Work Text:
As any child of the eighties already knows, The Transformers was a series of twenty-three minute toy commercials produced by Hasbro. The Autobots were the heroes, and mostly turned into cars and trucks. The Decepticons were the villains, and mostly turned into planes and guns. This particular soundtrack focuses on the first two seasons of the G1 cartoon, although I've drawn on some other sources for the notes.
Listen to this fanmix on 8tracks.
This mix contains lots of potentially offensive language, starting with some of the song titles. They're bad boys, they use bad words. It is not safe for work unless your work is fine with the word 'fuck' being repeated a lot.
1. Empires Collapse - Cop Shoot Cop
During the Golden Age, Cybertron was apparently a pretty nice place to live. Then the Decepticons started a civil war, and ever since they've been fighting with the Autobots and trying to gain dominance over the entire universe. They're certainly an ambitious mob of evil giant robots.
2. 100 Fresh Disciples - Machine Gun Fellatio
"Peace through tyranny!"
Megratron is everything a Decepticon should be: powerful, ruthless, aggressive, and obsessed with acquiring weapons of mass destruction. There's a reason he's been in charge of the faction for several million years even though he has to get an underling to aim and fire him when he transforms.
3. Kneel Before Your God - Lemon Jelly
"Conquest is made of the ashes of one's enemies."
Starscream is the Deception Air Commander and Megatron's deputy, although he makes no secret of his desire to take over. Treacherous, sarcastic and ambitious, his plans for achieving power include blowing up the Earth with both the Autobots and the rest of the Decepticons still on it. This says a lot about how much Starscream likes his co-workers.
4. Slippage - Goldfrapp
"Cries and screams are music to my ears."
Soundwave is a mech of few words, but his loyalty and the tiny army of robots that live in his chest make him one of the most useful Decepticons around. Other Transformers might be embarrassed to turn into a tape deck when their friends are all fighter planes and tanks, but Soundwave just uses his alternate mode to stealthily gather information. Besides, it's a step up from being a Cybertronian lamp-post.
5. Local God - Everclear
"The deadliest weapon is terror."
Thundercracker is one of the few Decepticons to harbour doubts about the war, and he doesn't enjoy killing for its own sake - not that he'd ever be brave enough to mention that to Megatron. He's armed with sonic blasters, but the Air Commander complains that they give him a headache so they don't see much use. Thundercracker's hobbies include mocking Starscream and falling over sideways when drunk.
6. Crush the Losers - Regurgitator
"Strike when the enemy isn't looking."
The last of the original Seekers (the Decepticon jets, not the Australian pop group) has the ability to teleport, which his likes to use to play mean tricks on his fellow soldiers. Unfortunately, he shows less initiative in battle and has been known to ask Megatron for permission before teleporting. Just as well Decepticons don't need to go to the bathroom, or he might have to ask Thundercracker to hold his hand.
7. Just Don't Give a Fuck - Eminem
"Destroy what's below and what's above will follow."
Rumble is a loud-mouth armed with two pile-drivers. He uses them to cause localized earthquakes and general chaos, but he's loyal to his 'big brother' Soundwave and therefore to Megatron. (He kind of reminds me of another short street punk that lots of people would like to smack in the head, hence the song choice ...)
8. New Born - Muse
"Friend is another word for fool."
The three Insecticons were formatted as insects when they arrived on Earth, and they have the unique ability to eat organic matter and convert it into energy. They have ravenous appetites and will eagerly devour any available fuel, even if it's likely to cause them to grow to giant size and/or explode. They have no loyalty to Megatron, and only work for him when he can provide them with the energon they crave.
9. Carbon - VNV Nation
"My work is a monument to -- and of -- my enemies."
The Constructicons have at least three contradictory origins in the cartoon series, because they writers were about as good at remembering what they wrote last week as the animators were at telling the Seekers apart. In at least one of them, they're former Autobots reprogrammed for evil by Megatron, which is a pretty tragic story. At least it is if you're an Autobot. The Decepticons are just happy to have Devastator on their side.
10. Song From Under the Floorboards - Magazine
"Fear is the element that unites all losers."
If Decepticons were allowed to repaint themselves black and wear Goth makeup, Dirge probably would. A warrior whose cowardice is his greatest weakness, he's meant to have engines that induce fear in other Transformers, but we never see them in action in the cartoon. I can only imagine Megatron doesn't want his own troops running away any faster than they do already.
11. Heavy Fuel - Dire Straits
"If it flies, crash it."
Most of Megatron's followers are keen to avoid being damaged or killed. Not Ramjet, though. His favourite tactic in battle is to deliberately crash into his opponents, or anything else that happens to be nearby. While this doesn't demonstrate great intelligence or do his circuits any good, it certainly has the element of surprise.
12. Thunderbirds Are Coming Out - TISM
"My engines' roar is my enemies song of doom!"
You know, I can see why the writers of the cartoon left many of the Decepticons one-dimensional, but as far as I can tell G1 Thrust has no unique personality traits in any medium, and that includes what's written on the backs of the toy boxes. Luckily, I had an appropriate song for him anyway ...
13. Intergalactic - The Beastie Boys
"In confusion, there is opportunity."
Astrotrain can turn into a space shuttle, which is very useful when the Decepticons want to travel interstellar distances. Since he's a triplechanger, he also has an extra alternate mode too. Unfortunately, it's a train. Fortunately, Astrotrain seems to have no idea how silly this is compared with the tanks, guns and jet planes the rest of the Decepticons can become. One time he tried to take over the world with Blitzwing and an army of trains.
14. Ruff Ryders Anthem - DMX
"You're either out of my way or out of luck."
One day, Megatron noticed that his army was lacking in cars that could properly compete with the Autobots on the road. He built the Stunticons, a group of gravity-defying trucks and cars who have the additional advantage of being able to unite and form Menasor.
15. O Fortuna - The Omen
"Destroy first, think later."
A fierce and cruel fighter, Blitzwing is a triplechanger with the ability to turn into both a tank and a jet. This did not help him when he tried to seize power with the help of Astrotrain's train army, or when he got thrown out of the Decepticons altogether for helping the Autobots save Cybertron from the Quintessons.
16. Starlight - Savatage
"I destroy Autobots by choice, not command."
When Megatron finally got fed up with his treacherous lieutenant and exiled him, Starscream decided to build his own army. Taking his inspiration from some abandoned WWII vehicles, he furnished his new troops with personality components taken from five Decepticon criminals. This turned out not to be his smartest plan ever, as the Combaticons soon rebelled against him and nearly destroyed the Earth in their composite form of Bruticus. With the help of Megatron and Optimus Prime, Starscream managed to shut them down and they were then reprogrammed as loyal Decepticons.
17. The New Shit - Marilyn Manson
In Transformers: The Movie, many of the original Decepticons were badly wounded in a big fight with the Autobots. Starscream finally grabbed his chance for power and threw Megatron and the other damaged Transformers out of Astrotrain. This backfired a bit when Megatron and his damaged troops were reformatted by Unicron and the newly created Galvatron destroyed Starscream at his coronation. (Luckily, he got better. But that's a whole other story.)
18. Addicted to Bass - Josh Abrams and Amiel
This one is for anybody out there who ever thought they were the only Decepticon fangirl around *g*.
Bonus Tracks: Just Don't Give a Fuck - Eminem (Hail Mary Remix)
Frenzy: he's Rumble with a different paint job. (The specifics of the paint job vary by universe.)
Bonus Track: I Sucked A Lot of Cock To Get Where I Am - Regurgitator
... because I know I'm not the only person to make lewd conjectures about the real reason Megatron never shot Starscream. Whatever it is that evil giant robots do with other giant robots, Starscream must be awfully good at it.