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Kaoru knew everything there was to know about dating. You could even call it a hobby – he’d take girls out just to experiment on them, see what they found interesting, see what lines worked on them, until he’d perfected it completely. If anyone had an understanding of the female mind, it was him. Whenever he’d felt stressed, he’d go out with a girl, learn a thing or two about her, and let her fall in love with him.
So he’d also learned how to push the guilt to the back of his mind when he’d let his phone ring the next morning. He’d learned how to not get attached, and how to forget. Dates were one-time deals and nothing more. That was natural to expect out of a frivolous guy, right?
And when he’d asked out Kanata from his school’s club, he promised himself it wouldn’t mean anything to him. Well, it meant that he wasn’t as straight as an arrow like he thought, but no biggie, right? He didn’t like Kanata, he just wanted to experiment. That was all.
Kaoru exhaled and leaned into a nearby fence, curling his hands into sweaty fists and uncurling them. He felt a little winded and there was a dull pain that wouldn’t go away in his chest. Kaoru told himself it was just the heat, and not nervousness from the date, because he definitely never got nervous, and just how different could Kanata be from a girl? Well, one difference was that for once he was the first one there. Kaoru checked his phone, reading the time as 19:49 – nineteen minutes past their designated meeting time and ten minutes past Kaoru’s arrival.
Only when he saw familiar blue hair approaching him quietly from across the street did he feel like he could breathe. Kaoru gave an amiable wave, and was greeted by a sweet smile from Kanata.
Kanata then crossed the street, eyes half-closed.
“You idiot, look both ways before you cross! Are you trying to get killed?” Kaoru felt panic rising in his chest, but it settled when he noticed the streets were empty.
Kanata didn’t answer until he had made it safely to the other side, prompting a half-relieved, half-exasperated sigh from Kaoru. “But if a car sees me, they will stop, right?”
“Are you kidding me?”
“I’m glad you’re looking out for me, Kaoru~ But I’m fine, you know?”
“That’s not looking out for you, that’s just having common sense,” Kaoru scolded him.
“I’m sorry for being late.” Kanata’s arms drifted behind his back, changing the subject. He almost seemed to see through Kaoru, like he was looking off at something interesting in the distance.
“No, it’s no big deal.” Kaoru’s voice softened. “I’m always late to dates anyway.”
“Kaoru, what is a ‘date’?”
Kaoru did a double take. “You’ve never been on one?”
Kanata just looked at him with his head cocked to the side, ever-present gentle smile on his lips.
“You’ve been friends with me for how long? Have you been listening to me at all? That kinda hurts, you know,” Kaoru teased.
“I know Kaoru talks a lot about going on ‘dates.’ But what do you do on a ‘date’?”
“Well, it’s like... you get to know the girl, right? And you go out to a movie together or something. Look, I’m not going to explain the whole thing to you, okay? We’re running a little late here.” Kaoru folded his arms and looked apprehensively up at the sky, which was turning a shade of purple with the sun hanging low. If he was out too long, his parents would...
“Where are we going, Kaoru?”
“Well, I thought I’d let you decide. You’re my date, after all.” It still felt awkward to say something like that, no matter how many times he’d done it before. It didn’t feel like a date. It felt like a Marine Club meeting with significantly less purple hair. Kanata was his friend. His boyfriend? The word tasted weird in his mouth.
“Maybe... we can go to the aquarium and see all of my friends...” Kanata looked pleased with his idea.
“Well...” Kaoru scratched the back of his head awkwardly. “Don’t you want to do anything... not related to water for once?”
“Hmmm...” Kaoru hadn’t expected Kanata to seriously consider the idea, but the blue-haired boy looked down at his fingers as if in deep thought. “Okay. I understand, Kaoru~ But in that case I don’t have any more ideas, you know~”
Kaoru leaned back, going over all the locations he had visited with girls, the faces and smells a blur. Finally, he landed on one that had yet to fail him. “I know a great spot. Have you ever gone stargazing?”
“Mmm... no. But I really like the stars.”
Kaoru smiled his winner smile at him. “Let’s get some food and then I’ll show you.”
The neighborhood they ended up walking in was almost devoid of activity, save for the occasional car or jogger. Many shops were locally owned and had already turned their open signs closed for the day, although the food stalls were still going, thankfully. Kaoru felt the sweet smell of frying dough permeate his nostrils and wondered dully when the last time he ate was. Kanata followed close next to him, taking in all of the scenery slowly, looking about like a newborn child.
Kaoru’s eyes wandered down to his hands. At this point in the date is when he’d automatically go to hold the girl’s hand, right?
“Kaoru.”
“Yeah?” Kaoru redirected his line of sight in front of him.
“Try not to think about it too hard. Holding hands is ‘romantic,’ isn't it?” Kaoru felt his entire body tense up with shivers when Kanata interlaced their fingers. Kanata’s hands were icy cold and a little smaller than his.
Kaoru whistled nervously, trying to keep his carefree façade intact even though he felt hotness gathering in his face. “Wow, that was pretty smooth, Kanata-kun. Are you sure this is the first time you’ve been on a date?”
“Mhm~ First time.”
“If I’d known earlier, I would’ve set you up, you know. I’m sure there’s girls out there that would be all over you.”
“Girls?”
Oh, right. “Maybe you’re not interested in girls?”
“I love all creatures~”
“That’s not what I meant. Anyways, are you hungry? I’ll treat you, so pick anything you like.”
Kanata mused over his options, finally stopping at a taiyaki stand. “Ah, let’s get taiyaki today.”
“It doesn’t bother you that they’re shaped like fish?”
“When you eat ‘fish,’ you become closer to the ‘fish.’ Fish is tasty, it’s good for you, you know? Well, taiyaki is not very good for you, but it’s because it’s ‘shaped like fish’ that I like it.”
Kaoru took his wallet out with his free hand, thinking about how weird Kanata’s water obsession was, but decided not to push it further. After all, he liked taiyaki – it was a classic option for a street food date, so things fell into place somehow. He paid, ignoring the knowing look he got from the vendor.
The shorter boy took the taiyaki from Kaoru, smiling down at it thoughtfully. He let go of Kaoru’s hand and removed a small packet from his back pocket. Soy sauce?
“Do you just keep a stash of those wherever you go?”
“Of course,” Kanata replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “A meal wouldn’t be ‘complete’ without the soy sauce. Is that weird?”
“Yeah, it’s weird.”
Kanata giggled softly. “I guess it is strange, isn’t it~ But it’s okay, it’s not hurting anyone.” He poured the sauce over the taiyaki, taking care not to spill. As soon as the empty packet was thrown away, Kanata’s fingers were tangled in Kaoru’s again, as if was the most natural thing in the world.
Stars were starting to come out of hiding by the time the two made it to Kaoru’s No Failed Dates Guaranteed date spot, a grassy hill overlooking the city. Flashbacks ran through Kaoru’s mind, of girls smelling of sickly sweet perfume who had leaned against him as they watched the sun go down. I had so much fun, Hakaze-kun. We should really do this some other time. All empty promises. Now that he was here, he felt bitterness in his throat, and he tightened his grasp on Kanata’s hand.
Kanata looked up at him, but didn’t probe. Instead he clenched back, as if to reassure him, and sat them both down at the peak of the hill. “Thank you for taking me here, Kaoru. I never get to be this high up.”
“Makes you feel like you’re at the top of the world, doesn’t it?” Kaoru said absently.
Kanata hummed, eyes creasing in a smile. “It makes me feel a little ‘lonely.’ Because all of my ‘sea friends’ are so far away. But because Kaoru is here with me, it’s like I have a piece of the ‘sea’ with me.”
“Just speak normally. It’s hard for me to understand you, you know?”
A pleasant laugh. “Many people tell me that I am ‘hard to understand.’ When they see me, they yell or point or give me looks. But when I am ‘underwater,’ the ‘sounds’ don’t reach me. So I can be ‘alone’ and ‘with the water’ at the same time.”
Kaoru’s retort caught in his throat when he heard a tinge of sadness in Kanata’s voice. He couldn’t read Kanata’s expression.
“Do you like the stars, Kaoru?”
“When you’re experienced like me, you memorize all of the constellations. It’s impressive to girls, they think it’s romantic.”
“Mmm, is that so...” If this had been anyone else, they might’ve questioned Kaoru’s ambiguous morals, but Kanata just pursed his lips and looked out at the twinkling night sky. It seemed like he had to digest everything Kaoru said to him, but at the same time, Kaoru felt like he wasn’t paying attention to him at all. He wasn’t clingy and starry-eyed like a girl, and he wasn’t annoying and standoffish like a guy either, he was just neutral and Kaoru hated it. He hated that he was so nervous around him and at the same time Kanata wasn’t affected at all.
“Are you okay?” Kanata had turned and noticed the scowl that had formed on Kaoru’s face.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking.”
“Mmm.”
Aren’t you going to ask me what I’m thinking about? Kaoru gritted his teeth. Everything he’d learned from his previous dates fell flat on this one. Was it because he was a guy? Or his friend? Maybe it was just because it was Kanata.
The problem himself leaned against Kaoru gently. Kaoru’s first impulse was to move away, but after seeing how peaceful Kanata looked, he decided against it and tried to let his annoyed thoughts evaporate.
He didn’t know how much time passed, but Kaoru immersed himself in light conversation with Kanata about the constellations. Pisces was his favorite. Kaoru didn’t have one. Kanata saw constellations where Kaoru didn’t, tracing their shapes with his fingers and insisting it looked just like a manta ray, even though all there was was a handful of stars. By the time lights began to flicker off in the city underneath them, Kaoru had nearly been lulled to sleep.
After a comfortable silence, the weight disappeared from Kaoru’s shoulder. Kanata stretched his arms as he stood. “At this time I should go to ‘sleep.’”
“Right.”
“I had a really good ‘first date,’ Kaoru.”
Kaoru froze. He’d heard those words too many times, from the mouths of girls that he never saw again, who he’d made feel special only to forget their name. He knew how this would go. At this rate Kanata would never want to see him again, and he desperately didn’t want that. He wanted a second date. It was stupid, but at this rate, Kanata was going to disappear, and he needed to do something.
His voice drowning in fear, he choked out a gasp: “Kanata–”
Kanata turned back around.
“...-kun.”
Kaoru didn’t realize what he was doing until he tasted Kanata’s soy sauce in his mouth. It was messy, and awful, but Kaoru didn’t care because he thought he felt Kanata kissing back for a second and that was all he needed. When they fell apart Kaoru let out a wheezy, broken laugh and pressed his forehead against Kanata’s shoulder. “Sorry.”
Kanata patted Kaoru’s back like he was comforting a child. “It’s okay.”
“Can you get home okay?”
“Yes.”
“Look both ways before you cross, okay?”
Kaoru could still taste the kiss on his lips when he had left the stars behind.