Archive of Our Own ^beta

Spock’s eyes kept a hard watch on the doorway leading to the garden. He had been waiting, counting down the hours, minutes, even seconds to when he could slip away unnoticed. 

Away from the sound of the music, where every song was just off by a key or two. Away from the hordes of people who would come up and sing his praises all in hopes of getting a good word in because if Spock says you are worth hiring, then you’re worth hiring. Away from the dimly lit room and the watered down alcohol, away from the lingering eyes, and most importantly, away from Jim. 

It seemed like hours since they had arrived, arm in arm, as planned and promised. Now, after a parade of polite conversation which, on Jim’s part, turned into rum-induced rants about building the bridge between astrophysics and universal treaties, the party–as well as Spock’s patience–had quietly diminished. 

He was nursing his own drink, the dark liquid sure to lead a terrible hangover in the morning, but for now, on this night, he would be numb. 

And that was what he wanted. 

“Isn’t it time you take that boy home?” Spock didn’t rise from his seat to greet Una, as so many had. It would be rude to snuff the bride on her big day, after all. But the night had grown long and seeing the way Una herself plopped down onto the seat across from Spock, he didn’t think she’d take it too much to heart. 

The boy she spoke of stood across the dance floor, ‘throwing it down’ as he swore he would do upon arrival. Jim didn’t need to make himself the center of attention, as the world just had a way of making him one way or another. He had rubbed elbows with the elite the whole night, taking shots with the rest of the groomsmen and doing everything he could to convince Spock to dance with him. 

He was mostly unsuccessful, save for one slow dance he was allotted via the terms of the deal when this whole arrangement was agreed upon. 

“It feels like only yesterday he was running across the academy lawn, trying not to be late to class.” 

“And failing in doing so,” Spock quipped back. He brought his glass to his mouth; his now room temperature scotch just barely grazing his lips. 

Una smiled at him, her head tilted ever so slightly. “Good thing he had you to keep him in check. Gosh, it’s been what? Seven years?” 

“Ten. But who’s counting?” 

Keeping Jim Kirk in check sounded more like a punishment when it first started out, but Spock had quickly found it to be the most life changing choice he had ever made. 

They were kids when they first met–well, university students, but still young. Two of the brightest Starfleet had ever seen, both vying for the position of top student; both a year away from earning their masters degree. Different in every possible way, Spock expected Jim Kirk to be nothing more than an arrogant jerk, who used his family's name to get him everything he wanted and everywhere he wished to go. He read his chart, learned everything he could about the man, and prepared for the day when he would face off against him. 

Captain, Professors, and even Admirals were throwing his name around as if he was the promised Messiah. It prompted Spock to work harder, to prove himself worthy to Starfleet; something Kirk clearly needed not do as everyone expected greatness from him just by his name. 

When the two finally met it was just a week shy of midterms. Spock was tucked away in a corner of the library, nose deep into his second notebook of the day. His mother had teased him, saying she would take stock in Five Star and use the money she made for his graduation party. 

Spock did not find the joke to be funny and merely reminded her that excessive notetaking was not to be frowned upon. 

There was a knock on his desk. Spock looked up, brown eyes meeting green as the Starfleet golden boy stood before him. Spock leaned back, keeping his eyes on Kirk’s so as not to size him up, though he let them fall ever so slightly to catch sight of his bookbag. 

It wasn’t pristine and taken care of like Spock’s crossbody. It was well worn; broken in over having used it since his freshman year. Here he was, carrying around a torn up bag like he couldn’t afford another one. 

“Hi. You’re Spock, right?” Was the first thing out of his mouth. “Nyota told me I could find you here.” 

There was a smile on his face, one that would remain for years, Spock would later note. 

“May I join you?” 

“I’m studying,” Spock answered, knowing how ridiculous it must have sounded. The table between them was covered in textbooks and notes, along with Spock’s computer and calculator. He hadn’t planned on sharing the space, so he used it appropriately. 

“Right. That’s why I wanted to join you.” Tentatively, and without permission, Kirk sat down across from Spock. He didn’t touch any of his things, but instead pulled out a book of his own. Spock recognized it as one designated for the advanced Latin classes. “I’m having some trouble with my writing and normally I’d go to Nyota for this, but she's a bit busy with her own work.”  

“And I am not?” 

“You’re the one who moonlights as a T.A., right? Surely you must have some kind of free time on your hands? An hour?” Spock didn’t blink. Kirk didn’t breathe. “Half an hour. Twenty minutes? Look, can you just give this a once over and tell me if it’s any good?”

“Professor Langford has assigned two separate teaching assistants this semester. One of them could be of some assistance.” 

Spock had bounced back and forth between who he wanted to work under; language was his strong suit but he was determined to complete his dissertation in culture phenomenons and social adjustments, so working towards anything else would have been a waste of time. 

“I don’t want them to think I don’t understand the language. I get it and I can read it perfectly fine–speak it too–but writing it out is what’s dragging me down.” Kirk explained. “Just the first page. I just need to know if it makes sense, is all.” 

Spock could’ve turned him away,  reminded him that they were at the most, academic rivals and at the very least, complete strangers. But curiosity came over him. He took the stack of papers held out–bulky and hand written–and Spock gave it a quick glance, followed by a secondary once over. Aside from a few terms misplaced, the first page was rather good. He flipped it over, finding the second to be even better. 

He prepared an argument, wondering who it was he hired to write the essay for him. Nyota would never stoop so low, though there weren’t many other students that high up in the language departments that could use such proper statements.

Kirk beat him to the punch, explaining to Spock his apprehension on the paper as is, and expressing concern over a term or two. Intrigued, Spock closed his own notebook and allowed his curiosity to take over as he dug deep into his knowledge of the Latin language and culture. Kirk watched and waited, listening to everything he had to say. He took the essay back, scratching out one sentence and rewriting it just above in smaller font. By the time they were finished, the paper looked like a nightmare, but once typed, would be a project worthy of posting. 

“You, Mr. Spock, are a life saver.” Kirk decided as he packed his bag up. “I’d offer to help you, but I doubt there is anything I can teach you that you don’t already know.”

“Do not sell yourself short, Mr. Kirk. My mother says it’s never too late to learn something new.” 

“Your mom sounds like a doll,” Kirk laughed, standing up front the table. 

Spock expected him to bid him farewell and be on his way, but instead he paused and extended a hand. Spock sized him up this time around. He was tall, with a lean build and wore a hoodie with the school’s logo on it, but even then he could tell there was muscle hidden beneath. Light brown hair with emerald eyes. That endless smile. Spock understood the importance of self grooming and the universal concept of conventional attractiveness. It was clear that Kirk understood them as well. 

After a moment, Spock took his hand, shaking it politely.

“Jim,” Kirk announced. “Well, James but the only people who get to call me are my parents or partner. The latter, I must add, I do not have.” 

“Professor Paris talks highly of you,” Spock replied. 

Jim chuckled, pulling his hand back to adjust the strap of his bag. “Doubtful, though I’ll take the ego boost.” Pushing the chair back into the table, Jim offered him a small, playful salute. “See you around, Spock.” 

Spock watched as he walked off, turned the corner down one of the many library rows and disappeared out of sight. 

It was after that night Spock had realized just how wrong he had been. About the academy, about Jim Kirk. Don’t get him wrong, he had spoken to Nyota at lengths over the concept of partying through university; Jim’s name had been dropped a time or two by her. Whether it be about him attending one of her classes to out-smart the professor during a lecture or taking out her roommate and then never getting back to her. He wasn’t perfect, but he wasn’t an idiot either. His essay proved that, his grades over all proved that as he continued to go up against Spock again and again.

When the midterms were over and the numbers were announced, Spock beat him out, by only three points. 

Three. Whole. Points. 

Spock should have been elated, but alas, he found himself distracted. Jim Kirk was a curious case indeed and even at the academic dinner, when he was being praised by the professors and Dean of students, Spock could only think about Kirk and those damn three points. 

It had been Captain Pike that told him to give it a rest, who thrust a drink in his hand and told him to enjoy the night and stop worrying about what would happen when the semester picked up again. 

It was also Pike who had shoved him into the direction of one Leila Kalomi, a very promising botany student that had been trying (and failing) to get Spock’s attention ever since he had been her T.A. a semester prior. 

Spock had let her down easy, explaining how inappropriate it would be in his position. She seemed to respect it well enough at the time, but tonight was different. Tonight, he wasn’t involved in any of her classes. Tonight, alcohol was supplied. And tonight was the beginning of their winter break. Tonight didn’t matter. Which meant Lelia wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of her ambition. 

Spock stood, back nearly pressed against the wall as Leila kept her hand on her shoulder, his eyes on his own, and she continued to speak of how good they would be together. How two gorgeously smart people deserved each other.  

“I couldn’t agree more,” The voice came from Spock’s right side. 

Soon enough there was another hand on him, this one smoother, more calculated. It wrapped around his waist, pulling him ever so slightly closer until he was pressed up against the other person. 

“I’ve been looking for you everywhere, handsome. Who’s this?” 

Leila blinked, clearly caught off guard. Jim pulled her hand away, keeping a polite smile while doing so. 

“Ms. Kalomi.” Spock said, though whether it was to introduce her or announce her, he did not truly know. “This is Jim Kirk.” 

“Spock’s partner,” Jim replied, sickeningly sweet. His own hand placed a firm grip on Spock’s shoulder. Spock watched as he gave Leila a quick once over, his smile widening. “Gosh, you are precious. Like a Swedish doll you’d like in a toy store.” 

Leila remained speechless, her cheeks brightening as she took the sight in before her. 

“Sweetheart, I know you’re saying your goodbyes but we really ought to be leaving,” Jim cooed, his lips against Spock’s ear. He glanced back to Leila, offering her one final smile before bidding her a goodnight. It took a shove but Spock’s feet eventually picked up and the two left the room, Jim’s arm still wrapped around Spock as they went down the hall and out into the courtyard. Only then, away from the prying eyes of their peers and teachers, did he finally release him. 

“Jeez. What a piranha that girl was.” Jim noted, his hands shoved deep into his suit pockets. 

Like the rest of the students, Jim dressed up for the dinner. A formal suit rather than his usual academy uniform fit him well, far better than most in that room, Spock included. 

“Thank you. For your assistance,” Spoke said carefully. 

Jim shrugged, releasing a hand to wave him away. “Anyone in that room could tell you were uncomfortable. I’m sorry nobody else jumped in to be your savior.” 

There was a silence between them, though not awkward as it could have been. Jim stepped closer, bumping their shoulders together. “Congrats, by the way. Looks like you’re on your way to being valedictorian,” 

“I beat you by three points, Jim. Had I made the wrong quotation or cited the wrong source, you would be in my position.” 

“So I’d be fighting that girl off back there? Pass,” Jim laughed, his head tossed back as he looked up at the night sky. His hair was combed back, making him look older, but there was still a youthful glow to him from where Spock was standing. “Does that happen a lot? People coming onto you?”

"More so than I would prefer,” Spock confessed. 

He had his fair share of flirtations; Spock was no stranger to an intimate moment; a brief relationship during his youth with a woman his family had hoped he’d marry and then a short lived relationship with a nursing student who went on to find happiness of her own. Spock cared for both of them, just not to the degree they required or even deserved. 

He was on his own now. Content with the life he was living. His focus was school and the career that would follow. Anything else was just a temporary distraction. 

“How do you usually handle it?” Jim inquired. 

“My natural bluntness usually does the trick, though I have found some people find it rather becoming.” 

Jim laughed again, amused by his displeasure. “So they find your bitchiness hot. Makes sense,” He stepped closer then, green eyes bright under the starlight. “Well, I guess if you’re in need of a knight in shining armor, you know where to find one.” 

“Iowa, I presume.” Spock stated, his jaw clenching as he watched the curious gaze come across Jim’s face. “I read your file. Riverside, Iowa. That’s where you’ll be spending your break?” 

“Nothing like the countryside. And you? Back home to Montreal?” He asked, pausing to deepen that well-worn smile into a smirk. “I didn’t read your file, by the way. Pike told me.” 

“I will be returning home, yes.” 

He would not fluff the story and say that he was glad to be returning; he had much to work on here and found that following his mother around for three weeks was putting a damper on his desire to finish before the deadline. Still, a promise was a promise and Spock knew better than to blow his mother off. 

“Maybe I’ll see you around when we come back,” Jim ventured. 

Spock didn’t answer with the obvious answer; not every answer had to be right to the point. 

“I should return,” Spock stated, gesturing to the door behind him. 

Jim gave another small salute, his head tilted back up to the stars as Spock went back into the building. 

Spock did see him around, approximately four weeks and three days later. Spock had just finished his lesson, watched as each student left with their tails between their legs, all clearly unprepared for the end of the semester. Professor Paris clapped him on the shoulder, reminding that they were still young, still had time to grow, before heading out for the day. 

Spock was left alone, packing his bag as he calculated his next move. He could return to his apartment or head back to the library. There was work to be done always, but he was far ahead of schedule, so a momentary break could be worth taking. 

A voice caught his ear as he locked up the lecture hall. Whiny and sour, it was a female cadet, her heels clicking on the floor as she followed another student down the hall. 

“So what, I’m not a good enough study partner anymore?” She demanded, practically panting the words as she did her best to keep up. “Say it and I won't bother. I don’t even know why I bother!” 

“It’s not that,” the male cadet insisted, though Spock could hear the underlying insecurity in his voice. "We're on different wave lengths, you know? I’m going north, you’re going south. You want to dig in the dirt and I want to look out to the sky. Plain and simple.” 

“Nothing with you has ever been simple, Jim.” The cadet turned, revealing himself to be Jim of all people. He let out a sigh, shifting his weight to move around her. “I’ve spent half of my college life following you around like a love sick puppy, and I’m starting to get tired of it,”

The female cadet, like so many that seemed to flock around Jim, was blonde, young and pretty. Spock recognized her after a moment as Janice Lester; an archaeology student who was as brilliant as she was stubborn. She let out a groan, prepared to follow Jim back down the hallway when they caught sight of Spock standing at the end. 

“Jim. Ms. Lester,” Spock greeted with a curt nod. 

The three of them stood there. Both Jim and Janice shared a strange sense of desperation glimmering in their eyes, though Spock found himself only inclined to help one of them. 

“Jim, I hope I am not being too presumptuous to think we’re still on for our study session?” 

They had not, in fact, made any sort of plans, though it didn’t seem to matter. Ms. Lester looked between the two, her eyes enlarged and her cheeks flushed. She didn’t stick around to argue for her place to study alongside Jim, choosing, instead, to scurry down the hall out of sight. 

Spock turned and opened the door beside them. Jim slipped inside and hurried down the stairs, taking two at a time, before finally making it to the professor’s desk, which he promptly hopped up onto with a sigh. 

“Thank you,” He said with a sigh. “I’ve been trying to shake her off for weeks now,” 

“She does seem rather determined,” Spock noted, casting a glance back at the door. 

Jim leaned back against the desk, swinging his legs mindlessly. “I tutored her all last semester. She wound up with a bit of a crush.”

“A familiar occurrence, I see.”  

Jim’s smile was back, bright as ever. He tilted his head up, those sharp green eyes catching Spock’s from across the room. “Did you enjoy your break, Spock?” 

Spock clamped his hands behind his back, tilting his head forward. “Indeed. I completed six books during my time away.”

“Six books in three weeks?” Jim whistled sharply. “I only read four.” 

“You will have to catch up.” 

“I guess so. Has that Kalomi girl been bothering you?” 

Spock shook his head, taking a step closer. “No. Leila has respected my boundaries since my return to campus.” 

“Good. Wouldn’t want her to upset your partner,” He teased. “It worked out pretty well, huh? For both of us now.” 

“Indeed.” 

Jim sat upright on the desk, looking ever so much like the model citizen that Starfleet was training them all to be. “Come out tonight.” 

“Pardon?” 

“A couple of us are going out tonight. Celebrating the starting of the final semester. You should join us.”

“I have never been one for recreational activities." Spock answered, earning a chuckle from across the room.

“We’re getting drinks, not starting an orgy.” Jim swore. “Nyota will be there and I am always on my best behavior when a lady is present.” 

Spock could have argued, but found it rather redundant. He had been wanting to step away from his work, even if just for a night. To allow his mind to rest and reset. 

The bar they had chosen wasn’t too loud or crowded. Many of those who stood inside were Starfleet cadets, at least those of age to drink. 

Spock knew a few of those who were sitting among the table. Jim quickly introduced them all, and then Spock to them. They were a friendly bunch, save for the man sitting in the corner of the table, who rolled his eyes and grumbled into his beer as Jim went on to tell a not so savory story from the previous semester.

Jim would pipe in every now and then, clearly wanting Spock to feel welcome into the group. Nyota took pity on him half way through the night, keeping up conversation whenever the air seemed a bit too dry, ultimately ragging him off to the bar to give him a moment to breathe. 

“It’s nice to have you out, Spock. I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen you outside a classroom.” She noted, leaning beside him as they waited for the bartender to take their orders. 

“My visit back home caused me a great deal of stress. I had hoped tonight would allow me to unwind, as they say.” 

“We’re happy to have you. I know this isn’t really your scene, but you’re welcome to join any time you like.” 

“Do you meet often?” 

“Whenever we can. Everyone is out for their own degree, but we make time.” Nyota turned her head, smiling sweetly as she ordered her second martini. Spock stuck with his wine; it was the only alcohol he’d allow himself to drink. No headaches, no hangover. Just enough to get the edge off. He ordered one for Jim as well, who previously complimented the choice during his last round. 

“My schedule does not allow for much free time,” Spock confessed, nearing a sympathetic albeit slightly judgemental glance from the girl. “Perhaps, if the invite is extended a second time, I shall rearrange some things.” 

“You’ll be invited again, Spock.” Nyota replied, sounding very sure. “I had a feeling you and Jim would get along. You have a lot in common.” 

“Professor Paris mentioned he is very bright,” Spock stated, thinking back to the three points he had gotten ahead of Jim when the semester came to an end. 

When their drinks arrived, Spock paid without question.

“Smart, handsome, terribly kind. He’ll make a great teacher one day,” Nyota went on to say, sipping slowly on the rim of her glass. 

Spock glanced back to their table, noticing another person had joined. As expected, he was speaking solely to Jim. “He is very popular, I see.” 

Nyota followed his gaze, her body shifting as she caught the scene. “Shit,” she muttered, nearly spitting her drink on herself. 

Spock took a handful of napkins, offering them. “Are you alright?” 

“I’m fine. I didn’t know he’d be here tonight.” She muttered, wiping  at her sticky fingers. 

“Who?”

“Ben,” She replied.

After a beat, Spock’s facial recognition finally kicked in. He remembered Benjamin Finney from two semesters ago. It was the first year Spock had begun his teaching assistant position. Finney was smart, but refused to apply himself. He tried to scheme his way through projects, hoping his cunning attitude and eager attitude would get him by. 

It didn’t work. 

Saying Ben didn’t like him was an understatement, though Spock could not find the ability to care. He did his job and carried on, finding that holding any sort of grudge wouldn’t be worth the effort. 

“He and Jim used to go out, but it didn’t exactly end well,” Nyota went on to explain.

Spock glanced at Jim, only then noticing how uncomfortable he looked to be speaking to Ben. Without a word, Spock left the bar, cutting across the room until he was back at the table. Jim’s eyes found him quickly; emerald eyes flashing wide even in the dim light. Ben followed his gaze, a clear wave of confusion crossing his expression as he realized who he was. 

“Spock. Didn’t expect to find you in a place like this.” 

“Mr. Finney,” he announced smoothly. “I believe you are in my seat.” 

Had Ben been as stupid as he acted years ago, he would have pointed out there were plenty of other places to sit. Nearly everyone except for Jim had left the table, leaving plenty of openings, but it was the spot directly next to Jim that Spock was now claiming. 

Spock stared the other man down, his jaw clenched. When Jim made no argument to let Ben continue sitting there, the other man relented and got out. Spock took his place between the two, keeping his gaze on Ben as he settled. Remembering their drinks, Spock placed Jim’s glass in front of him. 

Like Ms. Lester earlier that day, Ben looked between the two, his mind calculating the implications before him.

“Piss off, Ben.” McCoy grumbled as he made his own way back from the bar, sitting down in one of the other empty seats.

If Nyota’s reaction hadn’t been enough, McCoy’s sealed the deal.

Jim took hold of his glass, thanking Spock gently for it as he took his sip. Spock didn’t let his eyes leave Ben, watching his every move in case he let his ego get the best of him. It would be unwise if he did, as anything that happened here would be reported first thing in the morning. Ben was dumb, but he wasn’t stupid. 

With a swear on his lips, he took his half drank bottle of beer and left the table. Spock waited until he was out of sight before sipping his own glass, catching Jim’s smile out of the corner of his eye.

Later on, weeks perhaps, though he didn’t bother keeping track, Spock found out exactly what transpired between the two. The usual sport of stringing someone along, making promises they had no intention of keeping. Jim said it wasn’t love and Spock believed him. The way he spoke of the man, there was no shimmer in Jim’s eyes, the green orbs distant, unbothered. Spock did not know many people in love, but found that when one typically feels such a thing, there is a sort of excitement illuminating their eyes. He saw it in his mother when she spoke of his father, and even more surprising, his father when he spoke of her. 

When the night was over and they had all sobered up, Jim offered to walk Spock to his car. It wasn’t a far walk, but it gave them a brief moment of privacy for the first time that night. “You have a bit of a reputation, you know.” 

Spock answered with a hum, finding himself simultaneously unbothered by being the topic of cadet gossip while also being mildly curious as to what they could be speaking of. 

“Professors love you, although some find you to be a bit of a know it all. Fellow students fear you--especially the ones in classes that you T.A. for. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Ben give up without a fight.” 

“Striving for any sort of reputation outside of my academics is not something I actively achieve,” Spock stated. “How those around me think and feel of me is none of my concern. I am here to learn, to earn my degree; everything else is irrelevant.” 

“You know, I don’t want to toot my own horn, but I’m pretty well known around here. My parents are Starfleet captains and my brother is working his way up. People know my name.”

That alone was an understatement. The Kirk family line went beyond George and Winona, went beyond George Jr or as he preferred, Sam, and beyond Jim himself. The Kirk family was legendary to Starfleet, the same way Spock’s own family had prestige and even royal lineage. 

“I was thinking, maybe we could help each other out, you know? For the rest of the semester?” 

Spock paused as they reached his car, his keys tucked deep into his jacket. “Are you in need of a tutor?” 

“Not quite.” Jim stepped closer then, giving Spock a better look of him. It was darker outside than it was in the bar, far colder too. Jim’s cheeks were flushed, with the highest points of his cheek bones turning a soft pink.

“I’m not really interested in dating right now. And as you could probably tell after today, I have an ex or two that doesn’t really get the memo. There is an internship I am gunning for after graduation, so the less distractions the better.” 

“A wise decision, although I find I am unable to see how I am to be of assistance.” 

“I kept the Kalomi girl at bay right? Ben and Janice practically ran at the sight of you. If word got out that you and I were involved, I think it could work in both our favors.” 

“Both?” 

“I’m well known, right? So if everybody knows you’re dating Jim Kirk, they’ll leave you alone. I mean come on, who could hold a candle to me, right?” 

“You think very highly of yourself.” 

“And you! Come on. You’re gorgeous and terrifying. No one is going to even look my way if they know I have you to come home to.” 

In all reality, it seemed like an absurd plan. They were grown adults, men who would be graduating with their masters soon enough. They should not be worrying themselves with such things. A mere ‘no’ should have been fine, but as so many, many, perhaps even too many know, no is never enough sometimes. 

Jim bumped their shoulders, his smile brightening under the light of the stars and moon above them. “Think of it as dating in name only. Besides, it’s not like it’s too far-fetched. Everybody knows you’re next in line for Pike’s position and I’m a Kirk after all, and what is Starfleet without a Kirk on board? We’d be partners in crime.” 

“I do not believe faking a relationship is considered a crime in this state; unless we were to enter a fake marriage for tax purposes.”

“Figure of speech, Spock. I promise not to let you actually break the law. What kind of partner would I be if I did?”

It wasn’t a terrible notion, once Spock laid out in his mind. They were friendly enough, both academically inclined and career minded. It was not as if he didn’t find Jim attractive, so no question of taste would come into play. 

“I am not opposed to the idea.” 

That was how it started. Plans were made: a simple lunch date where they talked of their upcoming schedules and most importantly, their underlying agreement. Kirk would start off simple, telling the most gossipy girl he knew to keep everything a big secret. By the end of the day all of campus knew. 

It seemed a little ridiculous; this was a university, not some high school where the jock was dating the nerd. They were both extremely intelligent men, who had free lives and choices all their own. There was no reason for everyone to be so interested in their personal business. 

But they were. By the end of the week, everyone who cared to know did. Jim promised to take care of any scuttlebutt, knowing there would be some people who wanted to know every detail they could. 

It started out simple; sitting together for coffee out at the cafe on campus or eating together in the cafeteria. 

“I’m not going to sit on the same side as you, that’s a little too cliche even for me, but sitting together is key.” Jim insisted as he unpacked his meal. 

Spock didn’t bother with the university cafeteria, finding that they did not have enough nutritious or vegetarian options for his liking. 

“Did you make that yourself?” Jim asked, eyes fixated on the box in front of him. 

“I find that meal-prepping is a great time savor,” 

“You can cook? So, we're having a cooking date.” 

With that, Jim Kirk became a constant in Spock’s life. Being seen together was essential and while Jim did not expect Spock to go out every time his group of friends met up, an invitation was always there. On nights when he did join, he would remain by Jim’s side. Not touching, but close enough that if they wanted to talk Jim only had to turn his head to speak into his ear over the music playing. 

“You can touch me, you know. If you want to.” Jim told him that night, when they retired back to Spock’s apartment. Jim had drunk too much to drive home, but not enough to let him go straight to sleep. He opted to sleep on Spock’s couch, insisting it would play into the idea of them being intimate. Couples share the night, after all. “Do you want to?”

“I am not one for public displays of affection,” Spock confessed. 

Jim shifted on the couch then, twisting about so he was facing Spock properly. “I don’t make you uncomfortable, do I? With all my touching?” 

Spock thought of the moments where Jim had reached out to him, taking his hand and lacing their fingers. Where he placed his arm around Spock’s waist, leading him through a crowd or out into the parking lot. “No, Jim. Your touch is welcomed.” 

“And kissing?” Jim asked him carefully. “I don’t want to push your boundaries, Spock. I just want to know what is okay.” 

The thought of kissing anyone, out in the open, so freely, should have sent a shiver down Spock’s spine. Instead, the idea of kissing Jim, in the quad, at the theatre, in that dingy bar he liked to go to, was an excitement Spock did not know if he could afford. 

“That would be amenable.” 

They spoke about things outside of school, outside of work. They found a shared love for joint activities, which was reading and chess. Jim had a fancy for crossword puzzles and always left the more complicated slots for Spock to figure out. Spock did not have the time to join the university book club, but kept up with the choices. He would leave books behind while visiting the apartment Jim shared with Dr. McCoy and Jim would return them with one of his own, each going back and forth with recommendations. Sometimes, if they were both reading the same novel, they would go back and forth reading aloud, though Spock always ended up reading a majority of it. 

“I like your voice,” Jim told him, his cheeks flush as the words left his lips. 

“You would be the first,” Spock commented, his mouth ajar as Jim pulled the book from his hands. “I can’t read when I do not have the words in front of me, Jim. Or am I to recite it from memory?” 

“Knowing you, you know. But I need you to put a pin in that for a second.” Jim pulled him down beside him on the couch, the book momentarily forgotten. “I want to remind you that the reason I am here is because you had a not so secret admirer.” 

“Ms. Kalomi is hard to forget,” 

“Uh huh, so don’t try to act like you’re not the cream of the crop, buddy. You’re gorgeous and a lot of people think so.” 

“I have the tendency to appear conventionally attractive, Jim. Whether or not I agree with this–” 

A hand covered his mouth, promptly silencing him. “If this is the only way to get you to listen, so be it. Now, I won’t flog a dead horse, so just let me say this: You’re hot, Spock. You’re tall, you’re buff, and you have the jaw line of a Greek statue. Your voice is low, but soft. There is probably some biological term for it, but it’s sexy as well. And, if you want me to stop being so physical, you’re also smart as a whip, clever as hell, and funny even when you don’t try to be. So don’t sit here and tell me that you don’t think you’re the whole package, because you, sir, are everything.” 

Spock would have easily said the same to Jim, though it was a well known fact that he was by far one of the loveliest creatures to ever walk the halls of Starfleet. From day one Spock had been in awe of his beauty. Fair skin, big eyes; he was the definition of boyish charm. He was everything Spock had once wished he could have been growing up; friendly, and welcoming, just all around perfect. 

Here he was, holding his hand over Spock’s mouth, keeping him from even attempting to fight back. 

Spock leaned back, loosening Jim’s grip on his face. He opened his mouth to speak, but was silenced again. Not with his hand this time, but with his lips. The kiss was quick, more than a peck but that didn’t change the fact that for a brief moment, everything stopped. The room went silent, the gentle tick-tick-tick of the wall clock went unheard and the only sound echoing in Spock’s ears was the fluttering of butterflies in his stomach. 

When Jim pulled back, he was smiling, like always. Spock was left breathless, his hands still at his side. “Now, don’t argue with your partner, it’s unbecoming.” Jim ordered lightly. 

Once the book was back in his hands, Spock picked up where he left off, but only after Jim twisted and tangled their bodies into a laying position on the couch. It was an odd shift to reality that had quickly become his norm. Spock had never been one for sharing body heat or cuddling, but found that having Jim’s weight pressed against him with a warmth he was all too welcoming of. 

The internship Jim had been hoping to get was the very same that had been promised to Spock by Pike himself as he had been a T.A. for him just a year prior. Of course, Jim was not aware of such a thing, nor did he know that there was a second spot open. Spock had met with Pike several times during the semester and made sure to bring up Jim whenever the chance came. 

It was not a hardship to sing Jim’s praises. He volunteered for a Starfleet issues summer camp for young children, something Spock had read up on the project, but found little interest in staying out in a cabin, in the near wilderness, without even a computer on hand. He was highly knowledgeable in all Starfleet aircrafts, both inside and out. Took the time to learn all relevant information on past, present, and future Starfleet missions. As Jim himself said, he was Starfleet born and bred. 

He also informed Pike on Jim’s intentions to teach at Starfleet’s San Francisco location; with the upcoming retirement plans of Professor Paris and a handful of others, it would be wise to hire internally. 

“If you want me to take your boyfriend under my wing, Spock, just say so.” Pike answered, smirking at him from behind his desk. “Let me ask you something. Why Jim?” 

“Why what, Captain?” 

“I try not to get involved in the personal lives of those who work for me, especially students, but you never seemed interested in any formal relationship.” 

Spock could have argued that any person who didn’t find Jim Kirk to be a worthy partner would be completely out of their mind. He offered beauty and brains all wrapped up in a polite package. Spock would have been a fool to not take Jim up on their agreement, but of course, he would never say that to Pike. Some secrets were meant to be kept. 

“I guess you can say Mr. Kirk gave me an offer I could not refuse.” 

Before they knew it, the end of the semester came around and the thesis was handed in; it seemed like Spock had been waiting his whole life to find out if he had finally done it. After all of his hard work, he would finally prove his father wrong by selecting the school out of the country and away from his home. 

Valedictorian was announced and for the first time ever, it was a shared position. He stood proudly beside Jim on graduation day, sharing the podium as they spoke to their class, their families, their future colleagues. They spoke of heading straight into the future, into the unknown as they explored strange new worlds. Jim threw in a joke or two that landed perfectly, giving Spock one that earned an even louder laugh on account of how surprised they were all to hear it from him. In the end, they received a standing ovation and hugs from their parents that seemed to go on for a bit too long. 

The excitement of sharing the title also brought on the joint internship with Captain Pike, something they would be doing while in preparation of teaching at the university, and further cementing that partner's title Jim had given them. 

“Looks like you’re not getting rid of me yet, Spock.” Jim teased from their joint office, throwing his arm back to shoot a wad of paper into the trash. “Speaking of: faculty party next week. Are you name dropping or am I?” 

It would have been easy to drop the ruse, to move on and find real partners on their own, but Spock found a unique comfort in Jim. He did not have to pretend for him. There was no faking affection, as Spock didn’t believe any sort of public display was appropriate, especially in a place of work. Sure, Jim would take his hand here and there, but it was certainly better than trying to jam his tongue down his throat. 

Spock wondered how long they would carry it on for. Beyond university and into their careers; it was a known secret that Professor Kirk and Professor Spock were involved. Partners, as Jim would call them. Far better than boyfriends and they had yet to take the wild plunge in producing a fake engagement, so fiance’s would not work. 

No one questioned it. 

Not their friends, or colleagues, or even their family. Spock took the place of Jim’s date at his brother’s wedding, keeping old girlfriends and familiar flings at bay. Jim accompanied Spock back to Montreal for a conference where his father would be speaking and former childhood friends (and non-friends) would be present. 

Spock stood by as Jim rambled on about his latest passion; a new Mars Rover that would be hitting the airwaves in the early days of the following year. Jim had become chummy with the head of the engineering department at the university, and had gained all the knowledge he could about the expedition. 

He watched as those who used to torment him in his youth took in the beauty and brains of his apparent partner. Every now and then, Spock would catch one of their eyes, the unspoken question hanging silently in the air: how? How did Spock, who had been so quiet, so reserved, find someone so eager, so fulfilled? 

Spock wasn't one to show off often, if at all, but allowing Jim to take the spotlight was easy enough.

“I never expected you to go trophy hunting, Spock.” T’Pring noted, appearing beside him with an empty champagne flute nestled in her hand. 

His first instant was to grab another, but he swallowed it down, reminding himself it wasn’t his job any longer. Her fiance would take care of that now.

He did not take her comment with cruelty. If anyone could be given the grace to tease him, even to the smallest degree, it would be her. 

“Magnificent, isn’t he? I would ask him to go on about the latest constellation purchased by the university, but I fear we may never return for the night.” 

“You always did like them pretty,” She mentioned with the closest resemblance to a smile as she could muster. 

“Who’s pretty?” Jim asked, his hands holding two glasses. “Should I be jealous?” 

“Jim, allow me to introduce you to T’Pring,” 

Jim’s eyes widened just slightly, though his smile followed suit. “Ah, so I should be jealous.” He joked, offering Spock the wine filled glass while keeping the far darker one for himself. “I’m kidding. Mostly. Spock told me all about the engagement. Congratulations.”

“Thank you, Jim.” 

“So where is the lucky guy?” 

Stonn arrived just in time, empty handed as he took his place beside T’Pring. Jim threw Spock a small look before offering his hand to shake. Neither T’Pring or her fiance stayed for much longer, choosing to move onto the next person to mingle with. 

Jim shivered as he brought his drink to his lips, speaking quietly behind his glass. “How are you the most attractive person in your home town?” 

“Statistically speaking I am one of the few that do not fit the physical and social norms of the era,” Spock muttered, his eyes dropping to his glass. He had always been off, in one way or another. Too long, too gangly, too quiet. He didn’t fit in and the other kids didn’t want him to. He just wasn’t worth the trouble. 

“Well, from where I am standing, you’re a fine piece of real estate and I’m buying.” Jim said, clinking their glasses together, his eyes shimmering in the fluorescent lights. 

“Was that meant to be a compliment?” 

“Oh! There’s your mom.” 

Spock was inclined to introduce his mother to Jim, as he had never had a friend worth bringing into his family before. His father was less than impressed with his ambition to stick with Starfleet, but just like his siblings, Spock stopped caring about his father’s opinion long ago. Amanda adored Jim, just as Jim’s own family were rather fond of Spock. 

Spock had worked with Sam Kirk once before, while studying under Captain Pike. To put it lightly, if Spock was to be considered an overachiever, Sam was twice as bad. The picture-perfect prototype of exactly why Starfleet was looking for their cadets. 

Jim lamented late one night over a bottle of brandy that he adored his brother, wanted to be just like him, but knew no matter how hard he tried he’d never be as good in the eyes of his parents. 

“I shouldn’t care,” Jim said, swirling the dark alcohol around in his glass. “I am a grown man, why the hell should I care what mommy and daddy think?” 

“We are products of our parents' teachings. Their desire is for us to achieve greatness. It is only natural that we wish to grant them that wish.” 

“I don’t know why I try to compete. I don’t want to be George Samuel Kirk the second.”

“You strive to be James Tiberius Kirk, first of his name.” 

“And don’t you forget it,” Jim reached over, clinking his glass against Spock’s. 

Spock was not much for drinking heavier alcohol, finding the taste and after effects to be less than welcoming, but it was clear Jim was in distress and didn’t want to drink alone. 

He watched as the brunet downed his drink, sighing as he grabbed the bottle for a refill. 

“At least I have you to show off,” he announced. “Sammy might have a lot, but he doesn’t have you.” 

“And what a unique creature I am.” 

“Hey! That’s my partner you’re talking about,” Jim teased, glass nearly sipping out of his grip as he fell back against his seat. 

So when the years went by and the plan carried on like nothing, Spock found himself wondering what, exactly, it was that made Jim tick. How could someone so smart, so talented in his own field of work, so undeniably beautiful, not want more in life than what was being given to him.

Surely the bough would break and the other shoe would drop. Jim would find someone he’d want to spend his life with, give his real, raw affection to. He’d be through with this silly agreement and he’d finally be happy. 

But he never did. 

Of course he wasn’t celibate; Jim went on trips with his other friends; vacations to far off lands. Spock wasn’t going to sit at home, waiting by the phone. He had trysts of his own; people to hold him over when the desire to feel something was too much for him to ignore. 

Spock was well aware of what people thought of him; robotic, cold—unfeeling and unwanting--of the same things as the average person. 

Spock did feel, he did want, perhaps even so much that it would drive him mad.    

It made sense, after all. They had grown close over the years, becoming friends, the best there could ever be. They taught at the same university, shared lunches together and lesson plans. Their families knew each other, embraced each other. 

Like his own family, the Kirk’s had expectations for their children, but still found a way to love them even with the possibility of failure. Jim was there for him during the blowout with his family, prompting his promise to never return to his homeland again. Spock was there for him when the nightmares of his childhood came creeping back after the announcement that a certain Governor took his own life rather than face trial for his crimes. 

Spock did not have many friends nor did he have many lovers and while he and Jim had never crossed that unspoken line, the bond they shared was far stronger than anything he had ever experienced before. 

He thought of that old shoulder bag that Jim would drag to class every day through his entire stay at the university; how worn in it had gotten, how clearly adored it was by Jim. He had commented once, watching as Jim had readjusted the strap after it snapped off. 

He brought it with him into their teaching years and continued to use it even to this day. It couldn’t handle the heavy books Jim shoved into it, but that didn’t stop Jim; he fixed it the best he could, happy to wear it and show it off. 

“Why should I replace it when I am so used to it?” Jim argued, smirking as the bag swung from his shoulder. 

“You can afford another.” 

“I like this one. Love it even! Isn’t that enough?” 

Spock did not scoff, did not roll his eyes though he desired to greatly. It seemed redundant, to go back and fix something that clearly needed to be tossed away and traded in, but he knew Jim would never budge. 

“If it makes you happy,” he said.

That was the key to it all: Jim’s happiness. It was all he wanted when the day was done. 

Spock realized, perhaps too quickly or even just too late, that if Jim were to find happiness elsewhere, it would be perfectly alright with him, as Jim’s happiness mattered over all. But for Spock, he was happy there, with Jim by his side. 

At least, that’s what he told himself. 

Again and again.

Until Captain Pike’s wedding invitation came into the mail. Until both Jim and Spock had been requested to serve as groomsman for his wedding. Spock had seen Jim in all states of dress; university uniform, teaching attire, and every possibility in between. He had even seen him stark naked, something that remained burned into his mind, even against his better judgement. Yet seeing Jim in the tuxedo, cuff links gleaming on his wrists, pocket square tucked neatly against his chest; a realization came over Spock that he had, up until that point, tried his best to ignore. 

Spock never thought of marriage for himself; his family had once pushed him to start a relationship with a family friend. He would have proposed to her, if things had been different. If he had been different. Straight minded, like his father before him. His second relationship wasn’t much different; they had fun, explored their options in the short time they were together. She too found her own happiness outside of him, and Spock was happy for her. 

It seemed as if everyone was moving up and moving on, all except for Spock and Jim. 

And for a time, that was perfectly alright. It was enough. Jim and this wild charade they had been putting on, was enough. 

Until he saw Jim on the dancefloor with the admiral's daughter. 

Jim had told Spock all about their history other; the love story that never was as Dr. Marcus made the wise decision to transfer abroad for higher education. Jim spent his sophomore year slumping around heartbroken before finally moving on. 

From what Spock knew, he hadn’t seen the woman since then. Yet the way she held onto Jim’s arm you would think it had only been yesterday since they last parted. 

She looked lovely, as every other guest did but none of the other guests had Jim’s hands around their waist. Spock felt a sour taste in his mouth and tried to wash it down with his drink, resulting in further cementing the hangover he’d have the following day. 

Like stepping out onto the street after a snow storm, the cold shock awoke something in Spock that he had tried so very hard to keep buried deep inside. The harsh realization that while Jim was more than enough for Spock, Spock would never be enough for Jim. 

Spock accepted his fate as quickly as the knowledge came over him. He took one final glance at Jim, who threw his head back to laugh at whatever it was Dr. Marcus said as he held her hand on the dance floor. 

That was when Una found him. Sitting alone in the corner of the room, wine half drank, eyes drifting off from Jim and onto the nearest escape route. 

“How much longer until the two of you tie the knot?” She asked playfully, her dark hair framing her face as she tilted her head, her eyes still on the dancefloor. “Perhaps matrimony will finally simmer him down.” 

“Nothing in this world could ever snuff out the light that is Jim Kirk.” Spock muttered, tilting his head back just slightly to down the rest of his glass. 

“You seem sure about that,” Una noted, though Spock did not respond. He quietly excused himself from the table and made his getaway to the garden. 

There was a chill in the air, though it didn’t bother Spock much. He was used to lower temperatures, on account of his homeland being below thirty degrees Celsius during the winter times. Deep enough in the garden, Spock found a place to sit and breathe among the rose bushes. He wondered how long he would go unnoticed. He and Jim arrived together, but there was no true promise that they’d leave that way.

He would wait it out, leave just when the time was right. 

“Running out on me already?” 

Spock didn’t even bother to look up. He felt Jim’s presence a moment later as he sat beside him along the concrete bench. His knee bumped into Spock’s casually, and after a few seconds of silence, Jim began speaking again. 

“What was it you said when Sam got married? You are rather fond of weddings,” Jim deepened his voice, doing his very best to mimic Spock’s own diction. “This is what, our fourth? Fifth?” 

“Sixth if you count that rather unfortunate trip to Vegas,” Spock replied, earning a belly filled laugh from Jim.

“Hey! Bones and Jocelyn are still married! Who knew it just took two tries.” 

“And possibly a third.” 

“Scotty and Nyota’s was my favorite.” Jim decided brightly. 

“Only because you wore a kilt.” 

A bump to his shoulder came next; Spock found Jim lingering against him; bodies pressed together. He could feel Jim shivering slightly, though he’d deny it if Spock brought it up. 

“Your ex's wedding was fun,” Jim said thoughtfully. 

Spock breathed out a deep sigh, memories of that evening flowing back. He and T’Pring had ended things properly; they each wanted something the other could not give; she ached for stability and to remain in her hometown while Spock longed to travel, explore and learn more about the world outside of their own country. He was surprised when the wedding invitation arrived and even more so when Jim eagerly placed his name down to be his plus one. 

“You can show me off! It’s like your dad said! I am a very fascinating person.” 

“I do not believe he meant it in the form of a compliment, Jim.”

The wedding was traditional, just as Spock expected. The beautifully stoic bride didn’t shed a tear, but Spock knew she was delighted to have made this decision all on her own, rather than be married to someone that her family thought would be good for her. 

Jim stayed by his side the whole night, offering a bright smile and quick response to every quip that came about. Spock wondered if he had merely been invited by the family to show what he was missing, but he found that the isolation was worth the trouble so long as it meant having Jim by his side to fight for his honor. 

“What? No bouquet toss?” Jim asked towards the end of the night. 

“Such displays are considered barbaric.” Spock replied, those green eyes rolling back in response. 

“Shame. I would've dove for it.” 

“And what a beautiful bride you would soon be.” 

“You boys look like you’re having fun,” it was his mother who spoke as she approached their table. Jim’s smile only brightened at the sight of it, and he automatically stood, offering his hand. 

“Amanda, will you do me the honors?” 

With a laugh she let him pull her onto the dance floor. Spock had confided in his mother about his and Jim’s intentions. She wasn’t pleased with the idea of them having to pretend for the sake of those around them, but understood it was a murmured agreement. By this point in time Jim was practically family, as she insisted again and again, so after a while she stopped asking whether or not Jim would be coming to certain functions and simply started planning his addition. 

When the song ended, one of Spock’s old classmates approached the pair. They only spoke for a moment, barely any time at all really, but soon enough Jim was back to him, holding his hand out once again. Spock wasn’t much for dancing, though Jim didn’t give him much of a choice. There was a sense of determination in his eyes, his fingers twitching as he continued to hold his hand out. He let Jim pull him onto the dance floor without comment. 

“So if I broke a rule you’d forgive me right?” Jim asked quietly, just loud enough for Spock to hear. 

“There are many factors to take into account, Jim. What rule it is you’d be breaking, what purpose you had on doing so. What the aftermath would be.”

“Well, I realized that every kid you went to school with is a grade A prick, and while you hate being the center of attention, it’s sort of my specialty.” 

Spock glanced over Jim’s shoulder to the sideline of the dance floor where Stark, Sepek, and Sofek were standing, murmuring amongst each other. He didn’t have to think very hard on what they could possibly say to Jim to irritate him.

“Whatever it is they said to you, I advise you not to take it to heart.” 

Jim leaned back, just enough for Spock to see his eyes. “See, that would be easier said than done if they said something bad about me. I’m used to your home town treating me like some kind of corn-fed bumpkin. You on the other hand. Nobody says a bad word about you and gets away with it.” 

This surprised Spock very little; even now as grown adults, the trio continued to be nothing but trouble; saying and doing inappropriate things in inappropriate places. “I care not what they think of me, Jim. You know that.” 

“You may not care, but I certainly do. The nerves on those guys! Do they have any idea who they’re talking about?” 

“They’ve known me since childhood, Jim.” 

“They knew of you, Spock. They didn’t actually know you, you know.” Jim corrected sharply. “They don’t know how smart you are, how clever. They have no idea that you’re a wiz at chess or an absolute cheat when it comes to crossword puzzles.” 

“How exactly would one cheat at a crossword?” 

“Don’t deflect,” Jim paused their dancing, turning them each around so Spock’s back was to the crowd. “You’re not this skinny little kid with a bad haircut anymore.” 

“As I have previously mentioned, that particular style was very popular in my youth.” 

“Now! Now, you’re fit; you’re so gorgeous it makes my head spin,” Jim paused their movements then, those green eyes staring deep into Spock’s own dark eyes. “They’re jealous, you know. They should be. Ugly pricks stuck on the sidelines while I’m here with you in my arms. Did you know they’re all still single? Your mother mentioned it just before.” 

“Why my mother thinks it’s productive to go around sharing everyone’s private information is beyond my realm of understanding.” 

“Still, I would really, really like to make them eat their words, so if you could forgive me for what I’m about to do,” 

“Why would I need-” Spock didn’t finish his question, his eyes widening and his jaw clenching as Jim dropped to one knee before him. Through their dancing Jim had moved them to the corner of the dance floor, away from all except those who bothered looking. 

Spock’s back was to the crowd, but through Jim’s eager expression, he could sense they were being watched. 

“Jim,” Spock said in a low hiss. 

“I asked for forgiveness,” Jim replied sweetly. 

“This is highly inappropriate, not to mention classless and inconsiderate.” 

“Can any of those guys read lips? If I just keep smiling as I talk, they’ll never know you’re insulting me.” 

“Get up.” 

“I’m sorry I don’t have a ring. I should’ve planned this out better, but you know me–bit of a spur of the moment kind of guy.” 

Spock clenched his fist, trying his best to keep from shaking. He could feel the eyes on him, the judgemental glares. The music hadn’t stopped and in the corner of his eye, he could still see some people dancing. They didn’t steal the focus of the night, not all of it at the very least, but he knew the plan had worked. 

“I’m going to stand up and I’m going to kiss you. Try not to hit me,” 

Jim did just as he said. Standing to his feet, he took Spock’s face in his hands, holding him delicately as he pressed their lips together. They had kissed before; a playful peck from a tipsy Jim during a party, a kiss on New Years after counting down to the last second as the ball dropped. Once, during a trip they had taken with McCoy three summers back, Jim had gotten tired of being hit on while at their resort and cornered Spock until he agreed to keep the other vacationers away. What resulted was Spock pressing Jim into the island of their shared suit, biting into his neck until a string of marks were left behind. Obscene, in Spock’s opinion, though Jim wore them like a badge of honor, twisting his head to and fro any time someone came close enough. 

This, however, was different however. 

This was beyond just putting on a show for those who stuck their nose where it didn’t belong. This was Jim holding Spock up like a trophy and showing the bullies of his past that they didn’t win. That Spock had something they didn’t. 

When Jim pulled away, he was smiling and his hand quickly found Spock’s to tug him away from the dancefloor, away from the grand ballroom entirely. They didn’t get a room at the hotel, opting to stay at Spock’s childhood home (that Jim repeatedly called a mansion despite Spock repeatedly correcting him that it was an estate and those were too vastly different things). They waited for the valet to bring Spock’s car around, their fingers laced together still. Spock would have thought long and hard on how natural it felt to hold Jim’s hand, to be tugged along wherever the other man led, but found his attention drawn away. 

“Did you steal that?” Spock asked, gesturing to the bottle in Jim’s hand. 

Somewhere along the lines Jim swiped a bottle of alcohol-- not just alcohol, but Domaine de la Romanée-Conti wine--which was wildly expensive and in high demand. T’Pring’s family left nothing to be desired for their daughter’s wedding day, so when it was served, Spock had to contain the roll of his eyes. Jim had been nursing a rum and coke all night, but it seemed he wanted to end the night off with a bang. 

“Steal what?” He asked, throwing the bottle over his shoulder. Spock watched as it followed the basic laws of gravity, going up and then down, down, until it shattered against the concrete. 

“That bottle was worth more than your salary,” Spock muttered in disbelief. 

Jim blinked, turning to look at the mess he had made just as the car came pulling around. “Shit. I always said we’d be partners in crime.” 

Spock closed his eyes, breathing deeply through his nose. He counted to three, processing how his life had transcended to this very moment. As the young valet came around with his keys, he slipped him a tip before getting into the car. Jim followed sheepishly, keeping his eyes on Spock as he put on his seatbelt. 

“At some point being at that level of wealth should be illegal. Why spend thousands on something you’re just going to piss out later?” 

“Or in your case, smash onto the pavement.” 

“It was kind of funny,” he said, his smile undeniably bright. 

Spock spared him a single glance before speeding off. 

Amanda called barely a week later, relaying the message that, while there had only been a handful of onlookers for their little show, word traveled fast. Soon enough it seemed the entire city of Montreal was a buzz with the possibility of the prodigal son getting married. Spock gave his mother little to no response, though he was made sure to alert Jim that his scheme had worked. 

“Do you know how Pike proposed?” Jim asked back in the garden. “He put the ring in Number One’s drink. Can you think of anything more typical?” 

“I believe you are forgetting that Mr. Scott placed Nyota’s ring inside her dessert and then proceeded to mix up said dessert with his own, and then proceeded to swallow it himself.” 

Jim threw his head back, barking laughter into the night sky. “God, Bones was so pissed during that X-Ray.” He shifted slightly on the cold bench, bumping his shoulder into Spock’s. “Have you ever thought of it?” 

“Thought of what? Swallowing a ring?” 

“No, jackass. Proposing. What would you do if you were going to pop the question?”

The thought had not crossed Spock’s mind before. Had things gone differently with T’Pring, if she had chosen to stay with him and not pursue her own desires, the whole thing would have gone down as more of a contractual obligation. The ring would have been from her family and he would not have gotten down on one knee. 

He had no interest in marrying Christine; their relationship had been one of the body and of the mind. They were compatible, but only in the most conventional of ways. 

“I have not thought of it before,” he confessed quietly. “Marriage does not seem viable for me. The requirements to go out, meet someone I can connect with on multiple levels, it’s too consuming.” 

“You connect with me,” Jim pointed out, sounding as if he were bragging. 

“You are different. We’re-”

“Partners,” Jim cut in, those sharp green eyes finding his own even in the dim light. “I’ve thought about it, you know. Marriage. Proposing.” 

“I see.” 

“I always thought I’d have this grand speech ready but every time I got around to writing it I kept getting these butterflies in my stomach. Stupid, right? Being nervous over something like that?”

“Any bodily reaction would prove your devotion. Had you not truly cared you’d most likely not feel a thing.” 

“I guess so,” Jim said, pushing up from the bench. “Number One didn’t throw the bouquet you know.” 

“The wedding is near finished, Jim. I fear that is one tradition that is being skipped.” 

“It’s like nobody wants me to be a blushing bride,” Jim groaned, tilting his head back to look up at the stars. 

Jim could get lost looking at the sky. He would spend hours if he could, star gazing, and naming all the constellations. Spock had realized, somewhere in the ten years the two had known each other, that when words escaped Jim, Jim would escape to the sky. 

“I want to do it, you know.” he said suddenly, head still tilted upwards. 

“Do what, Jim?” 

“Get married.”

There was a silence between them. Not uncomfortable, not unwanted, just existing. Spock did not know what to say, how to respond. Jim twisted back towards him, his hands digging deep into his pockets. 

“I’ve been going on and on about it in my mind. Seeing how happy Una and Chris are. And then I thought back to my brother, how blissfully happy he was to be getting married. Hell, Leonard was getting married for the second time to the same girl, and he was still over the moon about it.” 

“Satistically, it is a good sign to be pleased on your wedding day.” 

“Happy, Spock. Not pleased, or content, or fine. They’re all so happy. And I just keep thinking how I want to be happy too, just like them.”

“Are you not happy now, Jim?” 

“I thought I was. We’ve had a good thing going all these years. No need to settle down, try to meet people. We filled in a lot of slots for each other, Spock.” 

“We made life easier for each other.” 

“We did. But life isn’t about everything being easy. Chris, he was telling me about all the little things; how Una worries about his health. How she wants him to retire, but won’t ever ask, because she knows how much joy he gets out of his work. Sam was telling me about the stress of his job, and the kids, and trying to balance it all. Nyota is still angry with Scotty over the whole engine explosion three months ago. She was so scared, Spock. Of losing him. She’s so angry at him for making her feel that way. I want that, Spock.” 

“You want to be angry?” 

“I want to feel something! I want to love someone so much that the idea of losing them terrifies me. I want to fight over whether or not I am spending too much time in my office. I want to make a life, have a family -- fight with that family over little things like my parents used to do. I want everything, Spock!” 

“You realized all of this tonight?” 

“I had been thinking about it for a while. It wasn’t until I was out on the dance floor did it finally click.” Jim came closer then, jade eyes bright with determination. “The only way I am going to get any of that is if I take it. If I just throw caution to the wind and go after what is mine.” 

“I see,” Spock stood from the bench, moving several paces back, closer to the door and further away from Jim. “If that is the case, then I will support you whole heartedly.” 

“You will?” 

“You deserve all that you want, Jim. Your happiness is something I care deeply about.” 

“I want you to be happy too, Spock.” Jim said in earnest. Suddenly, and most out of character for Jim, a slight flush came over his cheek. He removed a hand from his pocket, rubbing the back of his neck slowly. “Is any of what I just spoke of something you think you’d want, too?” 

“The thought of marriage crossed my mind a time or two. I never indulged, believing in having more than what I originally designed to be wishful thinking.” 

“Your career is important, Spock, but you already have it. Isn’t there anything else you want?”

“It would be silly of me to want for more.” 

“You don’t have a silly bone in your body,” Jim laughed. It wasn’t cruel, not in the mocking way his old classmates used to laugh at him. The same classmates that were far off in and away, who believed that Spock was blissfully engaged to the stunning creature before him. 

“I am content how I am, Jim.” Spock answered after a beat. 

“But are you happy?” Jim pressed on. “Chris and Una are so happy, Spock. My brother and his wife. Scotty and Nyota.” 

“Marriage doesn’t automatically make you happy, Jim.” 

“It does when you marry the person you love,” Jim argued. “I kept going on in my head, thinking of marriage, finding it to be this pointless contract to save on taxes but then I thought of the life I’d have. Being a husband, having someone to come home to, to build something with. I want that. Don’t you?” 

“You realized all this while out on the dance floor?” Spock asked, his shoulders slumping just slightly before he readjusted; his back straight, his eyes forward. “Dr. Marcus left quite the impression.” 

“She did, in fact.” 

“One dance and you’ve decided to rearrange your whole lifestyle.” 

“It’s not rearranging, Spock. It’s expanding.” Jim insisted. 

Spock took a step back then, his hand folding neatly behind his back. “Well then, I pray your pursuit for happiness is most fortunate.” 

“Spock.” 

“If you will excuse me. I shall retire for the evening,” 

“Spock, I think there’s been some misunderstanding here.” 

“On the contrary, I believe you have been very clear with your intentions.” 

“Really? Then why do you keep moving away from me?” 

“As I said, I wish to retire.”

“You’re really going to make me spell it out aren’t you?” Jim laughed again, but it sounded a bit strained as he ran his fingers through his hair. “We’ve had this thing going for what now? A decade? And it’s been good. Really good! Never needing to go out and meet people because we could always rely on each other.” 

“It was a convenient ploy.” 

“But it wasn’t really a ploy was it?"

“Creating a fake relationship to keep up appearances of those around us in a professional and intimate setting is textbook definition of a ploy.”  

“But we weren’t really faking it because at the end of the day, we really were a team, Spock.” He insisted. “It was easy, right? It’s always been easy. Being together, being with each other’s dates, spending time together, being partners. I want to be your partner, Spock.”

It was Jim who took a step back this time, green eyes widening as a strange realization came over him. 

“Unless you don’t want to be mine and I am doing all of those rambling for nothing.” 

“What exactly happened on the dancefloor to lead you to this realization?” 

“Carol asked me if I was happy.” Jim admitted. “She and I--before we started this whole thing--we were together. It was complicated.” 

“You have already told me of your prior relationship with Dr. Marcus,” Spock said, the words cutting thin. Jealousy was not an emotion Spock welcomed lightly, finding it to be childish and rogue. He never put any true claim onto Jim, but when he found out the good doctor would be going to the wedding, he found himself less than thrilled at the idea of Jim seeing her again after all those years. He never voiced this opinion, knowing it did not matter. Jim’s life was his for the choosing; believing he’d ever have a say in it was wishful thinking. 

“I told her I was, but then I actually got to thinking about it and I realized how much I liked what we had going, but how much I also wanted more. I’m a selfish person, Spock. I know that. And I would never put our friendship at risk if I didn’t think for a second there was a chance you felt the same.” Jim stepped closer then, just enough for Spock to see the whites of his eyes. “Do you, Spock? Feel the same? If you don’t, I swear, I will never bring it up again.” 

It would have been easier to say he didn’t feel anything for Jim. That he did not want to change anything between them. The way things were made sense to Spock, changing it would only cause complications. 

But Spock would have been a fool to pass this up and while he may have been many things, a fool was not one of them. 

“Captain Pike once asked me why you. Why Jim. I gave him a simple answer then, to keep him off our tracks.” Spock confessed. “That was the truth then, but it is not any longer.” 

“What is it now?” 

“Now it is less simple. Now, I find that I could not imagine doing any of the things we do with anybody else. I find that I do not want to.” It was Spock’s turn to step closer then, leaving barely even a gap of space between them. “I find that the idea of you being with another, even in a way that we have not been, to be increasingly distressing to me. Jealousy is not an emotion I welcome, yet I carried it around with me, deep inside my chest, for the entire day, all because of Dr. Marcus’ presence.” 

“Spock, I was a kid when Carol and I went out. Besides, she couldn’t hold a candle to you.” 

“You asked me if I thought of marriage and the answer was no. It is not something that crosses my mind as it is not something I ever believed you’d want with me. A relationship, a love beyond the set up we crafted years ago; I kept those thoughts at arms length, James. And now here you are, presenting them to me in earnest. What am I to think? To feel?” 

“Say you want them, too.” Jim begged quietly. “I will give you anything, Spock. I’ll get down on one knee and sing your praises, I’ll recite poetry or get you a ring and put it in your drink. Anything you want.” 

“Your odd interest in proposing during other people’s weddings is remarkable, Jim.” 

“James. You said James before, say it again.” 

“You once said only your parents or your partners call you James.” 

“Then be my partner. Be my everything, Spock.” 

In all the years they had known each other, every kiss they had ever shared was initiated by Jim. He took his time, made the move. Now it was Spock’s turn. With a hand sliding behind Jim’s head, he closed the short distance between them, bringing their lips together. Just like their last kiss, it was just as intense, just as deep, but without any prying eyes to catch the sight. 

This kiss, and along with many others, would be for them and them only.