Chapter Text
“History//little miss didn’t do right//went and ruined all the true plans// such a shame// such a sin”—Whispering, Spring Awakening
Louise was not a morning person. She never had been, never would be. But this morning was different. She woke up at five am, even before the alarm went off. Probably for the best; her mother was a light sleeper, and she was the last person Louise wanted to see at this particular moment.
Linda would ask too many questions that Louise didn’t have sufficient lies for. Yet. Grabbing her ears from the hook by her closet, she dressed quickly, and darted down the stairs. The drugstore opened at six; she could be in and out before anyone knew she was gone. She sighed as she walked down the street. She was good at lies, she was good at schemes, she was the ultimate planner. But there was no plan for this.
She pushed opened the door to the drugstore.
“Louise Belcher!” The owner of the drugstore—Louise could never remember his name—waved at her. There had been a time where he hadn’t been so friendly. Back when she was in high school, and she made it her hobby to antagonize as much as possible. But now, at nineteen, she liked to think she’d moved past that bullshit.
Still, she cringed at the sound of his voice. There was no way she could buy what she was looking for. The entire town would know before she even had breakfast.
“What can I help you with today?” The owner gave her an expectant look.
In an instant, Louise turned around. “Nothing. I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure.” She turned around.
“Hey!” The owner tossed a candy bar in her direction; she caught it with one hand. “Give your dad the best.”
“Can do. And thanks.” It was never too early for chocolate.
She took a breath. This was getting too complicated. As if it weren’t before. Now she would have to sneak out with the car. Good thing she had become an expert at sneaking back in high school. Not for parties, like the rest of her classmates. No, even in high school she had been a lone wolf of sorts, sneaking out to do crazy things, like driving out into the country and counting the stars and constellations. Or exploring the abandoned asylum about an hour north, at midnight.
Her mom always kept the keys in the same bowl by the door. She slipped into the old clunker of a car and prayed that it would start. The engine turned over one, twice, three times before roaring to live. She gripped the steering wheel, and headed south, to the next town over. Somewhere she wouldn’t be known.
It took an hour. She drove past one town, then another, paranoia driving her insane. She couldn’t be seen, couldn’t be known. She drove aimlessly. Usually driving made her feel better, helped her clear her mind. But this morning her mind was too cloudy, too driven by fear. Fear that she barely admitted to herself. She was Louise Belcher, she feared nothing.
She parked, and entered the store. Of course what she was looking for was kept under lock and key. Of course she had to ask for it, humiliation running through her veins.
“Hey, is there a bathroom I could use?”
“Sorry, employees only.” The zitty cashier that looked like he was still in middle school clearly gave zero fucks. He looked down at her bag. “You should take that at home.”
Louise leaned over the counter, her hand reaching out to grab the cashier by his shirt. “If I could take this at home, do you think I would have driven an hour out of my way at six o’clock in the fucking morning you idiot?! Let me use the goddamn bathroom.”
The cashier threw up his hands. “In the back.”
“Thank you.” She released him and headed into the back.
Ten minutes. That’s how long she had to wait. Ten minutes of agony. Louise was not a patient person. She kept glancing at her watch, convinced the ten minutes were up, that the hell would be over and she would be fine, only to find that thirty seconds had passed. She hated him. She had always hated him, but now she hated him even more for putting her in this position. If she hadn’t gotten drunk that night, if she hadn’t….
The alarm on her phone buzzed, and adrenaline rushed to her head. This was it. She didn’t want to look. She wanted to toss the whole thing in the garbage and pretend it had never happened. But she couldn’t, and she knew she couldn’t. She held her breath, and stole a glance. Instantly, her heart sunk.
“Son of a bitch!”
There was no one she could trust to tell.
Louise drove back to the restaurant, glancing at the clock the whole time. 7.30 am. Her dad would be up by now, getting breakfast together. Their family of five had shrunk to a family of three, as Tina had moved to Boston to pursue a career as a writer of paranormal romance novels, and Gene was on the west coast, determined to break into the music industry. Louise didn’t have a friend that she would trust with a secret this big. She wanted to tell Tina, wanted to get her sister’s advice, hell, even her comfort. But Tina could never lie to their parents the way Louise could. And she couldn’t even imagine telling Mom and Dad. Not yet, at least.
Louise parked, and snuck back upstairs and into bed. She wished she could spend the rest of her life in bed, but they had a restaurant to run, one that she would take over some day.
“Good morning!” Linda burst into her room, barely thirty seconds before Louise had begun to close her eyes, and feign sleep.
“Ugh, Mom, just let me sleep.” Louise put the pillow over her head and hoped that her voice didn’t quake as she spoke.
“Not a chance!” Linda sang, throwing her hands up in the air. “We’ve got such a day to prepare for.” As usual, Linda was singing, slightly off-key. It usually drove Louise a little bit crazy, but this morning it made her want to cry.
She sat up, making sure to wipe her face of any emotions before Linda could see. The last thing she wanted was any questions.
“Thanks, Mom, you can go now.”
“Not without a hug and a kiss.” Linda held out her arms.
Louise pushed back the covers. Instantly, Linda’s eyes widened and Louise panicked. Could she tell already? Did she have Mom laser eyes that could tell exactly what happened?
“Louise, did you sleep in your clothes all night?” Linda gave her daughter a concerned look, and Louise let out the breath she had been holding.
“Yeah, I guess I forgot, haha, how silly of me.” She knew she was babbling, that she sounded like Tina when her sister was lying, but she couldn’t seem to stop herself. “I’ll just, uh, change and meet you for breakfast.”
“Bobby made pancakes, blueberry ones, your favorite.”
Louise’s stomach contracted, and she felt nausea rising. Did that happen this early, or was she just anxious? “Sounds great,” she said with as much enthusiasm as she could muster.
“Louise, honey, are you all right?”
“Yeah,” she said automatically. “I’m fine. Just fine.”
“You just…you look pale.”
“No,” Louise snapped, eyes flashing. “There’s nothing wrong, you can back off.” She spoke harsher than she intended to.
Injury crossed Linda’s features, and Louise would have felt bad, but told herself she didn’t care. She had bigger fish to fry, all clichés considered.
“I’ll be right there,” she said, in lieu of an apology. “Let me just get changed.”
“All right, honey.” Linda thankfully retreated, and Louise flopped back down on the bed, burying her face in her pillow. If she wished hard enough, maybe this whole situation would go away.
She kept silent during breakfast, speaking in monosyllables whenever a question was lobbed her way. She knew she needed to act like there was nothing wrong, that her entire life hadn’t imploded, but she didn’t have the energy.
As soon as dishes were done, she slipped downstairs.
“Louise, where do you think you’re going?” Bob tied an apron around his rotund girth.
“I have to take care of something,” she said quickly. “I’ll be back before the lunch rush, I promise.”
“But Louise—“
“I swear, Dad, you don’t want to know.”
“You’re probably right. Take the car if you need to.”
“Thanks, Dad!” She zipped down the stairs, taking them two at a time. She knew exactly where she needed to be, even if she looked forward to it the way one would look forward to a wisdom teeth removal.
“Hey there, Four Ears.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “Logan.”
He flashed her a smile that she was sure he thought was charming, but really just made her want to smack him across the face. Some impulses never die.
He propped his feet on his desk, chewing on a toothpick in the corner of his mouth. “What can I do for ya?”
“We should talk. As much as I’d rather punch your face.”
“Talk about what, Four Ears?”
Her ears trembled in indignation. “Can you leave the ears alone, goddamn it?”
He grinned even more. “Never.”
“Ugh. You’re so goddamn annoying.”
“You know you love me.”
“If by love you mean hate, then yes. I hate you will every fiber of my being.” She wished she weren’t bright red, but she could feel herself warm all over.
She eyed the open office setting, where people worked in cubicles. Logan did some fancy business shit she had never paid attention to. It had never seemed relevant until this moment, when she realized how many ears could potentially hear what she had to say. Her face fell; as much as she wanted to control her emotions around Logan, she never seemed able to. Another reason to hate his guts.
She shifted her weight from foot to foot. “I’m being serious, Logan. We need to talk.”
“All right, Bunnygirl, don’t have a freak out on me. We’ll go outside.”
He got up and she followed him out, to a small courtyard next to the office building, one of the few in her town. Why he had come back here, after having such a promising future doing whatever he wanted, was utterly beyond Louise.
There was a small stone bench next to a fountain. He took a seat, and indicated a place next to him. She shook her head. She couldn’t sit down for this conversation.
“Logan…”
“Yeah?” He chewed on the toothpick some more. Louise imagined stabbing him with it.
“Remember six weeks ago?”
“There was enough alcohol for me not to remember, but yeah, I got vague memories. Why?”
She took a deep breath. She didn’t want to go into this. She never wanted to go into any of this. One stupid mistake, and she was stuck for life. “Well…”
She began to pace. Slow at first, but increasingly manic, enough to make him dizzy. He placed a hand on her arm to stop her, and she shrugged it off. “Touch me again, and you’ll regret it.”
“Jesus, Louise, what the hell is wrong?”
She stopped. She knew she had to look him in the eye, but she couldn’t bring herself to.
“Logan…”
“What?” He pulled the toothpick out of his mouth and dropped it on the ground, elbows on his knees, chin propped up by fists. “What the hell is going on, Four Ears?”
She licked her lips, willing the words to come, wondering why this is so goddamn hard. They were just words. She could speak.
“Logan, I’m pregnant.”