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A fresh layer of snow settled on the remotest of the Illyrian Mountains. Sleds appeared and children let out shrieks. Nyx and Rhiannon charged off in a race to grab the larger sleds for themselves, while Flossie and Erez hung close to their father’s sides, too young to know what this meant. Uncle Rhys clutched a toddler Stirling to his chest as he tried to sprint off after his older sibling. Elain walked up next to Azriel- bundled up in a mish mash of Mor, Feyre, and Nesta’s winter clothes. She loved sled days, perhaps more than the children and she refused to miss this.
Erez walked over to her and grabbed her mitten covered hand, tugging at her gently. She squatted down next to him and waited. There were days when he was comfortable and forthcoming with them and other days when he looked to them for what he was supposed to do. Sledding was new to him and new was always a bit uncomfortable. Azriel squatted down to shield them from the wind, but also blocked the conversation.
“What are the sleds for?”
“You go down a hill on them. Just watch for a second, Nyx and Rhi are great at this.”
He watched closely, moving closer to Elain. Nyx sprinted forward with his sled, before throwing himself on top of it, flying down the mountain head first. His eyes shot back to Azriel and he gulped, shaking his head slightly. That was too scary. If this was what sledding was- he wanted to go back inside. Right now.
“Rhi! Non-daredevil slide first please!”
Rhiannon smiled over at Elain and gave Erez a wink before she sat down on the sled and waited. Uncle Cass jogged over and then took a running start to push her down the hill. He caught her whoop of excitement and Uncle Cass nodded for Flossie to follow him. He caught his eye but Erez moved back into Azriel’s waiting arm and snuggled into him. Elain hopped up and Uncle Cass gave her a broad smile, passing her a sled. Uncle Rhys placed Stirling in her lap and then pushed them down a smaller hill. Stirling’s squeals filled the air- along with Flossie’s whoops of joy.
“You don’t have to try it, Erez. We can stay here and watch.”
He nodded his head and watched as Nyx and Rhiannon flew their sleds back to go again. Elain held Stirling on her hip as she helped Flossie grab a rope and then she grabbed her sled, walking up the hill with a broad smile on her face. Uncle Rhys then grabbed his own sled and did a barrel roll before flying down the steepest hill of all. He gripped Azriel’s hand tight as Uncle Cass walked over with another sled. He moved in closer to Azriel, but Uncle Cass only passed the sled to him and turned back to the hill.
Elain waved at them before she dove onto a sled of her own, taking on the same hill Uncle Rhys disappeared over earlier. Stirling now on a sled with Uncle Cass. The hills erupted in chaos. Uncle Rhys, Uncle Cass, Nyx and Rhi flying sleds back to the top to keep the others going and switching turns with ease. Elain walked back over to them and as Azriel stood, he took another step back, clutched at Azriel’s leg. He was not ready to get on a sled. Not yet. Except Elain only gave Azriel a quick hug and nodded her head towards the hill- where Azriel flew off and dove onto a sled of his own.
She opened a thermos and poured a cup of hot cocoa, sitting down on the snow next to him and then offered him a sip. Erez took the cup and drank deeply- a smile lit up Elain’s face as she watched him for a moment and then turned her eyes back to the others. He settled in her lap and she poured him another cup of hot cocoa, taking a few sips for herself.
“Can…can Az…um, Az-Dad take me on a small hill?”
“I’m sure he will. Az! Azriel!”
Erez looked for the blue lights, but didn’t see them. A fae shot into the sky and then started floating down towards them- Elain’s easy smile calmed him as Azriel flew near them and then settled in front of them. He stared up at him and his nerves returned, but Azriel only kneeled in front of them and reached for the thermos to make himself a cup of cocoa. He watched a look pass over his head and then set his spine. He wanted to try the sled. Elain and Azriel reminded him that he was safe with them now and they would support him trying new things. He wanted to try the sled. Erez pushed himself to his feet- out of Elain’s lap and tapped Azriel on the shoulder, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.
“Can you take me on the small hill?”
“Yeah, do you want this sled or to pick out your own?”
“This one is okay.”
Erez took his hand as Azriel rose to his full height and grabbed the sled with his free arm. Elain trailed behind them, other thermoses of hot cocoa appearing in her arms. He looked back to her and she smiled at him again before she was surrounded by Flossie and Uncle Cass- each getting a cup of cocoa. Stirling toddled over- yelling E at the top of his lungs before Elain lifted him up and he snuggled into her.
Azriel sat down in the sled, holding it steady, his hands anchored in the snow. Erez crawled into his lap, the shadows scattering. He caught Uncle Rhys walking up behind them, before he felt them start to move and then heard a final grunt as Uncle Rhys shoved them down the hill.
The world sped by in sheets of white snow. Trees that looked far away now passed close. He leaned back against Azriel who held him steady, before the sled caught air and he let out a whoop. Erez’s stomach dropped and then a laugh bubbled out of him. A real laugh. The first real laugh since his parents died. He smiled back at Azriel, who steered the sled to a stop with ease and he then jumped out, Azriel moving slower as he stood up and grabbed the sled. Erez took his hand and they started the trek back up the hill. Quiet. He liked that Azriel was quiet. He liked that they didn’t demand he move at their speed. Not like the others that took him in.
His lip quivered as he tried to push back the memory. The fae that took him in before Azriel and Elain weren’t nice. And in that way he didn’t yet understand, Azriel noticed and scooped him up and he clung to him tightly.
“Thank you for picking me.”
He caught that look in Azriel’s eyes- the look that felt like understanding. His other arm squeezed him tight as he stopped walking and just held him. A shadow nestled into him, tickling his cheek, a giggle rose out of him and he caught Azriel smiling at him, even as he hastily wiped his own eyes.
“One day, Erez, I’ll tell you about the…the fae that picked me, too. Do you want to go again?”
“Can I try by myself?”
“Absolutely.”
Azriel turned down the covers of the bed- the day still heavy in his mind. When Elain asked him to consider adopting orphaned fae, he had not been sure he could stand it. The pain. The untrustworthiness. The fact that they weren’t his. Then, she had walked in with Erez- just for the weekend- and every wall he had built crumbled.
A hand ran up and down his back, as Elain leaned into his side. Another fae placed in his path that he was supposed to refuse. He was supposed to never get a chance at this. He had started to think that the things others told him he’d never do, never have- were exactly the things he needed to go after.
“He thanked me for picking him today. El…Lainey…”
“I know, Az. I know.”
He sat on the bed and she stepped into him, cradled him as he broke against her. When he had been Erez’s age- he had prayed for death. He had prayed for that long, empty, unknown night over the torture he endured at his father’s hand. No one had come for him. No one had saved him and now- now he had the chance to pull children out of that hell and offer them safety. And he felt the immense guilt that he had not done something sooner. In over 590 years of life, it had never crossed his mind. Not until their troubles, not until Lainey asked, and he truly hadn’t considered it until Lainey brought Erez home that day.
“He was so proud of himself for asking you to take him. Az- you’re a good dad.”
“I almost told you no. That I couldn’t do this…Lainey…we need to do more. I can do more.”
“There’s my soft hearted Spymaster. We’ve already started doing more, Rhys put me in charge of reforming the orphanages a few weeks ago. Some of the little ones that are…that will be harder to find homes for, they’re going to stay with us.”
He nodded as he wiped at his eyes, Lainey’s hands coming up to his cheeks, much more gently wiping away the tears. She pressed a kiss to his forehead and then pulled him into her arms once more. His wings sagged and he took the comfort she offered. He took the comfort she offered like the lifeline it was for him at this moment.
“It was a great day for sledding, Az.”
“The best day for sledding.”