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1 month with you
“Mike and Will, you guys are good to go. Hopper’s back.” Dustin’s voice cracked to life over the walkie-talkie. “Our 7th crawl is officially done. No signs of Vecna yet. Over.”
“We’ll go meet you guys there, Dustin. Over,” Mike sighed. Today’s crawl felt like it stretched for hours longer than it had before. Maybe it did for all he knew. Mike glanced over to Will. The moonlight softly illuminated all the curves and edges of his face. The warm breeze rustled his hair. Lucus was sick today, and of course it had to be this day Will filled in (despite Joyce’s many protests).
Crawls were still frequent and tiring, but worth it. They would catch Vecna any day now.
Mike broke his gaze. Stupid.
He cleared his throat as he stood up, picking up his own backpack. “Let’s start heading back now.”
“Mike?” Will put a hand on his shoulder.
He flinched at Will’s touch, but didn’t back away. “Hm?”
“Sorry.” Will dropped his hand. “What’s up with you today though? You seemed so quiet and…I don’t know. But did something happen?”
Oh, god. Was it really that obvious? “Uh…no.”
“You’re sure?”
A heartbeat passed.
“Yeah.”
Will’s voice dropped as he made his way to the stairs. “If you say so.”
Mike wanted to sink into the floor. He didn’t want to keep Will in the dark. He can’t possibly be this dumb in one day.
“Me and El broke up.” Mike blurted out, walking after him. “And I think-no I’m sure it’s staying that way.”
Will stopped to look at him. “Geez. I’m sorry.” Will pressed a hand to his forehead. “You guys seemed so good together. You said you loved her.”
“I know.” Mike fidgeted with his hands as they walked down the hallway. “I had a feeling it was coming. We just…lately…” Mike gave up on words and shrugged.
Saying it out loud made it feel so real. Like before, it was just a dream he would wake up from, but now he’s telling someone about it. Putting it into words. Defining it even when Mike doesn’t completely understand it himself. “I think neither of us wanted to be in that relationship anymore.” Their footsteps were thuds against the stairs. “We’re not telling the others yet though.” He huffed a laugh. “No one would want to listen to our drama when there’s an interdimensional demon still around.”
“I’m listening.”
They reached the bottom of the staircase, turning to the dark hallway. Making their way to the back entrance, Mike and Will’s shoulders brushed–just barely.
Mike looked at Will as he pushed open the back door, letting in a warm gust of spring air. The trees were all covered in vibrant green leaves
They stepped out and closed the door shut behind them with a bang.
“You’re okay though, right? I mean you guys have been together since forever.”
Mike hesitated, wondering if Will would be weirded out by how Mike felt about that whole breakup. But this was Will. And Mike quickly realized how unlikely that would be. “Would it be horrible to say that I feel…better? More free? I thought I was supposed to be a total wreck after a long-term relationship ended. I’m not sad, I’m like-” he made these weird gestures with his hands. “I’m just doing a lot of reflecting.”
“That makes sense.”
Their shoulders brushed again, whether Mike was purposefully doing it, even he didn't know.
Will had only been living with him for a month. They established a schedule pretty quickly, and some of it-a lot of it-included Mike and Will together. Biking to and from school together. Eating breakfast together. Studying together. And having conversations that stretch late into the night. Mike hoped Will didn’t find him too annoying yet, and enjoys it all as much as he does.
But honestly? There’s a part of Mike that hates it. Hates the way his mind thinks when they’re alone together. Hates the way his heart flips when they share a smile a second too long.
He hates it.
But he can’t help it.
***
5 months with you
“Oh my god,” Will laughed as he picked up the binder from under Mike’s bed. “Isn’t this the binder with all of my drawings?”
Mike’s heart dropped.
“Um-yeah.” Mike’s weariness disappeared as Will flopped back against his pillow next to Mike with that stupid knowing grin. “I didn’t want to get rid of them.”
Will flipped through a few pages. “I forgot about this one.” Will traced the lines of both of their D&D characters together. Paladin and cleric. Colors swirling. The yellow sun was bright against the blue sky. “I can do so much better now by the way. But little me wasn’t that bad.”
“I don’t think I’ve seen you draw a bad picture.”
“Yeah, because I only show you the good ones,” Will snorted. His hair was ruffled and messy. A big t-shirt hung loosely on him. “Want me to do an updated version of this? Because I totally can.”
“I know you can.” Mike nudged him. “Sure, I mean if you really want to.”
“I do.” Will sat up. “Where’s your paper?”
“I’ll get it. They’re in some drawers downstairs.” Mike hopped to his feet.
A small smile played on Mike’s lips the entire time he went on his small voyage. A sick twisted feeling fell heavy in his chest, but Mike tried to push it aside and let the warmth and fuzziness of it take over.
Mike came back with some paper, colored pencils, and actual pencils. Will was holding one of Mike’s cassette tapes labeled “Favorites.”
“You finally started listening to some music?” Will asked, glancing up at him. “What bands do you listen to?”
“I kinda just pick and choose different songs I like. There’s no real consistency.” Mike handed Will the art supplies. “Here’s your paper.”
“Thanks.” Will set it on the desk but something caught his eye. “Did you…did you get this one for me?”
It was labeled ‘For Will.’
“Oh.” Mike scratched his head, looking anywhere but at Will. “I got that a while ago. Since you started living here, I thought that it might’ve come in handy.”
A heavy blanket of silence was draped on them.
Will’s voice was small. “So what song did you think would save me from Vecna?”
Mike sat down on his bed. “Should I Stay or Should I Go.”
Will smiled, taking a piece of paper and sitting down in the chair, “So you think my music taste hasn’t changed since I was 12?”
“Well-”
“You’re right, actually. It is still my favorite." He placed the tape down. "Seriously though, thanks. That was nice of you.”
“Don’t mention it.”
The sound of a pencil scratching the paper drifted in the air. “Can we play the cassette tapes while I draw? I want to see what kind of music you like.”
A few songs passed by as they talked about school starting soon. Will decided to start with the paladin first and began sketching the body to later add armor to. He leaned back in the chair.
“Tilt your head up.”
“Huh?”
“So I can draw the characters.”
“Oh. Like this?” Mike lifted his chin.
Will was tapping his pencil against the chair. “Look a bit to the left. No my left. Your right. Raise your head a bit higher.” Will furrowed his eyebrows. “Do you know you’re slouching?”
“Could you just move me to the right spot? I’d like to be the perfect muse you know.”
Will looked down at his paper and back up at Mike. “You know what? You’re good just like that. Don’t change anything. You’re already a perfect muse.”
A beat.
They both bursted out laughing. Mike felt heat rise to his face. “So I have to talk to you staring at the wall?”
“Well, I have to get this right to show you how well I’ve improved. I can’t let the Mike Wheeler think I’ve let my art skills drop.”
“Your painting you gave me will never let me think you’re bad at art.”
Will fell silent. The music filled the room as he looked from Mike to the drawing on repeat.
“Keyword, painting,” he finally said. “We were talking about the drawings from the binder. Besides, it’s not my painting. It's El’s from months ago. She commissioned me to do it.”
“You obviously helped her though.” Mike kept staring at the wall. “El never liked D&D. How would she know about dragons with three heads? I don’t think she even knew what kind of character I was.”
“You had to have rambled about D&D to her at some point. You’re too much of a nerd not to.”
“Not really–I mean yes I am a nerd–but we never talked much about hobbies when we used to date. I think I’m actually getting to know her more now that we’re friends.” It was almost like looking at a wall instead of Will made it easier to talk.
“Besides,” he continued. “Her commissioning it doesn’t mean you didn’t make that painting beautiful.”
Will chuckled. “Okay, whatever you say. I have a basic outline for your character. I’m going to start sketching Will the Wise now, so you’re good for now until I start on the facial features.”
They locked eyes with smiling faces. Music playing softly in the background.
“Now sit back and watch as I make this the best goddam thing you’ve seen in your life.”
It’s already in front of me.
***
6 months with you
Turns out Mike had a couple of cassette tapes. So during their study sessions, where they pulled through sometimes hours of work, they played different tapes. Mostly repeating the ones they liked over and over again.
Will would sometimes make random comments concerning some…questionable songs. But it never felt accusing or condescending to Mike. He knew Will was joking and just found it funny to learn something new about him.
Whenever Will would ask for the song and artist’s name, Mike loved it. A little hope sparking that maybe Mike just introduced Will to music he’d start to love. Other times when they both knew and loved the song they would start lip-syncing the songs together with exaggerated expressions and movements.
And it just felt so right. So perfect. Somehow Will turned hours of grueling never ending homework into teasing, laughter-filled moments while still getting work done. Which was wow, completely unheard of.
Mike and Will laid sprawled across the floor, writing in some answers as the lyrics of the last song fade. Then a familiar beat began to play.
You leave in the morning with everything you own in a little black case
Alone on a platform, the wind and the rain on a sad and lonely face
Will’s head snaped up.
Mother will never understand why you had to leave
But the answers you seek will never be found at home
The love that you need will never be found at home
“You like Smalltown Boy?” he asks.
“Yeah, you know it I’m guessing.”
He nodded. “I never thought you would like this kind of music.” Will then quickly said, “It’s not that it’s bad. I like this song too. It just seemed…more sentimental? Compared to the other music on your cassette tapes at least. It surprised me, that's all.”
And as hard as they would try they'd hurt to make you cry
But you never cried to them, just to your soul
No, you never cried to them, just to your soul
“I think that’s why I like it,” Mike admitted. “It reminds me of…” and he quickly shut up because there’s no way he’d tell Will he saw himself in that song. He’d never tell anyone when he can barely admit it to himself. “Something. I’m not sure what though,” he finished. There was more to that truth. More that he wouldn’t say aloud.
“Cool.”
“Cool.”
Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away
Run away, turn away, run away, turn away, run away
***
9 months with you
“Will and Holly!” Lu called. “You two can join my team.”
“Haha. Did you forget El has superpowers?” Dustin tossed a snowball between his gloved hands as El and Mike went to his side.
“She can’t use them for capture the flag! I feel like that was obvious.”
“Damnit. I shouldn’t have said anything,” Dustin whispered.
"I'm giving you guys a chance at winning too. Without El you wouldn't have a chance," he teased.
"She's honestly a superhuman when it comes to athletics," Mike laughed, patted a snowball into a sphere. "You can run really fast."
El nodded. “My training helps.”
“Hell yeah. We’re going to crush you guys!” Dustin yelled to them.
“You wish!” Holly went with her group, heading toward the forest behind the Wheeler’s house.
Will had a smug smile as he disappeared with them.
“Ready to talk strategy?” Dustin started shaping another snowball.
Mike grinned at him. For the first time in so long, Dustin seemed happy, like he'd lost life's troubles somewhere in the snow.
El said hesitantly, “I still don’t know how to play…capture the flag.”
“Get the flag-er Mike’s blanket thing, bring it here, and don’t get hit. You’re never safe from attacks until you win. This-” He tossed a snowball to her. “-is your ammo.”
______
“It’s 1:30. The war has begun,” Mike said with exaggerated seriousness, glancing at his watch. “Everyone remembers their role?”
They nodded.
“Alright El, let’s go.”
El walked about twenty paces in front of him. She glanced back and forth as they left Mike’s backyard and ventured into the forest. Will, Lucus, and Holly's base could be anywhere. And it would be easy to find, if they didn't intentionally try to walk everywhere; so Mike and El couldn’t track their footprints.
A light layer of snow sat on top of the tall thin trees. Puffs of Mike’s breath escaped him every few seconds. Where are they? The snow had a satisfying crunch with every boot that stepped down.
El froze. She ducked behind a thick tree. Mike quickly followed. His back pressed against rough bark. He turned and peeked from the sides. Lucus and Holly were talking–not too far from Mike’s small red blanket draped over a stick. They were completely oblivious to El’s spying as she slowly crept forward.
If El managed to get it, she would run. If not, maybe she could distract them enough for Mike to.
Crack. Mike’s head snapped around to Will. A soft blue jacket wrapped around him as a crooked green hat sat on his head. His eyes bright and shining.
THUMP.
The snowball struck the tree just above Mike’s head. A shower of snowflakes rained down on him. He yelped as another snowball whizzed past.
“Ugh. That was so close!”
Mike responded by shooting his own. Will took quick steps back and to the side.
Mike bounded after him, leaning down to scoop up another snowball. Once he looked up, Will was gone.
Will?
Then he spotted it. A bit of blue fabric peeking out from behind a tree.
Crunch. Crunch. Mike took careful, precise steps as he moved behind a tree a few feet away. Standing in the same spot, Mike kept moving his feet onto the snow and held a snowball at the ready.
Will jumped out and snapped the white blur forward. The snowball didn’t reach Mike and instead showered into snowflakes the second it left Will’s hand.
Mike bursted out laughing. His snowball missed as well. Seizing the opportunity, he ran and tackled Will onto the snow, definitely-completly-out of any other options.
“Oof!”
Mike had Will’s arms pinned down inches deep in the snow. Mike took a bit and pressed it to Will’s forehead.
“Got you.”
A beat passed. Eyes locked.
“I CAPTURED IT, MIKE!” A voice screamed behind him. “RUNNNNN!”
Mike got to his feet, holding out a hand to help Will up as El ran past them waving the red blanket. Lucus and Holly dashing after her, yelling to “Come back here!”
Mike scooped up a ball of snow and ran after the two.
His heart was racing, but not because of the game.
But because of how goodman stupid he was.
He has to stop doing this, it isn’t right.
He has to stop acting this way.
Thinking this way.
Feeling this way.
He has to stop.
***
11 months with you
“How’s your training coming along?” Mike asked, jumping off the ladder and landing in the tunnel.
“Okay.” El shrugged, beginning to walk alongside Mike. “I’m still 30 seconds behind where I should be. I keep practicing but I feel like I am barely improving.”
“Well, you have plenty of time to improve. At the rate our crawls are going, we won’t be finding Vecna anytime soon.”
“We will. The crawls will be worth it.”
Mike had been tasked with escorting El through the tunnels. And between her training and keeping her hidden, barely anyone saw her.
“So how’s Will?”
Mike’s breath hitched. “Good. Uh-well.”
“Did he finally get his grade up in math?”
“Math? Yeah. He’s the one helping me now.” Mike chuckled nervously. “That was a while ago though.”
“Him getting his grade up or him helping you?”
“Grade up.” Mike jumped over a vine, rolling his flashlight around his fingers.
“Do you like him, Mike?” she asked suddenly. “Like – a crush on him?”
His heart may have actually froze. Mike was trying to not even think about it, and here was El talking about it as casually as the weather.
“No,” he said more harshly than he meant. “No, of course I don't, El. Where did that come from?”
“I was wondering. I just thought that because of how you look at him, how your voice gets softer every time you talk to him, and how you had him pinned down in the snow–”
“No, El. I don’t. Okay? Boys don’t…they don’t do that stuff. I was just tackling him, for the game.”
Thank god these tunnels were dark because Mike couldn’t bear to see her right now.
“I’m confused,” she stepped over a vine. “Two boys can’t do what? Date? Is that the same for girls too?”
Mike really wished she would stop talking. His throat was drying up. His heart thumped against his ribcage. Tears prickled at the corner of his eyes. Please stop talking.
“Mike?”
“No, they can’t.”
“So it’s not the same as Joyce and Hopper? Or how me and you were?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s wrong and gross.”
Their footsteps thudded against the ground.
El audibly sighed. “But why is it gross? Why would anyone care?”
“I don’t know, Eleven! There are just things that society agrees on. And this is one of them.” Mike gripped the flashlight tight. His voice turned hoarse and he coughed as if he could get the beating heart out of his throat.
Breathe. Breathe.
“I’m sorry, El. Forget I said anything. Can we just change the subject, please?” Breathe.
“Okay, Mike.”
“And please don’t tell anyone I talked to you about this.”
“I won’t.”
Breathe.
_____
The world felt like it was closing in. She knows. El knows.
You weren’t being subtle, what did you expect to happen?
“I hate this,” Mike whispered. “I hate this so much.” He stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. His eyes were puffy and tinted red.
Fuck this. Fuck everything.
He wanted to hit something. He wanted to fall down and crumble into the ground. He wanted society to be fucking okay with who he was. But there were many things Mike Wheeler couldn’t have.
And Mike could try to deny it all a thousand times over—and he has— but he’ll always know.
Every time he feels butterflies in his stomach.
Every time heat rushes to his face.
Every time that strange little thing called desire makes him want more.
He knows.
He’s in love with Will.
***
17 months with you
Will was sleeping like a dead pig, leaned over, head on Mike’s desk, his pencil still lying on the half-finished worksheet.
They had a crawl tonight and of course it had to be the day the teachers assigned an unruly amount of homework. Mike slipped Will’s last worksheet out from under his head and glanced over it. It was easy. Will could finish it in the morning.
There’s no way I can carry you to the basement. He glanced at his bed, the floor, and made up his mind.
Mike reached out, but stopped. What? Are you going to leave him at the desk all night? He sighed and put an arm under Will’s shoulder and Will transformed into this sleep-walking version of awake, whispering bits of words that made no sense.
He carefully brought Will to his bed and laid him down, rearranging the covers over him. Mike’s eyes felt heavy. His heart felt heavy.
Will’s face was peaceful, small breaths exhaled every few seconds. He wore his ‘The Clash’ t-shirt he always slept in. His hair was a complete mess as always. He looked at ease. Mike tried avoiding Will for weeks after El found out. But Will just tugged on the rope and reeled him back.
Mike tried to avoid touching him, and smiling that stupid smile whenever Will did something that was arguably adorable.
Looking at him now, Mike wanted to reach out and hold him, never letting go. He wanted to lie next to him and wake up in the morning without Will weirded out by him.
Mike walked out of the room before he could do anything he’d regret, getting pillows and blankets for himself from the closet.
_____
Mike was laying down in his makeshift bed next to his actual bed, next to Will. The golden glow of a nightlight softly illuminated the room. The blue blankets were warm. The floor was more comfortable than he thought it would be.
Under the dim light something caught Mike’s eye. He could just barely make out the small cardboard box tucked under his bed.
His heart stopped. Didn’t I get rid of that?
Mike reached out and pulled the box to him, taking off the book acting as a disguise to what was underneath.
Papers
Letters.
All addressed to Will back when he lived in California.
Never sent.
Mike let out a shaky breath. It’d been so long since he last saw the letters he wrote.
He unwrapped the crumbled paper.
Hey, Will! How have you been? How’s California? Is it like how Max describes it? It’s been a while since I’ve talked to you. Did you know your phone never works? Sorry.
I miss you. The party misses you, Will. Maybe one day when we’re all together we can play another game of D&D and
It stopped there, left unfinished. Mike picked up another balled up piece of paper. It felt wrong getting rid of these even when they were never sent. He thought he’d get better at figuring out what to say-but he never really did.
Merry Christmas, Will! I got you something, hopefully you got it by now. Do you decorate palm trees over there? I think you would really love the D&D club at the high school. We’re starting a new campaign and I keep thinking about you how much you’d love it.
I’m sure El has told you but I’m planning to visit you guys for spring break. I’m already excited for it, it’s been forever since I’ve seen you. I want to start writing to you more. And I will.
Love,
From,
Your friend,
Your best friend,
Love, Mike
The paper was thin and about to tear where the final word “love” was erased and rewritten a thousand times.
The entire box was filled with half-written letters. Mike had tried to find the words he wanted but kept failing. Every. Single. Time.
Hey. It feels so weird not having you here. I know you’ve already been gone for months, I just wish I could talk to you again. I keep thinking about you. I know I’m never going to send this letter but writing makes me feel connected to you in some weird bizarre way. Everything’s changing. Lucus is hanging out more with the basketball players (yeah, he joined) and Max is barely talking to us anymore. Dustin and me are trying to stick together but it’s hard sometimes. I don’t want to lose you too, Will.
I hope you like California. Did you make any friends? I know El told me she did but I hope you have people to talk to as well. I’m not doing a great job at helping that cause though. Still, I don’t think I’ll send this letter.
But it’s nice to think that I would.
Love, Mike
He read through another letter. Then another. Some were ripped in half. Some unfinished. And other signed “Love, Mike.”
Once he was done he’d read them all over again.
Why did it feel so easy to write it when it was to Will? Why couldn’t he do the same for El before.
Maybe if he had been with her just a bit longer, he could’ve learned not to love him.
Maybe he wouldn’t be head over heels for him.
Maybe.
_____
The blue morning light of a cloudy Tuesday crept in. Like a gentle reminder, "Hey, get up sleepyhead. The day has begun." The alarm had yet to go off.
Mike stirred, blinking the world into focus. A blanket around him. Pillow under his head. A letter in his hand.
Shit. He jumped up. I forgot to put it away!
Will was gone. He was already up. What if he saw the letters? He definitely did. Oh geez. Mike bolted out of the room and down the staircase.
“Will?” He called.
“Here,” a voice piped up.
Mike rounded the corner and there Will was, sitting at the table. A glass of orange juice and eggs covered in maple syrup in front of him.
“You both are up so early.” Mike’s mom set down a plate for him.
But Mike just stood there. Did he read them? Will kept poking at his eggs.
“Mike. Are you going to eat? And is that what you're wearing to school?”
Mike glanced down at his baggy and wrinkled clothing. “Um. Sorry. I'll change.”
Will continued poking at his eggs, not once looking up at him.
And even though they hadn’t exchanged more than a few words, there was a gut-wrenching feeling telling Mike, taunting Mike, saying over and over that Will read them.
Will read Mike's letters.
Will was silent on the bike ride to school. Holly was chattering and prompting questions Mike responded to with a single word. He had enough to think about.
During lunch Will seemed distant. Saying “Hm?” to anything said to him. But it wasn’t like Mike was any better, he was in fact, worse.
Mike’s pretty goddamn sure that he failed that history quiz and he couldn’t answer anything right when the teacher called on him.
Constantly throughout the day, Mike would be looking toward Will but too afraid to speak, as if it would break that illusion that nothing was wrong.
They didn’t exchange more than a few words that day and awkwardness filled every beat of silence.
______
A week passed. Will was talking to him again but it wasn’t the same. Mike had this horrible feeling that he messed up—big time.
Mike sat in his room alone, staring at the letters. He felt so stupid.
Love, Mike
RIPP. He tore it in half. Will knows. There’s no way he doesn’t know. Could he have just played it off if he didn’t write love?
Stupid. He tore another. So stupid. He should’ve thrown these out long ago. Mike tore and tore the letters so they were nothing more than confetti.
Bits of paper covered the floor and his clothing. Their friendship wouldn’t survive if Will knew without a doubt what Mike Wheeler was. If everyone knew the truth about him, he would have no idea who would ever stand by him again.
But as he got up to leave, one last letter peeked out from under Mike’s bed.
He couldn’t get rid of this.
_____
“Dude, the party can’t do this forever.” Lucus leaned on the locker next to Mike’s.
“Do what?” Mike snapped.
“Ignore you and Will.”
Mike stared at the inside of his locker.
“Both of you are acting weird. You’re not talking as much. You’re always living in your head nowadays.”
Mike got his books and closed his locker, looking at Lucus. “So?”
“That.” He jabbed a finger at him. “You’re all moody and that’s why no one’s saying anything, because they know you’ll just get annoyed and whatnot. So what happened with Will? Or at your house?”
His throat closed up. He couldn’t tell the truth. No way. “Nothing…happened.”
“Come on. I’m not going to judge you or take sides. It just kills me to see both of you guys like this.” He started to rock back and forth. “Especially with Dustin right now.…I don’t know, I just want the party to be happier. No matter how cheesy that sounds.”
Mike gave a half-hearted smile. “You’re fine. Don’t worry about it.”
Lucus frowned. He let out a sigh. “Promise me you’ll try to talk to Will though? Or if you need someone else to talk to, no one in the party wouldn’t be there for you.”
RING. The bell rang in his ears. Mike nodded, leaning away. “Thanks. That means...that means a lot.” Mike scurried away. Heat gathering at the corners of his eyes. He blinked rapidly because there was no way he was crying right now.
He wanted to talk to someone so badly. This secret felt like it was suffocating him. The only way he’d ever expressed it was through letters vaguely describing what he felt. Listening to music saying his feelings when he couldn’t.
Even those made him feel vulnerable.
Now look at where he was.
***
18 months with you
Knock. Knock.
“Come in.”
Will cracked the door open. “Hey.” He carried his backpack in. “We haven’t-um studied together in a while. Do you have time right now?”
Mike nodded, body stiff. “Yeah. I was just about to start actually.”
Will set his bag down and pulled out some folders. “What class do you want to work on first?” He sat down on the carpet and Mike lowered himself from his bed to sit across from him. His heart was pounding.
“Is history alright?”
Thump. Thump. Thump.
“Totally.” Will cleared his throat as he started rummaging his backpack for a forgotten pencil. “I feel like we haven’t been talking as much lately.”
Mike pulled his backpack from the corner of his room. “Yeah. I guess.” History…history. Where the hell did my history folder go? His yellow folder was missing from his red, orange, blue, and green folder assortment for his classes.
“It’s here.” Will got up and grabbed the yellow folder from Mike’s desk. Mike quickly got up as Will gave it to him.
“Thanks.”
Thump. Thump. Thump.
“Mike,” Will said, “Did I do something wrong?”
Mike couldn’t help but notice he was a foot closer.
“No. No you’re fine. I just…” Did he not see the letters? “I didn’t think you’d want to talk…” Mike faltered, seeing Will’s bright eyes look at him with concern and the ever so slight crease of his eyebrows.
“You thought I wouldn’t want to talk to you?”
Will saying it made it feel so ridiculous. Mike swayed back and forth. “A little bit. I don’t know. I guess I thought you were avoiding me or something.”
“I was avoiding you? You gave one-word responses to anything I said and shut down any conversation as soon as possible!” Will crossed his arms. “I wasn’t avoiding you, Mike. Not at all.”
“You weren’t? Because I could swear you were doing the exact same thing the first few days after you saw the letter.”
A beat passed.
Then another.
Will tilted his head and crinkled his nose. “But after that.”
Mike mirrored him. “After that I guess it was me.”
Will smiled and Mike felt at ease for the first time in what felt like forever.
“I’m sorry. I was just surprised...and scared. Because I thought that if I was near you, you’d bring up the letter and I didn't know how to respond yet.” He paused, eyes darting around the room. “But the longer I waited made it feel more and more strange to bring up. And I didn’t even know for sure if you knew I saw the letters or not but I guess you did.”
“Oh.” Mike said. “You really didn’t think the letters were weird?”
Will huffed a laugh and reached down in his own backpack, bringing out a folded piece of paper. “I kept it in my bag trying to find the right moment to give it to you after I read yours.” He handed it over.
Hi, Mike.
How are you doing? I am fine.
Why is writing letters so hard? Talking to you is always easy. I guess because a letter isn’t a real conversation. I have to say a whole bunch of stuff and then wait weeks to hear your reply. It’s like a conversation between two people who have both been hit with a Slow Spell. Annoying!
The drive was very long. Jonathan kept falling asleep and snoring when he wasn’t driving. Mom had this big list of historical sights and national parks that she wanted to visit. She said it would be “entertaining.” But she also wanted to get here as fast as she could, so she never wanted to stop for long. National parks are huge. You can’t see much of them in two hours (other than the parking lot).
California is okay, I guess. It’s way hotter than Hawkins and it’s always sunny. There has not been one rainy day since we arrived! I miss clouds. I miss you.
Mike squinted at the crossed out words. I…miss…you? A smile spread across his face. “I missed you too.”
He smiled back. “I guess I’m not the only one who can read crossed out words.”
They locked eyes, certainty and uncertainty teasing both of them. The things they both wrote…was it enough to know? Assume? Guess?
But in that moment, Mike’s heart melted with relief and he gave in to that voice. That feeling of desire. He leaned in and hugged his best friend of ten years, wrapping his arms around his waist. That was as much as he could ask for at the moment.
Will buried his head in Mike’s shoulder and Mike leaned into his touch. Hearts beating together.
Mike didn’t feel guilty around Will.
He felt calm. Happy. In love.
Safe.
And god that was a rare thing to feel nowadays.