantic look, but only managed to look like a wolf with emotional allergies.
—Everything’s going to be fine—
He whispered.
Kieran nodded... without believing him.
There was silence. Utensils. Awkward breathing.
Until—
STEPS!
Heavy, clumsy. Coming down the stairs like someone was dragging the concept of “family peace.”
The dining room door slammed open and Harry Kane appeared. Disheveled, in pajamas. With the face of someone ripped out of a dream... or a conspiracy.
He looked at the table, looked at the vampires. Blinked.
And smiled.
—...ARE WE HAVING GOTHIC PEOPLE IN THE HOUSE WITHOUT TELLING ME?—
—HARRY!—
Roger shouted.
—Shhh—
Harry raised a finger.
—Don’t ruin my dramatic entrance, Dad. This is cinema.—
He approached slowly, circling the table like a distracted shark.
—Wow... pale skin, black clothes, the “I have secrets” look—
He pointed at Kieran.
—Mom, is this an early Halloween?—
Chancy was already covering her face with the napkin.
—Harry, honey, greet them politely.—
—Of course, of course—
He nodded.
—Hi, potential supernatural threats. I’m Harry. The only honest one in this family, the most beautiful and perfect person you’ll ever meet.—
He sat down... in Liam’s chair, of course... First he kicked him.
Liam fell back with a crash worthy of a nature documentary.
—HARRY, DAMN IT!—
—Oops—
Harry sat comfortably.
—Law of the fastest.—
Lily clicked her tongue. Mason wanted to disappear. And Kieran watched everything as if he had entered a zoo without cages.
—Don’t worry—
Said Harry, resting his elbows on the table.
—The Kane family seems intimidating, but really Dad falls asleep watching the news and Mom almost burns our souls using the microwave.—
—HARRY!—
Chancy shouted.
—What?—
He smiled.
—It’s important survival information for living here.—
After that, dinner went on... somehow.
Kieran and Mason told how they met. A sweet, casual story. Suspiciously normal.
Everyone seemed to believe it.
Everyone except Harry.
—Aha...—
He said, chewing.
—And is that the legal version or the version for Dad so he doesn’t cry?—
Marcella coughed to keep from laughing.
—Speaking of ex-girlfriends—
Harry added, giving a smile to Cella.
—Did you know Mason once tried to write romantic poetry?—
—NO—
Mason growled.
—Yes. He rhymed “love” with “pain”... four times... on the same page.—
Marcella exploded laughing. Annalise gave up. Kieran covered his mouth, trembling.
—I would have ended it right there—
Said Harry, this time looking at Kieran.
—Honestly.—
—Harry...—
Roger warned.
—It’s fraternal advice. If he betrays you—
He leaned toward the vampire, conspiratorial and shameless, completely ignoring his father.
—You call me. We’ll hit him together.—
Kieran let out a genuine laugh. Mason was offended on three different levels.
Harry didn’t stop. He told all of Mason’s embarrassing stories.
—He fell off the roof thinking he could jump like in video games.—
—HE HAD A PLAN!—
—Yes. Die.—
The laughter grew. Liam and Lily were dark as a storm. Chancy tried to maintain dignity. Roger was breaking inside.
Then the cookies arrived.
Annalise offered them with all the politeness in the world. Harry took one. And Lily pushed him.
The cookies flew like projectiles.
—HEY! I WANTED THAT!—
Shouted Harry, pointing at the mess.
—I saved your life, there could have been some left—
Said Lily, very serious.
—Yeah, sure... like when you tried to bake cookies, Lily... YOU POISONED ME!—
Harry shouted again, dramatic as if he had survived an apocalypse.
—Dad cried thinking he wouldn’t survive—
He added, indignant.
—It wasn’t that bad!—
Tried to convince him Lily, while laughing nervously.
—THEY HAD MUSTARD! NOT JUST DISGUSTING...! I’M ALLERGIC!—
Harry threw himself to the floor, hands in the air, as if each cookie were a mortal enemy.
Chancy turned red.
Marcella cried with laughter.
The farewell was the final blow. The last act of that family tragicomedy.
Everyone was already at the door, squeezed like a badly planned Christmas card, when Harry raised a finger, enlightened by divine revelation.
—Ah, right...—
He said.
—I forgot to talk about Liam.—
—I DO NOT EXIST!—
Shouted Liam.
And immediately jumped through the first open window, disappearing from reality with the dignity of someone who had already lost too much that night. Literally, the door was open.
—Coward—
Muttered Harry, disappointed.
—Just like Mom when she discovered the toaster.—
—HARRY!—
Chancy screamed, hand to chest.
—What? You almost set the house on fire, it’s family history.—
With an exaggerated sigh, Harry then turned to Kieran. He looked at him like he was a mythological creature. Slowly, shamelessly, he touched his coat.
—Seriously...—
He said with absolute honesty.
—I’ve always wanted to meet a real goth.—
—I’m not—
Kieran started.
—Shh. Don’t ruin this.—
Harry already had his phone out.
—Photo. Mandatory, historical document.—
He pulled him without asking. Quick selfie, exaggerated smile, flash straight into Kieran’s eyes.
And then... the spank.
Loud, clear, gratuitous.
The silence lasted exactly half a second.
—I’M GOING TO KILL HIM—
Roared Mason.
—BROTHER, IT’S FAMILY LOVE! EVERYTHING THAT’S YOURS IS MINE!—
Shouted Harry, running out the door laughing like a cartoon villain.
Mason ran after him, half transforming, claws out, glowing eyes, ancestral curses activated.
—COME BACK HERE, DEMON!—
—I LOVE YOU TOO, BRO, BUT FROM AFAR!—
Kieran was left alone at the entrance, motionless. He touched his butt slowly. His dignity... completely destroyed.
Annalise sighed, adjusting her coat as if this were a normal Tuesday.
—Well...—
She said.
—Do we keep coming or run out of the country?—
Kieran looked at the house. The screams, the sound of something breaking. A howl in the distance.
He blinked.
—Wait for me...—
He murmured.
—I’m processing this.—
And the door closed behind them, making one thing clear: This family was crazy. And this... was just the beginning.