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Thomas believed he’d always be attracted to women, whether it be the nerdy girls who’d— for a fleeting moment— stare at him in the lunchroom, the popular girls who’d laugh at his neon outfit while he stared at them— awestruck— or maybe just the quiet girls who’d read books all day. He didn’t support gay people. Men should only love women, right? He never thought he’d find someone able to change his thinking. Until a new person came to town.
There’s a new kid who recently transferred to the school, Jax. The whispers going around said he transferred after being expelled at his old school. Thomas looks quite similar to Jax, but he’s red with spiky hair. When he noticed Jax was alone at lunch, he grabbed his tray and sat next to him. They talked for 2 minutes, maybe 3. Thomas bought him something from the snack bar and silently ate with him. They shared the same science class. Thomas sat behind Jax, admiring his purple ears and the outfit that matched. He wished he could be like Jax. Jax charmed people. Jax had new friends. Jax had everything Thomas wished he could have.
The teacher announced a project with chosen partners, and Thomas took this opportunity to tap Jax on his shoulder, motioning for Jax to take the open seat next to him. Jax seemed like he was hesitating for a second before plopping down, setting a large paper between them. Jax was funny, Jax was smart. They took the same route to their house.
Thomas invited Jax over. Thomas grabbed Jax’s hand and guided him up to the treehouse ladder, going first before helping Jax climb up. Jax didn’t really like heights, but he’d endure it for Thomas’ joyful expression, one much like a kid in the candy store after being told they could grab whatever they wanted— light. Kind. Excited. Jax felt his face heat a little before suppressing it. Thomas placed the paper between them just like he did in class, sitting on the hard wood that could easily give someone a splinter if they weren’t careful enough. Thomas leaned forwards, using a pen to create the title of the project, and Jax admired his ears. Red, vibrant, with a sort of charm he couldn’t quite explain. But it was just casual between them, just acquaintances, just friends.
Jax didn’t notice he’d been staring until after Thomas tapped his shoulder. He motioned out the window, the sky turning into a deep navy blue and purple, white stars dotting the large abyss. Jax chose to spend the night, just so he didn’t have to go home alone, he thought, he knew that wasn’t the actual reason. Thomas and Jax shared the same bed, a small one, barely enough for the two of them. Thomas could feel Jax’s breath on his neck from behind, he held out a shiver. His body felt warm, a blush creeping onto his cheeks. He hoped Jax didn’t notice. He did.
Thomas and Jax shared some interests of theirs as they lied down, not daring to face each other. They whispered it like a secret, like something the universe couldn’t know or else they’d be doomed. Deep down, Thomas had a secret of his he wouldn’t, shouldn’t, couldn’t share to Jax. A revelation that came upon him the very day they met. Something he noticed every time he looked at Jax.
The next day at school, they didn’t talk. Thomas searched the halls for Jax, waiting at his locker. Jax never arrived.
Thomas found him at the end of the day, outside, walking to his house. Jax was walking with a few friends of his— Thomas can’t remember their features, just that he’d seen them around before, and they weren’t very kind to outliers. Thomas called Jax’s name, causing the purple rabbit to turn his head to stare. His grin dropped, turning to something like disgust. Jax couldn’t believe he was staring at the same person that once made him feel heated inside.
Thomas noticed, and his smile dropped too, though for a different reason that for some reason felt similar to what Jax had despite being the whole opposite of what he was thinking. Thomas couldn’t believe he was staring at the same person that his face lit up at, grinning as he took him into the treehouse, shared moments and shared touches becoming distant and turning into something he could only describe as “casual” now.
Thomas turned his back to the group, walking the other way. He’d take the long way home.
Thomas held the picture frame of him and Jax together, a picture he printed from his old phone, a picture of them in the treehouse together. Thomas has a wife now— kids, even— he works at Gregg’s. Sometimes, he stares at his wife, picturing her long brown hair as short, soft purple fur, and her Yankee’s hat as a pair of fluffy ears, and her blouse and jeans as red overalls with yellow buttons.
He thinks back.
thinks back to the touches, the shared bed, the treehouse, the everything.
The everything he used to have.
The everything he wants to have again.
His everything.
His Jax.
He thinks he might be gay.
But, for now,
until Jax returns to him,
If he ever does,
He’ll live with the reality he doesn’t want.