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The sun was setting slowly, setting the horizon on fire like a goodbye that burns softly. The sky was breaking into a thousand shades, like my heart when I look at him...
The sand changed color beneath our steps, golden, then pink, then fire. The air was warm and alive, it seemed to breathe with us.
The desert was silent, but it said everything... It felt like a dream, but luckily, it was real.
Me, Simon, Felice, Sara, Linda, my parents, and a few other friends, after a year full of work, studies, and effort, treated ourselves to a beautiful summer vacation in Egypt...
Simon and I have just finished our studies and courses, I am a social worker specialized in human rights, such as LGBTQ+ rights, female empowerment, and international humanitarian law, while Simon is a music therapist, and he also works in pediatric centers, for mentally ill children or for the elderly or people with disabilities... and no one will ever understand what I feel for him, the sweet, loving, and kind person that he is... But there are still people who target him and insult him, something that makes my hyper-protectiveness toward him burn on my skin like incandescent fire...
We live together in a small and warm apartment, where we have created so many beautiful memories, and I can’t wait to create more... Together with our two little cats, Wendy and Leah, who are also, obviously, on vacation with us.
We have been together for 7 years since I abdicated and we won, yes, 7 fucking years... And I can’t wait anymore, and I can’t make him wait anymore, I want him, I want him for my entire life, I want to hold him tight, I want to be bound to him, I want to be his everything, and him to be my everything, yes, he already is, but I want to do more, I want this summer to be unique, I want it to stay imprinted on him like a tattoo that he is mine, and I am his, that we love each other, I want to take a new step, a big step, I want to treat him like my prince, kiss his hand, open the door or pull out the chair, bring him flowers and chocolates, lend him my jacket when he is cold... I want to travel with him, like now, I want to explore the world with him, I want to be free with him... I still want to laugh with him, be idiots together, I could act stupid forever if that allows me to hear his beautiful laugh... Even pretending to be a zombie independent from alcohol.
I want to cry with him, I want to be there for him, always, and I know very well that he will be there for me, I want to wrap him in my arms, warm him, lend him my big hoodie, dry his tear, prepare him a hot chocolate... Or vice versa, when I cry, and he prepares my favorite applesauce, kisses me...
I want to live with him, every moment, go shopping together, dates, parties, vacations, or even just be together, just the two of us, on the couch, pizza, cuddles and trash movies. I want to dance with him, in the middle of a street, dressed emo, like two crazy people in love, me taking him by the waist, him putting his arms around my neck, we move together, I spin him around, we kiss passionately, we laugh at the top of our lungs....
I also want to argue with him, because in the end we always make peace and learn more about each other... I want to cuddle him, I love hugging him from behind, playing with his curls, trying to do a smokey eye on him even if I’m not good at it... I also love when he cuddles me... When he sits on my lap, fixes my hair, takes care of me when I hurt myself for the umpteenth time....
I also want to do the simple gestures for him, cook for him even if I burn the kitchen, wash his curls when we shower together, drive and take him to work in the morning, prepare a coffee...
I want, ONLY IF SIMON ALSO WANTS, to have sexual relations... Make him feel desired, loved, give him pleasure, kiss him all over his body like a silent blessing, I love when I am on top of him and we fall into an ancient and sacred dance, and we look into each other’s eyes, hearts beating, the love we give in that gesture, how his eyes shine, how he kisses and hugs me, how he clings to me as if I were his anchor, and it makes my heart burn like I am the only one to see him like this, to have him like this, vulnerable, sweet, tender... He is an angel... An indescribable wonder... Red cheeks, messy curls, when he is cuddly, how he laughs and moans... I love the feeling of being his only man, I love his warmth, his beauty, who he truly is, how he lets himself go, how real he is... but this is not just sex, no.
I want to sing with him, sing in the car with him “Seven” by Taylor Swift, sing at karaoke, him with his magnificent voice and me... well, you already know, I manage pretty well. I want to talk with him... It’s so beautiful to talk with him... Sometimes we seem like two best friends, and Felice often teases us, but hey! It’s beautiful to talk with my boyfriend, I love when we do each other’s nails, read magazines... I love when we open up to each other, how he is the only one who knows what to do with my anxiety attacks, and how I love listening to him when he has had something to deal with regarding his father... Oh, I also love when we dress matching, when I lift him off the ground, fix a curl behind his ear, when he ties my tie...
I want a great future with him.....
I want to marry him.
I want to marry him, I want to see the wedding ring on his finger that says “I am yours”, I want to marry him in front of the whole world even if in that moment there will be only the two of us, I want it to be universal, unique. I want to kiss him passionately at the altar, shout everything I have just said to him, throw ourselves into the sea laughing... Maybe go live in a house we have always dreamed of? With a garden, an office, a beautiful kitchen.... Maybe more cats? Dogs? Hamsters? CHILDREN? oh with him I would have a lot, I don’t know how, but I would have infinite children with him, a house full of children, with his curls and my eyes... I would start with 101, just to keep things light.... Today is the day. Where everything will change but we will always remain us.
We are right in a desert, admiring the sandy curves golden from the sun... The desert was not empty: it was ancient, attentive, as if it were recognizing us. Every dune seemed like a wave frozen in time.
The wind did not pass: it whispered.
It slipped between the folds of the linen, caressing without permission. The ivory- and sand-colored garments shone like sacred bones in the sun. The gold embroidery captured the light and gave it back to the sky....
Simon was warm light: skin kissed by the sun, dark eyes like ancient wells. The wind lifted his bordeaux garment with gold embroidery, a crown of flowers decorating his curls.... and the desert recognized him as if he were part of the landscape. His steps left light footprints, destined to disappear. He seemed born for that place, as if the sand remembered him.
I instead was the shadow and the not-yet-visible night sky, wrapped in deep blue fabrics. The silver on the cloth shone like a sign of destiny. The wind stopped for an instant before striking, and the desert watched me with respect. My hair shorter and blonder than seven years ago, yes, I’m also growing chest hair, which I keep, I like it, and I like teasing Simon, because I know he finds it sexy.
With us were also Sara, Felice, Linda, and my parents; we walked randomly, enjoying the warm air, the beautiful landscape around us... Everything was going according to plan, yes, everyone knew that today would be a special day...
Simon and I walked with our hands intertwined in a giant spacious curve, slowly, enjoying every second... He looked around, but I only looked at him.
Simon: “It’s so beautiful here, isn’t it?”
Me, focused only on him: “Mhm mh, beautiful.”
Simon: “The dunes, the sun, the wind—...Wille? Love? Are you listening to me? Why are you looking at me like that?”
Wilhelm: “Because you are my landscape, the most beautiful thing here.”
Simon, looking away: “Ugh, stop being so romantic and cheesy...”
Me, kissing his temple: “Because it’s true, love, and I love you too much to stop, and besides... it’s the truth, you are so stunning... It seems like I don’t tell you enough... You’re so beautiful, love...”
Simon, laughing and trying to push me away: “Wille! Stop! I get it—”
I take his face in my hands, forcing him to look at me: He had a pout, so sweet and cute... Skin golden like silk, curls with warm brown highlights from the sun, chocolate and caramel eyes, angry, but you can see the sparkle of amusement, and then those long eyelashes, framing so gracefully... Chubby little cheeks from the expression, slightly pink from the compliments, the little nose and mouth like curled rose petals... He’s simply perfect.
And the fact that he doesn’t want to listen to me surprises me, even though I know I’m annoying him, but I like it and then... I’m saying it for a good reason, because it’s true.
Wilhelm: “Hey, love, you’re beautiful, you’re so beautiful... You can’t understand how beautiful you are... These rebellious curls, these little eyes, and this cute little nose, and these beautiful cheeks...”
Simon: “Wille... come on...”
Wilhelm: “I’m serious, you’re so wonderful, it really seems like you are the landscape, love, you’re beautiful every day, when you wake up, after a shower, when you’re angry, when you’re happy... And now...”
I start to caress him, slowly, his cheek, his chin... I analyze every inch of his face, while Simon looks at me, this time seriously, astonished, probably because he realized I’m sincere... And how could I lie? To such beauty?
Simon breaks that pout and bursts into a little laugh, and I laugh with him...
We kiss gently, our lips intertwining in a slow and steady dance, and when we pull apart we smile... Ugh, I love him so much....
Sara: “Lovebirds! Stop it, I want to enjoy this vacation without you making out every second! It’s nauseating!”
Simon, laughing: “Sara!”
Sara: “What? It’s true! You are in the best angle! Move!”
We laugh and move, we are right at the tip of the dune, in front of the spectacular and immense sunset... the others behind us.
Simon rests his head on my shoulder, I wrap him in an embrace, and we enjoy the wind crossing us sideways, and the thousand colors that the sun gives us before leaving.
We raise our free arms and wave them, saying goodbye, we don’t even know to what, maybe to the landscape? To the sun? To the day that is about to end?
Out of the corner of my eye, I look behind us and Felice is filming us, just as we had planned, I want to record it, rewatch it a thousand times, now, tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, next week, the month after, next year and forever.
It was my moment.
We enjoy the sunset a little longer, until Simon pulls away and turns to look at the horizon... And I start to prepare myself.
My hand slips into my pocket and I take out a small purple velvet box, with black edges.
I kneel down and open it:
The ring sparkled with a soft light, resting on the plush cushion. The cold silver embraced a row of pastel violet–light blue tanzanites, deep like the sky just before nightfall. The stones followed a wavy line. Between one tanzanite and the other, small crystals caught the light. It was not a ring that screamed wealth: it was a ring that spoke of choice, of time, of love that remains.
I waited, already wearing a sly smile.
Simon turns around, freezes, putting his hands over his mouth, eyes wide open and curls flying everywhere.
I smile even more, even though I already know that Simon is already collapsing inside.
Wilhelm: “Simon Eriksson, would you do me the honor of making me the happiest man in the world and marrying me?”
Simon removed his hands from his mouth, and covered his face, as if he were about to cry, and everyone around was laughing at his emotionality.
Then he put it on his forehead, his mouth turning into a huge and incredulous smile, trying to say something, but it was as if his throat had been broken.
Simon, whimpering, laughing, trembling EVERYTHING: “Oh my god... Oh my god... MY GOD.”
We laugh again, and I keep looking at him, kneeling, the velvet box open and eyes hopeful and devoted.
Simon takes a step back to see if it’s real, and almost trips on the sand, making everyone laugh: “Oh my god, wait guys, I’m shocked, I still need to understand if this is a dream... You can’t do this to me!”
He breathes deeply, makes a fan gesture with his hands to stop himself from crying already...
Then, with unsteady steps, he approaches again, trembling: “Oh my god.. umm umm... Yes? I mean, yes! A thousand times yes!”
Everyone bursts into laughter at his reaction, so innocent, dramatic, and cute, while I smile, he said yes, HE SAID YES.
Simon, no longer holding back, also falls to his knees.
Simon, with a trembling voice, adjusting a stray curl: “Umm mh how does it go on?”
I smile, gently take his trembling hand, and slide the ring onto his ring finger, and it fits perfectly, so him.
Then, still kneeling, Simon takes my face and kisses me passionately without warning, and I deepen it, holding his waist tightly, while everyone applauds and cheers!
Felice: “FINALLYYYY.”
Sara: “I’ll be the maid of honor! Already decided!”
Linda: “Now I expect some little nieces and nephews!”
Simon and I, still kneeling, hug tightly, crying, while Felice, being an overly proud friend, joins us and wraps both of us as if we were her children.
We pull apart, Simon looks at his hand with the ring, still astonished, and I take it and kiss his ring finger, right where the ring rests.
Then there were general conversations and laughter:
Simon, addressing everyone: “But you already knew everything?”
Felice: “We even recorded the moment.”
Sara: “Guys, we have to celebrate! Shall we go eat somewhere? I have so many activities in mind!”
Then, with a touch of fun and mischief, I grabbed Simon, lay down in the sand, made him lie on top of me and automatically wrapped his legs around my waist, and we started rolling down the curve of the dune, laughing like crazy.
Simon: “WILLE—YOU IDIOT, LET ME GO, AHHHH”
Wilhelm: “I LOOOOOVE YOU”
Simon: “I’M ALREADY THINKING ABOUT NOT MARRYING YOU AHHHH”
Of course, Felice filmed this too.
When we stopped rolling and reached a flatter surface, we lifted ourselves, sitting, laughing, Simon giving me a little peck, me kissing him sweetly...
Simon looks at the ring again: “I still can’t believe you asked me to marry you!”
I, caressing his curls: “I can’t stop calling you husband, darling.”
We laugh again.
Wilhelm: “I love you, Simon.”
Simon: “I love you too, Wille!”
He puts his arms around my neck and fills me with kisses, and we keep laughing.
The warmth of your skin beat stronger than the day itself. Even the sunset seemed to pause to watch us.
We were small under that infinite sky, yet complete. In that immense silence, my heart finally found home...
The stars began to appear like promises kept. The wind calmed, as if entrusting us to the night.
We celebrated in a typical Egyptian restaurant, laughter, jokes, confetti, the smell of spices enveloping us...
Koshari,Ful mademes,Egyptian Falafel...
Simon(sitting on my lap) talked with my mother, Kristina, with whom over time a beautiful relationship had grown, and I’m proud of it.
Linda already ready to be a grandmother, my father congratulating us too, Sara and Felice already organizing the wedding...
Then I looked at Simon, laughing, so sunny, radiant, lively... Even though it was night, and I realized:
I am no longer the prince who was afraid to love. I am the man who chose him. I did not promise perfection — I promised to choose you even on the difficult days. And if this is forever, then I no longer need to be strong alone.